Let’s Debate Whether This AP Mama Refusing To Brush Her Kid’s Hair Is Awesome Or Neglectful
A mom over at an AP parenting blog has said that you can always tell what child is being raised with attachment parenting by the fact they have messy un-combed hair. I was an AP, well, up until my kids started school, and I still agree with the fundamentals of AP parenting and all that. But I always made sure my kids had brushed hair. This is such an interesting concept and I totally get what this AP mama is saying and I agree with her! I Do! Here is what she says from her blog Nothing By The Book.com:
IT’S THEIR HAIR.
Part of their bodies.
I do not assault it, when they are unwilling, with a hair brush, any more than I would assault, do violence, on any other part of their bodies.
Under their own dominion—not mine.
Their wild, messy hair? Part of the lesson that they’re learning that no one—not me, not nice Mr. Jones down the street, not that creepy dude in the park, and not their first, over-eager boyfriend—has a right to do anything to their bodies that they don’t want them to do.
YES! Right on! No one should ever touch you without your permission and I fully agree with that. I think it’s important to teach kids from a very young age that they have dominion over their own little bodies and no one can touch them unless they want them to.
But the idea of sending my kids out into this great big world with crazy, tangled messy hair is not something I ever did, or that I could ever do. Now that they are older I just hand them the brush or tell the to go fix their haaaaaar, but when they were little I always brushed it, no matter how much they fussed. I was gentle and slow when I did it, and I aways styled it how they wanted, but I still did it.
I did it because I think people should look kept in this world. I think people should bathe and put on clean clothes and brush their teeth and hair. I teach my kids that as long as these things are done, how they look, what size they are, what brands they wear, how attractive they are, is not as important as how they are on the inside. I teach them that no one can touch their bodies unless they want them to. But my daughter has crazy ridic long curly hair and if I don’t have her brush it and I don’t help her brush it , it dreds like crazy and she ends up with giant matts in it and if she wants to have long hair she needs to understand she has to take care of it. If I let her go even a day without it being picked or combed she ends up with monster tangles, and then having to remove these is always painful for both of us.
I agree with the sentiment behind this mom’s decision, but I still want my kids to look “minded after” when they are out in public, even though I shouldn’t care what anyone thinks. For me it’s like I wouldn’t let them go out somewhere with dirty clothes on, so having brushed hair is just part of me wanting them to appear “clean” to the outside world.