Jesus Freak: I am a Christian mom who was raised in a fundamental Christian home. I have questioned my beliefs and have come to love myself and God on my own terms. I'm raising my kids the same way.
If you have ever heard someone say, “I’ll pray for you,” then you have probably been to church. That, or you were spending time with your 80-year-old grandma or trying to blow off a door-to-door evangelist.
“I’ll pray for you” is perhaps the most popular catchphrase in the Christian community, followed by many others. I’ve been to church for a minimum of 25 years, though I haven’t been lately. While I have great respect for religion and faith, I do find it funny to observe how Christianity has developed its own language. What started out as a beautiful Biblical phrase often turns into an annoying buzzword that Christians can’t stop saying on Sunday morning.
If you’re a Christian, some of these phrases may make sense to you:
Used synonymously and often for the word “yes.” Example: Amen, brother. I agree!
The only clear explanation for my awesome-sauce.
Don’t ever backslide. And don’t ever talk about backsliding. It’s like The Fight Club—just don’t.
4. Bless Your Heart
In Southern Baptist circles, this essentially means, “You’re an idiot.”
Estimate hearing “blessed” roughly one thousand times during the greet-your-neighbor portion of the Sunday morning service.
My favorite churchy phrase by far. Slap “fellowship” on the end of any activity, and you have yourself a Christian social. Fellowship dinner, youth group fellowship at the movies, fellowshipping over martinis… You get the picture.
7. God Knows My Heart
I’m kind of a dick.
8. God Put It On My Heart
Don’t blame me for saying what I am about to say.
Also used interchangeably for yes, amen, or “totes ma goats.”
10. I Don’t Feel Led
I don’t want to.
11. I Feel Called
I DO WHAT I WANT.
12. In The Flesh
You’re doing bad things or thinkin’ nasty thoughts.
13. In The Spirit
You’re doing whatever you want “in a spiritual way.”
14. Love Offering
A cutesy way of saying, “Leave your money at the altar. I take checks.”
Code for: “Imma tell you a story, and it’s gonna be LONG.”
If you’re cool, you know exactly what PTL means. (If you’re not, it means: Praise The Lord.)
17. Pray On It
Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.
18. Prayer Request
The original vaguebooking—first invented at church.
Bad. Very, very bad.
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