Childrearing

Bare Butt Jeans Are the New Fashion Trend I am Too Old to Understand

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(Instagram / @Vetements_official)

When I’m buying new jeans, I usually look for a pair that will make my ass look good. I am NOT looking for a pair that will literally display my ass for all the world to see, but maybe I’m in the minority these days. The French fashion brand Vetements posted a sneak peak of its new collaboration with Levi’s, and it legit looks like something out of my most embarrassing nightmares. The jeans have zippers all over, including a functioning one…right down the middle of the butt.

I have so many questions. Is this fashion? Is this for sex? Is this in case your butt needs some fresh air? Where is her underwear? Does her mother know about this?

These “butt jeans” are actually getting positive comments on Instagram, with users leaving messages like, “I’m obsessed,” and “where can I preorder,” which just goes to show that none of these people has ever had an unfortunate pants-splitting incident.

Screen Shot 2017-04-17 at 12.11.45 PM

I just see this and think, “But why? BUTT WHY?” Even that tattoo is like, “Stop right there.”

From the looks of it, the zipper goes all the way around. For…ease of bathroom use? How do you sit in those? What keeps the wearer from accidentally zipping their skin? I just don’t get it. And these aren’t the only jeans that have me scratching my head lately. Nordstrom recently unveiled a pair of “mom jeans” that had clear plastic over the knees that had me totally baffled. What is the point of wearing jeans if you still have to shave your legs?

But (butt) to each their own. If you wanna flaunt your bare butt, do it! Although, I can’t imagine wearing these butt jeans to school pick up, or to a parent/teacher conference. That’s just asking for trouble.

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