How On Earth Do Wives Defend Their Child Molesting Husbands?

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child molestsersIn the course of writing about parenting and motherhood, I come across a lot of stories involving child abuse and molestation. It is a very sad and disturbing part of my job. And while these heinous crimes will never make any sense to me, there’s another aspect of these cases that I am also intensely confused by. How exactly do wives stand up and defend their child molesting husbands?

The big news in my home town today is about a man named Antonio Olivas, who admitted to having sex with a 10-year-old girl who he knew. On multiple occasions, he pursued and assaulted this little girl, resulting in charges of five Class A felonies and two Class C felonies of child molesting. Olivas took a plea deal to reduce his charges with the understanding that the Judge would have full discretion to decide his sentence.

The sentencing hearing yesterday was deeply troubling, considering the seriousness of his crimes. Olivas stood up and apologized to his family for the pain he had caused. His priest spoke on his behalf, calling him a good father who would do anything for anyone. And then his wife stood up, defending her husband and even chastising those who didn’t support on him, saying, “It’s heartbreaking to see all these people turn their backs on him”.

It was Judge John Surbeck who reminded the court room that Olivas apologized to his family, but not to the child he raped. Not to the 10-year-old girl who will never be the same because of this monster. “A violation of the child did happen,” he had to remind everyone. He chose to sentence Olivas to 10 years in prison for his crimes.

This case, with the family standing up to defend a man who had sex with a girl who was likely still in fifth grade, is disgusting. But it is sadly not atypical. Dottie Sandusky still stands by her husband, even going so far as to doubt and shame her own son. Last week, we learned about a church that would rather excommunicate a 13-year-old girl than turn their backs on the man that abused her.

In all of these cases, I simply cannot wrap my head around the decision to stand up for child molesters or rapists. I cannot fathom going to sleep at night hating the child your husband assaulted instead of the man who committed that atrocity. The level of cognitive dissonance simply seems impossible to me.

I realize that even though these men committed horrible crimes, they might not have treated their wives or families terribly. It’s possible that they were outstanding husbands, even pillars of the community. It can be hard to digest that a single crime negates all of those good deeds throughout one’s life. But these charges are not minor and they cannot be brushed aside in favor of more positive anecdotes.

Men like Antonio Olivas, Jerry Sandusky, and Jack Schaap ruin lives of the victims they abuse. They are selfish and they do life-long damage to innocent children. These are not good people who strayed from the path. They are not moral men who made a mistake. They are rapists. They are monsters. And to overlook that makes monsters of the women who stand beside them.

It has to be difficult to accept that a person you love is capable of rape or child abuse. I cannot imagine the pain that has to cause. But isn’t it harder to continue to defend this person, over and over again? I’m asking because I genuinely do not understand. I’m not sure if I ever could.

(Photo: Nejron Photo/Shutterstock)


  1. Amanda Low

    March 28, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Gross. If a man I know and love were to commit a crime like this, I would be gone so fast you wouldn’t see me. Seriously, forgiveness is a wonderful thing, and essential most of the time. But there are a few unforgivables, and this is one of them.

    • Andrea

      March 28, 2013 at 2:37 pm

      You can forgive. Doesn’t mean you can forget or go on with life as if nothing had happened. Or continue in the relationship.

      Not that *I* would forgive, just saying…

    • Emma

      May 8, 2014 at 2:00 am

      A mother who chooses to stay with a partner who’s been sexually abusing her kids is just as much a piece of shit as he is… and IMHO mothers who use their kids as sacrificial lambs in this way should be routinely stripped of their parenting rights, and sterilized… and they should go on the sex offender’s register with their partners.

  2. truthbtold

    March 28, 2013 at 11:33 am

    Take it from someone who was sexually abused by her brother – I think I have an idea why people turn on victims and stand by the abuser. My theory is that they cannot handle having their entire world, sense of goodness and safety utterly destroyed. This is what happens to the victim, and why so many victims shut down after being abused because facing it is about as terrifying, painful and lonely as it gets. My family chose to throw me under the bus in order to protect their own psyches. They’d sooner lie the rest of their lives to themselves and others. I have chosen to not live that way. It was very freeing in some respects, but I have paid a price and no longer have contact with any of my family.

    • LindsayCross

      March 28, 2013 at 11:49 am

      I am so incredibly sorry. I cannot imagine how difficult that has to be.

    • Iwill Findu

      March 28, 2013 at 12:59 pm

      I grew up in a family were sexual abuse has been going on for the last 3 generations at lest. My mother did her best to protect my sisters and myself from that abuse without cutting out all her family (she had rules that we weren’t to go anywhere alone with any of her brothers, and we were to always be in sight of our parents or grandparents when we were at a family gathering, she also started talking to us about sex before I remember) In my family the abuse was something they all just refused to talk about and just act like nothing had happened because you don’t want outside people asking questions or making judgements.

      But I’ll never understand why my grandmother took her children to see the father that abused her or had him live in her house with her own children, and gave him access to her children. She should have known what happened to her as a child would be happening to them although she claims to have to no knowledge of it. My mother believes that if her father had know what was happening at the time he would have murdered his father-in-law, which is why no one even talked about it until after my grandfather had passed away.

      I think the saddest part is knowing why my family has so much hate for each other, and knowing the same abuse that my mother protected me from happened to my cousins because I can see that same hate in them. It’s knowing that as much as I love my extended family I can never trust them with my own children and will spend so much time worried about their children.

      You did the right thing by walking away from your family. If my grandmother only had the strength to do that 60 yrs ago the abuse would have ended with her, and not been passed down to her children and grandchildren.

    • aileen_t

      March 28, 2013 at 4:44 pm

      I had an a great uncle (great in that he was my mom’s uncle not great in an awesome way) that we were all supposed to avoid at family functions too. Though none of my cousins or uncles who actually are pretty great would have ever let me out of there sight.

    • Iwill Findu

      March 29, 2013 at 12:32 am

      The sad fact is in my mother’s family 2 of her brothers grew up to be abusers and they both lived in the same town as us for most of my life. Her one brother knows the damage it does so does his very best to stay away from children at all costs, the other one I’m pretty sure my cousins are waiting for him to die so he can pee on his grave, and his own children would likely be in that line.

      I have a very hard time calling them uncle just and I can’t bring myself to call my grandma’s father great-grandpa and I’m thinking of leaving him out of the family tree I’m making.

    • tulla

      April 13, 2013 at 10:05 pm

      The best way to say it then would be your “GRAND-UNCLE” you mean your Grand-uncle – it makes more sense as its your grandparents brother! This is the correct term in old english – americans changed it for the worst!

    • Shelby Phillips

      March 28, 2013 at 2:03 pm

      I’m so sorry you’ve gone through all that, but I’m glad you seem to be in a much better place now and have only loving people in your life. It gives me hope that maybe one day all the other countless victims of sexual abuse can cut ties with the person who harmed THEM.

    • gameover

      September 28, 2013 at 7:58 am

      I recently lost my mother and brother because of the sexual abuse snowball. It is liberating to a degree, but it should have never gotten that far. I don’t know you but I am thinking about you.

  3. K.

    March 28, 2013 at 11:50 am

    I don’t know, Lindsay, but it’s clearly one of those psychological needs that overrides intellectual thought or moral codes. I’m guessing that those who defend abusers (I’m thinking of the wife of the guy who raped the 10yo, not the whole of the Catholic Church) can’t reconcile being in love with someone who’s done something so despicable. Maybe they’re afraid or embarrassed that if they don’t show support, then the other person’s behavior implies something about them (obviously illogical, because defending molesters implies nothing good about someone who does that!–but like I said, psychology isn’t generally about logic).

    You also might have some truth to the fact, in some cases, albeit not all, that such defenders have a kind of psychological make-up that provides they’d be attracted to and compatible with the psychological make-up of abusive people–ie, they’re probably not all that mentally stable or strong themselves.

    Very sad, though, and horrible for victims.

  4. Ralph Blunk

    March 28, 2013 at 1:01 pm

    So SAD! This is really hard for a wife who only knew she has a loving husband and responsible father to her child and suddenly her husband charged and convicted for raping a girl. That’s really difficult.

  5. Eileen

    March 28, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    It’s hard to believe bad things of people you love, especially – I’d imagine – someone you’re in love with and have been married to for years. I’m sure they make excuses, come up with reasons why it’s not really his fault (how many readers side with Humbert, after all?), etc. Women stay with husbands who hit them, and in those cases they’re intimately familiar and at direct risk from the abuse. Is it really that surprising that they can defend their husbands against crimes that they haven’t witnessed?

  6. Victoria

    March 28, 2013 at 6:41 pm

    I think there’s some psychological maneuvering that goes on. My mom married 2 guys who sexually abused her kids, and it wasn’t like she consciously accepted what was going on. She could explain away anything she wanted, and when it got too hard, she would turn on the daughter in question as sexually inappropriate with her husband. Even after husband #2 ended up spending 6 years in prison for it, she is shocked that her kids would ‘do that to her’ (I could never decide if she meant testifying in court or -in her mind- participating in an affair behind her back with her partner.) In her mind, she is the victim. I think it’s a matter of fear, or survival for these wives. This is their life, they’ve invested everything they have in this man including their identity as women, and to uproot everything and start over emotionally, financially and socially would be too hard. On a subconscious level, they have too much to lose, I think.

    • Blooming_Babies

      March 28, 2013 at 9:17 pm

      Yes that victim cycle, it has much wider implications that just the original victim. It’s something almost built in, once you are victimized it is like you can see the damage.

    • Blooming_Babies

      March 28, 2013 at 9:17 pm

      Can’t see the damage… Sorry

    • Victoria

      April 14, 2013 at 12:29 am

      Like once you’re victimized you get this huge blindspot in your awareness, unless you make **very** sure that you won’t make the same mistake.

    • tulla

      April 13, 2013 at 10:13 pm

      these women cannot live without a man…they don’t want to be alone but forget they are not they have children, they don’t realize the kids are the ones that would be there for them when they are old – not the new boyfriend/2nd, 3rd, 4th husband! These women are needy!

    • Victoria

      April 14, 2013 at 12:28 am

      But in a way these grown woman are mental children. They refuse to mature, and keep themselves in a position where someone will take care of them. It’s a case of taking care of number one, and their children will never be number one. It’s everyone for themselves.Sad.

    • ofCanada

      August 8, 2013 at 5:55 pm

      A lot of women like this have been abused. This is sometimes an effect of that.

      Saying that, I’m not letting them off the hook for their choices. They are adults and need to overcome their past just like the adult prior victims who choose to molest should have.

    • Björn Borg Josëf

      November 27, 2013 at 11:49 am

      I was thinking the same thing with my situation (read above)… I believe my mum stayed with him just for that… financial, emotional, and social benefits. Maybe she thought my sister would pull thru and bury it just like everyone else did….

    • Victoria

      November 27, 2013 at 2:16 pm

      I agree. This kind of wishful thinking is false though. A kid who is a sacrificial lamb for his/her mom might bury it to survive those years, but it doesn’t go away on it’s own. I’m sorry for your sister, and for you having to watch all that play out. Ouch.

  7. bl

    March 28, 2013 at 9:07 pm

    I know know know that you mean nothing by it, and maybe it’s just me, but I cannot read a story that describes child molestation as “had sex with” and not want to vomit. To me, sex occurs between two consenting people. Outside of that it’s rape/assault/molestation.

    I’m a long time reader and know that you’re a big supporter of victims and survivors, but I just wanted to put that out there.

  8. tulla

    April 13, 2013 at 9:53 pm

    Many times most of the young girls like to keep quiet about the abuse. Grown men see this as bate! If the young girl is quiet or shy she is perfect for raping! I hear and read so many stories of even 4 year old girls keeping quiet! Its so easy to rape molest a girl – especially if your the mom’s new boyfriend/husband! They should be teaching in schools to tell! And mothers should be teaching daughter to yell and scream and yell every adult even the police.

    I was molested when i just turned 12, he was a smart guy he got my mother pregnant 2 times and after my mother had to kids from the guy he went after me! He even molested me when my own mother was in the house right before dropping me off at my grandmothers! I told my aunt after the 2nd day and he was arrested! He got me to watch porn movies, and told me when i hit 15 he was going to try to stick his penis into me and that i would be better able to handle it and would have sex with me everyday.

    My mother never believed me…she wanted life easy because she wasn’t smart enough to go to college, she is the type of woman that only knows to breed and have sex. I hate her very much, she begged me to drop the charges and tell the police i lied so he could come home, she paid his bond he was home and that was that! I really am against second marriages most of them fail and these women will throw their children under the bus for men…men are replaceable but never your children! I hope that woman is happy today, because i have told her never to contact me again…i have not spoken to my mother in 10 years don’t even know if that woman is alive – as far as i’m concern she should rot in jail with him!

    • youtube

      July 28, 2013 at 2:31 pm

      I am sooo sorry. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. I have owned female dogs that are better mothers than some human mothers. Just read a story where the mother threw her newborn in the garbage, and a female dog found it and took it back to her litter keeping it warm and feeding it. It happened somewhere in South America.

  9. komo

    April 13, 2013 at 10:00 pm

    I was molested when i was 1 year old to about 8 by mom’s boyfriend. I hate men. i’m 28 now and i teach my daughter about good and bad touch, but i found out i’m pregnant and not happy that its a boy! I am having an abortion! My appointment is in 2 days I hate most men and don’t want to raise one. I hate men, i hate this boy and will abort any male fetus! They grow up to be nothing but problems and when they are 40 they will try and seek girls that are 9 or 12 years old…i would chop my son’s d!ck off! but thats why i’m having my abortion! I only want girls..i just can’t handle looking at a males or i could never love this little bastard.

    • Cut it off.

      May 3, 2013 at 10:47 pm

      Komo I hope you don’t kill your baby, just try to get rid of his penis…with a doctors help. I hope one day all males will have their junk removed at birth, this is my dream.

    • youtube

      July 28, 2013 at 2:34 pm

      Please please please consider adoption first. I know this post is 4 months old, but if you ever have an unwanted pregnancy again, please please consider adoption. I bet you could get your medical cost covered by a couple who are barren and maybe more.

    • ofCanada

      August 8, 2013 at 5:48 pm

      komo, your anger with your past abuser is not merely leaking, but pouring in gushes into your present life and flowing forward into your future. It is a river of poison and it easily has the potential to destroy you and your daughter(s).

      You need to get help. Get a counsellor, psychologist or even support group. Express all the anger you need to, but also learn to let it go.

      There is no way to avoid men. They are half the world. There is very likely going to be vulnerable boys and men in your care (friends of your daughter, her sons, later, etc.). You run the risk of being the monster they grow up to be damaged by.

      Just so you know I’m not just blathering about stuff I don’t know:

      I was abused by my father from a very young age (2 or 3 to about 7) and another man from 11 to when I escaped at 26. I’ve also been gang raped. I have never stopped believing that what those males did was absolutely wrong, but I have learned not to let them define me by carrying anger and hatred toward them or the mere symbols of them: other men and boys.

    • annonymous

      November 30, 2013 at 6:45 pm

      you really need help, you cannot lump all men in one pile. I am disgusted and appalled at your behavior and comments about an innocent fetus, and you wanting to kill him because of his gender. You will rot in hell for this, you should have been more careful with birth control.

    • Dolly Goodson

      December 27, 2013 at 9:48 pm

      If you hate men so much…how did you get pregnant…twice? It’s not the baby’s fault and he has a right to live. Not all men are evil. I am married to a wonderful man who has been a great stepdad to my children. They all love and respect him, as do our grandchildren. I was raped when I was sixteen and was a virgin. So I can under the anger and pain. But I had a wonderful father and understood that there are good men out there. I pray you can come to this understanding, too.

    • alex

      July 24, 2014 at 5:41 am

      Oh forget all this religious and pro life stuff. God does not logically exist and early abortion is legal and safe. Her feelings arent right or wrong, theyre just feelings that result from trauma. I think her decision to abort is better than having the child and abusing it. Shes being responsible by making the more humane choice. She knows shes not able to be a good mother to it. I hate men and not just because of the sexual abuse. There was also physical abuse. There were also men who broke my heart many times. Also, most men are cheaters and many abandon their kids. They rape, cause more car accidents and are addicted to sex. There are many things to hate about men. Wives are merely kidding themselves.

    • alex

      July 24, 2014 at 5:30 am

      I understand bc I feel the same way:(

  10. Cut it off

    May 3, 2013 at 10:53 pm

    I have been waiting for years for some relatives to get their heads out of the sand, but that will not happen. The pos they tried so hard to keep out of jail, is rotting for at least 10 yrs and he told them yes I did do it. But some losers are too weak minded for the truth. And I dont miss those relatives at all now.

  11. Jane Doe

    June 18, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    My stepmother stands behind my father who is a convicted pedophile. Years ago he tried to attack a 13 year old girl. My stepmother was and is actually angry at the girl and her mother for pressing charges. I was 5 at the time and my mother was never even notified of his conviction. Years later I caught him trying to molest my barely 4 year old daughter. I confronted my stepmother who made every excuse she could for him and was in complete denial. She stood by him and accused me of having problems with medication I was taking for anxiety. CPS investigated the allegations and being that my daughter is so young and couldn’t verbalize the abuse he got off free and clear. Needless to say I have cut off my paternal family. I will never allow that sick monster to ever be near my children again. I don’t understand how anyone can stand behind a pedophile. They are every bit as guilty as the pedophile and should burn in hell right along beside them.

    • youtube

      July 28, 2013 at 2:39 pm

      IMO People, mothers, wives, who cover up pedophilia should get the same sentence as the offender. It called conspiracy, and should be treated harshly.

  12. Paula

    July 20, 2013 at 9:15 pm

    I found out from my son that his father had molested our granddaughters 16 years ago. My husband admitted that it had happened. I called the police and he was arrested. After a year of legal wrangling, he finally pled guilty and is now serving his sentence. I could not stand to look at him, refused to let him back in the house and divorced him just as soon as was possible. I will never forgive him for what he did to harm my grandchildren but have slowly but surely begun to release the anger and hatred that I felt after I found out. I had a number of sessions with a counselor who helped me sort out my feelings and identify my priorities. I have accepted the life I now live with the help of supportive friends and a loving family. The one thing I have yet to come to grips with is the loss of all the memories of my family growing up, what were happy times have been sullied by my ex husbands actions. There is no-one to discuss them with any more.

    I just have a few words to say to those who without having gone through this horrible experience say that the wife had to know what was going on. I have a Masters degree in Counseling and I did not know of the abuse. The abuser can be very secretive and careful especially if his objective is not to get caught. His ability to control the children and keep them from telling is strong. The smarter the abuser is, the better he is at keeping this a secret.

    I want to caution others to not view child abusers and their victims as if they are all the same. We bring to this horrendous experience very different backgrounds and beliefs and will handle this the best way we can. I only hope that if anyone you know has the misfortune to experience this, you try to understand and support them. It can be very lonely out there.

  13. damaged

    October 31, 2013 at 9:28 am

    I found out in August that my husband was molesting my 12 year old daughter. Some things happened that I found suspicious and I asked her if he was; at first she lied and said no but I told her that I was pretty sure he was and I just wanted her to be honest. She lied again but I could see on her face that it was true and I told her it wasn’t her fault and I didn’t blame her but please just tell me the truth and she started crying and admitted he had been abusing her. It was hard for me to believe it but when she told me had pictures of her on his phone I immediately contacted the police and they were able to arrest him and found the evidence. I believe if this evidence hadn’t existed many friends and family would have doubted her story and he would have been able to lie his way out of it. I don’t know how anyone could defend a monster who would do something like this to a child it’s disgusting and sick. It makes me feel sick and disgusting that I was married to someone like this and the only reason I don’t kill myself for letting this happen is because it would hurt my daughters even more and they have been hurt enough. People don’t realize how much this stuff goes on – and really dont’ want to because it’s something people don’t want to face they don’t want to admit how much it goes on because it is scary.

  14. fus

    November 3, 2013 at 3:20 am

    Its the woman’s fault – every woman that remarries a man the 2nd or 3rd time that has a young daughter – i already know the little girl will be molested or already have been and the mother doesn’t know. Most mothers will never have a good open line with their girls. Men see this and love this! Solution is stop giving birth to pedophilic boys! Beat the shit out of every male when they are young! One day ladies your son will grow up to molest and tear a life of a little girl and destroy a family! WHEN YOU HAVE A STEPFATHER IN THE HOUSE – CHANCES ARE 50% GREATER YOUR DAUGHTER WILL BE RAPED OR MOLESTED! FACT AND ITS PROVEN!

  15. fus

    November 3, 2013 at 3:20 am

    Its the woman’s fault – every woman that remarries a man the 2nd or 3rd time that has a young daughter – i already know the little girl will be molested or already have been and the mother doesn’t know. Most mothers will never have a good open line with their girls. Men see this and love this! Solution is stop giving birth to pedophilic boys! Beat the shit out of every male when they are young! One day ladies your son will grow up to molest and tear a life of a little girl and destroy a family! WHEN YOU HAVE A STEPFATHER IN THE HOUSE – CHANCES ARE 50% GREATER YOUR DAUGHTER WILL BE RAPED OR MOLESTED! FACT AND ITS PROVEN!

    • Pam wildcat

      May 17, 2014 at 8:44 am

      Women are so blind or stupid. women are so busy worshipping and exalting their husbands ad boyfriends, that they are too foolish to see what is going on.
      Never leave your daughter alone around her dad, step dad, big brother uncle, grandfather, or any male that is bigger and stronger than her. They all have penises.
      This is just common sense, but we women are so busy being catty to other women, that we dont get catty with the men who are hurting our daughters.
      Men have penises that get erect and they will capitalize on any situation, this is just common sense women of the world..

  16. Cassandra

    November 7, 2013 at 10:19 am

    Well, I know this is an older blog post but I still feel the need to leave my opinion. In the grand scheme of things, when women are aware of what is transpiring, there are basically two reactions they have when they stay. Denial and acceptance. There is no case that I have found, that I believe for one minute, these women didn’t know what was going on. Let me refer you to a a couple of supporting articles. and At some point it has to be understood that no matter how these women arrive at their decision to “stay” or “support” these barley human mostly monster individuals, they are as sick as the predator. They are not ignorant nor are they victims. Women are often given a pass simply because of the cultural perception of weakness or the idea that women are inherent victims. Think about what a victim is. The social construct would tell us victims are someone who was tricked, deceived or suffered loss, but how many time do we understand that there are many thing that could have been done to avert the outcome? One must ask who is truly a victim? The simple answer is, one who has NO control of what is happening. Women who stay are not victims but likely paraphiliacs or have some other mental health issue. It’s impossible for me to muster any sympathy for these women because they are as guilty as the next sex criminal or pedophile. How pervasive is the problem? I think you have to understand what the problem is. Is the problem the pedophile or the people who support them? Just for the record, I am not unbiased about this topic; we all have our stories, but I am educated about subject. Unfortunately, I have discovered, there is a lot of mis-education out there. There are more paraphiliacs than pedophiles. Just so you know, most paraphiliacs are never diagnosed.

    • Merrywest

      January 13, 2014 at 7:03 pm

      Cassandra, I think that is a bit mean. There are many women who don’t have a clue and it is tied up often with their own past. Their upbringing – particularly if there is abuse in it – conditions them not to see behaviours that may stick out like dogs balls to emotionally healthy people.

      I am struggling with this issue right now, not sure which way to turn. I accept that my mother was not aware of the abuse but am confused about her behaviour now that she knows of it. So confused about what to do. She treats it like it is an argument that dad and I are having and it is difficult for her getting caught in the middle! I thought I loved her but now I really don’t know. I don’t know if I even want her in my life anymore

  17. Björn Borg Josëf

    November 27, 2013 at 11:46 am

    I had a bad dream about my own daughter being in that situation last night. then memories of 20 years ago came rushing back when my older sister came into my room crying telling me what our step father just did… within 2 minutes he came in wide awake asking wth was going on why all the lights were on. he didn’t go to her. he came to me. my mum awoke and im guessing it was her who called the cops. but when they came they didn’t arrest him. they told my mum either we went or he goes. they had 2 kids together so she removed us from the home. ended up spending a month by her friend then sent to my grandparents out of the country. my dad eventually found out and brought us back to the US where out of my 7 aunts only 1 wanted to take us in(sad I know)… long story short that whole incident was brushed under the family secret rug and never spoken of again. to this day I know if I bring it up to my um… yeah shit will hit the fan. I cant understand how…

  18. Sex Offender Issues

    February 9, 2014 at 9:24 am

    We are all suppose to be innocent until proven guilty, not the other way around, and people are wrongly accused all the time. We need to stop being so quick to jump on the bandwagon and ruin someone before the facts are out, when the media loves to do, and that sickness has spread to the general population.

    Anybody who is found guilty of any crime, sexual or not, should be punished! But come on, what has society become where we assume someone is guilty just based on an accusation alone?

    • Zoey Tayler

      February 11, 2014 at 7:15 am

      Innocent until proven guilty I agree with that.. Nobody should ever under any circumstances go to jail without proof but with that said I won’t ever call someone a liar unless I have proof.

  19. Zoey Tayler

    February 11, 2014 at 6:00 am

    My mom had noticed I was being abused pple had told her things plus somebody went to my mom and said that they saw me kiss my step dad and my mom believed them but of course it was my fault because everything is. The first time I got touched I was in grade school and had needed help with my homework and when I woke up I was being touched& my step dad said it was an accident& he said im so sorry I thought you was youre mom. I was devastated&cried for what seemed like forever and then he came back into my room& asked me not to tell since he didnt want the family to knw what kind of person he was. I was in grade school when that happend& I didnt tell mom noticed my behavior& she said she had been jealous me but she cudnt stand me going months and hating him& that he had threatened to leave since I was upset with him. I protected my dad since I knew it had to be an accident plus mom didnt want him to leave& I told my mom I was jist being a brat& she told me that I better stop& how good he had been to me. Some time later someone said thay I kissed my dad and my mom also the person& of course again it wasn’t my dad it was my fault. My mom and another lady asked me if he was my boyfriend& that remark was so insulting. I still stood up for my abuser since he was still my dad and I didnt want trouble in my family. My mom later call me a husband stealer. I ended up having a vicious temper and my moms friends cussed me and they never once pulled me aside away from my mom and asked me why I was hurting… The sad part for me is my mom and that I deserved to have a good relation ship with her and that was stolen from me…. my mom& I still fight& im still slightly mean& r ecentful but I still love my mom.

    • CityofAngels

      February 14, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      Zoey I didn’t know of this site until I clicked on your profile. Thanks for being so vocal about your child abuse and what that monster did to you. Believe me you are helping people by sharing your story. Stay strong girl you are an inspiration❤

    • Zoey Tayler

      February 14, 2014 at 1:09 pm

      Thankyou so much for the kindness you have for me and others.

    • Rhonda

      August 8, 2014 at 12:59 pm

      This is the saddest I have every heard. God bless you dear.. find the love you deserve and may you find totally healthy love in your life.

  20. sonia

    March 3, 2014 at 9:57 pm


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  21. guest

    May 15, 2014 at 5:43 pm

    Families of sexual abuse: The roles each family members play. By Sabrina Trobak

    • guest

      May 15, 2014 at 6:24 pm

      Mothers who are Jealous of their daughters psychology Today By: Karyl McBride

    • Pam Wildcat

      May 17, 2014 at 8:51 am

      That is a big lie, and this is one of the things that men are doing these days to cause confusion among females. Men are showing an evil side.
      I have never and will never be jealous of my daughters and my sisters are not jealous of their daughters. This is so sick. 5-17-14
      Stop trying to make the mom-daughter relationships be destroyed and look bad so that men can push up dads to hang around the daughters too much. A man has no business hanging around his daughter, more than his son. Something nasty and inappropriate happens when a man is trying to grin and hug up with his daughter and forgets to hang with the son.
      Women of the world, watch your husbands around your daughters.

    • guest

      May 20, 2014 at 4:06 am

      I agree with a lot of what you have to say….I am not trying to insult you its just my mom was jealous of me she called me a husband stealing bitch and I was only 13 when my mom became jealous of me I wanted to die… I want moms to knw to put daughters first and when you see innopropriate behavior dont blame the daughter….I am glad you aren’t jealous of the women in your family I did not have that….my mom saw me as the other woman…. I was called a liar all my life… I not only went throu the abuse my mom was jealous of i agree with you when you say women of the world watch your husbands around your daughters…..I wish i would have had a mom or sister like you… im sad 🙁 bc my mom was jealous of me and I agree not all moms are jealous….. I do wish my mom would have wanted me around more and if i get this info out thier maybe moms will see her daughter is getting abused and not treat her daughter like the other woman..

    • Pam

      May 24, 2014 at 7:27 pm

      I am sorry for any negative experiences you or anyone may have had. I wish that I could help females to see men for what they are.
      I am not a man hater I love men as much as the next woman, but I just have an understandin and insight on men from my mother. she helped me to know that I should love myself, before I love any man. She showed me that mothers are very important to their daughters. Dad’s job is to teach the son how to be a respectful man. Dads should not be hanging around the daughters all the time and alone. Mom should always be near. 5-24-14

    • guest

      May 20, 2014 at 5:18 am

      Btw dads should not be wrestling, tickling and cuddling with daughters….. I am against children sitting on dads lap…

    • guest

      May 20, 2014 at 4:45 am

      This website is for extreme cases most of the time moms won’t be jealous of thier daughters…I was abused and i was afraid to tell my mom bc she thought of me as the other woman and Called me husband stealing bi… Most moms are not jealous of thier daughters who are molested but thier is extreme unusual cases… I just want to say mom read and know the sighns of abuse and dont allow your husband to have tons of alone time with your daughter and if you see sighns of abuse blame the abuser and know she is a child and its never the fault of the child…

    • Pam (Valley Wildcat)

      May 24, 2014 at 7:13 pm

      Thank you! You are so right, most mothers ARE NOT jealous of their daughters. This is yet another man- made doctrine to attack women because society is calling men out for their sins. so men are trying another tactic.5-24-14
      But anyway, most mothers are not jealous and love and support their daughters. /this is a sick statement and It’s just that, many women are so blindly in love with their husbands and have been so indoctrinated by societal rules that exalt men. Women are weak and scary and are men pleasers so we can not stand up for our gender and thus our daughters.
      Women just need help. We women need to support each other and listen to our daughters.

  22. Kate

    May 22, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    My name is Sonia and I live in NY. i had problem with my ex boy friend some months ago. he was cheating on me which hurt me badly,and he was also avoiding me,He no longer picked up my calls.I was totally confused cos i didn’t know what to do. So i was surfing the internet for love spells to get him back and I saw Papa [email protected]’s Youtube Video Testimonials. I knew I had to contact him and get him to help me. So i contacted t and she told me to order a consultation which I did. He told me everything, as if he had been there. The reading was simply amazing, I didn’t really believe in psychics, but after the reading, I knew psychics were real. And he told me that I needed some spells, so I did what I had to do to get them done by him. To cut it short.My ex boy friend gave me a call and said to me that we should have a date,i agreed.On the date,He was begging me to have him back and i agreed we are now together again,. Thank you Papa [email protected] for rescuing my relationship…..continue your good work

  23. Pam (Wildcat)

    May 24, 2014 at 6:52 pm

    Lindsay, even in this article, we can see where you are defending these men who molest. People, women, wives, mothers, stop defending your men for these wrongs that they do to girls, to boys. You are as wrong as the men if you defend them. Do you think he is going to love you more if you defend him? Wake up women and do the right thing.
    We have got to start watching our husbands around our daughters. Listen to your daughter, watch her reactions around him. Dont allow him to go into the bathroom when she is bathing and dressing. Dont allow him to wake her or tuck her in if you see any strange signs. Be careful, if you see him always trying to stand or sit near her. Do not allow her to go on over night trips like camping or such without you. 5+14=
    Open your eyes mothers and grandmothers, and aunts. Young girls will not tell you in words if dad has touched them or is looking at them during modest moments. They will start to withdraw or act peculiar around him. They will snap at you but really are angry what he is doing. And for goodness sakes, do not allow all that frontal hugging to your daughter. Girls should not do all the frontal hugs with her dad, and other men. It’s awkward.. Call me paranoid if you want. MEN DO get turned on easliy. Get some common sense mothers.

  24. ehisnoni

    June 28, 2014 at 2:05 pm

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  25. ehisnoni

    July 8, 2014 at 11:18 pm


    This powerful White magic love spell is tailored to bring your lover back in your arms permanently and with no delay. I use the best spell casting techniques to make your lover come home. This spell is customized to your situation and deals specifically with the barriers that have risen between you and your ex-partner. One by one, all obstacles will be removed until your lover realizes that leaving you was a mistake and desire nothing but coming back into your can also contact him in is email address /[email protected]

  26. alex

    July 24, 2014 at 4:59 am

    My birthmother had visits with me, during which she accused me of lying about the sexual abuse from my biological father. I thought id forgiven her and remained in contact with her for the last few years, she did apologize. But now its come back to my memory and i cant seem to forgive it or understand it.. ive stopped talking to her again. I think part of me wants to punish her with the silence.

  27. giggly8000

    August 10, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    Because they’re selfish. End of story.

  28. Daisy

    August 14, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    I was 7.. He got 18 yrs.. The day he got out of prison he was back in the house I grew up in. Across the street from an elementary school. She just said he’s sick and she needed to help him. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis the year before. I couldn’t walk and her only concern was having a family reunion at my hospital with family I never see. Through childhood I was not allowed to leave the house because she’d say what happen to me in front of the neighborhood kids. I thank god for the military for giving me a real family and a way out. Those where the best 6 yrs of my life.

  29. Survivor_27

    September 29, 2014 at 4:51 am

    How can a girl move on after being molested by her own father? After 22 years, I still remember the disgusting memories. It seems like they’ll be stuck in my head forever.
    I can’t forgive my mom too. She blamed me at first, for not telling her the very first time it happened. I was 5 at that time. How could I even tell her? Would she even have believed me then? She didn’t even do anything for me after knowing it a few years back. She told me to keep it a secret because it will only put our family to shame! T_T She never cared. If she did, it was only in words. Her actions showed otherwise. She still lives with that monster up to this day. I had left our house, for good.

    I’m still struggling until now because the images still flash in my head from time to time. But I can say I’m stronger than I was back then. I don’t ever want to see them again. No matter what other people, especially my relatives, say about me. T_T

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