Nine-Year-Old Bitten By Dolphin At SeaWorld Which Proves Dolphins Make Bad Pets

OK, before we start discussing this nine-year-old girl getting bitten by a dolphin at SeaWorld we all need to pick sides here. Those of you on the dorky lame team of Team Dolphin go over here, and those of you cool people who are awesome and are on Team Shark come over here with me. Those of you on Team Blobfish go sit in the corner over there and Bethany will bring you some safety scissors and some coloring books or something.

Now that we all have picked sides I think we can delve into this case which just sounds to me like it can be summed up as :

SEAWORLD IS STUPID AND EVEN THOUGH I LOVE AQUARIUMS DOLPHINS AND WHALES AND SHARKS ARE JUST TOO BIG TO BE KEPT IN CAPTIVITY AND DIDN’T YOU ASSHOLES EVEN WATCH THE CNN BLACKFISH DOCUMENTARY?

I think aquariums can be amazing, especially because so many kids who live in big cities never get the opportunity to see some of the amazing aquatic animals in person, and it’s my opinion that it’s hard for you to give a damn about something unless you learn about it and view it. We can’t expect our kids not to throw their Big Gulp cups in the ocean if they don’t understand how those things affect all the amazing creatures that live under the sea. But what I can’t get behind is places like SeaWorld that take these gigantic animals and put them in prison for their entire lives and expect them not to act like .. wild animals.

A young girl was visiting SeaWorld in San Antonio, Texas in February and while at the ‘Dolphin Cove’ one of the dolphins decided to chomp down on her hand. Yeah, that stinks, I feel bad for the kid, I’m sure it wasn’t fun for her but you shouldn’t really go putting your hand close to the mouths of 300 pound wild animals.

Now your best friends  favorite women-hatey activist group PETA is calling for a probe into SeaWorld. From ABC News:
David Perle, a PETA spokesman, told ABCNews.com that other children have been bitten by animals at SeaWorld’s parks. ”Most recently in December 2012 an 8-year-old girl sustained puncture wounds while hand-feeding a dolphin at SeaWorld Orlando. And many more trainers have been injured and even killed by animals at SeaWorldthe park has more than 100 incidents of Orca aggression in its own incomplete records,” he said.

Considering dolphins aren’t all cute and cuddly like the lie that is Flipper has led us to believe, it makes sense one of them would get all cranky with kids poking it and prodding it all day. I would not like to be cooped up in what is basically a glorified bathtub and have loud kids shoving their hands in my face at me all day. I know I’m not a dolphin (I’m Team Shark anyway, remember) but it’s not hard to imagine how not fun this thing is for those fish.

I like aquariums for smaller fish and for other aquatic animals that don’t seem traumatized by the experience, but considering dolphins are reported to be as smart as dogs and also, OBGYNs, I think we have to put an end to shoving them in captivity.

(Image: PETA)