Sunday night's MTV Video Music Awards demonstrated what we all already knew- Beyonce is a total boss and so is her husband, Mr. Beyonce Jay-Z. They rule the world and we all just live in it. Two years ago, they continued on their path of total domination by becoming one of the world's most watched sets of parents.
I truly admire the way they have mostly kept Blue Ivy out of the spotlight and from the snippets we plebes are allowed to see, it is pretty clear that these two are committed parents who have a wonderful bond with their little one. The footage from the VMA's of Blue adorably bopping along to her mom's performance made all of our ovaries burst into flame and for me, it made my brain gears start grinding. We have taken a look at so many parenting styles here at Mommyish but why not examine closely the style of a goddess who does everything perfectly? Who better to emulate than the Queen Bey herself? Gather round so we can all learn a thing or two about Beyonce and Jay-Z parenting.
1. Make Your Pregnancy Announcement Epic
None of those lame Facebook announcements allowed. Only a huge concert audience, several video cameras and a discreet and classy belly rub while you beam knowingly will do.
2. Buy Your Child A Crib That Costs More Than Your First Car
Why let the pampering stop at bedtime? Your baby should wake up knowing she is number one and what better way to say it than a crib studded with conflict-free diamonds and bedding made of a baby lamb's freshly shorn coat?
3. Teach Your Baby To Dance As Soon As They Can Walk
You cannot neglect this tenet of Beyonce and Jay-Z Parenting if you expect your child to fully realize their potential. Having fierce dance moves is crucial. Bonus points if you write and record your own hits for your child, including "All The Single Babies".
4. You Need A Choreographed Routine To Enter The Playground
Fog machines, a doting entourage, back-up dancers and an envy-inducing stroller are the bare minimum requirements here. You should also strive to look fierce and amazing and for your baby to also look fierce and amazing. Have your minions tote an extra baby wardrobe in the car in case of spit-up incidents.
5. Have Complete Confidence, Even If Your Life Is Totally Fucked Up
Never let them see you sweat. Even when the rumors of your imminent divorce and scandalous hidden surrogacy are rampant, you still need to be in total command of your adoring followers. Setting this example for your child is very important.
6. Enroll Your Baby As A Junior Member Of The Illuminati
Membership in a super powerful secret society some believe doesn't even exist is a great way to get your baby started on a life of all things exclusive and mysterious.
7. Use Only The Most Exclusive Baby Products
Sippy cups with a titanium straw, jewel-encrusted binkies, cloth diapers made of cashmere- only the best for your trend-setting American royalty.
8. Always Dress Your Baby In Concert-Ready Attire
If ever there were a time to fire up your Bedazzler, it's now. The shinier, the better. She needs to stand out from the very beginning.
9. Teach Your Child To Gracefully Accept Praise From Her Adoring Public
Being humble, or at least pretending to be humble, is a big part of what you are ultimately going for here. Teach her how to look unaffected by her worshiping masses.
10. Make Sure It Is Obvious That You Parent As A Team
Public appearances with the baby must be split between the two of you, even though it is obviously the Queen in charge. Give Dad his moment in the sun every now and then so everyone can flip out about what an "involved" father he is for smiling at his kid being adorable.