This Is What It’s Like When Your Child Is Obsessed With Making Fart Noises

My son has been known to pick up some dirty habits that stick like glue. There was the time he was collecting handful of worms and drying them out on the driveway. Then he went through a stage where he poured salt on slugs and watched them shrivel up. And he has a love for potty humor, which shows up in the most inconvenient places– the church service on Christmas Eve for example, so there is a lot of poop, butt, and fart talk in our house.

I must admit, he probably gets it from me. I think jokes about farting and pooping are hilarious. I always have, and since I am 41 my juvenile sense of humor probably isn’t going anywhere. I’ll probably be the lady in the nursing home trying to make everyone laugh about the fact we are stuck wearing adult diapers for the rest of our life because dammit, that is a riot.

But lately my son has been obsessed with making farts noise and it got a bit out of control. It started at home and the few times a day a giant “Pfffttts” would erupt from his mouth, which was fine. Okay, I laughed hysterically, but before I knew it, imitating the sound of passing gas was the only way he would communicate. He let out a rip with each step and would sneak up on me and startle me with his new obsession.

Every time I asked him to stop I was met with an explanation about how he couldn’t because it was so satisfying.

Soon he was doing it anywhere and everywhere. He didn’t care who heard him in the line at the grocery store. He doubles over with laughter if someone turns their head and looks around to see who looks guilty about dropping ass in a crowded store or restaurant.

A few days ago we were leaving a very busy basketball game and as everyone was slowly making their way to the exit like a herd of cattle, he let it rip and made the biggest farting noise I had ever heard come out of his mouth, just for shits and giggles.

Two teenage boys looked right at me and nudged each other, then pointed. I was all they could see since my son was on the other side of me laughing and trying to hide in my armpit.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to act like I did it by laughing and saying excuse me, tell them my son has a bad habit of making fart noises, or just ignore the whole ordeal completely. I did the ladder. I didn’t have the energy to explain my son’s behavior after cheering at the game for over an hour.

So there are two teenage boys out in the world who think a mother of three has a flatulence problem and lets it fly in public but I don’t care. I have bigger issues to deal with.

Aside from these embarrassing moments, the fact making fart noises in response to me asking what he wants for breakfast is just rude and was getting old really fast.

I did however find a cure to get my son to start speaking normally again; I decided I was obsessed with making fart noises and there was absolutely no other way I could communicate with him.

He found it so annoying it only took a few hours before he told me how “disgusting” I was being and could I “please stop it and talk to him with words.”

I have to admit, it was kind of fun to partake. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

(Image: iStock / m-imagephotography)