a single mother
10 Dating ‘Mistakes’ Single Moms Make
7. More dating mistakes single moms make: dating too soon.
Point: Getting back out there too soon may hurt you in the long-run, since you’re not emotionally ready to handle a new relationship.
Counterpoint: Christ, we can’t win for trying, can we? Again, date as soon or as long after the end of your relationship as you want. I’m two years out, and I’ve dabbled. I know women who started dating immediately after their separation and found the love of their lives before the ink was even dry on the decree. There is no hard and fast rule. Only you know when you’re ready, and if that’s two weeks or two years after your last relationship, that is just fucking fine.
8. Dating mistakes single moms make: not being flexible enough.
Point: Life gets in the way, for everyone. If you want your partner to be flexible, you need to be flexible.
YEP: So the gif isn’t the kind of flexibility we’re talking about (although that kind could also come in very handy when you start dating, LOL), but I find it soothing to watch. Anyway, I agree here! And I sort of apply this to my life in general, with friends, coworkers, family, everyone. There will be times you have to cancel or reschedule because mom life comes first, and I’m sure you expect your partners to understand. Extend that same flexibility to them, as well. It might mean a lot of two ships passing quietly in the night and whatnot, but it is what it is!
9. Looking for someone to save or rescue you.
Point: Expecting your new partner to right all of your wrongs and ride in on a white horse to rescue you from life puts A LOT of pressure on them. And they will probably fail, which could fuel resentment on your part.
YEP: Listen, I want more than anything for someone to swoop in and fix my life. But my life is not a Disney movie. I can fix my own life (it’s just harder and sometimes I don’t wanna!). I wouldn’t put that sort of pressure on someone else, and honestly, I don’t ever want to feel like I am dependent on another person again. Be your own superhero, and just look for your sidekick.
10. Another of the biggest dating mistakes single moms make: forcing it with your kids.
Point: Your kids are going to need lots of time to adjust, no matter when you introduce them to your new partner. Don’t force them to play a part in the happy family game until they’re ready.
YEP: My first and only concern in this whole dating thing is how my kids will be affected. That’s it! When the time comes that I meet someone and eventually introduce them to my girls, I expect there to be some resistance, and I am 100% fine with that. Their lives look nothing like they did two years ago, and nothing like what they expected. And if it’s taken me this long to get to a place where I’m ready to take the next step? I can only extend that same grace period to them.
I do not envy anyone who is re-entering the dating pool after years in a relationship or marriage. Sure, it can be exciting and fun! But it’s also so hard.
And once you have kids, there is SO MUCH MORE to take into consideration. So whether or not these dating mistakes single moms make apply to you (or anyone) is sort of beside the point. I’ve made mistakes, you’ll make some, too. Just keep doing what you need to do in order to get to a place where YOU are ready. There are no “rules” here, which is both awesome and overwhelmingly terrifying.