I Can Never Go To Disney World Because I Have To Buy Stupid Junk Like Groceries

I want to go to Disney World! I want to go to there.

I know many people have never gotten to go to Disney World and I am lucky because I have been a few times but I want to go there. Now. Because I don’t think parents can have an actual relaxing vacation anywhere else. And I want a Dole Whip. And I want to go see the Tiki Birds. And I want to go have one of those Bluezoo mojitos made with rum, rock candy and lime foam. And I want to ride The Haunted House many times in a row and stay at a Disney World resort with one of those super awesome kid’s rooms where you can take your kid and they get to make super cute crafts with you. But because my disaster house is still a disaster and I have to spend all my monies buying stupid stuff like garbage disposals and backsplash tiles and everyday stupid necessities like groceries to feed these people who live with me and I will never be able to go.

Yeah, yeah I know! Everyone is broke and many people are struggling to buy medications they need and pay their electric bills and buy stuff kids need like shoes but can’t we all just collectively whine about how we can’t afford to go on vacation at present in order to make each other feel better? I know this is all big ‘ol first world problems and we are very lucky to be alive and well but I still want to be on vacation right now. And I want to be on vacation in a place with sterile yet beautifully art-directed landscaping and bright colors and happy people wearing unfortunate footwear and buffet restaurants that aren’t scary at all and actually have pretty decent food and feature surprise guests like princesses and giant mice.

My spouse hates Disney World. He thinks it is tacky.His idea of a family vacation is going to a far-away city where we have to spend a gazillion dollars on an overpriced designer hotel room which is tiny and drag the kids to museums and I get to amuse them by listening to them complain about how there are no decent cartoons on the hotel television. He doesn’t really understand that I can’t relax unless my kids are exhausted from a day traipsing in the park and are happily playing on a prefabricated beach while I have an adult beverage and the only time I speak to them is to tell them it’s time to apply more sunscreen.

Maybe I’ll start putting a little bit of money away so I can take the kids in a year or two, but I need some damn magic right now. I know there are times of the year that are more reasonable to go and that they offer times when you get a free dining plan and all that, but right now all I can afford is the occasional movie matinee with all of these people I live with.  Feel free to tell me all about the vacations you are taking or not taking or where you wish you could be right now. Maybe I’ll buy some damn Donald Duck orange juice in order to feel better.

(Photo: Wikipedia)