Childrearing

10 Awkward Things That Happen In The Delivery Room

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worried father in delivery roomAh, the delivery room. Then place where dignity goes to die. Most of us have been there (if not in a hospital, then perhaps a birthing center), and we all know what kind of mortifying things go on there. Not too long ago I had the honor of being in the delivery room when one of my best friends gave birth. While it was a wonderful moment, it was also just filled with awkwardness. Awkwardness like…

10. The flatulence, OH the flatulence

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There is nothing quite like the pressure-induced rage farts that come out of a laboring woman.

9. Modest? What modesty?

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Remember when I said the deliver room is where dignity goes to die? Well, I wasn’t kidding. If you give birth in a deliver room, everyone WILL see your business. ALL of your business. The whole enchilada. Your fish AND your chips. And you will give zero fucks because dammit, there’s a tiny human trying to escape from your hoo-ha. As my sister so lovingly put it “I felt like I was being double-fisted with a spotlight in my vag.”

8. You have zero privacy

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This might seem like an obvious part of the no modesty thing, but it goes beyond showing off your lady-bits. When my sisters gave birth to her son, the doctor told her to go walk around to help the labor along. Of course, she said “fuck it, if I gotta walk, might as well go get me some snacks” (because we are related and snacks are awesome) but apparently this was a huge no-no. The doctor tore her a new one when she got back.

7. There’s a good chance you’ll puke

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When I gave birth to each and every one of my kids, I tossed my cookies at least once. This was due to that inescapable mixture of fear, nervousness, pain and anesthesia. It was most definitely NOT pretty.

6. You’ll say swear words you didn’t know you knew

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Damn fucking right you’ll curse. Or at least me and every mother I know did. My range of cursing varied from the mundane (fuck!) to the Shakespearean (Oh Fuck thee yon fuckers, get thee the fuck out of here!) and my OBGYN didn’t bat an eyelash.

5.  Your body will betray you

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giphy.com (Yeah, your ASS viewed from the International Space Station) 

And by body, I mean anus. Not every new mom poops herself, but when you do it becomes Mt. Vesuvius up in that piece. The worst part is, this won’t be your typical doody. Nope, this shit (literally) will be tinged with blood and all kinds of other lovely things. And your partner will see ALL of it.

4. Speaking of blood…

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Oh, there WILL be blood. And lots of it. The delivery room is not for the faint of heart. If you think I’m exaggerating then I have three words for you: blood clot nugget. Nuff’ said.

3. You really give birth twice…

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This is what your placenta would look like if it were alive. Good luck sleeping tonight. (giphy.com)

…or more, if you have multiples. I’m talking, of course, about the placenta. The placenta is the magical bag of guts and gore that your body expels after your baby arrives. Will you eat it? Make it into a tasty meaty smoothie? Pretend it doesn’t exist and let the hospital toss it out as the medical waste it is? The possibilities are endless.

2. Sleep? Ha! You thought you’d get to sleep?

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The only thing you want to do once you’ve spent a dozen or so hours pushing out a 6-10 pound baby is SLEEP, but do they let you? Nope. I’ve heard this is also true for our c-section sisters, but correct me if I’m wrong. After you give birth, there’s a whole host of things your doctors torture experts will want you to do. Obviously these are necessary , but the only things I wanted to do after giving birth was eat an entire pizza and go to sleep. In that order.

1. Yours doctors have seen it all before

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The beauty of giving birth in a delivery room is that these folks have seen it all. There is very little that you could throw that them that they wouldn’t be prepared for, and that, my friend, is a comforting notion. There’s absolutely no need to be embarrassed about anything that goes on, because unless you are a mega diva (I’m looking at you, Beyoncé ), your birth is just par for the course for the highly trained medical professionals surrounding you.

(Photo: Tyler Olson/Shutterstock)

91 Comments

  1. Kay_Sue

    May 18, 2014 at 5:39 pm

    I really did create my own language of obscenities during labor. I give myself mad props for the creativity.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 18, 2014 at 8:55 pm

      Amazing. 😉

    • jane

      May 18, 2014 at 7:40 pm

      All I could say to the doctor the next day when she came to check on me (I didn’t know her before, she was covering for my doc) was “I wasn’t my best self yesterday.”

    • Kay_Sue

      May 18, 2014 at 8:56 pm

      They have to cut us some slack, right? I’d hope they understand.

  2. JadePanda

    May 18, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    So awful…I don’t know how my husband can still look me in the eyes. 🙁

    • Sarah

      May 18, 2014 at 7:17 pm

      lol I know… My bf wanted to see EVERYTHING for some reason. Somehow he still wants to have sex with me 10 times a day. It’s a mystery.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 18, 2014 at 8:57 pm

      Not going to lie, my husband definitely said, “I do not want to see what happens after” regarding the placenta, because apparently he had a bad experience with that at a birth of one (or both) of his daughters.

    • Gangle

      May 18, 2014 at 9:05 pm

      I don’t know how my husband is going to cope. The guy has pulled calves/lambs etc out of cows/ewes, has assisted in performing C-sections on animals in a dirty field, once had to actually cut a calf up that had died to get it out. Fine with all of that gore and gunk. Watching a doctor place a cannula in my forearm? The chap nearly passed out… Maybe I need to rethink my birthing partner.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 18, 2014 at 9:12 pm

      Well…maybe his training and years of experience will kick in? Fingers crossed? 😉

    • Gangle

      May 18, 2014 at 9:13 pm

      Either that or he will pass out and steal all my thunder!! Yeah, that sounds like him!

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      May 18, 2014 at 10:46 pm

      Mine stayed “up top” by my face for 2nd birth (after reaaaaally not enjoying the first). It was better for both of us.

    • Gangle

      May 19, 2014 at 3:51 am

      Good idea! I am getting him to do this!!

    • blackcat

      May 18, 2014 at 10:53 pm

      My husband and OB discussed how the human placenta is very similar to a pig placenta right after I gave birth, and giggled like little schoolgirls when they finally noticed I was pissed.

    • Sarah

      May 19, 2014 at 1:09 pm

      I don’t blame him, that thing is a freakish flesh hammock. I thought it was cool as shit but I’m a big weirdo. I didn’t want my bf to watch our son come out, but it was really important to him and he said it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He’s crazy.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 19, 2014 at 1:17 pm

      He didn’t mind the baby part. He was excited. But he did make the placenta request prior to the birth, because in his words, “I won’t be able to stop myself”. And sure enough, I had to go, “Hey, look at me!” because his eyes were drifting that way afterwards. 😉

  3. Hibbie

    May 18, 2014 at 6:35 pm

    Oh, man, when I was at THE worst part of transition, almost giving birth on the toilet (sorry, TMI, but it’s relevant to the story), my nurse decides this is the perfect time to ask if a team of med students can come on it and observe the rest. I believe I screamed “FUCK, NO” in her face. Besides that, she was a lovely woman. Besides, if they had come in, none of those med students would have ever gone on to become OBs.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 18, 2014 at 6:51 pm

      Oh. My. God. How do you ask someone something like that in that particular situation with a straight face?

      The closest analogy I have to that is when I broke my wrist and went to the ER so they could do something about it that would tide me over until the surgery that I don’t seem to recall agreeing to (but was grateful to have done anyway, as it spared me an extra four weeks that I would have been in a cast. Still, thanks, Vicoden!). “Doing something” entailed getting a team of first-year med students as well as a first-year resident for good measure to come in, examine the doctor as she injected a numbing agent deep into my marrow, and then let the resident take a crack at resetting the bone…at which task she was unsuccessful. I was too busy trying to maintain my stoicism due to having a smoking hot nurse also present to yell, “Excuse me?!? Have the expert reset it so I can get out of here, please!”

      So yeah. Don’t think anyone can blame you for your reaction.

    • Hibbie

      May 18, 2014 at 7:00 pm

      Yikes! At least you had the good stuff, but still.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      May 19, 2014 at 5:52 am

      I had one CHARMING med student in after I had my appendix out.
      I have scarring on my wrists from a bad bout of depression years ago, totally over it and I can even joke about it now.
      This doc came in and asked could some med students check the incision, so they’d know how to spot any signs of infection (!!! yeah really the word I wanna hear, INFECTION!!!)

      One med student whisper-shouted to the doctor- “As she is a SELF-HARMER should we put her under observation?”

      I damn near hopped out of the bed and floored her. Calmly explained to the entire freakin room that I had suffered from depression when I was 14, I was over it, I’m 21 now m’kay, thanks, bye, GTFO of my room now!

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 19, 2014 at 11:27 am

      What an ass! I’d have seen if my appendix was still around so I could lob it at his head!

      I’ve gotten some weird looks on occasion because the scar from the aforementioned wrist surgery is really close to my artery. As soon as I say “snowboarding” in reply to questions about where it came from, this look of relief crosses people’s faces. I can’t even imagine the shit you have to deal with!

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      May 19, 2014 at 12:22 pm

      I used to panic over it when I was younger, but once I hit 20 I kinda realised fuck it, I’M not the one with a problem and I am totally open about it.
      If someone asks I say I had a bad bout of depression, but I got the help I needed and I’m ok now.

      The only ones I lied to are my stepkids, they’re too young to understand why someone would do it, though I will have that conversation someday, just not when they’re 8!

      I did have a very small child ask me when I was swimming “What are those scratches?”, I have very raised red scars on my thighs.
      Her poor mom was mortified, kept apologizing, I just turned it into a joke and said I was wrestling a tiger.

      I was a comedy god to that kid.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      May 18, 2014 at 6:53 pm

      Very stupidly, I allowed the med. student to stitch up my episiotomy. They had given me a shot so I figured, meh….I was a student not that long ago; they gotta learn on somebody. How bad can it be?….The answer: FUCKING BAD!!! Now when they ask if a med student can work on me I let them, but they get ONE try! Wanna draw my blood? Okay, I’m game. You get 1 stab. No pressure.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 18, 2014 at 7:26 pm

      *whimper* Dammit, Amazon, where the HELL is that chastity belt I ordered?!?

    • jane

      May 18, 2014 at 7:38 pm

      Hear hear. I had a resident stitch me up after number one. With number two, I was like “the whole universe can come in the room, check my lady bits, catch the baby, whatever, but I am getting a real doctor for the sewing.” Hooray for sex that doesn’t totally kill anymore.

    • jendra_berri

      May 18, 2014 at 8:18 pm

      And really, who needs a crooked lady hole? 😉

    • Jessifer

      May 18, 2014 at 8:32 pm

      I had a resident do my spinal! I guess I’m one heck of a trusting person. Fortunately, everything went well.

  4. ELK

    May 18, 2014 at 6:41 pm

    I must have said “god dammit” a hundred times during labor. The nurse wearing a crucifix in a Catholic hospital didn’t bat an eye. I also bit my husband.

    • Hibbie

      May 18, 2014 at 6:45 pm

      I love how you tack on the bit about your husband at the end.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      May 19, 2014 at 5:41 am

      Apparently my mom got so annoyed at one nurse who INSISTED on checking her right after two OTHER nurses had that she told the nurse “Next time I’m gonna fucking charge you!”

  5. NotTakenNotAvailable

    May 18, 2014 at 6:42 pm

    Aw, damn, the surgeon’s office is closed on Sundays. Time to get the vodka and a steak knife and do this tubal ligation myself.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 18, 2014 at 9:02 pm

      Conveniently, can’t your vodka also sterilize your steak knife? Double duty.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      May 19, 2014 at 11:29 am

      Yep! It’s an anesthetic and an antiseptic all in one convenient bottle! 🙂

  6. FormerlyKnownAsWendy

    May 18, 2014 at 6:58 pm

    Does this go under #9….? But…how many people will stick practically their whole damn arm up you to see how far you are dilated? Nurse checks. Midwife comes by 5 min. later and checks. Says it’s the same as the nurse. Another nurse 10 min. later. I tried telling that one what the midwife said. Wasn’t good enough, had to check for herself. Then it’s a teaching hospital, so a couple of students need to learn what 3 cm feels like. DEAR GOD leave it be a damn minute!!!!

    • Andrea

      May 18, 2014 at 7:05 pm

      My pussy is not a teaching tool dammit! Sorry, it had to be said.

    • Sarah

      May 18, 2014 at 7:21 pm

      Yeah, no way in hell would I let medical students in the room. I won’t even let men in there.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 18, 2014 at 8:58 pm

      I curse the fact that my mother has always impressed on me how important hands on learning is, because I definitely agreed to allow medical students into my first labor…

    • Iwill Findu

      May 18, 2014 at 11:08 pm

      Me to and I came down with hellp syndrome they really like for the student doctors and nurses to see odd ball pregnancy conditions.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 19, 2014 at 11:58 am

      I had the opposite problem. My first labor was so textbook that she wanted them to have a “baseline”. I guess I should be glad for that.

    • jendra_berri

      May 18, 2014 at 7:36 pm

      This one damn resident kept telling me she needed in there, would not relent. Cervidil had caused some massive internal burning so I was like hell no. Hold your damn horses. I’m not having contractions, my water hasn’t broken, you can wait till my vagina feels like a vagina again and not like the tunnel to Hell’s gate, please and thanks. My husband finally told her to take a hike and that made her leave. For the record, four hours later it was still 0 cm.

    • Jenna Nieves

      May 18, 2014 at 7:43 pm

      I had 3 student nurses and a first year doctor all checking my cervix. The cervix checks and subsequent conferences are still a great source of humor for my husband.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      May 18, 2014 at 7:46 pm

      I wanted to yell, “Why don’t you just ALL shove your effing arm up there at once!” I mean….good lord, people!

    • KarenMS

      May 18, 2014 at 10:41 pm

      Yup, I remember walking the halls a couple days later and thinking “hey, that guy had his arm in me!”

    • Amber Leigh Wood

      May 19, 2014 at 5:50 am

      Haha I didn’t have the students, but and it’s a big but, I had a Dr attempt to “hold” my cervix open, because I stopped at 9cm (bub was angled badly so couldn’t clear the last cm) the most uncomfortable experience of my life. Some dude with his hand up my Va -Jay-Jay telling me to push….

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      May 19, 2014 at 5:53 am

      I hope your Iron-Man like vag crushed his wrist bones!

  7. Andrea

    May 18, 2014 at 6:59 pm

    “Ah, the delivery room. Then place where dignity goes to die”

    LMAO, I don’t think I have ever heard a more accurate statement regarding giving birth. It amazes me anyone of us would do it more than once!

  8. Fatima Cristina

    May 18, 2014 at 7:21 pm

    meu coração para só um Deus vivo e poderoso eu amor a vida mesmo com muitas Dificudade

  9. Edify

    May 18, 2014 at 7:30 pm

    After almost 24 hours of labouring and getting no where, I was pretty well passed out on some lovely drugs. My husband was stretched out on a mattress they had put at the end of my bed. They were doing all sorts of tests whilst we were both resting and the husband had fallen asleep. Commotion started to build as they went along which woke him up. He was facing me so when he opened his eyes it was directly into the view of me in stirrups with a view straight up the wahoo. There was meconium, there were wires coming out, a tiny glimpse of a head. Basically what nightmares must be made of and probably the last view you want to see of anyone. I have no idea how he recovered from that surprise but I think it’s hilarious.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      May 19, 2014 at 5:48 am

      Sounds like something out of a SAW film!!
      I’ve made my partner promise not to crack any stupid jokes if we ever decide to have a child.
      He’s 5 kids already and from talking to his ex has a habit of making jokes at the WORST possible time!!!
      I’ve been told that he said she “Sounded like the Predator” and when she wanted to change position he started singing “heave-ho!”
      But the best I heard was when she asked him did it look “bad down there” after.
      It seems he thoughtfully stroked his beard and said- “Well…have you ever only HALF-cooked a steak?”

      He’s NOT a dick, I promise, just got a brilliantly wicked sense of humour, and I’m sure he’ll have me simultaneously wanting to laugh and kill him if we ever have a child.
      Plus, I’m the kinda weirdo who finds the humour in EVERY situation!

    • the_ether

      May 19, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      Aw, I like my husband’s inappropriate jokes. Whenever I’m scared or upset (and it’s not his fault), it’s his job to make me laugh

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      May 19, 2014 at 8:46 pm

      Yup, we’ve got a wicked sense of humour!
      Makes life interesting!

  10. jendra_berri

    May 18, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    Yeah, no sleep for C sections either. Effing two days of no sleep, SURGERY, and then what? No sleep? NO?! *Sob* Yeah, yeah, check my damn blood pressure. Take my temperature. Se you in an hour. But couldn’t you do this when the baby is up? Why are you never in my room when my baby is awake? Why only once I’ve fallen asleep? He’s waking every two hours. Why must you be on a separate rotation than him? WHY?

    • Jessifer

      May 18, 2014 at 8:10 pm

      I’d be ecstatic whenever the nurse showed up. Do you have my meds? Is it time for my meds? When are you bringing me my meds? Are you sure I’m not due for my next dose of meds?

      http://media3.giphy.com/media/G6jfGwscZ2Eh2/giphy.gif

    • Andrea

      May 18, 2014 at 8:15 pm

      You guys got meds??? That’s only for c-sections? Cuz I only got, like Tylenol.

    • jane

      May 18, 2014 at 8:54 pm

      About 3 minutes after I was stitched up, the nurse said “do you want to try nursing her?” I said, “No, I want a colace and a percocet.” Done and done.

    • Jessifer

      May 18, 2014 at 8:56 pm

      Glad I’m not the only one out there to admit it! Aren’t drugs great?

    • Kay_Sue

      May 18, 2014 at 9:01 pm

      I got tylenol for the 7 pounder, but for the 10 and a halfer, they offered me harder drugs, even though it was not a c-section. I think my doctor felt sorry for me because she’d misjudged his size SO MUCH.

      Oddly enough, I apparently had developed super healing mutant powers for that one. Not only did I not take the stronger drugs, but I was up and on my feet by that evening…much quicker than the first time around.

    • jane

      May 18, 2014 at 9:17 pm

      Every baby should be the second baby, right? I had a very similar experience.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 18, 2014 at 10:24 pm

      As they say, misery loves company. 😉

    • jendra_berri

      May 18, 2014 at 8:15 pm

      After my C section all they gave me was Tylenol and Advil! Or Oxycontin. Those were my choices. No middle ground for some reason! Too bad as I had just watched a documentary on how addictive Oxycontin is. I figured it was a bad time in my life to develop a raging addiction so I stuck with the crummy over-the-counters.

    • Jessifer

      May 18, 2014 at 8:28 pm

      They gave me Oxycodone as an inpatient. I knew all about how addictive they were but to be honest, once the spinal wore off I was like “I feel like shit, I’ll take any pill you can give me, please and thank you!” After discharge I was given a prescription but only took a few of them because I felt much better afterwards. They’re still sitting in my medicine cabinet. I should probably get rid of them.

    • Guest

      May 19, 2014 at 10:08 am

      I got that shit after a dental procedure. Not only did I end up throwing up everything (including water) for three days but I could feel myself coming off of them. Never again.

    • Litterboxjen

      May 18, 2014 at 10:24 pm

      I had something while I was in hospital for the first recovery day, then they switched me to tylenol and advil. Yet when they sent me home, it included a script for morphine. :/ I never had that filled since I figured I’d been fine on the tylenol/advil combo so far, but I guess thanks?

  11. jane

    May 18, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    At one point, I was sitting up in bed trying to get a second epidural (the first one didn’t take and I was one cranky lady) and my gown kept falling down. My husband very nicely tried to pull the gown up over my shoulders and I snapped “everyone in this fucking room only cares about what’s under the goddamn gown.”

    It was the circle of life: birth of a baby, death of my dignity.

    • Dixie

      May 18, 2014 at 9:43 pm

      “birth of a baby, death of my dignity” that pretty much says it all!

  12. Joy

    May 18, 2014 at 8:11 pm

    I’m not sure why I clicked on this twenty minutes before leaving for the hospital to be induced. Here goes nothing! No matter what embarrassing stuff happens in the delivery room, at least I won’t be pregnant anymore, and after 41 weeks that’s going to be swell.

    • Andrea

      May 18, 2014 at 8:14 pm

      GOOD LUCK!!!!!!! YOU ARE GONNA BE GREAT.

    • Kay_Sue

      May 18, 2014 at 9:02 pm

      You’re going to do amazeballs. It’s so great not being pregnant anymore, you’ll love it. 😉

    • Sailor Moon

      May 18, 2014 at 11:42 pm

      GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!

    • Frances "Librle" Locke

      May 18, 2014 at 11:55 pm

      ZOMG Good luck! I’m sure you’re doing great! Please keep us updated!

    • Joy

      May 19, 2014 at 12:01 am

      Thanks for the encouraging words, ladies! So far I’ve just had something to help soften my cervix and in the morning if that hasn’t helped start things I’ll get pitocin. The baby is estimated at over 9 pounds and I’ve pretty petite so my doctor didn’t want me to go overdue any further than I am already. Right now we are pretty much just waiting around and watching Friends reruns but hopefully the drugs will help the baby come without further intervention. Fingers crossed I don’t need the pitocin tomorrow! Contractions are starting to come quicker and stronger so hopefully things are happening.

    • Frances "Librle" Locke

      May 19, 2014 at 12:03 am

      Fingers crossed! It’s funny, I watched Friends reruns through two of my labors!

    • jenstar

      May 19, 2014 at 2:19 am

      omg yes good luck! Eee! So exciting 😀

    • Frannie

      May 19, 2014 at 6:57 am

      Aww, best of luck!!!! You’ll do great!!!!

  13. deete

    May 18, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    while all this is undoubtedly true, is there any way to move your first graph up to the be the first graph? … i think perhaps a lot of people reading this site are first-time moms who likely are freaked the F out about birth. can we try not to make them more freaked? my first time i was out of my mind scared—poop the bed? what! med students? what! bright lights? what! a story like this is going to freak people out, rather than try, in the very least, to make them feel, above all, like it’s all normal. we actually want people to try realize that giving birth vaginally is also normal, that women have been doing it forever, that you’re not a freak show, that, like you say at the very end, the nurses, who are often the most wonderful beings on earth who literally save the day, have seen it all before.

  14. Gangle

    May 18, 2014 at 8:50 pm

    I have 9 weeks to go before I have my first… I think I can deal with the modesty part. By this time I have had so many people poke, prod and peer into my lady-parts I just don’t really care any more. And the pooping? Gross and unpleasant sounding, but I think I can deal. But VOMITING?????!!! NOBODY told me I might VOMIT!! NO NO NO NO NO!!!

    • Litterboxjen

      May 18, 2014 at 10:23 pm

      Prior to having my first, I hadn’t thrown up since I was about 10. I ended up being a c-section, and apparently one of the meds they gave me has the side effect of dropping your blood pressure, so when I was upright for too long, I felt the swallows happening. Lying down again usually helped, but one time it didn’t. And it was right after they’d finally let me eat. The hospital pediatrician and her resident had come by to get the baby, and I didn’t even care who they were, I just wanted to be left alone to finish puking in this giant bowl. In front of my husband. Urgh.

      A friend of mine did find the transition stage of labour to be so intense that she puked, and like you, that was my biggest fear. But as the article says, they’ve seen it all. If that helps any. :/

    • Gangle

      May 18, 2014 at 10:29 pm

      I am sure if I puke I will get over it, and the medical staff will have seen it a million times. But for some reason, the idea of puking seems way more gross to me than pooping during childbirth.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      May 18, 2014 at 10:24 pm

      I didn’t puke or come close to puking so you may not either!

    • Frances "Librle" Locke

      May 19, 2014 at 12:02 am

      Quick tip on the vomiting. IF you’re induced listen to their recommendations and DO NOT EAT beforehand. I was never induced, but I’ve been told that this is good advice!

    • Pnwgirl98118

      May 19, 2014 at 10:11 am

      Okay, but that said: being induced can take a long time. I checked in Monday night, contractions finally started Wednesday afternoon, baby born Thursday morning. That would have been a long time to go without eating. And I did puke, many times. It was no big deal – I had other things to focus on! 🙂

    • jenstar

      May 19, 2014 at 2:18 am

      I did.. twice! We were laughing earlier on about how the vomit bag actually had markings in LITRES on it. But.. turned out it was no laughing matter! On the plus side, labour vom for me was majority water so it wasn’t as traumatising as you’d think 🙂 Don’t worry! You’ll be awesome.

      Plus, even if you DO poo, you’ll probably not know.. And I suspect most people in the delivery room won’t tell you anyway (unless you ask like I did). Just make sure the other half remains solidly up at your head end. Make that a rule!

    • Gangle

      May 19, 2014 at 9:14 am

      oooh, all this great advice! Yes, I think my husband will have to stay looking at my eyes…. and nothing else! Besides, if I vomit he will have to hold my vomit bag for me… no time to focus on poo!

    • jenstar

      May 19, 2014 at 9:23 am

      He will! Take a drinking straw as well. That was the most invaluable advice I was given, it’s hard to drink water while reclined.. Then your husband can hold both vomit bag AND water and have a mild panic every time you ask for one or the other 😀

    • Gangle

      May 19, 2014 at 9:48 am

      So much advice! I totally have my pen and notepad out!

  15. Sailor Moon

    May 18, 2014 at 11:43 pm

    Hahaha love this but number 6 is my fave!! had my man choosing his words wisely .

  16. NicholHoosier

    May 19, 2014 at 1:32 am

    Its so very weird and embarrassing Our minds after see it GIF.
    http://prolexinigf-1.com/

  17. Joye77

    May 19, 2014 at 3:21 pm

    I was a lucky gal who never vomited during labor. And wasn’t cursing either. But I do recall begging and pleading them to get it out! Holy hell I just wanted the pain to stop and that was the only way I knew it was going to!

  18. Megan

    May 19, 2014 at 5:27 pm

    I had orders to sleep for 5-6 hours after birth. (I went to a free-standing birth center run by midwives…so maybe that’s the difference?) Unfortunately, my newborn had other ideas about that and kept me up instead. 🙁 And no swearing from me, I was too uncomfortable to even speak! I was silent through most of the labor and really only yelling at the very end.

  19. Jean

    July 22, 2014 at 6:34 pm

    We just need some rules posted in the news and media telling women medial facilities to allow one nurse or doctor at a time coming in to poke and prod, but be sure you tell them to ask you, before they stick their hands in your vagina,

  20. Pingback: My Birth Plan, Dammit | Journey Parenting

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