mom fun

8 Adorable Cats That F&*king Hate Your Baby

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There is a quality about cats that I have always loved – their ability to set boundaries. They aren’t taking your shit, okay? And they don’t care if you spent nearly ten months growing a human in your womb — that’s your problem. This new addition to the family is seriously throwing off the feng-shui of the cat castle.

In cat terms, MEOOOW — your baby fucking sucks. Why did you bring that thing into this house? What have you done, stupid human? There was absolutely nothing wrong with our pre-baby living arrangement. The biological clock is a construct of the patriarchy, you puppet.

1. Keep giggling and running, stupid baby.

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2. This is my bed you little shit.

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3. Get your dumb baby face off my wicker throne.

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4. Just keep twirling, you little idiot.

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49 Comments

  1. Ursi

    October 31, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    The first one gets me EVERY SINGLE TIME. I’m trying so hard not to laugh out loud. Just the way that kid is toddling around at full speed with a huge grin and then cat out of nowhere!

    My cats adore children. But I have watched them run each other over on a crazy sprint through the house. Anything under 3 feet is getting bowled over too. Bless cats.

    • Sri

      October 31, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      My tiny cat is the same way. He was a feral kitten, and he has some bad scarring and messed up toes which require frequent care by me, which almost always results in a pissed off cat, but a little kid can grab and poke on him all day long with no issues. We found this out when I told my nephew, “don’t touch his paws, please” and, being 4, he immediately went for the paws.

      He’s only like 6lbs, but when dinner time comes around he’s a force to be reckoned with. He routinely takes out our 20 lb fluffy cat and just wiped out our 15 lb puppy yesterday. He doesn’t hit them or anything, but he just runs really really fast and has a low center of gravity, so heaven help anyone or anything that gets in his way.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 31, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      Tiny kitty!!!!!! :3 Mine is 7 pounds. He’s too old to go bowling anyone over, though, so he sticks to a routine of hissing and swatting.

    • Sri

      October 31, 2014 at 3:01 pm

      I dread when he gets old. Right now, when he walks, you can see every muscle in his shoulders ripple. He’s super buff. The other day, he couldn’t stop on the kitchen floor and ran into me so hard he left a head sized bruise on my ankle. I don’t think his way of life mixes well with osteoporosis.

      I think he was supposed to, genetically, be a big or big side of average cat because of how built he is, but he was sick and wormy when we got him and never reached his full potential.

    • Ursi

      October 31, 2014 at 3:12 pm

      We’ve got a buff cat with long hair and when he runs it’s hilarious, it’s not a sprint or a graceful cantor it’s this kind of ‘gallumph, gallumph gallumph’, we nicknamed him “Galloping Abs” after the scene in that terrible Sandra Hill viking romance novel.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 31, 2014 at 3:16 pm

      My cat’s got a little arthritis in his hips, but he’s otherwise pretty healthy. Yours might continue bowling you over into his late teens–mine never was much for knocking anyone over, but he’s always been an ankle-nabbed and still subjects me to that on occasion.

  2. Lilly

    October 31, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    #2 the kid totally had it coming

    Makes me glad that my only issue with one of my cats and my kid is the cat’s love of sleeping an any occupied bed, and her inability to stay at the feet. Nothing like waking up at 2am to your toddler yelling “Annie off, off bed!”

    • Ursi

      October 31, 2014 at 2:16 pm

      I thought so too until I saw the entire video for #2. In it, the cat becomes aggressive towards the child and then the parents who are filming goad the child to hit the cat as a response and this is the result. Both animal and child are the victims of bad parenting.

    • leahdawn

      October 31, 2014 at 2:23 pm

      Child #2 is an asshole and the asshole doesn’t fall far from the asshole tree.

    • Ursi

      October 31, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      He’s just doing what he’s being told to do by his moronic parents. When they tell him to hit the cat as a response he obeys them. He’s so little, he thinks fighting back is right because his parents say it is.

    • leahdawn

      October 31, 2014 at 2:43 pm

      Exactly. Asshole parents beget asshole children, by teaching them to be little assholes. The kids don’t know what’s right or wrong, and unfortunately some of them have crappy parents who don’t know right from wrong either.
      When I was teaching, I had some students who made me wonder “how the hell can you actually be like this”, and then I met their parents at parent-teacher interviews. Things usually made complete sense after that.

    • Ursi

      October 31, 2014 at 2:54 pm

      so sad, I hate seeing a future animal abuser in the making.

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    • Sri

      October 31, 2014 at 2:56 pm

      I don’t know. It looked like the kid was hitting the cat almost from the beginning, or at least doesn’t know how to interact with a cat because there was a lot of rough hands going on. The version I saw had the kid crying and holding his head from the very beginning, so I’m assuming that the parents, instead of stopping the battle, saw the cat hit the kid in the head and then picked up the camera. I can’t really blame the cat for the assholes that own it.

    • Ursi

      October 31, 2014 at 3:00 pm

      Oh I don’t blame the cat at all, this is a lesson for the child. (and maybe the parents if they’re lucky) But I don’t blame the kid. If you saw the video, it’s not in English, but someone on another board had translated it. The parents are encouraging it and the worst part was that they saw cat showing aggression and instead of immediately separating them they decided it was worthy of video-taping. That poor animal is trying to defend itself while they’re laughing about it.

    • Sri

      October 31, 2014 at 3:08 pm

      Ok, I’m down with that. I’m constantly after all of the family kidlets to play gently, because kids just… aren’t programmed to interact well with pets. If the parents thought that any of that interaction was funny and encouraged that behavior, I guess I can’t blame the kid for not knowing any better.

      Now I wish that the cat would have gone after the camera woman, but I’m afraid of what would have happened to the cat in that case.

  3. Valerie

    October 31, 2014 at 2:30 pm

    This is great.

  4. Grr! Arrgh!

    October 31, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    9th cat who hates my baby. Specifically my baby. She doesn’t proactively go after the kiddo (but will bat in self defense). She has, however, given us the same reproachful, betrayed look ever since we brought the squalling little monster home from the hospital.

    • Grr! Arrgh!

      October 31, 2014 at 2:36 pm

      Gah! I’m bad at photos on this site.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 31, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      Awwwww! I know the feeling. My cat’s given me the, “When the fuck are we finally getting our own place again?!” several times over the past few days when my friend’s dog has tried to get cozy.

    • Grr! Arrgh!

      October 31, 2014 at 3:16 pm

      Yeah, you know you’re having a moment when your find yourself trying to explain yourself to a fuzzy asshole with a brain the size of a walnut and no fucks to give. “I know you don’t like it, but the baby is here to stay and I promise she’ll get better and less grabby as she gets older….”

      She just looks at me like, “Whatever thumb-slave. Bring me treats and let me walk on your keyboard.”

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 31, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      “Fuzzy asshole with a brain the size of a walnut and no fucks to give.” This! Really, why is it that I feel it necessary to apologize to my cat for us not moving when I thought we would be? It’s not like he has any clue or interest in what’s up with my life plans as long as he gets fed!

    • Emily Wight

      November 1, 2014 at 1:15 pm

      Every time mine goes for a sleepover at his grandparents, the cat is like “OMG FUCKING FINALLY!” and is always so disappointed when he returns.

  5. LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

    October 31, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    Baby #3 is kind of like “Oh well. The cat tried to kill me again”. I mean, the kid doens’t even try to get away. These are awesome.

  6. NotTakenNotAvailable

    October 31, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    I’ve spent the better part of the past four days yelling, “HE DOESN’T LIKE THAT,” at my friend’s dog whenever she sniffs my cat’s ass and, “SHE’S JUST BEING FRIENDLY,” at my cat when the dog so much as looks at him in turn. All of this, of course, is peppered with cries of, “CUT IT OUT, OR YOU’RE BOTH GOING IN TIME-OUT!”

    Cats are jerks, dogs are dumb, babies are dumber, and my cat would destroy a baby with his hissing if one entered his presence.

    • Ursi

      October 31, 2014 at 2:52 pm

      LOL our cats are the butt sniffers. Our cats both do it to each other and they both hate it when it’s done to them. And they do this ninja butt sniff thing where one of them leans down from a perch and tries to quickly sniff the other’s butt with being noticed. Cats why??

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 31, 2014 at 2:56 pm

      I don’t understand either! My cat loooooves the smell of his own butt, but abandon hope all ye who try to share in the glory.

      I chortled loudly enough to make my cat level the death glare at me at “ninja butt sniff thing.” They are truly absurd little creatures.

    • Tourmalily

      November 1, 2014 at 11:53 am

      OMG my mom’s two cats who hate each other do this too!!

      But oddly, both of them get along with the third cat and they don’t sniff his butt. WTF cats, you will sniff the butt of the one that wants to eat your face, but you won’t sniff the friendly cat’s butt???

  7. Jen TheTit Whisperer

    October 31, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    OH Maria. This shitty day, I needed it.

  8. CollateralDamage

    October 31, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    Bahaha, I cannot stop laughing at the cats that parkour off the children. Our friends had a baby in June and they are coming to Thanksgiving dinner, I can’t wait to see what Loki’s reaction is to her.

  9. guest

    October 31, 2014 at 3:01 pm

    Oh my I love these a little too much. #2 Still makes me rage for so many reasons.

  10. meteor_Whoricorn_echo

    October 31, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    You missed this one: http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/84563/baby-cat-pool-o.gif

    Also, my cat hates babies (picked him off the street, so he probably was abused by kids before). He snarls and runs away when he sees one.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 31, 2014 at 3:22 pm

      Poor kitty. I think he and I are long-lost interspecies twins, though, given how much babies scare me into a similar reaction.

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      November 1, 2014 at 9:56 am

      Me three. Babies repulse me.

    • Maria Guido

      October 31, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      Oh my God! Evil kid.

    • Sri

      October 31, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      Notice how the cameraperson happily watched the kid try to throw the cat into the pool, but the second the kid went in the camera frantically pans upward. Another classic case of sorry you got owned by a cat because your parents are assholes.

    • meteor_Whoricorn_echo

      November 1, 2014 at 9:55 am

      Yeeeep. If I tried to do that when I was a kid, my ass would be toast the very second i made a step to the pool.

  11. Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

    October 31, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    Maria, I am so pleased. You did not disappoint. Also, I may have had some of these reactions to my own babies while in a sleep-deprived state the first month or so after birth. Just saying. TIL I may be a cat trapped in a human’s body.

  12. Megan

    October 31, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    My kids are pointing at the GIFS and saying ” baby” all sad like. I’m going to go check on my cat, least they decide to retaliate on behalf of toddlers everywhere.

  13. Aimee

    October 31, 2014 at 3:39 pm

    I almost died from choking on half-chewed Halloween candy when I cracked up at the ninja cat in #7. A near death experience was well worth the risk of reading this, hahaha.

  14. Azy

    October 31, 2014 at 3:46 pm

    We have two cats and one really isn’t very fond of the kids. She’ll tolerate them, even play with the oldest a bit but doesn’t enjoy the baby. Once she did something almost exactly like #3. I freaked out even though the baby wasn’t crying, imagining horrible scratches all over. Turns out the cat must not have used her claws. I’m kind of wondering if that was the case there, as well.

    • Ursi

      October 31, 2014 at 6:15 pm

      We had a cat that would attack with paws first, no claws, we called it using his “mittens.” He always used his mittens when he played with us. He was a good boy.

  15. Stefani

    October 31, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    When my baby was born I sent my dog and my cat to the pound. Mommy dosent have time for those types of things anymore lol. Baby first always.

    • Ursi

      October 31, 2014 at 4:33 pm

      too easy, you’ve got to at least try to pretend you aren’t trolling for reaction

  16. KaeTay

    October 31, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    First I’m aware that my cat is strange.

    My daughter picked out Salem from the box in the park when he was 8 weeks old. They are inseparable! Sure he protests stuff she does but he does it with a grumpy meeeooowwwww. He rarely ever claws her (only that one time when she was yanking him off the dresser by his tail (I wasn’t fast enough to stop her). she is two, she carries him around, put him in her shopping cart and pushes him around. When she’s in our bedroom and jumping on our bed he sits at the corner of the bed and watches the door and when she takes a bath he lays down on the side of the tub between the shower curtain and shower liner. When she eats at her table he sits on the couch looking at her. It’s strange as hell! It gets weirder.. when she goes to bed he walks around meowing like he’s lost and in the morning he sits outside her door and meows so he can greet her when she wakes up…it’s strange as hell.

    He even cuddles with my daughter’s favorite dog..

  17. Coco

    October 31, 2014 at 5:20 pm

    Love the look on #3’s face!

  18. LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

    October 31, 2014 at 5:31 pm

    My cats have never specifically gone after the boy, but they’re not fond of him either. Every time he’s running around the house they just look at me like “When in hell is this kid moving out?” I don’t really blame them sometimes.

  19. JennyCP

    November 1, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    True story: My two tabbies developed stress-induced feline chin acne when we had our son. Seriously. They’re better now, and we’re doing everything we can to teach Nico to pet them gently.

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