If You Want Your Baby To Be An Adventurous Eater, Follow Blake Lively’s Advice And Rub Truffles On Your Nipples
A tiny foodie is the ultimate badge of honor for any adult gourmand with an eye towards procreation. Nothing proves you are the real deal in the field of eating fancy things like spawning another human being who eats wild boar terrine at six months old, and nothing proves you are a phony like having a baby who is that most horrible of things: a picky eater. Obviously, if your child does not like tomatoes, it is because you screwed up somewhere and should be ashamed of yourself.
I’m just kidding, but one look at my Facebook feed reveals dozens of parents who seem to feel that way for real. One new father of my acquaintance has posted no fewer than six articles about how children with “childish” palates are the result of parents being too permissive or too lazy or too interested in junk food themselves, and how kids whose parents eat well will follow by example and eat onion tarts, kale chips, and spicy cicadas before they are a year old. (Somehow none of them have been sharing the article about how James Beard Award-winning food writer Melissa Clark has a picky eater and does not think it is the end of the world.)
People take “foodie” babies so seriously that I fully expect to see mothers adopting Blake Lively’s advice about rubbing truffles on her nipples before breastfeeding.
“You have to give her a well-balanced palate from a young age,” Lively said, according to The Daily Mirror. “You can’t be around me and not be exposed to all different cuisines.”
Lively added that she rubbed truffles on her nipples to give the baby “a well-balanced palate.” Unfortunately for the pervs of the Internet, who surely have a weird and expensive new fetish thanks to Lively, she was actually just kidding. But I would not be surprised to see someone actually take her advice.
Now that I think of it, I should invent a line of organic flavored nipple creams designed to soothe cracked nipples while encouraging babies to develop more adventuresome palates. We could flavor them with things like sriracha, pesto, truffles, and Julia Child’s boeuf bourguignon. I’m sure we’d sell a million, even if our only clients were Internet pervs.