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Childrearing

10 Problems With Sending Your Heathen Kids To Church Run Daycare

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I wouldn’t call myself an atheist by any means, but I don’t identify with any particular organized religion. Jesus seems like a swell guy, as does Buddha and Krishna. My plan has always been to expose my children to the basic teachings of a variety of religions – as I believe they are all pretty much in line with each other. Don’t lie, cheat, steal, hurt people or be a jerk.

That’s why I was a little unprepared when the church run daycare in my city revealed itself as the best financial option for us. Actually, it wasn’t just the best financially – the place is fantastic. It’s run like a little school; there are six classrooms with kids from two years old to pre-K. My child will be able to stay in one place until he goes to kindergarten, and will also get used to moving into a new classroom at the start of a new year and having a new teacher. I love it. But as we were touring the school, we walked in on a class praying before story time. Hmm. There are a few things to think about if you are not particularly religious but decide to put your child in a church run daycare.

1. The whole ‘Jesus’ thing.

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A week before my son’s first day at daycare, I was scrambling to introduce him to Jesus. It was a crash course. By the end of the week I could pick up any of the Orthodox icons I have laying around the house and say – Who’s this Lucien? JESUS!! IT’S JESUS! One problem with sending your child to church run daycare is that he pretty much has to know who Jesus is – or he’ll be really confused.

2. You have no problem with taking the Lord’s name in vain. Either does your child.

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Everyone has their thing. Mine is Jesus Christ! I say it way too much. I say it when I’m frustrated. When I’m confused. When I’m surprised. Needless to say, it’s rubbed off on my 3-year-old. If he hasn’t said it during story time yet – it’s coming.

3. He makes you question your rituals when he starts praying before he eats.

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He said a prayer before we ate last week and I thought, “this is kind of lovely.” Why not give some sort of blessing or thanks before a meal? It’s communal, it’s a bonding ritual and ┬áit doesn’t necessarily have to be to “GOD.”

4. There will be pro-life propaganda.

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Oh my God. The Knights of something have a table set up in the entrance of the church with all of this anti-choice propaganda on it. You’ll have to ignore that.

5. There will be religious crafts.

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I personally love religious icons and art so I really don’t care if my son brings home a cross. I’d probably be a little weirded out if they made him nail a Jesus fashioned from pipe cleaners to it – but so far that hasn’t happened.

6. God will be seriously injected into every holiday.

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All of our major holidays revolve around God, did you know that? You will now. “Put the Christ back in Christmas.”

7. There will be a lot of “blessings.”

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You’re blessed. He’s blessed. She’s blessed. We’re all blessed. This word is used a lot in a church environment. Get used to it. Blessings!

8. You will feel like a fraud.

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Occasionally you may find yourself pretending to be more religious than you are. Hasn’t happened to me yet, but I see the potential.

9. Your three-year old will teach you about being open-minded.

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Humbling, yes.

10. It will be hard to figure out the other parents.

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Are they also frauds who are jumping on the Jesus train to get affordable daycare? Who can tell?

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