12 Terrible Attachment Parenting Memes That Give Attachment Parenting A Bad Name
I don’t have anything against attachment parents, per se. I have a few good friends who practice AP, and they are perfectly nice and surprisingly sane. What I do have a problem is unabashed smuggery and sanctimonious crowing, especially when you consider that no cares about your parenting style once your kid hits a certain age.
More than that, there’s no excuse for unfunny jokes or shoddily thrown together sanctimonious ecards. Yet, there’s no lack of crappy jokes made by unfunny parents littered all over the internet like tiny guinea pig poos, co-opting memes that weren’t funny in the first place and turning them into what I imagine would be produced if a dad joke and the Kids Are Punny book got it on to the sweet sounds of Weird Al Yankovich.
When you do this, you aren’t just being a cockspider who has to write annoying blog posts about why you can’t hang out with your friends, pretending it’s because you’re busy and not unbearable. You also give sane attachment parents a bad name.
Here is but a small and irritating sample of the people who are so enamoured with the smell of their own farts that they don’t care how stupid they sound.
Oh, the ecards. A loving God would make the ecards stop.
1. Mmmm, baby formula!
Can I just point out that “said no one…ever!” is the new version of that sick middle school burn, “psych!” except way more irritating?
2. Hey everyone, you’ll regret not wearing your baby.
My daughter loved it when I tried to wrangle her thrashing body into a sling she didn’t want to be in…psych!
3. You don’t co-sleep because it makes your life easier…
…you do it because it makes talking about how you co-sleep and being an all around whiny martyr easier, DUH.
4. I want to read another sanctimonious breastfeeding ecard, said no reasonable person…EVAR!
Not being a sanctimonious scrote. I like mine better.
5. QUICK! Someone validate this person before she’s forced to do it herself with an ecar-
–damn, too late!
Poor Ryan Gosling, he had no idea that the already stupid “hey girl” meme would be co-opted into his face being used to give attachment parents stroke fuel. Sorry, dude.
6. Ryan Gosling would never let your baby cry it out because Ryan Gosling is a god among men.
Just turn on the light. Then it’s not a dark room.
7. Ryan Gosling doesn’t mind if you squirt boob juice into his eye because Ryan Gosling is eligible for divine ascension.
8. Ryan Gosling will enable you in being an insecure whiny douche because Ryan Gosling is actually…eh fuck it.
9. Wait, does Ryan Gosling love science or hate it? Whatever. Doctors are over-educated jerks anyway. Treat with garlic.
And then you have your miscellaneous clever shit, where people who have a very loose understanding of how to open and then subsequently push buttons in Photoshop can make all manner of unhilarious shenangians.
10. Yeah, shut up.
11. HAW HAW
12. Wait, wut?
This last one baffles me. Are we not supposed to put hats on babies now? Is that neglectful? Was there a study that says unhatted babies are amazeballs at school and can control the weather with their minds? How did this person find a more repulsive font than comic sans?
I need answers.