Kids make everything more difficult, and that includes routine errands like gynecologist visits. I go to great lengths to avoid having to take my children to the lady doctor with me, but sometimes it just can't be helped. Most practices are only open during regular nine-to-five business hours, and unless you've already got a preschool, daycare, or sitter on call, it can be difficult to find childcare during your appointment time. When I was pregnant last summer, I had to take my toddler with me to almost every prenatal visit, and though my OB was welcoming and understanding, it was still a huge distraction. Here a few of the horrors every mom deals with when she has to bring her kids with her to the gyno:
1. Outside voices in the waiting room.
Waiting rooms in gynecologists' offices are dead quiet and usually full of anxious pregnant women, which makes it that much more embarrassing when your kid yells everything at twice the volume necessary, regardless of how many reminders you've given them to use their 'inside voice.'
2. Inconvenient bathroom breaks.
The potty at the gyno is new and exciting, plus they have all those awesome plastic cups for pee samples. Not only will your kid want to check out the new bathroom 37 times, they'll also want to touch the cups, pens, and every other potentially gross item they can get their hands on. Wash thoroughly.
3. The wiggles.
The second your shown to your exam room, your kids will lose all ability to sit still. They'll want to play with the model fetus, touch the instruments, and hop on and off the table. I hope you stuffed your purse full of bribes.
4. Petty theft.
At least twice I've had to return a small book or a magazine my kid swiped from the exam room when I wasn't looking. Thank God she didn't shove the plastic model of the uterus into our diaper bag.
5. Twenty questions, multiplied by infinity, plus vaginas.
What's this? What's that? What's he doing? Why is he doing that? Where are we going? Mommy, is your vagina broken? The questions go on and on.
6. Humiliating confessions.
For some reason, kids always see the doctor as a good person with whom to randomly share stories about your flaws, faults, and how loudly you farted in the bathroom. Then once you leave the doctor, they'll delight in telling everyone you went to see the vagina doctor because you have a sick vagina.
Your kids will inevitably beg for a snack, and you will have one handy since you're a rockstar mom. Unfortunately, because it's a doctor's office, it's almost required for them to spill it everywhere.
8. The inevitable tantrum.
No matter how many books, snacks, games, and apps you have in your possession, eventually your kids are going to run out of patience and go insane. Just hope they do this at the end of the appointment rather than right when your doctor inserts the speculum.