Buying Breast Milk Online Not Safe, Says Department Of Duh

In case anyone out there was unclear, the practice of buying bodily fluids from strangers over the Internet is not all that safe, says a new study from the Department of No Shit Studies at the University of What the Fuck Were You Thinking.

As much as I would like to support the University’s Flying Fucks at the next big football game, this news actually comes from a real university. Sarah Steele of the Global Health, Policy and Innovation Unit at Queen Mary University in London told Yahoo Parenting:

”When you are buying milk online rather than from a milk bank you are taking three very real risks. At milk banks they screen donors for viruses, they pasteurize the milk, and they train staff and donors in the proper collection and handling of expressed milk, including how to properly wash your hands, sanitize the breast, sterilize pumps, and store milk. When you are buying milk online you don’t necessarily know where it’s coming from or if it’s been handled properly ”” there’s a bacterial, viral, and toxic risk.”

Steele says human breast milk can be purchased for $1 to $2 an ounce on the Internet, though some women command a premium of up to $6 an ounce by saying they eat only organic food or have been proven to make “chubby” babies. This industry, however, is completely unregulated, and that makes it a really awful idea.

I can understand mothers wanting to feed their babies breast milk and being discouraged about not being able to produce enough on their own, but the Internet is a dark and terrifying place, and people are not always what they seem. Just look at the comments on a YouTube video. Would you let one of those people feed your baby? Formula is better for your baby than milk from a random YouTube commenter.

I tend to be pretty lax about this stuff. I don’t think it’s weird for a woman to breastfeed her friend’s or relative’s infant. But in those cases at least the woman is known to the parents, she’s not a random stranger on Craigslist who is willing to ship you bodily fluids through the mail in the hopes that you will put those fluids in your baby.

Sure, sometimes adults want breast milk for whatever reason, and that is fine. If you’re a weight lifter who knows the risks and wants to drink breast milk because you think it will help you get big muscles, you do you. But a grown adult is not a baby, and it is basically just a terrible idea to feed your baby bodily fluids from strangers on the Internet.

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