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10 Children’s Books With Uncomfortably Sexy Titles

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I have a very dirty mind. The majority of the time, I read some kind of inappropriate innuendo into the most innocent of things—a Sesame Street skit, a children’s T-shirt, or a beloved children’s book. Half of the books I have read to my son had me giggling to myself. Good thing he’s too young to understand why I’m interpreting adult jokes into a simple children’s picture book.

I’m sure I’m not alone in this, and I don’t think it makes me a closet freak. Maybe my mind has never matured past puberty but talking about “round, round, squishy balls” in a kid’s book makes it impossible for me to keep a straight face. If you can read that without giggling, then you are a saint, and you and your pure mind should come read to my children every night. I will pay you to save on their therapy costs later in life.

If your dirty mind needs a good scrubbing like mine does, take a gander at some of the dirtiest children’s book titles you ever will see. These books may be completely innocent, but they keep my mind in the gutter:

1. Round Balls, Round Balls

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walmart.com

Can any parent actually read this to their kid without thinking about… balls?

2. Animal Balls

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amazon.com

Now you’ve got me craving Rocky Mountain Oysters.

3. Sweet and Sour… Chicken Balls

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amazon.com

Do chickens have balls? Or does that make them a rooster?

4. Bad Kitty Gets A Bath

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childrensbookalmanac.com

Sounds like the title of a bad porno to me.

5. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom

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amazon.com

And speaking of porn, this is the perfect soundtrack to a 70s porn movie.

6. Mr. Wuffles!

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amazon.com

This sounds like the name you’d give to your kid’s private parts to keep them from yelling out “penis” in public.

7. I See Kitty

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laughingsquid.com

Pretty much anything with “kitty” in the title is going to make me snicker.

8. Pat The Bunny

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amazon.com

Yet another innuendo for private parts—never let anyone pat your bunny without permission.

9. Oh, No! Where Are My Pants?

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designrelated.com

This book title 100% speaks for itself.

10. Where Are Santa’s Pants?

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thebookchook.com

For everyone that felt uncomfortable sitting on Santa’s lap as a child, now you have even more reason to be.

BONUS: There’s A Wocket In My Pocket

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delsolbooks.com

I have no words…

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