parenting styles

9 Ways That College Life Prepares You To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom

By  | 

Good news, stay-at-home moms! Remember how you thought that you spent all those years and all of that money getting a college degree that you’re not using? Well, you’re wrong. When you really think about it (and we did) there are a lot of ways that college life prepared you for staying at home with the kids.

1. You’ve cleaned up vomit before.

johnny

(Giphy)

Remember those parties where you had to clean-up your best friend’s vomit? Where vomit arrived at unexpected times and in unexpected places? Welcome to life with a baby..

2. Mac and cheese is still a staple.

mc

(Giphy)

You loved it then, your kid loves it now. At this point, you could make macaroni and cheese in the dark, folks.

3. Those red solo cups are always handy.

Red_solo_cups_knocked_down

 (The Bump)

You used them to play beer pong. Your baby uses them to play…cup. Either way, they are extremely useful to have around.

4. You’re going everywhere in your college sweatshirt and pajama pants.

pj

(Giphy)

Getting dressed is the worst when you’re hungover and/or exhausted.

5. You’ve shown up completely unprepared again.

oh no

 (Tumblr)

You never could crack open those textbooks till the night before the exam. And no matter how much reading you do about having a baby, you’re never going to be prepared for that, either. It’s an F for everyone!

6. You’re used to endless arguments that go nowhere.

shut up

(Giphy)

Getting your drunk friend out of a fountain is just a preview of what it’s like trying to get a toddler to put on pants.

7. You know all about all-nighters.

duck

 (Giphy)

The all-nighters you pull in college are like the introductory course to the all-nighters you pull with a baby, which is the advanced level.

8. You have to relearn everything they taught you in high school.

learn

(Giphy)

In college, they tend to assume that there’s a lot of stuff you already know from high school. Usually, they are incorrect. Your kids will also expect you to know something about American history, for example, or algebra. Once again, they will be mistaken.

9. You get exposed to a lot of genitalia.

naked

 (Giphy)

Streaking, truth or dare, forgetfulness — there are a lot of reasons why someone might have their junk exposed in college. Then you have a baby, and you gain a familiarity with other people’s genitals that you’ve never had before because of either a) good manners or b) a bad angle.

See? And you thought you were thousands of dollars in debt for nothing. Pshaw.

18 Comments

  1. lpag

    October 20, 2014 at 6:14 pm

    Actually, not true about the all-nighters. I found newborns to be WORSE than all-nighters. At least with all-nighters you can crash for 24 hours at the end of it. With a newborn, it’s 2-3 hour snippets of sleep (if you’re lucky) for weeks, possibly months on end.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 20, 2014 at 11:13 pm

      I couldn’t pull all-nighters even in college. That was pretty much all the proof I needed right there that childfreedom was the way to go for me!

    • Ursi

      October 21, 2014 at 8:51 am

      I did it ONCE. Never again. Showing up to class the next morning on no sleep was like showing up drunk. I even put on my best blacks and caked lipstick on because in my sleep-deprived state I was like, “I should totally goth out for my 7am class” and I probably smiled way more at my stupidly hot TA than I should have.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 21, 2014 at 12:11 pm

      You handles it eat better than I would have! It would’ve been a miracle if pants and a shirt entered into my mind at all, never mind color coordinating them!

    • iamtheshoshie

      October 21, 2014 at 12:38 am

      GUH, my 9 month old still only has one 5 hour chunk of sleep a night. All nighters in college were so easy in comparison.

  2. Megan

    October 20, 2014 at 6:29 pm

    I want to print this out and hang it next to my diploma. Ok, fine, shove in the box in the basement where my diploma is, you get the point.

  3. rockmonster

    October 20, 2014 at 7:38 pm

    Ducky… awww

  4. Samwisegamgeeeisthebesthobbit

    October 20, 2014 at 7:40 pm

    My kid chewed on a red solo cup today. Check. Wore my college sweatshirt and yoga pants …again. Check. Cleaned up puke. Check. Got up with kiddo 4 times last night. Got about 4 hrs of sleep. Check. Forgot his binky when we went to the store. Meltdown occurred.Very unprepared. Check. You’re on to something here. If you throw in my psychotic cat in lieu of my crazy ass roommate it’s exactly like college.

  5. CrazyFor Kate

    October 20, 2014 at 8:10 pm

    So it’s true. The MRS degree DOES exist.

  6. NotTakenNotAvailable

    October 20, 2014 at 11:18 pm

    I never cleaned up puke. I did once puke in my ex’s face, but he had to clean himself, the sheets, and me because I could barely stand up. I’m not exactly sure what that definitive educational experience prepared me for, but I’m sure I don’t want to know!

    • js argh

      October 21, 2014 at 9:02 am

      Husband (back when he was Boyfriend) had too much fun on his 20th birthday and had to keep a bucket next to the bed. I am zombie-like after I awaken. I’m sure you can imagine the surprise I felt the next morning when I rolled out of bed.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 21, 2014 at 12:09 pm

      There would suddenly have been double the vomit, plus the stench of me lighting my feet on fire.

    • js argh

      October 21, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      I’d guess me screaming, “Get it off! Get it off NOW!” did not help his hangover.

  7. Harriet Meadow

    October 20, 2014 at 11:50 pm

    I…think I did college wrong.

    • Juline An

      October 21, 2014 at 6:16 am

      A single mom can profit $6160 in 1 month on the compute only from working part time off a laptop… you can try this out go over

  8. ennel

    October 21, 2014 at 9:46 am

    Oh my lord, that Nathan Fillion gif.

    • js argh

      October 21, 2014 at 3:32 pm

      Firefly FTW!

    • ennel

      October 21, 2014 at 6:59 pm

      Amen. Unf, Mal.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *