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9 Dads Tell Us How They Really Feel About The Dreaded Delivery Room Defecation

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defecation1Everybody poops. We all know this, but I’m one of those squeamish types who doesn’t like to acknowledge this fact. I’m perfectly content never contemplating the reality that everyone has certain bodily functions. I urinate with the door closed. Kids are a different story, because as parents we need to acknowledge and discuss and deal with these things, and a for a good few years of their lives all we do is spend many an hour dealing with defecation. It just comes along with little kids. We aren’t just parents, we are basically full time sanitation workers.

I know this will make me sound amazingly silly but one of my greatest fears when going into labor was the chance that I may have experienced defecating during labor. It was bad enough I would be all naked and vulnerable and in pain and having people witness me giving birth with an actual human coming out of my actual vagina, but I was also worried something else may come out when I was pushing. Yeah, sure, we all know defecating during labor is normal and natural but it still creeped me out. I did not want this to happen to me. And it didn’t. But what if it had? In the spirit of excellent journalism, I asked a whole bunch of men who they would feel if their partner defecated during delivery. Here’s what they said.

 Dad And Buried 

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“I’d heard the rumors before my wife went into labor, but it had never occured to me before then. I had concerns, but they were mostly either about my wife or totally juvenile, and once the day comes, there’s no room for juvenile. I forgot all about those, and my wife emerged unscathed. But if it HAD happened? I’d let it go. First of all, it’s MUCH worse for her; second, it’s meaningless when you consider the other thing her body expelled that day; and third, it’s not her fault. Besides, it does me no good to dwell on it. Forgive, forget, and repress. For the love of god: REPRESS.”

You can follow Mike on Twitter, on Facebook or at DadAndBuried.com

From Chris Johnson, age 30, banker 

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“I don’t know a lot about it but understand it happens sometimes. Wouldn’t bother me any more than the rest of the process- birth is messy.”

You can follow Chris on Twitter

 Albert Burneko ,  writer/at-home dad, age 32

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“Between the blood, amniotic fluid, vernix, tears, and my copious sweat, hell, I doubt I’d even have noticed another emission.  No no, honey, I swear, I didn’t even notice.  What smell?  No, I didn’t notice a smell.  Not at all.  Of course not.  Best day of my life.  [shifty eyes]”

Author: Deadspin.com, or on Twitter.

Scott Neumyer , Father Of One, Journalist 

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“Who gives a shit (no-pun intended). While my wife was lucky enough to not have it happen to her, defecating during delivery is extremely common and happens, from what I understand, most of time. To let something so trivial ruin the sanctity and excitement of the birth of my child would be completely asinine and immature. There are more important things to worry about during delivery so that was Get over it. Love your wife. Love your new baby. Move on. A little poops during delivery never hurt anyone.”

You can follow Scott on Twitter.

Anthony Arthur Of A Beautiful Life Brands 

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Jennifer was in labor for many many hours with our first kid. She was pushing so hard that I thought he was going to pop out and fly across the room. So it’s only reasonable to assume, with that much pressure brought to bear in a multi-use area, that there might be some leakage. Fortunately my wife and I, together at this point for nearly ten years, already had had much of the illusion of comportment ripped away (ie open door bathroom policy)

STILL…you’re looking down the double barrel of your wife’s love gun here, with your kid coming down one chute and Mr. Hanky out the other, so it can be weird. Add to that, my mother-in-law (a delivery room nurse herself in that hospital, though off duty) was in the room too. Yeah it can be weird awkward gross. But if you can’t handle it, you’re a chump. I mean, look at what SHE is dealing with.

We all had a good laugh about it, mostly because Jennifer cursed out the attending nurse, a woman with particularly awful bedside manner, multiple times. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE!” Yes that was it.

And after 12 hours, she had to have a c section anyway.”

A Beautiful Life, and on Twitter

Charlie Capen From How To Be A Dad 

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“If a dad-to-be is thrown by defecation from his spouse, he might want to rethink the whole parenting thing. Parenting is a defection parade.”

You can find Charlie at Twitter or at How To Be A Dad.

Zach Rosenberg From 8 Bit Dad 

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“Okay, so every woman knows that dropping a brown trout during childbirth is a very real possibility. And thusly, women do whatever possible not to – in my wife’s case, (and against my wishes) she ate the industry minimum before entering the hospital. By my wife’s account (I couldn’t use these words since a watermelon wasn’t pulled out of my ass), the birthing process was bloody and uncomfortable, but by-and-large easy. And, no poop. It was a running joke during the day between my wife and I that our son’s arrival could be happening upon a mudslide, but alas, no mud. But even if there had been, let’s be honest about the scene; the second the baby comes out, your emotions are elsewhere. There could have been hamburgers coming out of my wife, which were basically my favorite thing in the world, but once I saw my son, the rest of the room didn’t exist. I even watched the OBGYN pull my wife’s placenta out of her by the umbilical cord tug-of-war style and was still just holding my son, crying and thinking about how I now had something in life more important than myself, my wife and hamburgers. Sometimes when my wife and I are talking about the day my son was born, I’ll assert that she did in fact poop the table. We have a good laugh, but maybe that’s because it didn’t really happen.”

You can find Zach at 8 Bit Dad or on Twitter.

 Len Xiang, Musician/Actor And Partner Of Maria Guido 

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“We’ve been together too long and I love her too much to be grossed out by anything like that.”

You can find Len at his website.

The Mysterious And Hilarious Tweeting Dad Guy

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“Well… Consider that I witnessed them take out her intestines during the first delivery, that wouldn’t be so bad…What’s the difference what all the other bodily fluids coming out at that point?”

You can follow him on Twitter.

50 Comments

  1. NicknamesAreDull

    October 4, 2013 at 11:21 am

    My husband prepared me for it. I was barely into my third tri, we were sitting on the couch and he said “You know you’re going to poop, right? It’s going to be gross, but you can’t control it. Like sleep farts after Taco Bell.” A few months later, I gave birth and he got a front row, VIP pass. We made jokes about it for a while, but now we don’t really focus on the small details

  2. Tea

    October 4, 2013 at 11:33 am

    Would it be entirely inappropriate to say Maria’s husband is adorable? Because he is.

    Me during the article: Heh, Hehehe, Heh… Oh my word!… Hehe. (Because I’m still twelve.)

    • Eve Vawter

      October 4, 2013 at 11:39 am

      RIGHT? so is Maria too, and their babies

    • Polyamorous Mom

      October 4, 2013 at 1:25 pm

      now i want to see Maria and their babies!

    • JLH1986

      October 4, 2013 at 2:10 pm

      Right? Instead of the lists I’d be in for family photo lists! 🙂 I know privacy and all that…wishful thinking.

    • Polyamorous Mom

      October 4, 2013 at 1:27 pm

      up, totally agree. cute cute family

    • Maria Guido

      October 4, 2013 at 2:58 pm

      He is pretty damn adorable!

    • Tea

      October 4, 2013 at 7:11 pm

      Good singer to boot! How do I buy his album? My screen reader freaked out on his page.

    • Maria Guido

      October 4, 2013 at 9:07 pm

      Yeah – sorry! They’re disabling the flash soon so that stops happening and the downloads should be fixed in a few days. That’s awesome, btw! Thanks!

    • CrazyFor Kate

      October 5, 2013 at 4:30 am

      Seriously. That smile. Lucky Maria. Off to his website.

    • MellyG

      March 13, 2014 at 11:13 pm

      That was my first thought. Actually, it was “how many of us are going to point out that Maria’s partner is really cute?” And great response!

  3. Blooming_Babies

    October 4, 2013 at 11:37 am

    “Parenting is a defection parade” Nailed it!

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      October 4, 2013 at 5:58 pm

      There’s another classic typo in here, “In the spirit of excellent journalism, I asked a whole bunch of men who they would feel if their partner defecated during delivery.” Indeed….who would they feel?

  4. Alex Lee

    October 4, 2013 at 11:46 am

    Can’t have baby-makin without BM.

    what has been seen cannot be unseen

  5. TngldBlue

    October 4, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    I never asked, he never said and we leave it at that.

  6. Lori B.

    October 4, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    These guys are so loving and hilarious!! Their wives have awesome catches:)
    If we are getting into confessions here, I didn’t with my first, but did with my second. I heard the nurse ask “is that meconium?” The doctor simply answered, “No.” I knew what was up and asked my husband if I did. He said I did which mortified me for a second, but then he went on to say how it looked and it wasn’t so bad and that watching the placenta emerge was way worse. I guess we are beyond the point of anything grossing us out these days… 12 years and counting:)

  7. Michele Fore

    October 4, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    Oh wow, it happened to me and I HAD. NO. IDEA. that it would even happen. No one told me about it at all. Not the Dr., not my husband, no one. I was surprised by it but did not even care. I don’t think my husband even knew. My daughter came out really quick, like 2 1/2 hours.

  8. Cee

    October 4, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    Here’s my question, since I have never given birth…do you guys even feel it? There is a lot of stuff going on already that I am not certain I would be aware of me shatting when a human is coming out of me

    • Mette

      October 4, 2013 at 2:04 pm

      I did it with my first baby, and I didn’t feel a thing (there was something else distracting me at the time ;)). I don’t recall how I found out, that I had pooped, but I guess the midwife just wiped me off, and then everyone went on with their business. No big deal.

    • JLH1986

      October 4, 2013 at 2:08 pm

      My friend who works in labor/delivery. As soon as I read this I asked. She said most women do, they don’t know it, the nurses/dr generally clean it up so quickly no one else notices either.

    • Toaster

      October 4, 2013 at 3:52 pm

      I had no idea until I asked my husband after and he confirmed the presence of poop.

    • Hibbie

      October 4, 2013 at 4:41 pm

      No, because it feels like you are shitting out the baby itself.

    • allisonjayne

      October 4, 2013 at 4:42 pm

      It really does! Or at least it did for me. I spent the vast majority of labour (once things got active anyway) on the toilet because that’s where it felt like I should be on account I felt like I needed to crap my brains out the whole damn time!

    • Cee

      October 5, 2013 at 4:12 am

      Hahaha. And now I have been educated.

    • Lindsey Sweet

      October 4, 2013 at 5:44 pm

      The only reason I even knew was because the nurse whipped the pad underneath me away and put another one down. I was confused as to why so when I asked my husband, he told me what happened. I was mortified for awhile, but it didn’t seem to bother him!

    • JAN

      October 4, 2013 at 6:35 pm

      I had an epidural with my first and only knew that I had because I was watching with a mirror, the nurses had it cleaned up and out of the way with no comment, my husband didn’t even notice. I had my second unmedicated and I could feel it coming down as she headed on her way out but there wasn’t much to be done at that point. Again, the nurses cleaned it up quickly and without comment. I wonder how many women do to that never realize that they did so.

    • Cee

      October 5, 2013 at 4:14 am

      I like how most of you guys are saying the nurses were pretty quick to clean it up. Good on them to keep everything sanitized and not making a big deal out of it.

      Like I said, I have never had a baby, but I notice that for the most part, maternity ward nurses are awfully nice and caring.

  9. allisonjayne

    October 4, 2013 at 2:08 pm

    Yeah, I mean I gotta say, if your relationship can’t handle a bit of unintentional poop….well, I won’t judge anyone’s relationship but I expect anyone who’s with me as my partner in life to get the fuck over any concept of me as anything other than a human being with functioning body parts, because there may come a day when one of us needs help wiping. Or whatever. Y’know? The good with the bad as they say.

    I totally pooped. On my wife. I pushed for over 6 hours total, and at one point early in the process we were trying a supported stand kind of position, where my wife was sort of supporting me with her knees while I did a semi-squat…and apparently at that point, I totally pooped on her. I didn’t notice at the time. When I found out later, we had a good laugh because what else can you do?

    • Tinyfaeri

      October 4, 2013 at 4:34 pm

      What are spouses for if you can’t occasionally poop on them?

  10. Lbdmom

    October 4, 2013 at 2:15 pm

    With my second, I told the nurse that I had to go. She said, no that’s just pressure from the baby. I said nope, that’s baby and poop so if you want to give me a bedpan I’ll take care of it or you can be an active participant when I push this baby out, but either way it’s coming out. We waited, she took care of it and the only thing I felt was relief.

    • Jenna

      October 20, 2013 at 4:39 am

      Yep that pretty much happened to me. I repeatedly said I need to poo. I was told again and again that I didn’t and it was my baby and I was refused to go to the toilet. I was right. It was poo and I pooed alot all over the bed. After that the I need to go sensation went away. It was not the baby. It was pretty humiliating. I should have been able to decide what I felt was happening to my own body.

  11. Alicia Kiner

    October 4, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    So my husband totally still teases me about this to this day… our youngest is almost 8. I didn’t even know it happened until he told me when we were taking her home. He teases me because me it embarrasses me, but it never bothered him. But then, this is the man that was holding my hair back while I was sick from the vodka shots he poured at a party on our 3rd date, so, I guess not much bothers him

  12. jendra_berri

    October 4, 2013 at 3:19 pm

    These sort of responses tell me these men were ready to become fathers.

  13. DeliciousIroning

    October 4, 2013 at 3:20 pm

    I lucked out on my first two in so many ways. But the third pretty much did me in, from getting ALL the nasty pregnancy symptoms, to my first stretch marks (two weeks before he was born. How fair is that?) to pooping during delivery. I had no idea and I would have been fine not knowing but I guess the stress of it just killed my husband because he waited until we had a living room full of family (about a month after delivery) to blurt “She totally shit during the delivery!” for no apparent reason. He looked as relieved to be free of that knowledge as I was to have delivered that baby.

    • Harriet Meadow

      October 4, 2013 at 8:52 pm

      I got two stretch marks during my entire pregnancy…until the day of. No joke, the DAY that I delivered I suddenly became riddled with the little suckers. Grrrrr.

    • Jetamy

      October 9, 2013 at 2:04 am

      You don’t actually get stretch marks until after you are done “stretching…” Imagine a balloon, when it is fully inflated, it is smooth & perfect. As it deflates over a few days, it becomes almost wrinkled with areas where it had to stretch. It’s the “catch 22” of losing weight, you gain the marks of where you had previously been stretched.

  14. Ptownsteveschick

    October 4, 2013 at 3:24 pm

    My husband’s quote when I asked him if it had happened “I don’t know babe, there was a lot going on down there at the time, like, a lot of stuff…..so much gushing…..I wish it had just been a turd, that would have been less disturbing.”

  15. Alanna Jorgensen

    October 4, 2013 at 4:14 pm

    This was my worst fear, as well. I was so determined to not let it happen I demanded to use the bathroom as soon as I got a room. Now that all is said and done it was probably a silly thing to worry about. They say I didn’t but I would not have noticed or cared if I had.

  16. Momma425

    October 4, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    I didn’t even know that happened during child birth until well after I was finished with my c-section and raising my little girl. My cousin mentioned it happened to her and I thought about it and was like, “Oh, that makes sense.”
    I think that if the dad chooses to be in the delivery room- he needs to be prepared for all that might happen in there. If he can’t handle seeing his wife potentially poop…I doubt he is going to be able to handle seeing much else in there.
    Like I say everytime asked- thank god for my c-section. I’m in awe of women who able and wanting to give birth vaginally because there is no way in the world I would want to do that. I’m so glad there are so many ways to deliver a healthy baby!

  17. Amanda Bombard

    October 4, 2013 at 5:03 pm

    Loved this. Glad to hear some real dad point of views- and these guys are freaking hilariously awesome.

  18. Blahblah

    October 4, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    “You could poop while you push her out? Icky. Do women enema themselves before they go? Ick. No, honey, I’ve spent the past 32 weeks watching you vomit your brains out, get constipated, fart me out of the room, and I had to clean the litter box. I doubt seeing you doodie will bother me.”

  19. Mae Blackwood

    October 4, 2013 at 5:37 pm

    My fiance says he won’t be bothered by it at all, whenever I get it into my mind and get nervous over it, he sort of gets this look like I’m being horribly silly over the whole matter. He also says it will be the last thing on my mind by the time I’m in labor.

    I’m still hoping I don’t and if I do, since he’ll probably be really freaked out by the amount of blood there could be, he won’t even look.

    Fingers crossed.

  20. Kelby Johnson

    October 4, 2013 at 7:37 pm

    I totally pooped when I had my first baby. I’ll own it. It was embarrassing, but I don’t think anyone noticed but me and my midwife. I was worried about it with my second, but it didn’t happen.

  21. MammaSweetpea

    October 4, 2013 at 10:35 pm

    “you’re looking down the double barrel of your wife’s love gun here” Hilarious!!

  22. AugustW

    October 5, 2013 at 12:04 am

    My request was that if it was happening, that it not be mentioned. My mom was my birth partner though, so she was pretty prepared.

  23. Simone

    October 5, 2013 at 12:28 am

    As a few commenters have observed, a great midwife or nurse will quickly sort out any unintentional presentations so efficiently you may not even notice. Mine did. She was awesome. I still love her.

  24. Jallun-Keatres

    October 6, 2013 at 2:01 am

    So, I was watching a youtube homebirth vid, total vag-shot of a baby coming into the world butt-first, and yes the mother did a poo. However, it was just a little, not some kind of huge log or anything, and was wiped away immediately, so I’m not worried about laying a stinky pickle on the bed.

  25. RedSkyMorning

    October 6, 2013 at 2:35 am

    It as funny cholera

  26. RedSkyMorning

    October 6, 2013 at 2:40 am

    BC really self and we all talk talk about it?

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