‘All About That Breast’ Parody Song Accidentally Makes Formula Sound Great
Are you ready for a new pro-breastfeeding anthem sung to the tune of Meghan Trainor‘s ‘All About That Bass’? Yeah, me either. Which is too bad, because singer Lori Burke has assembled a series of tortured rhymes and over-worked, under-thought lyrics that she’s calling ‘All About That Breast’, because of course she is. Go ahead and give it a listen if you hate yourself a little bit this morning.
I’m all about more social support for breastfeeding and less “omg icky boobs!!” but I’m also about 1000% sure this is not the way to go about it, especially because it means we all now have ‘All About That Bass’ stuck in our heads for the rest of the day. (Burke gives credit to the Holderness family and ‘All About That Baste’ as her inspiration for this song, by the way, just in case you didn’t have enough reasons already to want to put a pillow over Dad Holderness’s face.)
The chorus of the song is, naturally, “I’m all about that breast, ’bout that breast, no bottle,” and this lovely lyric also crops up:
I see them companies pushing that formula,
You know it ain’t ideal.
Come on give this a shot!
I kind of thought that just feeding your baby was ideal? This is an especially charming round of bottle-feeding shame, by the way, since as Pop Sugar reports, Burke talked to her local paper about the song and how she’d both supplemented with formula and pumped to bottle-feed later:
I have two children 6 and 8 years old. I breastfed both but also bottle fed, pumped, used formula — I did it all. So I’m not trying to isolate moms who choose not to. I support all mothers and know that we all have to do what is best for our children and ourselves.
She’s not trying to isolate formula-feeding moms, and because intent is magic, her song talking about how she breastfed ‘like I’m supposed to do’ and repeating ‘no bottle!!!’ a bunch of times is thus non-isolating. Abracadabra, motherfucker!
Burke winds up her pro-breastfeeding saga by comparing the nutrition in every ounce of breast milk to what’s in a Whole Foods co-op, which is confusing, since most breastfeeding advocates like to talk about how cheap breastfeeding is, but I’m pretty sure a can of chickpeas at Whole Foods costs somewhere around $37.
Are you ready for one more inane couplet of lyrics? Too bad, because here it is anyway:
At first you may struggle and want to give up the fight
But you just listen to baby because they know just what they like.
I don’t know about Burke’s kid, but my children chugged the formula supplements we shoved in their faces like they were made of ice cream and unicorn farts instead of funky-smelling milk powder – so much so that they learned to start crying frantically when they realized we were in the kitchen assembling a bottle. By that metric, I should have been exclusively formula-feeding all this time. Oops!