Childrearing

Crazy Mother-In-Law Spills The Beans On The Sex Of Her Unborn Grandchild

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crazy mother in lawSlate‘s Dear Prudence column this week focused on the mother of all terrible mother-in-laws. According to a letter sent in by a mom-to-be who calls herself “Sad Mommy,” the MIL in question managed to finagle the sex of the woman’s unborn child (even though she and her husband had expressly forbade it, since they wanted it to be a surprise) and announced it on social media for all the world to see:

“She continued to bring up gender at every opportunity. My doctor’s staff was aware of our decision not to know the baby’s sex, but after one sonogram I was surprised to see my mother-in-law at the office smiling ear to ear. A few days later I had messages from family members congratulating me on the baby girl I was having! My mother-in-law wheedled the information out of the ultrasound technician, who is a friend of hers, then announced it.”

That isn’t even the worst part, however. This mother-in-law makes Jane Fonda‘s character in the movie Monster In-Law look like a lamb:

“My mother-in-law is smug about her tactics and told me nastily that if I “still had a mother,” I wouldn’t be so selfish. (I was orphaned at age 14.)”

I just can’t with this. This lady is truly the mother-in-law from hell. Obviously the couple immediately found a new OBGYN and even considered legal action. Sad Mommy goes on to say that she and her husband plan to bar the MIL from the delivery room, as per her new obstetrician’s suggestion. Considering the lengths she went to get her way, I think this is a good idea. Apparently Prudy agrees.

As a rule I dislike Prudy and much of the advice that she gives and I have my doubts about how great of a human being she is as well (does anyone else remember the whole rape victim blaming fiasco?). But in this case I think she’s spot on. I guess even a broken clock is right twice a day, amirite?

“Your mother-in-law grew up in an era in which everyone had to wait for the baby to be born in order to find out its sex. So it’s bizarre that she’s obsessed with a piece of information that was to be revealed soon enough. But your mother-in-law has proven herself unable to distinguish between her desires and someone else’s. Given her remark to you about your deceased mother, she is also cruel and insensitive.”

Prudence’s advice on how to handle the situation is reasonable and honestly, a lot nicer than I would have been:

“Your husband should explain to his mother that because of her behavior during your pregnancy you two are on hiatus from her. Say that it would be sad not to have her in your child’s life, but if she wants to enjoy being a grandmother, a basic requirement is that she treat her daughter-in-law with respect. An apology from her and a recognition she needs to do better would be a start. But in the absence of that, after the baby is born and you feel ready, allow her some short visits to see if she seems capable of reform. You’re not being vengeful; she’s the one who has to regain your trust. “

For the most part I totally agree with this advice, and on an intellectual level I know it’s for the best. But personally, I would stay away from this woman at all costs. Her behavior was inexcusable, but the remark about her daughter-in-law’s dead mother seals the “NOPE” deal for me. She obviously has no respect whatsoever for her son or DIL whatsoever. If this couple allows their child around this woman alone I see shit-ton of surprise ear piercings and haircuts in their future, and ain’t nobody got time for that.

(Photo: Memegenerator.net)

95 Comments

  1. girlindisguise

    April 6, 2014 at 3:19 pm

    I wouldn’t even know how to react to that. We found out the sex of our son and did tell everyone but our moms had to keep it to themselves so WE could be the ones passing on the news. I’m blessed with a very loving, understanding and attentive MIL. My heart always hurts a little when I hear about evil MIL stories. My heart goes out to you mamas.

  2. JJ

    April 6, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    Haha if that was me I’d be like guess which grandma won’t be seeing her grandchild. Guess who won’t be allowed anywhere near the hospital pre birth or the first few days after the birth. Hell after reading her comments about her daughter in law being an orphan and not understanding guess what MIL? You don’t get to see the kid at all any more!

    So take your big mouth and your nose stuck in others business and go tell people your sob story about how “mean” your DIL is. Since I think we all know someone who acts like this mother in law will be the first person to go out and tell strangers, heck everyone she see’s her life story about how she can’t see her grandchild because of those mean parents especially the daughter in law (while neglecting to mention the bits where she screwed up royally and made the parents push her away from the grandchild).

    • Albert8184

      April 6, 2014 at 3:58 pm

      The one who needs to take care of that issue is the husband. Hopefully he loves his wife enough to take a stand.

    • Justme

      April 6, 2014 at 7:30 pm

      We did that last summer with my mother-in-law because she routinely refused to acknowledge our basic expectations when caring for our daughter. And then when confronted with our frustrations, she pulled the victim card claiming she’s just a lonely widow whose only joy in life is our daughter. That’s a little too much pressure to put on a three-year-old.

  3. JJ

    April 6, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    Also the ultra sound tech needs a big fat complaint registered on her employment history if she is giving out people’s private information that they specifically requested not be revealed. The only person who gets to dictate when the sex of the child is revealed is the parents, not there mother or in law, no matter how much you are friends with them. The tech is lucky she did not get into more serious trouble at her work or even potentially get fired for serious breech of privacy and confidentiality. Also she should get better friends who aren’t the grandma to be in this article.

  4. Momma425

    April 6, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    The comment about the wife’s lack-of-mother is really what gets me. Wtf is wrong with these MILs?

    I will admit, my MIL gets under my skin sometimes, but for the most part we get along fine. I remember one time, my daughter’s dad’s stepmother made a rude comment about my mom and I LOST MY SHIT. That woman is STILL, five years later, not allowed to speak to me.

    So rude.

  5. Kelly

    April 6, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    They need to sue the fuck out of that doctor’s office. It’s a matter of principal. The ultrasound tech had no right to give out someone else’s personal medical information to her friend. That’s revolting. If she can’t handle the responsibility of her job, she needs to go work in another field.

    As someone who spent years trying to get along and make nice with shitbag family members and inlaws, I agree with Prudence. If someone is mean and nasty and refuses to respect personal boundaries, they need to be booted out of your life. Even if they’re your mother. No, ESPECIALLY if they’re your mother. Your mother should be nicer to you than some piece of shit asshole stranger. If she isn’t, she’s not worth keeping around. Let her reap the consequences of her nastiness by being alone.

    • Momma425

      April 6, 2014 at 3:43 pm

      I really agree. HIPAA violations are a really serious thing.

      I am a nurse at a community health center, and because I grew up in the area, some of the patients who come into the clinic are people who I went to high school with, or parents of people who I went to high school with. I can literally see everyone’s medical charts, with very private information- social security numbers, payment information, sti information, you name it. It is VERY important that medical professionals respect people’s privacy for that exact reason.

      THIS time, it was revealing the sex of someone’s baby and ruining that for them. But next time (and trust me, gossipy people who don’t respect patient confidentiality don’t respect ANYONE’S confidential information) it could be something much more serious. This u/s tech needs to not be working.

    • Albert8184

      April 6, 2014 at 3:56 pm

      I’d bet that tech went looking for a job.

    • Iwill Findu

      April 6, 2014 at 4:43 pm

      Good luck finding a new job in the medical field with a breach of confidentiality to their name. Although in some places that kinda stuff can land you in prison with criminal charges. So a new job might be the lest of their worries. But the MIL is also a pretty crappy friend if she’s willing to land her friend in prison along with not respecting her sons choice to wait until the birth to find out the gender. Tech should have had a backbone and told her friend to f-off.

    • Albert8184

      April 6, 2014 at 4:54 pm

      Lets hope Reverse Darwinism took effect for the technician. Obviously needed to be weeded out of the gene pool.

    • Psych Student

      May 7, 2014 at 12:37 am

      I don’t know about the medical profession, but in psychology/mental health (which admittedly, has *super* strict rules about disclosure), we can’t even acknowledge if someone is our client/patient or if they aren’t. We just can’t answer if asked. I imagine medical personal are held to the same standard and ultrasound techs are part of that.

    • Emil

      April 6, 2014 at 4:36 pm

      There definitely needs to be a complaint and possibly the tech needs to be fired but come on, this is not lawsuit material. I know this happened in the states where they sue for everything but the cost of a lawsuit added to an already struggling medical system? No.

    • Kelly

      April 6, 2014 at 5:03 pm

      Yes, it is lawsuit material. People continue to do this because so often people just “let it go” and don’t sue. If everyone sued when their medical privacy was violated, the health care system would go on lockdown and immediately boot out anyone who breaches that privacy. That’s what needs to happen. It’s not about money. It’s about protecting people.

    • CMJ

      April 6, 2014 at 5:06 pm

      I don’t consider this a “sue happy” thing. This is actually something that is 100% against the law, not some petty thing that someone felt the need to sue over cause their feelings got hurt.

      (and can we stop with the “I know this happens in the states” crap?)

    • Emil

      April 6, 2014 at 5:09 pm

      Yes it was definitely wrong, not arguing that at all but my understanding of the malpractice tort is that there needs to be proof of clear harm which I don’t think this would really qualify.

    • CMJ

      April 6, 2014 at 5:15 pm

      So (because I am a nerd) – HIPAA violation is not actually cause for a malpractice case but the government can impose fines and sanctions and then the party can file an “Invasion of Privacy” lawsuit (which, can be hard to win…BUT they can still do it)

      http://boards.medscape.com/forums/[email protected]@.2a300761!comment=1

    • brebay

      April 6, 2014 at 5:52 pm

      HIPAA violations and medical malpractice are 2 different claims.

    • MellyG

      April 7, 2014 at 12:23 am

      you are correct.

    • MellyG

      April 7, 2014 at 12:27 am

      even though it wouldn’t be malpractice, it would violate a TON of contracts, in addition to the HIPAA violations. I draft a lot of medical agreements, and they all contain provisions regarding HIPAA and HIPAA violations. I doubt the woman would have a tort claim, due to lack of damages, but she could very well have breach of contract claims.

      And the OBGYN DEFINITELY has breach of contract claims against the tech

    • Justme

      April 6, 2014 at 7:16 pm

      If I was that OBGYN, I wouldn’t want that tech working in my office after an incident like that – if she’ll share the sex of an unborn child, who knows what else she would share?

    • NurseMommy

      April 6, 2014 at 5:12 pm

      Actually it is a lawsuit thing. Violating HIPAA is a very serious offense.

    • Althea

      April 6, 2014 at 5:18 pm

      HIPAA violations aren’t treated by lawsuits, though, but by institutional fines. Lawsuits are based on making people who are damaged financially whole. It doesn’t sound like the mother lost any money as a result of this, so there’s nothing to be gained from a lawsuit (and a lot to be lost by paying lawyers to spin their wheels).

    • Frances "Librle" Locke

      April 6, 2014 at 6:00 pm

      Eh, this was confidential medical information. If the tech is this free and easy about one thing, who’s to say she won’t be about something more serious. Not every lawsuit is frivolous, and they aren’t always about the money.

    • Emil

      April 6, 2014 at 6:07 pm

      I’m not saying she shouldn’t get fired (provided an investigation proved she did in fact breech privacy). I’m just saying that a lawsuit isn’t the only answer and in this case it would be inappropriate. Didn’t mean to spark a heated debate.

    • MellyG

      April 7, 2014 at 12:22 am

      Violating HIPAA is illegal. That’s not really “not lawsuit” material

    • JLH1986

      April 7, 2014 at 9:23 am

      She could arguably sue the office and the tech for punitive damages. These damages could be financial…or it could be something else. People CAN sue for anything. But if this mother were truly mentally harmed or stressed by this then there is damage. I’m not saying I agree, but working for civil attorneys…people want to sue for lots of things not just money. So far it doesn’t appear that this woman wants to sue, but yes a lawsuit could come out of this. The office itself could be forced to pay the mother for their lapse in proper training regarding HIPAA, the tech could be sued since it was her actions. It might be tough but not impossible. Though it appears this mother has more beef with the MIL and less with the office.

    • K.

      April 7, 2014 at 9:59 am

      I agree that it’s probably more effort than it’s worth for the family to sue (and I think while there IS a clear violation, it can be questionable what the suit would mean, coming from the private family, in the sense that it’s not clear what the actual long-term harm was).

      However, there is also equally good reason TO sue, I think.

      In this case, it might only be the sex (which is to my point about the long-term harm to this family), but what if the couple learned that the fetus had irreversible birth defects that could contribute to their decision to terminate the pregnancy? If a medical technician supplied that information to a relative, I don’t think there’d be any question as to the right to sue. This case might not be as extreme, but I think it’s the same principle–ie, medical information is private because patients should be allowed to make their own decisions based on that information, without the influence of third parties.

    • whiteroses

      April 7, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      This is against HIPAA regulations, ethics, and basic human decency. Just because you’re privy to someone’s private medical information doesn’t mean you’re allowed to share it. That’s why in the states, we have to sign waivers for that stuff. I had to fill out five forms to make sure that my son’s grandparents and godmother were able to take him to the doctor if I couldn’t.
      Without question, that woman should have been fired.

    • Emil

      April 7, 2014 at 6:15 pm

      Probably should have phrased my initial post differently. I definitely think what happened was completely unacceptable and completely agree with everything you said. I just think there are other ways to address it other than a lawsuit. I feel sometimes the mentality is: this is a big deal=need to sue.

    • Psych Student

      May 7, 2014 at 12:41 am

      Like others have said, the parents signed a HIPAA notice when they started being seen (by law, it must be signed and in the file) and one of the things HIPAA laws state is that medical information cannot be released without written permission from patient/client. This isn’t, I tripped over my own feet in your parking lot, this is your person broke the law, which is a perfectly good reason to sue. (To help understand how intense HIPAA laws are, I am required, by law, to present all new clients with a copy of the HIPAA notice they’ve signed. I tell them they can toss it as soon as they leave the room, but I am required to give them a copy).

    • K.

      April 7, 2014 at 9:53 am

      Oh, I would SO be on my OBGYN and his staff like white on rice for something like this!

      I would hope that my OB would fire her ass quicker than I could snap my fingers.

  6. Ursi

    April 6, 2014 at 3:51 pm

    I’m surprised crazy MIL would self-destruct like that when she’s got a grandkid on the way. The worst possible time to reveal yourself to be a complete nutter that needs to be avoided is when people have a new little life to protect from bad influences. Grandma, you totally blew it.

  7. Albert8184

    April 6, 2014 at 3:55 pm

    “My mother-in-law is smug about her tactics and told me nastily that if I “still had a mother,” I wouldn’t be so selfish. (I was orphaned at age 14.)”

    What she needs isn’t a mother. What she needs is a husband with a backbone who’ll give MIL a harsh dose of reality. It amazes the daylights out of me that grown-up married people let their parents push them around this way. Scary.

    • pixie

      April 6, 2014 at 5:23 pm

      If you read the actual letter, which is linked in this story, the husband is firmly on her side and not being pushed around by his mother. But yes, there are a lot of cases where people need to grow backbones and give their family a harsh dose of reality.

    • CMJ

      April 6, 2014 at 5:23 pm

      My husband had to do this with his mother. It’s not fun but it was necessary.

    • pixie

      April 6, 2014 at 5:26 pm

      Yeah, I know it’s never fun but when it needs to be done, it needs to be done. My boyfriend and I are bracing ourselves for the day when he may need to set strict boundaries with his own parents. His mother isn’t anywhere near the MIL in the story, but we can definitely see issues arising in the future.

    • Jezebeelzebub

      April 7, 2014 at 12:03 am

      Girl, gird your loins- the shit really hits the fan once you make it legal with your fella. I sincerely hope that your possible future MIL won’t torture you… I guess you may have a sneak preview if you decide to have a wedding. She may get all momzilla on you- I have seen that happen. In my case, MIL seemed mostly harmless but once I bit the bullet and married her son, all bets were off. It was like she had received a sing from the Universe that she no longer had to treat me like a human being. Long story short, the entire time I was married to her son it was like I was in a never-ending chess game of pure bitchiness. She’d fuck with me, I’d fuck with her. She’d fuck with me more, I’d fuck with her harder. It never ended- until I left her son. Knowing I would never have to deal with that woman ever again was the icing on the cake- I swear to god. The last time I saw her, she was at my divorce mediation. YES- he brought his momma to our divorce. Several years later, all I can say is that I guess it was good training if I ever somehow end up back in time- as a Borgia or a De Medici. Yeah- it was like THAT. And all it would have taken to fix that situation was my then-husband LISTENING to what I was telling him and then him telling his mother to act right or fuck off. (But we would have divorced regardless, because he likes to hit girls. Seriously, if I had been allowed to choose between an ass-beating or a Xmas at his mother’s house, the ass-beating would have won out EVERY SINGLE TIME. Just saying.)

    • pixie

      April 7, 2014 at 8:59 am

      Oh yeah, I’m definitely girding my loins. Thankfully my boyfriend is actually a decent guy and doesn’t stand for his mother’s slight leanings towards crazy at the moment (she has gotten a lot better the past few years, but she still leans that way). He still lives with his parents out of necessity right now while he’s working and saving money for college but he’s going to do all he can to move out once he goes to college in September.

    • Jezebeelzebub

      April 7, 2014 at 9:39 am

      good for him. btw, ain’t no shame in staying with the parents- especially while he (or anyone) is finishing college or something like that. i moved back in with my parents when i left my ex, and i brought my baby and my giant dog with me. i’d still be living with them if i hadn’t been able to move in NEXT DOOR to them. i’m an only child- i need to be near them so i can keep an eye on them. (well, my dad anyway.) when my mother got cancer, i was so glad i lived close- it made caring for her so much easier on her, on me, and on my daughter because we could still observe her routines while i did what all i needed to do for mom. and now that my mom has died, that leaves my dad all by his lonesome- only not really because i’m just next door.

      of course, that isn’t a reasonable expectation for a lot of grown kids with aging parents. i dunno how *I* would feel about living with someone whose parents were rightfrigginthere all the time. but in my case, i don’t give a fuck all day if a guy i’m seeing thinks it;s weird or doesn’t like it. but also, my parents (my dad) aren’t fucking crazy assholes, either. and if they (or he) were… well… i’d handle it. i’m their child still- but i’m not A child and they didn’t raise me to be ANYONE’S punk bitch… you know? Uh.. I rambled. my point is, good luck to your bf and to you!

    • pixie

      April 7, 2014 at 9:49 am

      lol thanks. My parents are awesome, too, so I would much rather have to live with them when I’m older if I had no other choice than with the boyfriend’s parents. One more week and I get to go live with them for the summer though (semester’s nearly done at my university), lol.

    • Jessica

      April 7, 2014 at 9:10 am

      Sorry for your all around shitty experience. Congratulations on getting out of that marriage!

    • Jezebeelzebub

      April 7, 2014 at 9:29 am

      thank you! that’s nice of you!

    • Albert8184

      April 6, 2014 at 5:39 pm

      He’s as firm as jello, it looks like to me.

      Yes. I wanted to read the ACTUAL letter, but I couldn’t convince Slate to forward it and I’m unable to drive up there. But the contents reproduced here seem to indicate the husband is a pathetic weenie who lives under the skirts of his mommy. He needs a firmer backbone. That crack about his wife’s orphan status deserved some serious comeuppance.

    • CMJ

      April 6, 2014 at 5:57 pm

      As a person with a crazy MIL who has been removed from our lives – it’s not always that easy. There were many times my MIL said some crazy, horrible things to both myself and my husband. We both always thought it would get better…and, my husband, despite all the crap my MIL did (mostly to him) still loves/d his mom. There’s always the one straw that breaks the camel’s back. It sounds like this is this couple’s straw. I don’t think it means he doesn’t have a backbone, it just means it was the last straw. It’s never easy to deal with it – regardless of how horrible it might be.

    • Frances "Librle" Locke

      April 6, 2014 at 6:02 pm

      The letter writer does mention that her husband supports her, but I can’t help but think that if he had been supportive and firm from the get-go, this situation would never have happened to begin with. Just speculation, but these things don’t happen in a vacuum.

    • Albert8184

      April 6, 2014 at 6:08 pm

      Bingo Frances. This didn’t happen in a vacuum. And that’s what led me to my conclusion. “Firm” doesn’t mean just being sympathetic to your spouse’s feelings.

      And I mean, it’s not just the DIL’s husband. I wonder where the MIL’s husband fit in the picture. My wife is an angel, but I’d never stand by and let her bully the kids’ spouses if she were inclined to do it.

    • Justme

      April 6, 2014 at 7:25 pm

      We’ve done the same thing with my mother-in-law and it was awkward and uncomfortable, but in the end…totally worth it because we established firm boundaries and expectations.

    • Obladi Oblada

      April 6, 2014 at 7:14 pm

      I’m a firm believer that you can’t successfully be someone’s child AND someone’s spouse/partner. You don’t have to cut someone out of your life but you do have to choose which is more important to you. These are all conscious choices that must be made AS A GROWNUP. I’ll never understand people that put their extended family before their own family.

    • Justme

      April 6, 2014 at 7:19 pm

      It’s an interesting situation, certainly. My MIL has no husband and still considers her “family” to be herself, her mother, her sister and her two grown children (one of whom is my husband). But yet, we have formed our own family and I consider them extended family. It’s harder for my husband to put them in that box because of the tragedy his family went through together after his father’s untimely death. I don’t think there is always a clear cut answer when it comes to in-laws.

    • Obladi Oblada

      April 6, 2014 at 7:25 pm

      You’re right. There’s never a clear cut answer. My husband’s parents were awful people that hated me because I ‘stole their son’. He did the best he could with them but it put him in an awkward position. He wanted to help them as much as he could but it bothered him when I would only go for holidays…and that was limited.

    • Justme

      April 6, 2014 at 7:27 pm

      I had to come to the realization that even though I was able to put my parents in the “extended family” box pretty easily in order to establish our own family, it just wasn’t going to be like that for my husband. With no father present, he feels very protective and responsible for his mother and there’s nothing I can do to change that relationship. He does put us first, but he can’t be as firm and blunt with his mother as I’d like him to be.

    • Obladi Oblada

      April 6, 2014 at 7:32 pm

      Both my inlaws were disabled so The Dude felt like he needed to do things for them…as he should. I never wanted him to not help them but they made it difficult for him. He felt like he could never talk to them about me or our kids. Really hurt him. Like you, I was cool with setting boundaries and making things clear but they were having none of it so I stepped out. I really didn’t have a choice. It’s so hard when they are caught between the proverbial rock and a hard place.

    • Albert8184

      April 7, 2014 at 12:18 am

      What’s sad is when you have to make the choice because a MIL or a FIL or some other misfit wants to be a bag of sugar in the gas tank. My in-laws are wonderful. My wife doesn’t have any in-laws.

    • Obladi Oblada

      April 7, 2014 at 10:23 am

      That’s what happened to us. It’s a shame that when they died (two days apart) that my husband was almost relieved. He still carries a lot of guilt about that ten years later.
      (I’m a fan of the phrase ‘a bag of sugar in the gas tank’, by the way. Well done. :))

    • MellyG

      April 7, 2014 at 12:18 am

      I don’t know – depends on the family. I think there are plenty of times that people remain, successfully, someone’s child, AND a spouse. This means that all parties show respect. I think there are probably a lot of MIL out there that realize their child is a grown up, and respects that. The stories just aren’t as fun 😛

    • Obladi Oblada

      April 7, 2014 at 10:21 am

      I agree completely. There’s no hard and fast answer for everyone. I was able to do it with my family but my husband’s family was unwilling to let him be an adult. Sad, really.
      I shouldn’t have generalized. My apologies. 🙂

    • whiteroses

      April 7, 2014 at 2:05 pm

      In our case- my parents have helped out a lot (free babysitting and some monetary support) with our son. My mother is one of my best friends- and my husband understands that. It’s a lucky thing too.

  8. Ashley Austrew

    April 6, 2014 at 4:27 pm

    WOW. I don’t have any MIL stories, but unfortunately this lady sounds exactly like my actual mother. I agree with Prudie’s advice too. I don’t speak to my mother anymore.

  9. Justme

    April 6, 2014 at 6:22 pm

    This could have been my MIL. When my daughter was first born, my MIL was (and still kid of is) absolutely obsessed with my child. Wanting to come over everyday, calling her “my baby” and throwing a fit because she felt like she had to schedule an appointment to see her grand baby.

    When we told her that IF we were to have another child, we wouldn’t be finding out the sex, she flat out told us, “no, you can’t do that.” When I held firm and said that yes, we were indeed going to do that, she joked in that I’m-really-not-joking way: “it’s okay, if you don’t tell me…I WILL JUST GO ASK YOUR OBGYN AND THEY HAVE TO TELL ME BECAUSE IM THE GRANDMA.”

    My husband thought I was overreacting to get annoyed at a seemingly innocuous statement like that, but apparently I wasn’t…yikes.

    • Guets

      April 7, 2014 at 9:35 am

      “they have to tell me because I’m the Grandma” I like Grandmas who think they have special powers.

    • Surly Canuck

      April 7, 2014 at 10:12 am

      I just went through this last week with my aunt. I knew my mom had told her the good news, but I was surprised when she called me (we really aren’t close and she never has before). She wanted to know the sex of the baby. When I told her we didn’t know she asked me to have the doctor call her with the information. I laughed it off and explained it was too early to tell, she got upset and insinuated I was lying. She then went on to call my baby hers. It was really creepy and upsetting.

  10. jendra_berri

    April 6, 2014 at 7:23 pm

    God, I’m lucky. I have two mothers-in-law and both are lovely people. This woman is the worst. As someone who also does not have a mother, had I been the one she said that to, she’d be dead to me. There’s no coming back from that.
    As invasive as the gender reveal was, to me, her dead-mother response is the more vile behaviour. The first could be chalked up to clueless selfish over-exuberance, but the second makes it clear she did it because she’s a terrible human being.

    • G.S.

      April 7, 2014 at 6:48 am

      Yeah, the dead mother jab was the worst thing ever (seriously, guilting a person with their dead parents/loved ones is just disgusting and all kinds of wrong). And if she’s that much of a bitchface to say that over a gender reveal opinion, God knows that’s going to be the first card she pulls out when she doesn’t like Sad Mom’s parenting skills (“Well, Julie, if your mom didn’t die when you were young, you’d ABSOLUTELY agree and know that THIS is the correct way to raise your child!”). Blech.

      And forget telling her she’s not allowed anywhere near the hospital/delivery room, I wouldn’t even let this witch know when I was in labour to begin with. It would be like, “Oh, MIL, yeah, had the baby two weeks ago.” But then that would be the starting point for the grandma meltdown shitstorm of the ages, no doubt.

    • Allyson_et_al

      April 7, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      I agree. I don’t have a mom, either (she died right before the birth of my first baby), and my MIL was so careful about my feelings. I would have had a hard time not slapping this woman.

    • nikki753

      April 7, 2014 at 3:11 pm

      Yeah. The gender part is just controlling nutjob. The remark about her not having a mom (at a time when she’s probably already feeling her mother’s absence more than usual) is vicious. If I ever had a child-in-law who did not have a mom, it would only make me want to be nicer to them. Not extra mean and rub it in their face.

  11. shorty_RN

    April 6, 2014 at 8:14 pm

    They should absolutely press charges against that ultrasound tech. Big ol’ HIPPA violation right there!

    • Guestposter

      April 6, 2014 at 10:57 pm

      I think this is what bothered me the most. HIPAA laws are in place for a reason and this shows a blatant disregard for them. Most doc’s office take these very seriously. My sis and I were pg at the same time and both saw the same OB. Only info I got via the office is if my sis had an appointment the same day as me. Other than that, I had to get any info directly from my sis. And that’s how it should be…

    • Guestposter

      April 6, 2014 at 10:57 pm

      I think this is what bothered me the most. HIPAA laws are in place for a reason and this shows a blatant disregard for them. Most doc’s office take these very seriously. My sis and I were pg at the same time and both saw the same OB. Only info I got via the office is if my sis had an appointment the same day as me. Other than that, I had to get any info directly from my sis. And that’s how it should be…

    • Jezebeelzebub

      April 6, 2014 at 11:52 pm

      I thought the same thing- I’d have someone’s ass as a goddamn trophy.

    • MellyG

      April 7, 2014 at 12:16 am

      that was my first thought. I hope someone gets on that

  12. Guest

    April 6, 2014 at 8:51 pm

    Even though there was no real damage done this still makes my blood boil. When I was in the hospital after having my son, I woke up and saw a picture of my newborn of Facebook. My sister-in-law had come without telling me and made the nurse wheel him out of the room so she could post a picture.

    • Mette

      April 7, 2014 at 4:54 am

      That is fucked up! Some people never want to post pics of their kids on social media, and friends and family should respect that. I would never post a picture of someone else’s kid without asking! I hope you told your SIL off!

  13. Sam Inoue

    April 7, 2014 at 2:01 am

    My mother in law has brought up my lack of a mother many times, normally when telling me things all women should have been taught by their moms. We get along alright now, but she drove me nuts at first, especially when my daughter was born. We set clear ground rules with my son cause I don’t need her overbearing crap. At least my dad and stepmom are polite (sometimes to a fault) but they would never show up unannounced.

  14. Calichick

    April 7, 2014 at 8:17 am

    My MIL was nice while we were dating, but when we got engaged she wrote him a letter about how I needed to be “saved” and that I needed a lot of “fixing.” She thought I was just a fling. He called her immediately and said that her comments were highly unacceptable and if she was going to make him choose between her and his future wife, he was going to pick his future wife. She had tried to be a bitch a few more times and he is great about telling her to STFU. Does not help that my FIL and BIL as well as both of his grandmothers love me to pieces so anything she does just makes her look bad 😀

    • Guets

      April 7, 2014 at 9:33 am

      Smart husband! You hear so many stories about where husbands let MIL run the show its nice to hear that other husbands put their marriage/family first.

  15. Annie

    April 7, 2014 at 9:46 am

    Hurray- a place to post our crazy mother in law stories! Mine means well, and she’s a loving person, but CANNOT respect boundaries. She bugged my husband for months prior to the birth of our daughter to set up Skype in the delivery room. Then, after our baby was born (Skype free) and my husband called his parents to announce the birth, she hopped on the phone and announced the birth to my own mother instead of letting us share our big news.

    She bugged my husband several times a day to send pictures of the new baby (which stressed him out), and posted every single one on Facebook, including a rather intimate one of me wearing a bathrobe and no makeup snuggling my baby on the couch. We learned early on not to send her anything we wouldn’t want on the internet.

    Once the in-laws were in town (they live across the country), they took over our entire house for 8-10 hours a day. I was still trying to get the hang of being a mother and breastfeeding, but they would come in the morning, take my sleeping newborn out of my arms, drive me crazy with loud, obnoxious baby talking, and try to give my baby a bottle (instead of me breastfeeding her) if I was upstairs doing chores to avoid the baby talk. I developed an eye tick those weeks due to the stress. I had to put my foot down when she announced that she was planning to visit again during my first week back to work.

    Feels good to vent! Here’s hoping she’s not a mommyish reader.

    • Guets

      April 7, 2014 at 10:12 am

      Uck! My MIL has already asked me if my mom would be staying with me after I had my first baby. I said no. She lives like 5-10 min away and I don’t need anyone living/staying at my house- had inlaws over for the first time last month and I don’t care for it. She was like well I’ll come stay with you to help for the first two weeks! She is sweet, and I appreciate the gesture, but hell to the no. I want time to get into a routine and feel slightly normal before I have people around me and I certainly don’t need my MIL/FIL around when I’m wanting to lay around in sweats feeding a kid. Ick.

    • Annie

      April 7, 2014 at 10:55 am

      Seriously! The last thing new parents need is 24/7 guests. Even if the offer is to “help,” they end up creating more chaos. Yes, sweet, but stressful!

  16. K.

    April 7, 2014 at 9:50 am

    Some people just can’t accept that the world is not about them all the time. So, she got the sex. And in exchange, she’s probably, justifiably, going to be systematically cold shouldered from today on into the birth, including barred from the delivery room. Hell, if it were me, I’d fucking bar that bitch from my own room in the maternity ward. What a cruel woman.

    Message to ALL crazy MIL’s (because I have one):

    You win battles.

    You NEVER win wars.

    Remember that.

    • whiteroses

      April 7, 2014 at 4:22 pm

      I’ll be honest- I’d have a hard time letting this woman around my kid, period, if she’s going to be that vindictive. I wouldn’t particularly care how she felt about it. And it’s a damn shame, because she’s the only grandma this kid is going to remember.

  17. allisonjayne

    April 7, 2014 at 10:57 am

    My MIL asked the anesthesiologist the sex of my baby when I was still in the operating room. He came out to tell our waiting families that all went well, and she asked him what it was. Now, she didn’t realize it was a big deal to me I guess, and he didn’t even realize that our families didn’t already know (because it’s weird not to find out, I guess). And it was 3 years ago and I need to buy a ladder and get the fuck over it, but I’m still sad because I really, really wanted to be the one to tell my family and I really wanted to be there for that moment, especially because my mom and sister were the only ones who thought we were having a girl (which we did) when everyone else thought we were having a boy.

    So I feel for this woman. I agree with Prudence’s advice though, but would definitely have a “no unsupervised visits” rule because she clearly can’t be trusted.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      April 7, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      This is part of the reason why when I have kids, the family is away from the hospital until it’s over. No one co-opts my moments!

  18. CBillard

    April 7, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    My MIL can’t keep her goddamn mouth shut. Ever. She came over to house sit when we went out of state to adopt our son (that we didn’t tell her about until last minute). She told my 80 year old neighbors that we were adopting because I couldn’t have children. When I told her that that information was not her’s to share, she told me they were nice people and she was sorry I felt that way. Ugh.

    • Annie

      April 7, 2014 at 3:26 pm

      Feeling your pain! I have a loud, clueless, over-sharing MIL myself! I now understand why my husband didn’t want to tell his parents we were having trouble conceiving and using fertility treatments- it would have been all over Facebook as one of those “share this photo if someone you love…” comic sans photo status updates.

    • Allyson_et_al

      April 7, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      Man, that sucks. Congrats on your son, though!

  19. SA

    April 7, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    WOW! I would have definitely pressed charges due to the HIPPA violation. It isn’t like the tech slipped up, the tech knowingly told the MIL because they were friends. It makes me wonder what other protected medical information she may give out if she were pressed by people she knew. That is pretty scary.

  20. Lindsey d.

    April 7, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    “Sad Mommy goes on to say that she and her husband plan to bar the MIL
    from the delivery room, as per her new obstetrician’s suggestion.”

    – I LIKE my mother-in-law and she still won’t be in the delivery room with me. Because boundaries. I also reserve the right to kick my mother out.

    • whiteroses

      April 7, 2014 at 2:10 pm

      My sisters-in-law were convinced that they’d be in the delivery room with me.
      My response? “No. So very no. If my own mother can’t be there [she was out of the country at the time] you sure as heck won’t.” I figured the only people who should be seeing my private parts were doctors, my mother and my husband. Everyone else was absolutely not entitled to see it.

    • Sunny Girl

      April 7, 2014 at 6:10 pm

      We are trying at the moment (IVF). If we are successful my rule that is already in place is ‘unless you are a medical professional or married to me stay out!’. My only concession is maybe the MIL (I won the MIL lottery!). She would stand in for my husband iif he is away, he is a miner and works 650 miles away for five days at a time.

      I will also have to impose a social media ban on the two BILs and their wives; one set are recent parents who post quite a bit on FB. The other set posted photos of that baby when it was only a matter of hours old. They may be waiting a day or two to see photos at this rate.

      This same couple (the second one) got upset with us about the IVF as supposedly the way they found out caused difficulties for them for a few days. Seriously? They should have been living our lives for the last year!

  21. Rachel Sea

    April 7, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    I hope the baby turns out to be a boy.

  22. Missy

    April 7, 2014 at 5:03 pm

    Holy crap. I am glad my MIL is amazing. She scoffed when I told her we were doing cloth diapers, but now is buying everything she can for them and is SUPER into it. To be fair, when she did cloth diapers, they were WAY different. She loves what they have become…

  23. Larkin

    April 7, 2014 at 5:14 pm

    Yeesh. This is insane. My MIL may have moments where she makes me crazy, but overall I love her and get along great with her. She might occasionally try to tell us what she thinks we should do, but she would never pull shit like this. I can’t even imagine.

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