parenting styles

Why I Will Indulge Your Ridiculous Baby Registry

By  | 

165556418We all know those women who are obsessed with designer goods, who have the IT bag, only buy their makeup from Sephora and wear actual UGGs, not the 20 dollar Old Navy knock offs (which are so comfy BTW). For me, that person is my friend V, and now, she’s pregnant. I’m a lawyer turned stay at home mom who considers scoring samples from  to be “shopping for myself” and she’s a hair stylist who’s on a first name basis with workers at the MAC counter. But we’ve been friends since high school, and some bonds can’t be broken.

Before V. even got pregnant, she selected a Mark Jacobs diaper bag that she declared would be the ONLY bag she wanted. She even asked me, in all seriousness, if I could find a way to incorporate the fact that she has a diaper bag picked out into her baby shower invitations, because she didn’t want anyone to buy her a different one.  Now that she’s actually pregnant, she’s started an Etsy wish list (technically Etsy doesn’t do baby registries, ) and a Pinterest board dedicated to her Etsy finds, where she directs people to look when they ask her where she’s registered.  Why not just a good old Babies R Us registry? Because, as she put it, “her daughter deserves items as unique as she is.” Now before you all race to find the best GIF to express your disgust (though that sounds totally awesome and we should play that game for fun anyway) hear me out as to why I’m indulging V. in her selection of custom made baby clothes, handmade Boppy covers and organic baby bath products that cost more than my cell phone bill.

Pages: 1 2


  1. drinkpepsi

    January 23, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    She has the right to make whatever gift registry she wants to.
    And guests have the right to ignore it.

    But if you plan to spend X amount on a gift, does it matter if it’s from
    Toys R Us or Etsy? Usually, we give gifts in order to make the person happy.
    So I would just buy an item that costs X off Etsy and be done with it.

    Is she expecting that someone who was planning to buy her a $40 diaper
    bag will indulge her and just get the Marc Jacobs, even though it’s $300
    more money than they were thinking of spending? Because that’s not going
    to happen.

    What might happen is that several guests will chip in together to purchase
    one (more expensive) gift. So your friend will end up with only a few presents,
    but they will be items she will genuinely like.

    If she’s okay with that, what’s the big deal.

    But if she thinks everyone will spend hundreds more than they normally would, she’s delusional.

    • drinkpepsi

      January 23, 2014 at 5:21 pm

      Should add that a good registry includes items at different price points.
      Your friend would be wrong to include only $300 items, because it
      sets an unrealistic expectation for friends or family members who were
      only planning to spend $50 or $100. (Unless your social circle is entirely
      wealthy and normally give $300 baby gifts.)

      Does your friend have smaller items on her registry?

      I always know how much I plan to spend. If I’m spending $100,
      that can get you a $100 baby swing, or a ridiculously cute,
      hand-knit baby dress. Or a designer burp cloth.

      I’m not going to spend more just because the registry only lists
      ultra-expensive items.

    • CMP414

      January 24, 2014 at 12:00 pm

      exactly! My price range is my price range regardless of what is registered. If everything is super expensive then I would just chip in with a friend

    • kay

      January 23, 2014 at 5:56 pm

      There are people (I know this cause I’m one of them) who feel guilty not using a gift. So she’ll feel like she has to use that $40 diaper bag when she sees the giver, even if she hates it and has one she likes more.

      I got a cloth diaper for my baby. I use disposables. But it was a gift so every now and then my baby wears it. (I have issues)

    • OhHeyDelilah

      January 23, 2014 at 8:33 pm

      That made me laugh out loud. I love that your baby occasionally wears this lone cloth diaper you got given! Do you put it on over the disposable so you don’t have to wash it after? i would! I actually think that’s really sweet that you do that, because a friend took the time to give you a gift.

    • kay

      January 23, 2014 at 10:50 pm

      I use it when she needs a diaper change but it’s almost bath time-that way I don’t waste a diaper she probably won’t pee on (I know if she doesn’t I could put it back on post-bath but that just feels wrong to me). I think they assumed since my brother did cloth with his kids I would too? (And I do live in Portland…) It’s a really nice diaper, just not like, the most useful for me.

    • drinkpepsi

      January 23, 2014 at 11:03 pm

      That is funny! But honestly, if someone gives you a gift you can’t use, I don’t think you need to feel guilty about not using it.

      I would never give cloth diapers to someone unless I knew that they were planning to use cloth diapers (and even then, there are so many, I would ask them which brand they prefer).

      If the mother-to-be in the article gets a cheap diaper bag when her registry lists an ultra expensive one, she shouldn’t feel badly for returning it and getting something more useful.

      I also think it’s a little tacky to buy someone a cheap diaper bag when the mama clearly wants something designer.

      If you want to spend $40, just look for something that is $40 on the registry. At least she’ll be happy.

    • Janis

      January 23, 2014 at 11:24 pm

      Why don’t you use it as a burp cloth? That way you still get use out of it without having to actually use it as a diaper.

  2. Mel

    January 23, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    As for the “she’s not hurting anyone” I’ll agree so long as she’s not expecting you all to bust your wallets when you give these gifts. If the Marc Jacobs baby bag is hundreds of dollars, and it’s the only thing on the list, it puts her peeps in a really tight spot. Other than that, I totally agree on the other reasons. She can do her and you do you and we’ll all just be cool with it 🙂

    • Megan Zander

      January 23, 2014 at 1:57 pm

      For the record, her mom and hubs are on diaper bag duty, she only wanted people to know so no one was offended if they bought her something else and she returned it.

    • Mel

      January 23, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      That makes sense. Well, with that, I say indulge away! 🙂

    • Amanda Lee

      January 23, 2014 at 3:00 pm

      From the article, it made it seem like she wanted to mention on the invite that there is only one diaper bag she wants and if you wanted to buy it for her, you better make damn sure it’s the right one.

    • Megan Zander

      January 23, 2014 at 3:33 pm

      Sorry if I wrote it confusingly, but no. Although, they better make damn sure it’s the right one, I would fear the wrath of preggo otherwise!

    • Guest

      July 15, 2014 at 6:16 am

      I would be offended…but then, that’s why I just give people generic cash value, spend-anyplace gift cards. Plus the shipping is free, so my friend gets the full dollar amount, not minus $15 or whatever b/c it’s heavy. After that, I feel like we both avoid offending each other.

    • Guest

      July 15, 2014 at 6:35 am

      And of course now I have to clarify – I would be offended if I had spent so much time, effort, etc., in picking a gift that I truly thought my friend would like (not what I thought she SHOULD like), and then it was so quickly returned without a thought…that’s why I don’t try to guess anymore. If it’s not off the registry or there is no registry, it may seem impersonal, but my friend’s getting straight-up money. It’s never gone wrong yet.

    • Emily

      January 23, 2014 at 2:57 pm

      I’m also wondering about an overall preoccupation with material things. (It wasn’t addressed in the article.) If she’s “quality over quantity,” that’s cool. But if it’s always MORE and PRICIER and OMG LOOK AT THIS AND LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH IT COST then I can jump ahead a couple of Christmases and assume she’ll be posting photos of a tiny baby next to a Kilimanjaro of gifts. (Check out the STFU Parents Christmas Roundup, if you haven’t already. Though I warn you, it’s depressing and may cause one to weep for the future.)

    • Mel

      January 23, 2014 at 3:03 pm

      I’m with you on the materialism of people in general. I include myself in that! I’m guilty. I don’t have plans to donate all of my worldly possessions to charity and go join the Peace Corps any time soon. I do think that we need to do better about finding a balance between that and trying to be a Kardashian with all the possessions in the world. I think these gift registries and having a party/shower for every single event in your or your child’s lives is a major contributor to our obsession with having MORE THINGS!

    • Emily

      January 23, 2014 at 3:10 pm

      Agreed. I look at small old houses and wonder how big families fit into them…and then realize, “Well of course, they didn’t lug around all of the crap that we do now.”

    • Megan Zander

      January 23, 2014 at 3:36 pm

      That’s a really good point I didn’t think to address since I forgot you all don’t know her! But it’s a quality issue. Like she will have a really pricy pair of sunglasses, but they are her only pair and she’ll have them for a long time. Her house is like a minimalist spread from one of those fancy mags. I wish I could get her to do my place!

    • aCongaLine

      January 23, 2014 at 7:52 pm

      awesome. Etsy is the place for her, then!

    • Jen

      January 23, 2014 at 8:56 pm

      She sounds fantastic. I’ll admit, I read this and had in mind some combination of my ex-roommate-from-hell and my SIL. both of whom are the type to register for super specific, expensive things then get all judgy if their friends spent less than $50 on them or DARED get the non-organic wash cloths. Seriously, just gift those things on to charity. It’s ok. So I was being a mcjudgeyson about her and rather amazed at your charity.

      Reading your further comments and hers, she’s totally not that (which, to be fair, was rather obvious in your writing in retrospect. I just came in with a bias) and I get it. Dream away, V! Dream away!

  3. Momma425

    January 23, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    Hi, can you please be my best friend?
    You sound lovely to be around and completely reasonable.

    • jane

      January 23, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      I came to say the exact same thing. If friendship isn’t an option, perhaps you are available for marriage?

    • pineapplegrasss

      January 23, 2014 at 1:41 pm

      seriously, meetooo. We all need more true friends who truly care about us. What we think/feel, not just what they do.

    • Megan Zander

      January 23, 2014 at 1:55 pm

      Currently taken, but it IS nice to know I have options!

    • jane

      January 23, 2014 at 2:02 pm

      Well, I’ll be here, waiting. (My husband won’t mind, right?)

    • Megan Zander

      January 23, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      Aw, I’m blushing!

  4. aCongaLine

    January 23, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    I’m a huge fan of Esty.. I do all Christmas and Birthday shopping there. I like to think I give awesome presents. As far as doing a baby registry on Etsy- rock it, sistah. Having ridiculously expensive, needless things for baby? As long as baby’s basic needs are taken care of, go for it.

    Making a baby registry was one of my last moments of idolizing the perfect experience as a parent… The dream can live on a bit longer for your friend, because that’s 85% of expecting your first- planning exactly how you want things to look and be like. Reality will set in, and she’ll be okay. Roll eyes as needed. 🙂

  5. Guest

    January 23, 2014 at 1:25 pm

    I loved reading this. It reminded me of a friend of mine, and it fed into this feeling I have lately where I wish we were all less judgmental of whatever harmless things make someone else happy be it super yoonique baby registries or instagramming food or drinking box wine in my pajamas while watching Duck Dynasty. This really made me smile.

  6. Suzanne Lee

    January 23, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    Good read, i hope you enjoy it

  7. Kay_Sue

    January 23, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    I am in a similar spot with my best friend’s wedding registry. At first, the person who had studied all kinds of registry stats and had them drilled into my brain from the other side of the process had a mini-stroke. Usually, you want the bulk of your registry to be “middling” gifts–things in a reasonable price range for your guests. Then you want some small things for people that want to do baskets, and some larger items for people that want to do group gifts. If everyone at the shower knows everyone, more big gifts can be a good thing–they can coordinate. If people don’t know each other well, then more middling gifts are better–they will be buying things individually anyway. So when most of her registry was small and big things, and very few in the middle, and I (as someone planning her shower) knew the make up of the guest list, it was like…do I talk to her? Do I tell her what I know? Do I just let this $600 set of pots and $300 robo-mop hang when the majority of people attending are waitresses, SAHP, folks on a fixed income and people that work for a non-profit? Does she even realize that this is probably how Terminator starts, with a $300 robo-mop gone mad?

    And then it occurred to me that this is her experience. She is going to make of it what she will, and it’s not up to me to try to “fix” it for her. It’s up to me to be there to experience it with her in the capacity that she needs me to–as a friend.

    Although she is on warning that I will be borrowing a cup of sugar and two or three saucepans if she gets that $600 set. I just want to know what that would be like to cook in. 😛

    • nikki753

      January 23, 2014 at 1:52 pm

      See #3 above. I’m certain someone will tell her at some point, all “cluck, cluck, ooooh I just don’t know what to dooooo since your registry sucks (but delivered via some drawn out thing).” Haven’t done the baby registry thing but wedding registries at least are hella stressful. First you have the registry assistant telling you what’s wrong and right. Then you have your own wishes. Then you find out that your spouse is not on the same page on some things. Suddenly you have anxiety about if you can’t agree on wine glasses, how will you be married??? Then you know that even people you like won’t be able to help but judge your registry (why does she think she needs X? Those just take up space. A $X whatever thing? Wow.) You also know that people you do not get along with at all will look it up simply for sport and mockery and with them you cannot win by registering for the cheap or expensive version of anything. And above all it feels like “You are registering for the kind of LIFE you will HAVE! Today’s decisions set everything in STONE! If you do this wrong everything will be WRONG!”

      We ended up starting to get snippy, deciding to go get pizza and beer, getting half in the bag and then going back to register for more than four things.

      Of course removed from all of the crazy you realize that it’s just stuff and it doesn’t dictate what kind of person you are or your whole life but when you’re in the middle of wedding crazy or pregnant… Ugh.

    • Dusty

      January 23, 2014 at 1:59 pm

      Baby registries are the worst because you feel compelled to research every damn thing and then cross every digit that your friends and family actually buy the brand/model you picked.

      I spent two weeks researching strollers and car seats. Two seconds after I shared my registry with my mum, she was sending me links to other options. I cried. Because I’m pregnant and I just wanted her to shut up.

    • jen

      January 23, 2014 at 8:51 pm

      I would have cried, too. That sucks and it’s hard to explain why it’s so freakin’ frustrating. On her end she’s “just helping.” On yours, you spent forever doing all that research, finally put it to bed, and she’s poking it and it so feels like a combo of questioning your judgment (seriously, whatever you picked, so long as it’s not on a recall list, is the right one) and giving you more work to do. So, yeah, tears.

    • Mel

      January 23, 2014 at 2:09 pm

      Sorry, but I’m gonna have to call FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS on this one. If deciding what gifts your friends and family are going to generously buy you is so stressful, then just don’t do it. Problem solved! This process is entirely optional.

    • nikki753

      January 23, 2014 at 2:18 pm

      Um, the topic of this whole article is already registries. So… Did I say it was the worst thing ever? Was I ever like, “OMG, it’s hard choosing between the $150 Waterford wine coaster and the $300 Tiffany’s wine coaster. It would be sooooo much easier to live in a hut somewhere.”? Nope. I said that there’s a lot of societal pressure to do it the way that other people consider to be “right”.

    • Mel

      January 23, 2014 at 2:42 pm

      Yes, the topic is registries, and that’s what I commented on. No, I’m not claiming you think it’s “the worst thing ever” and no I didn’t imply that you were a pretentious douche. You just spent a lot of words complaining about something that I find silly, so I pointed that out. You made your comment and I made mine. It doesn’t mean I overreacted or didn’t understand you. I just disagreed.

      I stand by my argument that it’s silly and ridiculous to get so worked up about something that was created to make the recipient’s life better and is going to result in the receipt of many generous gifts. To me, complaining about how difficult that is, is most definitely a first world problem. I just called it like I see it, for whatever it’s worth.

    • Guest

      January 24, 2014 at 9:29 am

      Is this your first time on Mommyish?

    • Mel

      January 24, 2014 at 9:51 am

      Is this your first time talking to other humans? What exactly is your problem? It’s cool to disagree and make good points. You seem a little douchey. Hopefully first impressions are wrong in this case.

    • Guest

      July 15, 2014 at 6:49 am

      Haha. My sister didn’t want to do it either…that’s why when she was pregnant and people started asking about her baby registry, she just went to an in-law’s from a few months before her and registered for the same stuff b/c she really respects that in-law’s opinion in general, and the in-law had already researched the hell out of it, so she figured the choices were solid. Then she called it a day. She does stuff like this, and I’m reminded that my parents always said my sis was the smart one in the family. 🙂

    • Kay_Sue

      January 23, 2014 at 2:32 pm

      Well, I kind of figured that out all on my own, thanks. I was thinking I’d expressed that when I said, “And then it occurred to me that this is her experience. She is going to make of it what she will, and it’s not up to me to try to “fix” it for her. It’s up to me to be there to experience it with her in the capacity that she needs me to–as a friend.”

    • nikki753

      January 23, 2014 at 2:34 pm

      I was totally agreeing with you. Apparently it’s my day to be misunderstood. Bleh.

    • Kay_Sue

      January 23, 2014 at 2:38 pm

      I was wondering, lol. I was like, “Well, I thought I’d made that part clear…” No harm, no foul–I just wanted to make sure no one was misunderstanding. I am not a registry nazi. But it’s hard sometimes to turn off the training we went through. *sighs*

    • AP

      January 23, 2014 at 2:42 pm

      I found the Bed Bath and Beyond registry book a year after my wedding and nearly DIED laughing reading it. Things like, “You’re picking the silverwear your grandchildren will use to raise their families,” are hysterical…when you’re not in the middle of registering.

      When you’re arguing with the registry assistant and trying to convince him that the forks you stole from the dining hall in college still manage to get the food into your mouth, or that if you have more than 8 people over they’re eating off paper plates because there’s no way in HELL that I’m washing that many dishes…it’s not so funny.

    • Katherine Handcock

      January 23, 2014 at 9:19 pm

      When I went to do a wedding registry, the person who was helping us was utterly baffled when I told her we weren’t registering for china because I was getting my grandmother’s. “But, but, but…new china! Yours! That you picked out yourself!”

  8. ted3553

    January 23, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    You know, there’s a little part of me that understands where these people are coming from. I hate getting gifts that I know I will never use and honestly would rather not get them than have to drop them off at goodwill. The older I get, the more I value quality and don’t get me wrong, I still shop at Old Navy but I also invest in some things that are worth it to me. I would also be annoyed if my friend only had really expensive items on her registry and expected that I would only buy off of it knowing that I may not be able to afford her expensive requests. If she simply did a registry because she wanted to let people know what she’d prefer and really like, that’s fine to me but be prepared that you may not get what you want.

  9. Elizabeth Licata

    January 23, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    I actually want to see the Marc Jacobs diaper bag.

    • Megan Zander

      January 23, 2014 at 2:09 pm

      I tried to post a picture, but I couldn’t figure out how to do it, to me it looks like a big, quilted black bag.

  10. Dusty

    January 23, 2014 at 1:50 pm

    Building a registry is a major time sink, as friends and family, the least we can do is try and humor the woman that invested at least a week of her life into making it.

    • Mel

      January 23, 2014 at 2:14 pm

      I have to say that all of this complaining about how hard the registry process is really sticks in my craw. I’m #sorrynotsorry that you’re soooo stressed out about all the things people are going to kindly gift you. If it’s that much of a pain in the ass, you should just not do it. Sorry for picking your comment out Dusty! This is not directed just at you, and I think you’re lovely and wonderful. I’m just using this whole “cut her some slack, it’s so hard” concept to make a point on behalf of the gifters.

    • Bethany Ramos

      January 23, 2014 at 3:09 pm

      Dusty is lovely and wonderful — also, always #sorrynotsorry

    • Dusty

      January 23, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      Aww. You look nice today, Bethany.

    • Bethany Ramos

      January 23, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      Thanks!! MWAH.

    • Amanda Lee

      January 23, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      That’s the thing though, Dusty. You don’t have to make a registry. I’m never going to feel sorry because you wasted your own time on your own accord to make a list of gifts you want.

    • candyvines

      January 23, 2014 at 2:57 pm

      No, you don’t have to make them, but people like/expect them. Personally I’d rather not spend my money on something a friend didn’t want or need. Also, I’m assuming the registry isn’t being posted to Facebook for just anyone to see, it’s for close friends and family who want to show their love.

    • Amanda Lee

      January 23, 2014 at 2:58 pm

      Yes, but if their registry is ridiculous I’m not going to humor/pity the person because they invested their time and energy into it.

    • candyvines

      January 23, 2014 at 3:02 pm

      Fair enough. I don’t think I would ever attend the shower of someone I didn’t care enough about to just buy what they wanted.

    • Amanda Lee

      January 23, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      My friend turned into a different person when she became pregnant. Planned pregnancy when she was 18 and still living with her mom, siblings, and boyfriend and no job, but that’s a whole ‘nother story).

      I did want buy her things because I knew she needed them. Did she ask for bottles? Diapers? Clothes?

      No, she asked for all the big stuff that had to be matching and a ridiculously expensive stroller.

    • Dusty

      January 23, 2014 at 3:24 pm

      That’s why I said “try and humor them.” I’m sure as hell not going to bend over backwards to accommodate someone’s outrageous expectations, that’s for damn sure.

    • Dusty

      January 23, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      Recently someone I know complained on social media about being invited to a shower with no registry, no baby name and no nursery theme. She then made some snide comment about it just being a “shower for money.” I genuinely felt bad for the mom-to-be (because it’s not like she was throwing the damn shower for herself) and concluded the friend in question is an asshole.

    • Amanda Lee

      January 23, 2014 at 3:37 pm

      I agree that he/she is an asshole. Mom-to-be did nothing wrong. It’s a situation where she can never win.

      You make a registry… you’re asking for gifts/money.
      You don’t make a registry… you’re asking for gifts/money

  11. pineapplegrasss

    January 23, 2014 at 1:54 pm

    I have a niece who was expecting and was similar, not in the pricey label way, but in the specific green way. I bought her the Baby Bullet the other gals scoffed at (unpractical, cause they know best) And, she uses it! makes that little daughter of hers homemade organic baby food. Do You Momma!

    • Alexandra

      January 23, 2014 at 2:08 pm

      THANK YOU! I feel exactly like this. I’m sick of people saying “omg you’re using cloth diapers/ making baby food/ whatever? you’ll NEVER have time for that [laughing at me] you’ll be lucky to be able to even raise your head parenting is so hard!!!!” I’m sure if my mother and grandmother did it, I’ll be able to do it. I’ll just not spend 2 hours + a day on Facebook m’kay?? 🙂

    • Emily

      January 23, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      Yeah, you can totally do it. I BF and made baby food and used cloth diapers and generally just fell apart in other ways. 🙂 One friend finally admitted that she went “pfftt” at these ideas as a way of justifying her own choices (to which I never went “pfftt”) – it was refreshing to hear that!

    • pineapplegrasss

      January 24, 2014 at 11:30 am

      yes, I have a friend who admitted that after a while too! Bc her son is 6mo older than mine and every time I did something that took just a little more effort she would give a bunch of reasons why it was impractical or whatever, which I just always said ‘hum, to each his own’ finally she just said she was lazy and was trying to justify to her own self lol but I love her anyway

    • Katherine Handcock

      January 23, 2014 at 9:23 pm

      The manager where I worked before I went on maternity leave outright laughed when I said I was planning to use cloth diapers! He was sure I’d give it up. I just didn’t love the idea of paying $40+ per month on stuff for the baby to poop into 😉

      I made baby food for both my kids. For my first, I made all these nice purees, frozen in 1 tablespoon blocks for easy portioning. For my second…I took whatever we were having for dinner and squished it with a fork. In my defense, she didn’t like pureed anything, but I did laugh at the time about simultaneously achieving “homemade baby food” and “ultimate laziness”.

    • Drstephaniedvm

      January 23, 2014 at 10:58 pm

      This sounds like me! Cloth diapers because I’m cheap like that and babies ate what we ate because I’m lazy 🙂

    • pineapplegrasss

      January 24, 2014 at 11:25 am

      I seriously get this. I made baby food, I cloth diaper. And the only reason I have time for mommyish is bc I am at work lol

  12. kay

    January 23, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    I never discourage crazy registries because I like judging.

    (I’ll still buy you what you registered for, but first I’ll send it to my gay best friend so he can be all “I am so glad I can never get pregnant, it makes you crazy!”)

    I didn’t register at Babies R Us because I hate it there. Then I got gifts that had to be returned AND a giant amount on a BRU giftcard. Karma?

    • CMJ

      January 23, 2014 at 2:17 pm

      Registry judging is one of my favorite things.

    • Momma425

      January 23, 2014 at 3:24 pm

      I love to giggle and be all, “Yeah, I’d love to see that $500 stroller after your baby poops/throws up/pees/gets mud on it.”

    • Amanda Lee

      January 23, 2014 at 2:50 pm

      I judge registries! Last year, my friend made a registry. It was not long by any means, and completely random. Although she did make sure to include every expensive/big item she possibly could.

      And for some reason she asked curtains.. Yeah, no.

      I ignored the list completely.

    • Amanda Lee

      January 23, 2014 at 3:04 pm

      I’d also like to note that she gave said registry to her friends… who just finished high school, and a few others who could not shoulder the expense by chipping in even (myself included). Sorry honey, you don’t need a $600 stroller.

      Luckily, her family bought the crib, car seat, stroller, high chair, etc. She should have told her friends that she didn’t have a registry and if we wanted to get her/the baby something, that she would be happy with anything.

      What ticked me off even more is that she moved 3 months later and almost all of the baby stuff people bought for her was sold or given away.

  13. Alexandra

    January 23, 2014 at 2:04 pm

    TBH, I know that parenting is hard and nothing like anyone thinks it is, etc etc. BUT why does every parent (PRESENT COMPANY EXCLUDED of course) feel the need to bash a pre-parent’s dreams and hopes with regard to pregnancy, birth, and parenthood? There are people who want to, for example, cloth diaper, make their own baby food, whatever, and they actually do it!! Not every single parent is such a sleep deprived zombie the best they can handle is dirty sheets and huggies. I’m just saying, exactly what you said, it’s just as Judgey as being a sanctimommy, but in the reverse. Maybe she’ll make her dream come true. I know people who have (of course, most of them don’t have to work, but I digress!) 🙂

    • AP

      January 23, 2014 at 2:37 pm

      I dislike the dichotomy you see highlighted in a lot of women’s interest areas, where either you’re Martha Stewart Pintrest put-together, or you’re a disorganized mess who’s late to everything and never showers. It’s sexist to assume that either you’re perfect or you’re a disaster. Most of us are in the middle somewhere, and it’s kind of sexist and unrealistic to make life a zero-sum game of perfection or disaster. Prioritize, people, prioritize.

  14. GG

    January 23, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    Shit, now I want a Serenity Star. Like really want one.

    • Momma425

      January 23, 2014 at 2:27 pm

      I want that for my room!

    • AP

      January 23, 2014 at 2:30 pm

      I just Googled. It’s $90.

    • Vicki Lewis

      January 24, 2014 at 1:26 am

      I thought the same thing. That serenity star was cute!

  15. Kelly

    January 23, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    She sounds like a super bitch to me but she must have some redeeming qualities if you’re friends with her.

    I’ve had friends go through bitch phases due to a new baby or new relationship and eventually reality comes crashing back in and I get my friend back. I’ve learned to just wait it out.

  16. Rachel Sea

    January 23, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    I don’t think it would be bursting her bubble to point out that a lovely handmade sweater set will last a lot longer if you buy it in a larger size. You can be totally supportive, and also make sure that her vision is tempered by enough reality that she’s not disappointed if reality falls short.

  17. Amanda Lee

    January 23, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    I understand where you are coming from.. however custom, “yoonique”, one of a kind gifts that you can’t buy at Babies-R-Us are no doubt more expensive.

    And yes, it’s true, if you were going to spend let’s say $50 on a gift, it really shouldn’t matter what that $50 is spent on. But it kinda does, because it’s still your money and you get to decide how you want to spend it. I’d rather buy someone $50 worth of diapers than a pair of $50 baby shoes.

  18. Mikster

    January 23, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    Once I see registry- I give gift card to that establishment or cash.

  19. Bethany Ramos

    January 23, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    Awesome counterpost, Megan!!

    • Megan Zander

      January 23, 2014 at 3:42 pm

      Thanks! I give you credit, I never would have thought it up if you hadn’t given me the idea in the first place.

    • Bethany Ramos

      January 23, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      You did a great job. 🙂

  20. SusannahJoy

    January 23, 2014 at 3:42 pm

    This article made me smile. And I am all hormonal because the baby has been weaning himself (already! he’s only 9 months old!) and the birth control is working and I didn’t sleep last night. So thank you! Knowing that there are nice, caring, nonjudgemental people out there makes me happy. 🙂

  21. Lauren Victoria

    January 23, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    Sorry if this was posted once already. For some reason when I posted my comment wasn’t visible. Anyway, ladies I am writing to confess that I am, in fact, “V”. I have never commented on this site before, but I pop in from time to time to read anything written by my dearest friend, Megan Zander. I am so proud of you, Meg, for being brave and putting your writing out there for the world to read. I love this article, even if it may lead some of you to believe I am a materialistic nut job (I’m not by the way). It’s wonderful to know you continue to love me no matter what. Thank you for supporting my delusions of fashion grandeur!! We truly are total opposites that just happen to fit together perfectly. For the record, I do have a normal registry as well and I will appreciate any gift whether it was requested or not. But this article is true about my love of fashion and my desire to overdress my little girl. This might be the only child I have! I’m doing it up 😉 !! So yes, I do have Etsy favorites that people close to me know about and may buy from if they choose. Hey, I know my “designer” boppy covers will definitely end up covered in puke.. But what can I say? I can’t help it. I like what I like. Great article, Meg!! You did a fabulous job!

    • Megan Zander

      January 23, 2014 at 4:59 pm

      Aw Laur you’re making my eyes sweat so bad! BFFs 4 ever!

    • Katherine Handcock

      January 23, 2014 at 9:26 pm

      Kudos to you for appreciating the humour in the situation, even as you acknowledge that you’re happy as you are! Seriously, if you can chuckle at these things, it will help. Parenting is definitely as exhausting as it is rewarding, but a sense of humour will ALWAYS make the day a little smoother.

    • Jess

      January 24, 2014 at 2:41 am

      Hi V!

      I’m J- another mother who wants nice things.

      My husband and I aren’t mega loaded but we don’t have a lot of other luxury expenses (we rarely eat out and don’t have cable). I have a few nice pieces (prada bag, Chanel clutch and sunnies) but overall I am actually quite low key.

      As my 30th falls round the time after the baby is born I asked my sisters for a Burberry baby bag. They laughed hysterically – but like Megan, they indulged in me.

      I did let everyone know my sisters bought my a diaper bag already because I didn’t want to get a gift I wouldn’t use. Most people also laughed hysterically at me- but I know most of that was indulgent laughter.

      You sound like me- you like nice things but you won’t judge anyone not having them. 🙂

    • Lauren Victoria

      January 24, 2014 at 2:11 pm

      J, I am so happy for you that you got the Burberry diaper bag of your dreams! My rational for that item in particular is that it’s something you have to cart with you literally everywhere for the first 1-2 years. So you should love it because it’s going to become your most used accessory. Bonus if you can use it for another function later. In my case the Marc Jacobs will probably serve me as my laptop bag after it has fulfilled it’s diaper bag duties. It’s also a great size for an airplane carry on. So I intend to get my money’s worth from this bad boy!!

      And yes, we do sound similar. I love nice things and I use them to the fullest extent before I send them into retirement. And I would never criticize someone for not having what I have. I think a person can look great at any price point whether its head to toe Target or full on haute couture. The opposite is true too! I see some pricey labels with pieces that I wouldn’t be caught dead in even in a school for the blind! So good taste isn’t reliant on price, in my opinion. My husband and I both have our vices, his is gadgets and mine is accessories, so we indulge when we want but we don’t break the bank and we are very thankful that we are able to have nice stuff. Hopefully our baby will find the same balance. I want her to enjoy our lifestyle but not become entitled or spoiled by it. I guess on that we have to wait and see.

  22. Nica

    January 23, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    Mamas cam make whatever registries they’d like – heck register for mommy and baby Louis Vuitton bags if you want. What mamas can’t do is bitch and moan that someone didn’t cough up $1000 to for the LV bags and got them a $25 outfit from Babies R Us instead. That is what makes me angry – not the registry itself.
    A gift is just that – a GIFT. It’s given at the discretion of the giver and once given it’s at the discretion of the giftee what she wants to do with it – use it, return it, throw it in the trash…
    The end.

  23. jendra_berri

    January 23, 2014 at 7:33 pm

    Oh, I remember my hopes and dreams when I was pregnant. Some people tried to dash them and I was indignant. You’re a good friend. Humour the pregnant lady and go with the flow. She’ll learn just like the rest of us did and you can be there for her then too.

  24. Guest

    January 24, 2014 at 9:37 am

    Perhaps these people are in it for the “making a registry experience”. I know when we registered for our wedding it was mostly just because the store gun, walking around picking out everything our little hearts desired, and doing it almost as a right of passage was all a lot of fun. I have to imagine with adorable baby clothes it is probably that much more fun to set up.

    • Jessica Johnson

      January 25, 2014 at 1:46 pm

      I did that for my wedding registry too. I mean, if someone absolutely felt they had to buy me a set of Baccarat crystal wine glasses, I totally wanted them to know which style I liked. But there was other stuff on the list like the $1.89 set of wooden spoons, a $12 coffee maker, and a $5 shower curtain so no one thought “Oh, well, I can’t afford the Royal Doulton service for 12 she wants, so she gets nothin!”

  25. Catherine

    January 25, 2014 at 11:14 am

    The problem I have with outrageous registries is that you are designating something that you want…..but you want other people to buy it. If you want something outrageously expensive or elaborate, go ahead…but buy it yourself. Don’t expect other people to shell out for the $300 wood high chair you picked out, and the $750 stroller, and the $200+video monitor, or the $150+ diaper bag (that will later be discarded for a more practical model). You want the finer things, fine. Just don’t expect me to fund your, um, tastes.

    • Catherine

      January 25, 2014 at 11:18 am

      Please note that when I say “your,” I am not referring to the subject of this article, just the average expecting mom. (Can you tell I have been on the gifting end of an outrageous registry or two?)

  26. Pingback: Quit Being A Douche By Ignoring The Baby Shower Registry

  27. Eusebio Tyeryar

    November 11, 2020 at 11:06 pm

    I simply want to mention I’m very new to blogging and site-building and absolutely enjoyed you’re website. Most likely I’m likely to bookmark your site . You amazingly come with exceptional stories. Thanks a lot for revealing your web page.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *