Sexism is O-V-E-R!!! Not! But, I have to say, when I learned that there was a “Daddy and Me” soccer class for toddlers, you bet your butt I signed my son (and my fiancé) up.
“It says, ‘Daddy and Me,’ I told my fiancé, who moaned that he already had two older children in soccer. “But this is ‘Daddy and Me!’ I swear, I’ve never heard of such a thing! Usually, it’s always ‘Mommy and Me’ classes.”
My fiancé continued, “But you’ll come too, right?” Sigh. But, because we parent as a team, of course I said, “Are you fucking kidding me? It’s says, again, ‘Daddy and Me.’ It does not say ‘Mommy and Me.’ And since you have the penis, and your Holt’s Daddy, that means you get to take him every Saturday! Isn’t that awesome?”
Of course, I was fucking around with my fiancé. Of course, I’m going to watch my 22- month son play soccer, or pick a dandelion, or his nose for that matter, depending if my son actually decides he wants to kick the ball, or even worse, just pick up the ball and run with it across the field.
As an almost two-year old, let me just say, if Holt is on a soccer field, and a plane flies by, it’s fucking game over. For Holt, that is. He’s obsessed with planes and, I’d put money on the fact he’ll start chasing a plane in the air, as opposed to a soccer ball right in front of him.
Still, after all these “Mommy and Me” classes, it’s almost like the world has woken up from the longest nap in the world, now that we have “Daddy and me” classes.
Yeah, I tried “Mommy and Me Everything” with Rowan, when she was a baby.
There was Mommy and Me swimming (dropped out) and “Mommy and me” music (stayed!) to “Mommy and Me Yoga.” This ‘Mommy’ in “Mommy and Me” is done with “Mommy and Me” classes. It’s time for Daddy to pick up some of the load here.
So, thank heavens, some super genius came up with “Daddy and Me” SOMETHING! Here’s the problem I foresee with “Daddy and Me” classes. Mommies will still show up.
When it’s a “Mommy and Me” weekly outing, in my experience, moms are the only ones who show up with their kids, because the “Mommy and Me” classes are held on Thursdays at 10:15 and what dad is going to cut out from the office to see their kid swim, when “Mommy” has it handled?
I bet, “Daddy and Me” classes, will also have mommies there, because we’re their fucking MOTHERS. But Daddies don’t really seem to care all that much when you tell them you have a “Mommy and Me” swim class.
So when I heard about the “Daddy and Me” soccer classes, I had to immediately sign my fiancé and our son up (But not before checking and rechecking it said, “Daddy and Me soccer.”) This “Daddy and Me” thing doesn’t come around too often, so when you see a good opportunity, you grab it!
Not because Holt is good at soccer, but because from 10:45 to 11:45 on Saturday mornings, I at least have the chance to say, “It’s DADDY AND ME” Soccer! Go forth and let Mommy do her thing!” (Nap)
But, after thinking about it for a while, it kind of pissed me off that it was a “Daddy and Me” class. I mean, couldn’t a mother of a 22 month old also be included in the title? Like, “Mommy and Daddy and Me” Soccer? As IF, just because I’m a mother, I couldn’t figure out a soccer game of two year-olds. Sure, it would be frustrating as hell, calling out, “Holt! That’s the ball! No, that’s grass! The ball is the round thing! Right! Oh shit, there’s an airplane. Bench the kid!”
By far, I think “Mommy and Me” swim classes are the fucking worst. It literally takes longer to do, well, everything, to get you and your kid in the pool. I didn’t find that fun at all. Why should Mommy go out in the middle of winter and not only get into pee pool (that’s what I call pools with toddlers in them) but also get my kid in the pool, and then before you know it, it’s time to dress them up again, and Mommy’s hair is fucking ruined. Is there not a “Daddy and Me” Swim Class? Or a “Daddy and Me” Yoga class for toddlers? (Although I did quite enjoy “Mommy and Me yoga”, only because I got to do push ups over my kid.)
I know times have changed. There are stay-at-home fathers. But still, the classes are still labeled either “Mommy and me,” and, now, suddenly, “Daddy and me.”
What the fuck? What if Mommy WANTS Daddy to come along? Yes, I know it would make my fiancé a little weirded out to go to a “Mommy and Me pottery class,” where there are literally only mothers in the middle of the morning. But, fuck, it creeps me out too. (Have you ever been jabbed in the eye with a paintbrush with paint on it?)
Why do we have to label these classes at all? Just say, “Toddlers soccer. Adult supervision needed.”
Then, at least I won’t feel left out because I don’t have a penis and can see my own child play soccer. Then again, it does give mommies an hour or two off, so maybe if they offered even MORE “Daddy and Me” classes, I’d get to have some quantity quiet time. So, I’m torn.
I have girlfriends who coach their son’s hockey teams. And most of my girlfriends drive their kids around constantly to swim meets, soccer meets, baseball meets, and hockey meets. Sometimes, I honestly think men work late, so they don’t have to do all the “Mommy and Me” things that you don’t actually have to sign up for (like “Mommy and Me Bedtime,” or “Mommy and Me Brush Your Teeth Time,” or “Mommy and Me eat-your-fucking dinner time.”
So, yes, I AM happy that there are now “Daddy and Me” classes out there, if only because it gives Mommy an OUT for an hour. Of course I’m going to go see Holt play his soccer games, even if it’s, “Daddy and Me Soccer.”
I’m not missing out on all the fun, watching toddlers lie in the middle of the field, or kick a ball in the wrong net, or, if the other toddlers are like Holt, will get distracted by, you know, a leaf?
“Daddy and Me” classes sound so much more fun than “Mommy and Me” classes. So I’m off to look out for every single “Daddy and Me” class out there.
If I can find enough “Daddy and Me” classes to sign up for, it’s like a get out of jail free card, for me! Because, you know, there’s no “Mommy” in “Daddy and Me.”
(Image: IMDB, What to Expect When You're Expecting/Lionsgate)