Being A Working Mom Can Make Me Feel Like I’m Failing Everyone
Most of the time, I am totally happy with my life as a working mother. I enjoy working and when I went back after having my kids, it was mostly because I felt the need to do so for myself, not just my wallet. If I am being completely honest, I know I am pretty good at it and I do the juggling thing very well. It is rare that I feel like I can’t “have it all”. However, there are certainly times where being a working mom makes me feeling like I’m failing everyone.
Things have been tough for me at work lately- I am in an industry where the holiday season is our bread and butter and I coordinate educational sessions and trade shows around this time of year. It is pretty awful for me because this is also back-to-school time for my kids and I want to give them my full focus. My son starts kindergarten this year and he has always struggled with transitions so I am anticipating a hard time over the next several weeks as he settles in. I am so nervous that the pull of my job and the pull of being there for my son will cause me to positively lose it. I am sort of a perfectionist in that I do not like to do things halfway. I loathe the notion that I will have to “phone it in” for anyone, especially my children.
That said, this is not my first time at the rodeo. I have already been through a children starting school during my busy season and obviously, we all survived. However, regardless of our minds being rational and telling us to go easier on ourselves, I think most mothers can relate to these feelings. We all have thoughts and obligations that pull our focus from our kids and the resulting guilt can be insane. I cried every day driving to work for probably the first month our kids were in daycare, despite the fact that they both seemed happy as clams. It took time for my brain to adjust to the idea that I was doing what was right for our family and that would trickle down to our children as well. I was happier working, which made me a better and more present mother during the time I did spend with my kids.
I still have trouble shaking the feeling that everyone is getting a little bit of me with no one getting 100%. My inner Type-A wants to be perfect for work, my kids, my writing, my house and my husband but the fact is, I cannot be all things to all people all the time. I am proud to say that most of the time, I do a good job balancing it all but I will be honest (and hopefully, some of you can relate) that right now is not one of those times. I will just have to power through and remember that at the end of the day, my intentions are good and I am trying my best. I need to go easier on myself- which is always easier said than done.
(Image: Lisa S./Shutterstock)