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during pregnancy

You Are Nuts If You Hire A Photographer To Document Your Birth

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I would consider myself a normally modest person. I’m no exhibitionist. I haven’t been on Girls Gone Wild. I’m also comfortable in a bathing suit and don’t wear Victorian collars up to my earlobes.

Being pregnant was a somewhat uncomfortable time for me. I struggle with being a control freak, and I was totally out of control of my body during pregnancy. I also felt incredibly awkward going to prenatal appointments where I was gently poked and prodded. I wasn’t used to having that many people touch me or pay attention to me. I grew increasingly nervous about the spotlight that was sure to be on me and my body as I went into labor.

I decided well in advance that I didn’t want anyone in the delivery room besides my midwives and my husband. To be completely honest, I had stage fright. I’m a fairly confident and outgoing person, but the whole setup reminded me a lot of the piñata anxiety I had when I was a kid—which my husband teases me relentlessly about.

I hate that moment when everyone is watching you and waiting for you to hit the piñata blindfolded. Inevitably you miss, and all the partygoers laugh. I know, I know, I’m reading way too much into this silly event, but STILL. I don’t want to hit the piñata!!

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Giving birth was my piñata. I knew everyone would be staring deeply into my vagina, and it made me feel super awkward if I thought about it long enough. My game plan was to go, go, go and get it all over with as quickly as possible. I would never have dreamed of inviting an outside party in to document every goddamn second of this “joyous” occasion.

But in the real world, not every pregnant woman has piñata anxiety. There are plenty of women who think it’s an awesome idea to hire a photojournalist to document their vag throughout labor and delivery.

Here are just a few of the gems I found on Pinterest. If they are on Pinterest, you know quite a few moms are down with this shiz:

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I think the photographs are artful and touching, but still, all I can say is NO. One midwife student offered to take pictures of my business end during labor, and I said, Please don’t do that. I also told her that if she took any pictures, I’d delete them anyway.

I’m jealous of moms who don’t have piñata anxiety. But I still can’t understand how anyone could get on board with professional photography in the delivery room. To me, it seems like a great embarrassment and a waste of money. You’ll have plenty of time to take pics of Junior after he’s born.

(Image: Pinterestnata-lunata/Shutterstock)

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