Childrearing

Anonymous Mom: I Hate My Germ Factory Nephews

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germ factoryAnonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.

I HATE my nephews. A strong word, you say? How about despise, detest, loathe? In short, I can’t stand the little brats.

Before I had a child of my own, I merely disliked them. They made me long for those proverbial “good ol’ days,” when children were seen and not heard. A golden age of yore when they had it half right (I mean, I’d rather not see them either, truth be told). However, thanks to their mother and grandmother, who, God only know why, have worked them up to a fever pitch over my new baby, my feelings have escalated to complete abhorrence (yes, I consulted a thesaurus in composing this piece).

When I was a kid, I wasn’t allowed to look at babies sideways. I actually recall my grandmother yelling “don’t look at the baby!” at me when I dared attempt a furtive glance in the direction of my newborn cousin. I don’t know what she thought would ensue as a result, but it was clearly very dire and not something she wanted on her conscience. I suppose I internalized the message that babies are not to be looked at, touched or in any way interfered with by anyone other than their mother, and it’s hard for me to let go of that early life lesson. Add to that my WASP aversion to human contact, and you’re dealing with someone who just doesn’t want someone else’s kids pawing at my baby, relatives or not. Period.

It was tough for me being a part of my husband’s family even before I had a baby. They’re huggers, which I find really annoying. And there are a lot of them, so the round of hugs takes for-bloody-ever when they all get together. Is there a polite way to say “no, I don’t want to hug you and I certainly don’t want to hug your snot-nosed little germ factory, who brings a new viral strain home from kindergarten on a daily basis.”

I was raised by my grandmother, who loved me dearly but never once hugged me, although she did give me a kiss on the cheek on the occasion of my first international plane trip (no, domestic flights, apparently, did not warrant any untoward displays of affection).

My husband’s family is also loud, obnoxious and demanding, come to think of it (gee, I wonder where the nephews get it from?). Before my daughter was born, I was able to take them in small doses with copious amounts of alcohol. However, that wonderful, liquid coping mechanism is now off the menu thanks to the mystical, magical, surprisingly-ineffective-against-kindergarten-germs breastfeeding. And I’m seeing more of them than I ever had to before becoming a parent.

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360 Comments

  1. CMJ

    October 31, 2013 at 11:03 am

    Um. Do you like anything?

    And all kids get colds….This is kind of horrible. (I can’t even be that eloquent right now because I’m kind of taken aback by this)

    • Frances Locke

      October 31, 2013 at 11:37 am

      I seriously almost raged out when I was reading this. I couldn’t get through it.

    • dorothydavis124

      October 31, 2013 at 12:45 pm

      before I looked at the check ov $4001, I didn’t believe
      …that…my best friend was like really making money parttime from there
      labtop.. there great aunt has done this for only fifteen months and recently
      paid for the mortgage on their apartment and bought a great new Aston Martin
      DB5. we looked here, http://www.bay35.ℂℴm

    • dorothydavis124

      October 31, 2013 at 12:45 pm

      before I looked at the check ov $4001, I didn’t believe
      …that…my best friend was like really making money parttime from there
      labtop.. there great aunt has done this for only fifteen months and recently
      paid for the mortgage on their apartment and bought a great new Aston Martin
      DB5. we looked here, http://www.bay35.ℂℴm

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2013 at 12:47 pm

      I’m total spambot bait…should I be flattered?

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      October 31, 2013 at 9:42 pm

      They only spambot the truly amazing ones 🙂

    • blh

      November 1, 2013 at 1:41 pm

      If she thinks kids are so annoying WHY IN THE WORLD would she have one. She’s in for a hell of a rude awakening when her daughter is an annoying toddler and starts school and gets sick a lot.

    • Jenn

      November 7, 2013 at 3:52 pm

      I kind of thought the same thing…that her daughter might be getting no snuggles or kisses at all makes me kind of sad.

    • Blueathena623

      November 1, 2013 at 9:43 pm

      I know this is an old comment, but I want to reply to it anyways.
      Sometimes a cold is not a cold. As I said above, my kid has a second cousin, and all four times they have played together my kid has gotten sick. Like, sick, sick. Between operations for ear tubes and doctors visits and trips to the hospital, I’ve spent close to 7 grand. The thing that made me finally just decide to have no more visits is that I point blank asked if said cousin was healthy, they said yes, we came over, and the kid is coughing and sneezing and running a temp. Hell no. Plus, these days with all the anti-vaxers, I understand being wary.

    • CMJ

      November 1, 2013 at 9:46 pm

      I totally get her frustration. I really do. I think what bothers me the most is that she places all the hate (and blame) on the children. If this article was about her in-laws, I would have a completely different outlook. The tone of this piece was what really threw me off.

    • Blueathena623

      November 1, 2013 at 10:03 pm

      But she talks a lot about her frustration with her inlaws.

    • Blueathena623

      November 1, 2013 at 10:03 pm

      But she talks a lot about her frustration with her inlaws.

  2. Snarktopus

    October 31, 2013 at 11:06 am

    My husband’s family are huggers, too. It’s weird and uncomfortable for me, so mostly I compromise with the dreaded ‘side-hug’.

  3. Snarktopus

    October 31, 2013 at 11:06 am

    My husband’s family are huggers, too. It’s weird and uncomfortable for me, so mostly I compromise with the dreaded ‘side-hug’.

    • waffre

      October 31, 2013 at 12:05 pm

      My non-hugger mother and I (she didn’t actually raise me but I still turned out to be mostly a non-hugger also) were just discussing the side-hug the other day! Side-hugs: awkward but useful. 😀

    • Bethany Ramos

      October 31, 2013 at 12:07 pm

      They used to make us do them to the opposite sex at church when I was young: The Open-Face Sandwich.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 31, 2013 at 12:11 pm

      My dad’s family is a bunch of side-huggers. I’m not the most touchy-feely person in the world, but I’ll take a full frontal hug over the awkward side hug ANY day.

    • JLH1986

      October 31, 2013 at 12:30 pm

      A good friend is like this. Her solution. She goes in for the hug first. That way she controls the length and how tight etc. etc. Not sure if that would help you but she finds it effective.

    • Cee

      October 31, 2013 at 12:23 pm

      My family are huggers. Somehow, I didn’t catch that gene. The side hug has seem to has pretty much told some how I feel about hugs.

  4. Mystik Spiral

    October 31, 2013 at 11:08 am

    Wow. I feel sorry for your husband’s family.

  5. Myriam

    October 31, 2013 at 11:13 am

    I feel sorry for you… Why would you blame your nephews if they have a cold, as if they were purposefully catching it? Do you blame yourself when you have one? I don’t care if you don’t like your nephews, that’s your right, but to blame them… And how can you be so sure they are the ones responsible for your daughter’s colds? Couldn’t it be you? Maybe you wiped her spit up with your hand at the grocery store (where you were exposed to the virus on the shopping cart handle? Maybe that kiss you gave her exposed her to the cold you successfully fought but she didn’t…

  6. SlowCrunch

    October 31, 2013 at 11:19 am

    How horrible that your child has a large family that adores her and doesn’t hold affection back. Do you seriously plan not to hug or kiss your own kid??

    Get a grip, lady, and wait til YOUR kid gets a snotty nose. I sincerely hope you don’t withhold affection from her just because she doesn’t meet your standard of cleanliness.

  7. 21foothouse

    October 31, 2013 at 11:28 am

    Wow. Usually I find this column one that I can side with and support the writer on. But in this case, just wow. I thought perhaps you were going to write about your nephews being unpleasant in personality, or otherwise vulgar in their behaviour and then comment on their parenting and how their behaviour makes you uncomfortable.

    Instead it is a two page article about hating them for being affectionate, enthusiastic, and sadly, exposed to common viruses that are probably bolstering your daughter’s immune system so that she’ll become ill less often when SHE goes to school.

    You sound very unhappy, and it’s reflecting in your behaviour towards your nephews, who frankly, are 5 and 2. The fact that you can so vocally “hate” a 5 and 2 year old to the point where you wish upon them parental divorce and total alienation from a family that is obviously very loving, is disturbing. If you dislike your husband’s family so much, then stop visiting with them. That way you will only be hurting yourself and your own child, but I find it despicable that you would wish alienation on your nephews for YOUR personal comfort. Punish yourself (and sadly your daughter) not your nephews. They don’t deserve your company anyway, they’re better than that.

    • Andrea

      October 31, 2013 at 3:44 pm

      I found this piece VERY disturbing. I usually can sympathize AND empathize with the anon writers. They have the sort of secrets and deep feelings we all have and it feels great to go OMG YOU TOO?? THANK GOD!

      But this made me cringe. And I said this as someone who is not particularly enamored of children, even after I had my own. But the feelings this writer has are pretty intense. And disturbing.

    • Courtney Lynn

      October 31, 2013 at 4:53 pm

      That’s what bothers me about it, too. I’m not too crazy about other people’s kids, either but I agree that “intense” is a good word.

    • 21foothouse

      November 1, 2013 at 8:20 am

      I’m not hugely fond of or comfortable around children either. But I love my cousin’s kids even though their diaper’s smell, and a teammate had a baby recently who always insists on putting spitty things on me so I cringe on the inside when I have to hold her, but I would still never wish that the relationship between this baby’s parents falls apart, forcing my teammate to up and move away because I don’t like getting drooled on by her infant.

      And sometimes I’ll jokingly blame my friend’s kids for getting me sick after I spend a few hours around them, but never in a serious ‘god why do you have to have these filthy little children’ way.

      The intensity here is definitely what is disturbing and while she may think that she’s hiding it well when in their presence, if her feelings about them are really that strong, they can probably tell and it might even make them want to try harder, the poor little dudes. My grandmother very much disliked me and would every so often let a comment slip no matter how she tried to hide it. About my hair, or my clothes, or my lack of ability to knit (?) Kids are pretty good at figuring these things out, especially as they age.

      I know it’s reaching, but maybe their mother and grandmother work them into a frenzy about their cousin when they come over because the boys are dreading the visit from their cold angry aunt.

      Or maybe they’re just genuinely happy kids who are blissfully unaware. I hope that’s it.

    • whiteroses

      November 1, 2013 at 9:00 pm

      Pretty much all of this.

    • Katia

      November 2, 2013 at 12:08 pm

      Maybe you would be less anxious if you had a stash of sanitizing wipes every time you held the kid. I have kids but none are droolers. I’d have a hard time with spit/ drool too!

    • Katia

      November 2, 2013 at 12:08 pm

      Maybe you would be less anxious if you had a stash of sanitizing wipes every time you held the kid. I have kids but none are droolers. I’d have a hard time with spit/ drool too!

    • Myra A Cottrill

      October 31, 2013 at 7:19 pm

      I so agree. I can’t sympathize at all. I’m trying to find some benefit of the doubt to give. Perhaps she has other stresses or issues, maybe this article is coming off too strongly because she’s kept this bottled up for a while and doesn’t have an outlet. However, it’s really tough to find some common ground here. She hates affectionate children who obviously love their niece. Further, she proudly self identifies a WASP, while denigrating her husband’s entire family. Does he know she feels this way? Ouch.

    • whiteroses

      October 31, 2013 at 7:37 pm

      Here’s hoping he doesn’t. I can’t imagine how much that one would hurt.

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2013 at 8:03 pm

      I can’t stop thinking about that.

    • whiteroses

      November 1, 2013 at 9:37 am

      It’s disturbing, to say the very least.

    • CMJ

      November 1, 2013 at 9:07 pm

      The down vote police seems to really dislike us in this post.

    • whiteroses

      November 1, 2013 at 10:04 pm

      Eh, it’s all good 🙂

    • whiteroses

      November 1, 2013 at 10:04 pm

      Eh, it’s all good 🙂

    • Jenn

      November 7, 2013 at 3:54 pm

      lol @ the down vote police…

    • Jenn

      November 7, 2013 at 3:55 pm

      I found her WASP self-identifier puzzling as well…as best I am aware, I am a WASP (other than not being religious) and I’m not sure how that relates to the rest of this article. Did anyone else get the feeling that maybe, just maybe, her husband’s family isn’t that WASP-y?

    • Talia Gamble

      November 25, 2013 at 2:40 pm

      Yes, that could be it, my sister in law thinks my husband’s family is all trash even though they are all normal middle class people. She is just all about money and society. I can’t abide that in people. I’m pretty sure this girl probably think she and her daughter are “Above” her nephews and husband’s family and that’s part of the problem.

    • Talia Gamble

      November 25, 2013 at 2:15 pm

      This girl’s daughter is going to grow up to be a cold elitist who picks and chooses who is worthy of her affection. I feel VERY VERY VERY sorry for her and anyone she may interact with as she gets older.

  8. jendra_berri

    October 31, 2013 at 11:30 am

    I haven’t read anything that these kids do that warrant hatred. They hug and are excited about your baby. That’s it? I can understand feeling uncomfortable with lots of physical affection, but this hate-on you have for your husband’s family over it is rather… much.

  9. Sara610

    October 31, 2013 at 11:33 am

    Well, don’t you just sound like the world’s biggest pain in the ass.

    Your nephews love their new baby cousin and they’re excited to see her. Poor baby–I can see how that would be awful for you. Quick, get my violin so I can play you a mournful soundtrack to go along with your oh-so-difficult life.

    Yes, it’s reasonable to ask that they don’t hug and kiss her when they’re sick, but you really seem to have your panties in a twist over what actually sounds like a loving family that many people would give a right arm to have. Unless you’re leaving out some pretty key elements, I’d say that if spending time with your family is really such a burden to your delicate sensibilities, they’d probably be better off without your company anyway.

  10. alice

    October 31, 2013 at 11:34 am

    the stock photo for this article is awesome.

    your problems stem from hating your husband’s family. it’s easy to hate your inlaws, and hold them responsible for everything you dislike about your husband. it’s easy to unfavorably compare them to your own family. your own family was perfect, after all.

    it’s easy to be better than everyone else.

    /dr.philling on mommyish

    • Bethany Ramos

      October 31, 2013 at 11:55 am

      Dr. Philling FTW!

  11. Eve Vawter

    October 31, 2013 at 11:35 am

    It would pretty much break my heart if I knew anyone felt this way about my kids

    • pineapplegrasss

      October 31, 2013 at 3:03 pm

      That’s exactly what I was thinking and started head analyzing my relatives and such. My boys are 2 and 7. I kinda want to cry. Maybe that’s just bc boy #3 is on the way and everything makes me sadcry or happycry

    • pineapplegrasss

      October 31, 2013 at 3:03 pm

      That’s exactly what I was thinking and started head analyzing my relatives and such. My boys are 2 and 7. I kinda want to cry. Maybe that’s just bc boy #3 is on the way and everything makes me sadcry or happycry

    • Ellen

      October 31, 2013 at 7:48 pm

      I don’t like one of my nieces at all. She is annoying and sneaky. Her parents tolerate and even defend her behavior. I don’t even like to have her over, although we do fairly often. We can’t like everyone, not even kids.

    • Emil

      October 31, 2013 at 8:00 pm

      I think that’s different than being overly affectionate. I don’t tolerate bad behavior in my house either but you can’t really blame a kid for carrying germs, and why wouldn’t you want your child to be loved by his cousins? I will admit that I am a biased because my kids don’t have cousins (which makes me a little sad)

    • Spiderpigmom

      November 1, 2013 at 9:33 am

      My kid has cousins. When he was born, one of my sisters brought her cold-stricken toddler son to the maternity ward (as in, his face was covered with snot) and I had to ask her to wash his hands. It didn’t make me hate my nephew. It didn’t even make me hate my sister (it did make me feel super annoyed with her, though). And I love love love when my nephews are affectionate with my son, even if they might be a tad rough. I think there’s something else going on with the AM and her family. This is not normal.

    • Spiderpigmom

      November 1, 2013 at 9:33 am

      My kid has cousins. When he was born, one of my sisters brought her cold-stricken toddler son to the maternity ward (as in, his face was covered with snot) and I had to ask her to wash his hands. It didn’t make me hate my nephew. It didn’t even make me hate my sister (it did make me feel super annoyed with her, though). And I love love love when my nephews are affectionate with my son, even if they might be a tad rough. I think there’s something else going on with the AM and her family. This is not normal.

    • Annie

      November 1, 2013 at 1:16 pm

      Totally understood, but there’s a difference between ‘dislike’ and ‘vitriolic’.

    • Savvy

      November 2, 2013 at 9:57 pm

      I’ve hated one of my nieces for years. She is my awful sister just smaller. She was an awful, sneaky, lying, conniving, tricky little child. I couldn’t stand to be near her. When my sister moved from down the street to three hours away I almost threw a party. This kid sucks. Two years ago they moved back. She’s a bit older now (11) and not as bad as she was, but I still don’t like her. She’s just as awful as I remember. A better liar with bigger tricks than ever.
      You would never know I feel this way because I don’t tell anyone (expect my husband one night after she was over. His reply was, “Thank God it’s not just me. Isn’t she AWFUL?!).
      She gets hugs and gifts on the holidays and we all meet every Sunday after church for ice cream. Even though she is awful I still treat her kindly as I can because children can feel when an adult doesn’t like them. I hope anon mom’s nephews can’t feel the hatred and animosity this auntie feel towards them.

    • noelle 02

      October 31, 2013 at 9:00 pm

      I love my niece and nephew. Adore them, really. But I do hate the fact that my kids get sick after we visit every time. I do hate the fact that the nearly three year old is a bully and my four year old has bite marks and bruises after we leave every time. Maybe anonymous mom is just having a hard time separating a detest of their behavior and its impact on her baby with her actual feelings about the boys?

    • Eve Vawter

      November 1, 2013 at 5:08 am

      Noelle I am so stealing this for today!

    • ranchmom

      November 1, 2013 at 12:21 pm

      I’m afraid I am a mom who feels this way about both sets of nieces and nephews. They are from different sides of the family, and are different ages, but as a result of the same kind of spoiling neglect from their parents (my brother, my husband’s sister and spouses) both sets are rude, picky eaters, greedy, often mean, undisciplined, selfish brats. I try to talk myself into liking them before each visit; I recognize that the bad behavior their parents fault, not theirs (although this is getting harder and harder to rationalize in the 17 year old) , and I exhibit every kind of patient and friendly auntie behavior I know how. After a few hours, not to mention a few days, I’m simply back to wishing they would go away. The retraining of my three kids takes up to a week after each visit. It’s exhausting.

    • K.

      November 1, 2013 at 3:23 pm

      Yeah… From what I can gage, this woman hates her nephews for…being enthusiastic about her baby? And wanting to hug and kiss it?? I mean, fine–you don’t have to be the mom that considers that SO ADORABLE!!! and you can also be the mom of the germ-Nazi varietal, but this is so mean.

      Anon. Mom., it sounds like you were raised in a strict household with very clear boundaries, and it also sounds like it’s supremely distressing for you when rules/boundaries etc. aren’t as clearly defined or ‘violated’ by others. Maybe you ‘hate’ your nephews, but I think this is really misplaced rage at feeling out of control yourself in the absence of customs that you grew up with. Instead of suffering in silence, maybe you should politely establish your own (reasonable) boundaries with the baby and your nephews–clearly, NOT doing this for yourself is causing some resentment.

      I am myself a person that HATES “forced intimacy”–hugging people I don’t know well, saying “I love you” to people casually, etc. etc., but getting angry over it doesn’t do anything good for me or my relationships with others. So be proactive–if you don’t want your nephews around the baby, give them an idea of something else to do (“Hey, show me how many jumping jacks you can do!” “Every blade of grass is just sitting there wishing they had a name. Isn’t that sad??”), tell them the new rule is they have to go wash their hands before touching baby, maybe even bring a cheap toy like a slinky or something to distract them.

      And by the way–trust me, it’s not going to be long before your own precious progeny will be finding unbelievably creative ways to gross you out.

    • K.

      November 1, 2013 at 3:23 pm

      Yeah… From what I can gage, this woman hates her nephews for…being enthusiastic about her baby? And wanting to hug and kiss it?? I mean, fine–you don’t have to be the mom that considers that SO ADORABLE!!! and you can also be the mom of the germ-Nazi varietal, but this is so mean.

      Anon. Mom., it sounds like you were raised in a strict household with very clear boundaries, and it also sounds like it’s supremely distressing for you when rules/boundaries etc. aren’t as clearly defined or ‘violated’ by others. Maybe you ‘hate’ your nephews, but I think this is really misplaced rage at feeling out of control yourself in the absence of customs that you grew up with. Instead of suffering in silence, maybe you should politely establish your own (reasonable) boundaries with the baby and your nephews–clearly, NOT doing this for yourself is causing some resentment.

      I am myself a person that HATES “forced intimacy”–hugging people I don’t know well, saying “I love you” to people casually, etc. etc., but getting angry over it doesn’t do anything good for me or my relationships with others. So be proactive–if you don’t want your nephews around the baby, give them an idea of something else to do (“Hey, show me how many jumping jacks you can do!” “Every blade of grass is just sitting there wishing they had a name. Isn’t that sad??”), tell them the new rule is they have to go wash their hands before touching baby, maybe even bring a cheap toy like a slinky or something to distract them.

      And by the way–trust me, it’s not going to be long before your own precious progeny will be finding unbelievably creative ways to gross you out.

    • Hyperbolme

      November 1, 2013 at 7:15 pm

      You said pretty much what I was thinking, but with oodles more tact. Thank you. Cousins loving their newborn cousin is a good, sweet thing! And lack of germs will make your kid SICK, not well. I’ll scoot off now to hope that these little boys have at least one other aunt who loves them.

    • Blueathena623

      November 1, 2013 at 9:36 pm

      See, I get it though. I’m not sure if I would use every synonym for hate, but I have 5 nieces and nephews — three are adopted. Out of the three, one I like just fine, one is overly, crazily, dramatically affectionate, and one has sinus problems so she constantly has snot on her face. All the time. I feel for these kids, I do. I understand why they are the way they are, because of their shitty upbringing before they were adopted.
      But I cringe at the thought of interacting with them. The affectionate one has to be the center of attention and if my kid happens to be getting some attention, she latches on and is just hugging him until he can’t breathe. As for the snotty one, imagine snot being liberally smeared on your kids face. Tell me you aren’t cringing.
      The kiddo also has a second cousin around his age he has met 4 times. All 4 times he has gotten sick. And I don’t mean a cough. I mean a cold that turned into an ear infection that resulted in ear tubes. A case of pink eye that took over a month and a ton of dr visits to cure. A cough that turned into pneumonia and almost needed hospitalization. I’ve given up — I lie whenever he is in town because I can’t afford, emotionally or financially, for my kid to get sick again.
      Again, I don’t hate them, but they bug me, and when their parents egg them on, it bother me. When they are urging them to be affectionate, and that results in one of them hugging and toting him up the stairs and they fall, I just want to tell them “hands off!”

    • Seriously?

      November 8, 2013 at 1:44 pm

      So you have no problems with the “blood” children, but completely dismiss the adopted children. OK then.

    • Blueathena623

      November 8, 2013 at 4:19 pm

      The blood kids are years older than the adopted ones. I wasn’t too terribly fond of the blood kids when they were that little, but they also did not have the same attachment and health issues as the adopted ones.
      And I have never once dismissed them. I single each and every one of them out for special attention. I hope to have a tea party soon where just the clingy one will come. I give them just as many hugs, kisses, presents, and kind words, but they still make me cringe because its just sooooo much energy and soooooo much snot.

  12. momjones

    October 31, 2013 at 11:36 am

    Please tell me this is poorly written satire.

  13. Frances Locke

    October 31, 2013 at 11:36 am

    I can’t tell if this is a troll or just a terrible human being. (DELETED MEANNESS I DIDN’T MEAN) *Edited* After seeing her comments below, I’m thinking she might’ve just come off wrong, so I am withholding judgement.

    • alice

      October 31, 2013 at 11:40 am

      hahahah. i *think* it’s supposed to be heavily sarcastic. (i hope)

    • Frances Locke

      October 31, 2013 at 11:51 am

      I hope so too. That was my immediate thought, but then I wasn’t sure after reading further. The whole thing comes off as possibly sarcastic. If it is then this is some impressive satire, very dry (and I enjoy dry humor).

  14. Mel

    October 31, 2013 at 11:38 am

    I don’t blame you one bit for feeling this way. I’m not a fan of being grabbed and squeezed by a big, loud family either, but as an adult I deal with it and enjoy the fact that we love each other. That said, it’s your baby and you get to decide who touches it! Kids are gross. It’s just a fact. They do tend to be travelling petridishes. It doesn’t mean we don’t love them, and it doesn’t make us horrible people for speaking the truth. I’ll say it again – it’s your baby and you get to decide who touches and grabs and kisses it. Having boundaries for yourself and your child does not make you evil.

    • ChillMama

      October 31, 2013 at 12:56 pm

      Yes, but deciding who can touch them (totally understandable), and wishing they would move far, far away so you’d never have to see them are two different things. It just feels like she’s picking on little kids.

    • Mel

      October 31, 2013 at 12:29 pm

      I disagree. Telling them they should move far away is mean and picking on little kids. Wishing things in the privacy of your own mind is just an outlet for frustration.

    • whiteroses

      October 31, 2013 at 3:55 pm

      True. A person can think whatever they want to think. But this? This is not that.

    • whiteroses

      October 31, 2013 at 3:55 pm

      True. A person can think whatever they want to think. But this? This is not that.

    • whiteroses

      October 31, 2013 at 3:55 pm

      True. A person can think whatever they want to think. But this? This is not that.

    • Mel

      October 31, 2013 at 4:51 pm

      How? How is this not “thinking and feeling whatever they want?” Did she discuss taking action against the children that was harmful and I just missed it?

    • whiteroses

      November 1, 2013 at 9:03 am

      Rejection of a child, by an adult who’s supposed to love them, can be just as harmful as actually physically hurting them. I speak from experience. I loved my father’s brother as a kid, and he loved me- I thought. I found out when I was an adult that he never wanted much to do with me, which explains why I’ve seen him once since my grandfather died when I was ten, twenty years ago. He hung out with me because my grandfather wanted to see me, and he wanted to see my grandfather.

      If you don’t think that made me question the motives of nearly every adult I came into contact with as a kid, you’re very, very wrong. I’ve gotten over it since, but oh my God, it hurt then. Probably disproportionately, because it sure seemed like he loved me. Fortunately, my mother has two brothers, and they are my real uncles. They are the ones who I can rely on, who make an effort to see me, and who I make an effort to see.

      How you treat kids makes a difference. You don’t have to physically harm someone to cause irreversible damage.

    • Mel

      November 1, 2013 at 8:25 pm

      I’m well aware of psychological harm. My mother is a narcissist. I get it. I’m so sorry for your bad personal experience. But that doesn’t mean that this writer is wrong for hating someone. Children aren’t “untouchables.” We don’t all exist only to serve them and make them happy. If their feelings get hurt, then that is sad indeed. But this writer didn’t say or do anything to the children. She should be villified for having mean feelings and thoughts? Not so much. If that’s the case, then we’re all responsible for ruining the lives of everyone we dislike. That’s absurd.

    • whiteroses

      November 1, 2013 at 8:40 pm

      You’re overstating what I said. Sure, she’s free to hate them all she wants. But it will make a difference to them. Saying otherwise is equally absurd. Especially when you’re supposed to love them, as I said. Random strangers are one thing. Family is another.

      Look, we’re not going to agree. And I don’t have the time/energy to continue this discussion. Thanks though.

    • Mel

      November 1, 2013 at 8:56 pm

      Good with me. Clearly we’re not going to agree about who is required to love whom and whether feelings are wrong. I do hope you have a good night, and I’ve enjoyed the chat.

    • whiteroses

      November 1, 2013 at 8:57 pm

      I can’t say the same, honestly. Insults from random people over the Internet don’t blow my dress over my head. Oh well.

    • Mel

      November 1, 2013 at 9:07 pm

      That’s fabulously ironic, considering you and others have been randomly insulting the Anon Mom. Thanks for the chuckle.

    • CMJ

      November 1, 2013 at 9:12 pm

      I think it’s fabulously ironic that you called out commenters for their “expressions of hatred being disgraceful” yet you seem to have absolutely no problem with Anon Mom’s hatred of her nephews.

    • CMJ

      November 1, 2013 at 9:12 pm

      I think it’s fabulously ironic that you called out commenters for their “expressions of hatred being disgraceful” yet you seem to have absolutely no problem with Anon Mom’s hatred of her nephews.

    • Mel

      November 1, 2013 at 9:24 pm

      You’re right. I’m not bothered by her hatred for children that clearly cause her distress. I am bothered by others who don’t actually know her telling her she’s mean and her feelings are wrong. Is that ironic? Probably. To be clear, I would have a problem if Anon was harassing or punishing the children. I do not have a problem with her feelings. I do not have a problem with commenters not agreeing. I do have a problem with commenters attacking. I hope that clears up my position some.

    • Mel

      November 1, 2013 at 9:24 pm

      You’re right. I’m not bothered by her hatred for children that clearly cause her distress. I am bothered by others who don’t actually know her telling her she’s mean and her feelings are wrong. Is that ironic? Probably. To be clear, I would have a problem if Anon was harassing or punishing the children. I do not have a problem with her feelings. I do not have a problem with commenters not agreeing. I do have a problem with commenters attacking. I hope that clears up my position some.

    • whiteroses

      November 1, 2013 at 9:55 pm

      Actually- telling someone you think they’re wrong isn’t an insult. It’s an opinion. There’s a distinct difference. I haven’t insulted Anon Mom once, and I’d be interested to see where you think I have. Now, IF I had called Anon Mom a skanky bitch, (which I didn’t do), THAT would be insulting. But that’s not something I would do, because 1) I don’t think she is one and 2) it’s the Internet. I try not to take it that seriously. And if I knew her, I have said nothing here that I wouldn’t say to her face.

      Out of curiosity- do you have issues breathing when it rains at all? Or is it just in comment sections where you judge other people for (possibly, not really) judging others? Does that make you the Biggest Judge of All and therefore better than all of us? You’re the one who’s been jumping down people’s throats- not me. But that notwithstanding- winning an Internet “fight” is a lot like winning at mud wrestling. Even when you win, you’re still covered in mud. Enjoy that, I suppose, and feel free to get the last word, since that seems to be important to you. I’ve got more important things to focus on.

    • Mel

      November 1, 2013 at 10:44 pm

      I’m confused about the breathing thing?? Um, I can breathe fine, thank you for asking. Clearly you have more important things to worry about this conversation, considering the frequency of your contributions to it. I’m super happy for you to have the last word. I didn’t realize that I was posting just for the sake of having the last word. I thought we were discussing something. But, I’ve been wrong before. This won’t be the last time either, to be sure. I would appreciate if you explained why it would be hard to breathe when it rains and why you think I’m not breathing while typing. I’m clearly not as clever with the snark as others. Thanks in advance.

    • Blueathena623

      November 1, 2013 at 9:48 pm

      But how do you know she’s really rejecting them? I see private frustration. I don’t think she’s actively pushing the kids away. I was awkward around my nieces and nephews while they were toddlers. It was very much a head-pat nice to see you go run along and play sort of thing. Now that they are older, I love them, and they think I’m an awesome aunt.

    • whiteroses

      November 1, 2013 at 9:54 pm

      I don’t see this as awkwardness. I see it as vitriolic hatred. It’s hard to hide that stuff. I don’t know, maybe those little guys are extremely lucky and have no clue she feels that way about them, but this isn’t awkwardness by any stretch as far as I can see.

      Awkward is very different from “omg I hope your parents divorce so I never have to see you again”.

    • Blueathena623

      November 1, 2013 at 10:00 pm

      I guess we just see different things. I see a writer who was trying to get attention and went a little overboard.

    • Blueathena623

      November 1, 2013 at 10:00 pm

      I guess we just see different things. I see a writer who was trying to get attention and went a little overboard.

    • whiteroses

      November 1, 2013 at 10:08 pm

      I agree on some level too. She wanted attention- and got the wrong kind.

      I read this like, “oh. okay. well, that’s unfortunate…..sure, she’s probably frustrated with that… oh wow….. holy crap. that’s… okay… wtf. wtf.” That was my thought process.

    • CMJ

      November 1, 2013 at 10:13 pm

      Yes. This was exactly my thought process as well.

    • whiteroses

      November 1, 2013 at 10:08 pm

      I agree on some level too. She wanted attention- and got the wrong kind.

      I read this like, “oh. okay. well, that’s unfortunate…..sure, she’s probably frustrated with that… oh wow….. holy crap. that’s… okay… wtf. wtf.” That was my thought process.

    • Blueathena623

      November 1, 2013 at 10:00 pm

      I guess we just see different things. I see a writer who was trying to get attention and went a little overboard.

    • Allyson_et_al

      November 2, 2013 at 1:43 am

      Kids aren’t stupid, If she hates her nephews as much as she says she does, they’ll likely pick up on it sooner or later.

    • Blueathena623

      November 2, 2013 at 8:59 am

      Except she says on a comment on this post that maybe she will like them later. There are tons of people who don’t like babies and little kids but get along with them find when they are older.

      I think the different responses to this article depend on how much we believe her word choice and how much we think she was embellishing to be dramatic.

  15. Anon

    October 31, 2013 at 11:43 am

    I thought the point of Anonymous Mom was that you could confess your deepest, darkest feelings and fears so that you could get them off your chest and maybe someone else could identify with how you are feeling. Why would you think I’m horrible or don’t like anything or feel sorry for my husband’s family? I’m a great daughter-in-law and get along with everyone in my husband’s family. And I’m sure I’ll like my nephews when they’re older and I can take them out and hash over all the family gossip with them. But for now, no… I don’t want them all up in my daughter’s grill. The truth is I live in terror that they’re going to hurt her because they roughhouse so much and try to give her toys she shouldn’t have. Hence the crazy.

    • SlowCrunch

      October 31, 2013 at 11:50 am

      Yeah, your article doesn’t reflect the mindset of this comment at all. You just say you hate your nephews because they have runny noses (and how sad for THEM that they apparently have less-than-optimal immune systems) and they show a desire to be close to you and your offspring.

      That makes you seem like horrible person. If that’s not what you meant, that’s not what you should have written.

    • TngldBlue

      October 31, 2013 at 11:50 am

      Had you written it from the perspective of “hey I’m a new mom and my nephews are super rough with my baby and it makes me crazy because I’m afraid they’ll hurt her” you would probably get a lot of support. But this? Sounds like you hate your nephews because they like to show their love for your daughter and you can’t stand your in laws because they encourage it. The whole I hope my nephews move far away so my daughter never knows her cousins and I really hope she turns out to be someone who is unable to show affection through touch is just sad.

    • LadyClodia

      October 31, 2013 at 11:51 am

      But you didn’t write about that last bit, only about them being sick and touchy with her. And the tone of your article is pretty snarky and mean; you can confess to not liking other kids, but, really, this reads as mean.
      And just because you wrote it as Anonymous Mom doesn’t mean that people won’t have opinions about it, we just don’t know who you are.

    • Frances Locke

      October 31, 2013 at 11:56 am

      See, now if you’d have put it like that I would have felt very differently. I think we all know that feeling. But saying you literally hate two toddlers (well, one is a bit older) is just rough to read. If you were being hyperbolic then that’s one thing, but it didn’t come off that way, which is unfortunate because you seem totally rational in this comment.

    • Mel

      October 31, 2013 at 12:00 pm

      You should not be ashamed of your feelings and fears. When did loving your husband mean that you have to be unconditionally devoted to every aspect of his family? Geez, people back off. You can disagree with the writer, but to trash her as a human being………that’s not what this site is about. Unless I’m missing something, the writer isn’t attacking others verbally or physically. She’s just expressing unhappiness and frustration. The moms that are attacking here are probably the same moms who freak out when people don’t read their minds and respect every rule they have about contact with their own kids. It’s like a mob in here today. Too much halloween candy and stress maybe??

    • Eve Vawter

      October 31, 2013 at 12:02 pm

      actually, I have NO candy WTF is wrong with the world where is my candy? Mel, did you take my candy??? 🙁

    • Mel

      October 31, 2013 at 12:06 pm

      Drat! Was that yours, Eve?! My bad. I enjoyed it very much, if that makes you feel any better 🙂

    • Eve Vawter

      October 31, 2013 at 12:07 pm

      WHAT-EVER. I actually left the candy in the trunk of my husband’s car so I would not eat it all 🙁 Now I regret this decision

    • Mel

      October 31, 2013 at 12:12 pm

      That is truly unfortunate! Let’s all stop arguing about this Anon Mom and work together to get Eve some much-deserved candy. Who’s with me?!

    • bl

      October 31, 2013 at 12:22 pm

      I more interested in knowing why you were in Eve’s husband’s trunk, regardless of the candy you found there 😉

    • Mel

      October 31, 2013 at 12:27 pm

      ummmm….errrrr….. wait, where am I?

    • Mel

      October 31, 2013 at 12:27 pm

      ummmm….errrrr….. wait, where am I?

    • Eve Vawter

      October 31, 2013 at 12:33 pm

      YEAH RIGHT? Talk about junk in the trunk ! sheesh 😉

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2013 at 12:34 pm

      But he’s bringing it home, right? Just make up for it later!

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2013 at 12:13 pm

      You know, I don’t think anon mom is a horrible person. What she wrote, however, was pretty horrible.

      I also know a bit about a crazy in-law.

    • Whatwhatque

      October 31, 2013 at 1:23 pm

      Whenever I get frustrated with in-laws I just remind myself how much worse it could be and it sounds like Anon could benefit from that, too. Sounds like they’re loud but not mean to her…in fact it seems like they are trying to bring her into the fold and make her feel welcome (unfortunately, the thing they do to make people feel loved is a thing she hates.)

    • whiteroses

      October 31, 2013 at 4:06 pm

      Personally, I don’t always like my nieces. They’re human beings, so am I, and sometimes we don’t get along. But I certainly don’t wish that I could never see them again or that their mother would take them away.
      That’s the difference.

    • Mel

      October 31, 2013 at 4:50 pm

      Well, that’s terrific for you. I feel the same way about my nieces and nephew. I’m still not understanding why it’s okay for us to tell this woman her feelings are wrong and evil. If she had acted to actually get rid of the children or hurt their feelings, that’s a different conversation. But we’re talking about feelings and wishes here. Get a grip! I sure hope nobody attacks me or you for our wishes and feelings. I would be totally screwed and I imagine the same could be said for all of the self-righteous posters here. Yourself included.

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2013 at 6:15 pm

      Frankly? Her feelings (as described above) are wrong. According to this article (and please, PLEASE contradict me if you see otherwise) she loathes, hates (as she mentioned – every other word in the thesaurus for hate) these kids for being kids.

      I actually do think that’s wrong. Now, I don’t think she’s evil and I’m really curious to hear more of the story – because as it’s written, I just cannot fathom how this constitutes HATE of her nephews. Hating a toddler and five year-old because they are germy and loud and rambunctious is not an adequate reason for unbridled hate.

      Additionally, if you don’t want people to have an opinion on your feelings don’t put it on the internet..,anonymous or not.

    • Mel

      October 31, 2013 at 6:24 pm

      Listen to yourself: “Frankly, her feelings are wrong” Her FEELINGS are WRONG?! Wow. You don’t get to decide what is “adequate reason” for hate. You should look inside yourself and see if you can find what part of you makes you feel like you get to “be the decider” as my mother would say. Where’s the compassion? Where’s the empathy? Disagreeing is not the same as attacking and not understanding is not the same as telling someone their “feelings are wrong.”

    • Mel

      October 31, 2013 at 6:24 pm

      Listen to yourself: “Frankly, her feelings are wrong” Her FEELINGS are WRONG?! Wow. You don’t get to decide what is “adequate reason” for hate. You should look inside yourself and see if you can find what part of you makes you feel like you get to “be the decider” as my mother would say. Where’s the compassion? Where’s the empathy? Disagreeing is not the same as attacking and not understanding is not the same as telling someone their “feelings are wrong.”

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2013 at 6:30 pm

      Why should I have to have compassion and empathy for a woman who hates her nephews? Where’s my compassion and empathy? Where’s hers? I don’t have compassion for a person who clearly doesn’t have compassion for her nephews and I definitely don’t empathize with her…because I wholeheartedly disagree. As I said above, her reasons for hating her nephews (in my opinion) described in the article are pretty fucking shitty. Could you imagine if someone hated you because of something you had no control over?

      I’m also really curious what her husband thinks. Because if my husband told me he hated my nieces I would seriously consider why I married him in the first place.

    • Mel

      October 31, 2013 at 6:37 pm

      That makes me sad for you. To fail to have compassion and empathy for anyone is a very sad state of affairs. To readily question you marriage based on a dislike for another person? Not a great endorsement for marriage….

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2013 at 6:39 pm

      Oh honey, don’t be sad for me. Please, I don’t need your sympathy or sadness. My marriage is great – mostly because we talk about things and I know how he feels about my family and vice versa..and we have pretty different families.

      And we’re not talking about “dislike,” we’re talking about hate…of family. Yes, that would shake me a bit.

      And, if you read through any of my comments on this site (which there are plenty), I have a great deal of compassion and empathy for others. I don’t, however, have any for people who hate so freely.

    • Mel

      October 31, 2013 at 6:45 pm

      I’m so happy that your marriage is great. You’re the one that brought it up, otherwise it would never have occurred to me to discuss it. Everyone hates and everyone does it “freely.” You do it. I do it. This woman is speaking out and looking for empathy and help. What makes me sad is that people like yourself are judging her instead. Picking and choosing compassion and empathy means that you’re not truly expressing it. You’re just saying what you think sounds good. To empathize with those with whom we disagree is truly a challenge, but one that is worthwhile.

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2013 at 6:48 pm

      Can you please point out where she’s asking for help? Because I really, really can’t find it. I’m sorry, I cannot empathize with this hate. And no, I don’t hate freely. I’m sorry. I don’t even hate this Anon Mom…I just think she is wrong. Why do I have to have compassion for someone who hates?I believe the two are pretty antithetical to each other, actually.

      For the record, the last paragraph of her post states:

      “I don’t want to be one of those fanatical, helicopter moms who puts her baby in a bubble (metaphorical or otherwise) and refuses to let her experience life. I want my daughter to fall down and skin her knees once in a while. That’s part of growing up. But I don’t want her to catch every goddamn cold my stupid nephews bring home from kindergarten and daycare and I don’t want her to grow up to be a… gasp!… hugger. Is that so wrong?”

      She asks a question. I answered. Yes, I think she is wrong.

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2013 at 6:48 pm

      Can you please point out where she’s asking for help? Because I really, really can’t find it. I’m sorry, I cannot empathize with this hate. And no, I don’t hate freely. I’m sorry. I don’t even hate this Anon Mom…I just think she is wrong. Why do I have to have compassion for someone who hates?I believe the two are pretty antithetical to each other, actually.

      For the record, the last paragraph of her post states:

      “I don’t want to be one of those fanatical, helicopter moms who puts her baby in a bubble (metaphorical or otherwise) and refuses to let her experience life. I want my daughter to fall down and skin her knees once in a while. That’s part of growing up. But I don’t want her to catch every goddamn cold my stupid nephews bring home from kindergarten and daycare and I don’t want her to grow up to be a… gasp!… hugger. Is that so wrong?”

      She asks a question. I answered. Yes, I think she is wrong.

    • Mel

      October 31, 2013 at 7:00 pm

      Posting her story on this site is her asking for help. If she didn’t want input or help, she would have written it in her diary and hid it under her bed.

      We don’t need you to repost her article. We read it, but thanks.

      I personally don’t disagree with her. That’s (obviously) fine that you do. My concern is that there is a big difference between constructive disagreement and attacking someone for “wrong feelings”.

      I have to call BS on you not freely hating. Either you’re lying to me or you’re lying to yourself. We’re human and we hate things. Let’s just be real. I mean, if we’re gonna have a conversation, let’s have a true one.

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2013 at 7:10 pm

      I actually think I have been respectful in all of my comments. I have never once called her horrible, evil, etc but I do think she is the one that lacks compassion and I think it’s wrong to hate children for something they have no control over. If you think that is me attacking her, so be it.

      That being said, no, I am not lying to myself. I really don’t hate people freely. Yes, I flippantly say I hate things but I don’t hate other people…I dislike them, I feel sorry for them, and choose not to be around them, but no, I don’t hate them. And yes, people have done some real shitty things to me. In fact, I have some major in-law drama (I’m sure I could write my own Anon Mom article) but I don’t hate this specific person. I hate the way this person makes my husband feel…not the person.

      You’re telling us all to stop judging, yet here you are, judging me.

    • Mel

      October 31, 2013 at 7:20 pm

      Yes, I’m judging you. The difference between you and me is that I admit it whilst you seem to pretend to be perfect.

      Okay, that’s enough for one night. I truly wish you well and hope you have a lovely evening.

    • whiteroses

      November 1, 2013 at 9:04 pm

      Yeah, I didn’t read any of that from her— but okay.

    • whiteroses

      November 1, 2013 at 9:04 pm

      Yeah, I didn’t read any of that from her— but okay.

    • CMJ

      November 1, 2013 at 9:18 pm

      The funny thing is – I am totally judging Anon Mom (and not in an insulting way – in a way that she put her opinions out there and I am judging them and disagreeing with them). It’s very clear I am. I’m glad you can see because I seriously feel like I am in crazy-town in this internet argument. I just don’t understand how thinking it’s wrong for an adult to hate a 2 & 5 year-old for something they really have no control over makes me someone who lacks compassion and empathy.

      If this article was about how frustrated she was with her in-laws for not listening to her concerns after she voiced WHY she was frustrated with her nephews, I would have a totally different outlook.

    • CMJ

      November 1, 2013 at 9:18 pm

      The funny thing is – I am totally judging Anon Mom (and not in an insulting way – in a way that she put her opinions out there and I am judging them and disagreeing with them). It’s very clear I am. I’m glad you can see because I seriously feel like I am in crazy-town in this internet argument. I just don’t understand how thinking it’s wrong for an adult to hate a 2 & 5 year-old for something they really have no control over makes me someone who lacks compassion and empathy.

      If this article was about how frustrated she was with her in-laws for not listening to her concerns after she voiced WHY she was frustrated with her nephews, I would have a totally different outlook.

    • Kat

      November 1, 2013 at 12:56 am

      Just want to dive in here and call a bit of BS myself on the whole ‘either you’re lying to me or lying to yourself’. That you can’t possibly fathom feeling/thinking/behaving in a particular way and can only conclude that someone who says they do is lying says to me that you lack imagination. This line of argument always strikes me as an adult version of calling someone a poo poo head and running away.

    • Mel

      November 1, 2013 at 7:06 am

      Wow Kat, you nailed it. I’m clearly incapable of fathoming ways other than my own, I lack imagination, and I’m a poo poo head. Well played! I’m once again put right in my place.

    • blh

      November 1, 2013 at 1:37 pm

      Hating a child because they act like a child IS wrong.
      and empathy for WHAT? for having family that loves her child? Oh, the HORROR. How does she live??

    • Mel

      November 1, 2013 at 8:28 pm

      I’m going to go ahead and assume that you’re being sarcastic for theatrical purposes. “How does she live?” Please. People all over the world live just fine without loving every child they see. It doesn’t make them evil. Get a hold of yourself.

    • Allyson_et_al

      November 2, 2013 at 1:36 am

      I think the “how does she live” was a mock-horror response to the OP’s ordeal in coping with in-laws who love her baby, not a genuine response to her not loving kids as a group.

    • whiteroses

      October 31, 2013 at 7:34 pm

      Wow. Sounds like I’m not the only one here who needs to get a grip.

      I’ve never claimed to be perfect by any means. None of us always like our relatives. But you’ll find very few of us who are willing to admit that we want them to move far away so we’ll never have to see them again. Something tells me that if Anon Mom’s sister in law knew that she wrote this, that probably wouldn’t be an issue. I think one of the reasons that a lot of us had a “WTF” reaction is because these are children. Anon Mom is an adult, and should she wish to, she has the ability to actually express to her in-laws that she’d prefer sick kids not be around her daughter. Instead, she opted for….this.

      Personally, I could care less if a random person on the street disliked my kid. As long as they don’t try to hurt him, they’re free to feel however they want about him. No big deal. Two ships passing in the night and all that. But if I thought that one of his aunts, a member of his family, felt this way about him- that would be incredibly wounding. And I can promise you I’d do everything in my power to make sure that she never “had” to see him again.

      I tried really hard to muster up some sympathy for this author, and I just couldn’t do it. YMMV. That’s the great thing about the Internet- we can disagree with each other freely, and it’s not going to ruin my life either way.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 31, 2013 at 12:01 pm

      Your article didn’t say at all that you were afraid your daughter would be hurt from the rough-housing. It was all about germs and how you don’t want anyone to hug your child. Also, the bit that really seemed the most hateful to me was toward the end when you, rather gleefully, admitted that it’s your secret fantasy for your SIL to leave her husband and take the kids far away from you. That you fantasize about your nephews’ home being broken up and them moving away just so your daughter doesn’t catch a cold is… horrible.

    • Frances Locke

      October 31, 2013 at 12:03 pm

      I’m starting to think she was just trying to be snarky and hyperbolic and it came out terribly wrong.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 31, 2013 at 12:08 pm

      You could be right. I’m usually good at picking up on sarcastic snark vs. general terribleness, maybe my radar was off on this one…?

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2013 at 12:14 pm

      I am too – but I got no snarkiness from this, just mean.

    • ElleJai

      October 31, 2013 at 12:24 pm

      Sounded snarky to me.

    • Miriam

      November 1, 2013 at 2:04 pm

      Me, too.

    • Miriam

      November 1, 2013 at 2:04 pm

      Me, too.

    • KarenMS

      November 1, 2013 at 10:03 pm

      I really have to agree. I don’t even know if it came out “wrong” so much as just at the height of some intense emotion. This was probably just a cathartic explosion of negative feeling that is much healthier released this way than to her family. If you can’t relate to the feelings, then you just can’t, and that’s not wrong. But she’s not wrong for being so frustrated she unloads anonymously, and seemingly hyperbolically, on a website.

    • KarenMS

      November 1, 2013 at 10:03 pm

      I really have to agree. I don’t even know if it came out “wrong” so much as just at the height of some intense emotion. This was probably just a cathartic explosion of negative feeling that is much healthier released this way than to her family. If you can’t relate to the feelings, then you just can’t, and that’s not wrong. But she’s not wrong for being so frustrated she unloads anonymously, and seemingly hyperbolically, on a website.

    • Whatwhatque

      October 31, 2013 at 1:20 pm

      Yeah, it was just a little too much, sounds like she’s projecting her dislike for the family’s overall vibe on to these little kids who really have no choice in how they’re raised. It really just sounds like she has a hangup about physical affection (which is fine, plenty of people aren’t huggers, I’ve never been that into hugging but have some serious huggers in my family and family-in-law and I just had to *literally* embrace it because I love them.) And their boisterousness. And these are all issues she could express if they weren’t couched in a seemingly irrational hatred for kids who can’t help it (can’t help being raised loud and huggy or getting sick.)

    • moonie27

      November 1, 2013 at 4:36 pm

      Or, y’know, people who supposedly love you could refrain from doing things that make you physically uncomfortable.
      I am not a hugger, I hate having most people hug me, and it’s a) quite obvious from my reaction to being hugged and b) something I will verbally say – “oh, I don’t hug.” – when someone comes at me.

      And people who continually try to hug me, family or no, make me really angry. I said no.
      (And I really hate the idea that it’s more important for their feelings not to be hurt one time than it is for me to be comfortable every time I see them.)

    • Bethany Ramos

      October 31, 2013 at 12:05 pm

      This excerpt was amazing though:

      “Had I known how they would chant her name over and over as though she were some kind of rock star, I swear I would have named her ‘Shut the Fuck Up.'”

    • Eve Vawter

      October 31, 2013 at 12:08 pm

      I wanna change my name to this

    • Amanda Rene Slinger

      October 31, 2013 at 12:37 pm

      Ya I think the writer seems a bit uptight but this part was fucking hysterical!

    • bl

      October 31, 2013 at 12:13 pm

      I only have a few people I like to hug, need my space more than most, and get irrationally angry when my SO’s family check in on me nonstop after hearing that I’m going through a busy/stressful time. I think “great! Now I get to spend time answering multiple emails in unique ways so I sound sincere to people who might compare them because they all live together and why can they not send one group email???”

      BUT these are all my preferences and personality traits, so they can’t respect them or indulge me when necessary unless I ask. Lately I’ve really been trying to think, “what have I done to help myself? “when things get overwhelming. Should I stay home from the family gathering this time? Should I go lie down for awhile? Should I do a group reply to this email, perfect etiquette be damned so I can be grateful for their thoughtfulness instead of angry?

      I hope you feel comfortable speaking up sometimes so you feel in control of some parts of the gatherings. Maybe it will help!

    • Andy

      October 31, 2013 at 12:35 pm

      I get being afraid your kid will be hurt by your nephews rough-housing. Truly I do, as I have two nephews who are very active little boys and it seems like I have to wrap my home in bubble wrap when they come for a visit (and break up fights on a regular basis between my three year old daughter and four year old nephew, but that’s another story). That said, I also realize I can’t keep my baby in a bubble-he probably gets exposed to more germs going to the grocery store than he gets from the occasional visit from relatives.

    • Cee

      October 31, 2013 at 1:00 pm

      But you didn’t say this!

      I mean, as I read it, I interpreted some of your crazy to be this. Particularly that you blame your nephews for every cold your child gets and you seeing them as germ factories, a bit .

      I don’t know how hold your daughter is, but you sound like a classic, paranoid, first time mom that makes everyone wash their hands like ten times and any sneeze or cough or noise that comes out is an automatic banishment until the child is a teenager. Hopefully in time, it wears off. Which, for the most part, I get. BUT, again, you didn’t say this or anything about rough housing. You hate hugging, love, affection, laughter. Is it the loudness? You should get used to it and let your child get used to it. The world is noisy and the sooner your child adapts, the easier life will be for you.

      It sounds like you violently hate your husband’s family. Not just his nephews. I get that some people are not used to physical contact, but it seems like you just hate them being alive, in your presence. As if their existence and the fact that they are not like you is an insult to you and your life. And, that sounds very sad. If I felt that type of rage-hate coming from my significant other towards my family, I would feel awful.

      You sound like you already disliked your husband’s family before your child is born. Don’t use her as an excuse.

      Also, while Anon Mom is for letting out steam and, yes, finding some understanding, but don’t expect high fives all around. After all, you’re being anonymous because you know you’re revealing something most people will not like.

      How does it feel to not be liked by people you thought would love this? How does it feel to get ragey hate over the way you are? Ragey hate does not feel good, does it?

    • Jane

      October 31, 2013 at 1:41 pm

      I read this and laughed from start to finish because I thought it was trying to be tongue in cheek. The writer’s frustration is evident, and I can’t believe she really hates them, I just can’t. I also knew it was going to receive A LOT of negative feedback, but I hope you feel a bit better for having vented and maybe better able to handle your nephews next time you see them.
      I’m a mom who is a germ-a-phobe. And I definitely do not like kids “up in my [kids’] grill[s[.” I also worried about my well-meaning and rambunctious nephew hurting them when they were small babies. I think you would feel a lot better about things if you opened up to your husband about this. Based on the level of angst in these lines, I am going to guess you haven’t done that. Be respectful of his family, don’t come on quite this strong, but do articulate your frustrations and concerns. He married you, and so you two can’t be 180 degrees apart about this. You admit to be being, essentially, a non-touchy-feely person, and he probably is too.

    • Jane

      October 31, 2013 at 1:41 pm

      I read this and laughed from start to finish because I thought it was trying to be tongue in cheek. The writer’s frustration is evident, and I can’t believe she really hates them, I just can’t. I also knew it was going to receive A LOT of negative feedback, but I hope you feel a bit better for having vented and maybe better able to handle your nephews next time you see them.
      I’m a mom who is a germ-a-phobe. And I definitely do not like kids “up in my [kids’] grill[s[.” I also worried about my well-meaning and rambunctious nephew hurting them when they were small babies. I think you would feel a lot better about things if you opened up to your husband about this. Based on the level of angst in these lines, I am going to guess you haven’t done that. Be respectful of his family, don’t come on quite this strong, but do articulate your frustrations and concerns. He married you, and so you two can’t be 180 degrees apart about this. You admit to be being, essentially, a non-touchy-feely person, and he probably is too.

    • guest

      October 31, 2013 at 2:02 pm

      I think people aren’t being fair to you. Everyone is different. You may be exaggerating or using rhetoric to get your point across and get things off your chest, but even if you’re not, you’re entitled to your – perfectly reasonable – feelings about yourself and care of your daughter. If it makes you feel any better, I sympathize. I come from a very German, undemonstrative family, but married into a very stereotypical Italian family. I don’t have kids yet, but I can see being similarly nervous about all the touching. I’ve gotten used to it, but it’s still not natural to me. And I don’t have nephews, but I had horrible younger brothers, and even though my mom couldn’t control them, she at least tried to teach them respect. Chanting your daughter’s name and making such a fuss like that isn’t respecting her as a person, or you. It’s turning it into a game that neither of you are in on. I don’t allow my dog to go all nutso on visitors that he thinks are there solely for his enjoyment; I teach him self control. I hope I do the same with my kids. You should talk to your husband, reasonably, about your concerns, and ask for his help in talking to his family about toning it down, especially when it comes to the touching.

    • guest

      October 31, 2013 at 2:02 pm

      I think people aren’t being fair to you. Everyone is different. You may be exaggerating or using rhetoric to get your point across and get things off your chest, but even if you’re not, you’re entitled to your – perfectly reasonable – feelings about yourself and care of your daughter. If it makes you feel any better, I sympathize. I come from a very German, undemonstrative family, but married into a very stereotypical Italian family. I don’t have kids yet, but I can see being similarly nervous about all the touching. I’ve gotten used to it, but it’s still not natural to me. And I don’t have nephews, but I had horrible younger brothers, and even though my mom couldn’t control them, she at least tried to teach them respect. Chanting your daughter’s name and making such a fuss like that isn’t respecting her as a person, or you. It’s turning it into a game that neither of you are in on. I don’t allow my dog to go all nutso on visitors that he thinks are there solely for his enjoyment; I teach him self control. I hope I do the same with my kids. You should talk to your husband, reasonably, about your concerns, and ask for his help in talking to his family about toning it down, especially when it comes to the touching.

    • Courtney Lynn

      October 31, 2013 at 2:35 pm

      That I can understand. After reading this, I think you were venting in your article. I get that, I’ve said things out of frustration that have gotten a reaction, too. Things I didn’t mean so harshly. BUT when you say stuff in the heat of passion like that, don’t expect hugs and understanding. It’s different when people know you and they know that you are probably exaggerating (I’m sure you don’t really wish for your SIL to leave her husband and break up a family). I also struggle with frustration with my own SON. My 17-month-old who is in full toddler mode. It’s frustrating, but normal. It sounds like you’re frustrated and nervous around them (I was scared for the first 2 weeks my son was going to kill his newborn sister). That’s normal, but so are they. It’s cool that they annoy you and that you even feel like you dislike them. Your original article came across as fairly extreme, though.

    • LiteBrite

      October 31, 2013 at 5:13 pm

      Totally serious question: have you brought any of this up to your husband? I think the fear of being too rough with baby is valid as well as just the general boisterousness of his family. But perhaps if you brought this up with your husband – sans the “hyperbole” that you expressed in the article – he could be the one to talk to his family and perhaps get them to scale it back a bit.

    • pineapplegrasss

      October 31, 2013 at 6:36 pm

      Now that the days almost over, but I’ve spent every single free minute in between work reading all these comments, you sure did get a response, huh? Then, I went back to read your article again to see if my initial take was wrong. Well, you did sound very hateful, but I suppose that was the point. You hate those little brats, and that is that, right or wrong. I think you exaggerated for dramatic flair and comedy, but how does anybody know all the history from a two minute ranty post, right? I picked up on some other things too, that you disliked them before the baby came, the family is demanding, etc. So, clearly these issues started before the baby came. Doesn’t have to mean you’re horrible. It is hard to melt into a family that is so different from your own, but being raised by gma (alone?) maybe some things were left out of your upbringing that you didn’t realize until you became a mother and member of a larger more touchy family. Maybe you still haven’t realized and this anonmom experience will actually be beneficial for you. I mean that in the most sincere way, not to be mean to a gma you said loved you very much. But, maybe you need to look inward and focus on love and tolerance, that’s part of being a family too. My family had issues, different than these, but issues nonetheless, and I was able to learn from them and as I grew into an older mother, I just see things differently than I did when my first daughter was a baby.
      There is a way to back up and let them know that you’re not touchy feely: just tell them. Do it for yourself, they’ll get over it.
      Take a stand where your daughter is concerned and set some rules with the boys, they’ll learn. Possibly you’re fearful of the way it will go over with the family, but if you are kind and polite about it to the adults, they will understand. Communication is hard sometimes. Hopefully, they will respect you for your honesty. And, babies get sick, and kids do carry germs, you just can’t get around it, but I do like the suggestions of just telling the fam that she’s so young and seems to get sick a lot and to please stay away when sick. That is actually part of your mommy job.
      One other thing, please don’t let on to the little guys how much you detest them, that is just so sad thinking about all of this from their perspective. I didn’t really read that they are naughty, just loud and rambunctious, but that’s little boys. In a few years, your daughter will be chasing after them and catching bugs and climbing trees and hopefully those little guys just adore her and take care of her and love love love her because shes going to need it. Good luck anon mom. Come back and let us know how it goes.

    • pineapplegrasss

      October 31, 2013 at 6:36 pm

      Now that the days almost over, but I’ve spent every single free minute in between work reading all these comments, you sure did get a response, huh? Then, I went back to read your article again to see if my initial take was wrong. Well, you did sound very hateful, but I suppose that was the point. You hate those little brats, and that is that, right or wrong. I think you exaggerated for dramatic flair and comedy, but how does anybody know all the history from a two minute ranty post, right? I picked up on some other things too, that you disliked them before the baby came, the family is demanding, etc. So, clearly these issues started before the baby came. Doesn’t have to mean you’re horrible. It is hard to melt into a family that is so different from your own, but being raised by gma (alone?) maybe some things were left out of your upbringing that you didn’t realize until you became a mother and member of a larger more touchy family. Maybe you still haven’t realized and this anonmom experience will actually be beneficial for you. I mean that in the most sincere way, not to be mean to a gma you said loved you very much. But, maybe you need to look inward and focus on love and tolerance, that’s part of being a family too. My family had issues, different than these, but issues nonetheless, and I was able to learn from them and as I grew into an older mother, I just see things differently than I did when my first daughter was a baby.
      There is a way to back up and let them know that you’re not touchy feely: just tell them. Do it for yourself, they’ll get over it.
      Take a stand where your daughter is concerned and set some rules with the boys, they’ll learn. Possibly you’re fearful of the way it will go over with the family, but if you are kind and polite about it to the adults, they will understand. Communication is hard sometimes. Hopefully, they will respect you for your honesty. And, babies get sick, and kids do carry germs, you just can’t get around it, but I do like the suggestions of just telling the fam that she’s so young and seems to get sick a lot and to please stay away when sick. That is actually part of your mommy job.
      One other thing, please don’t let on to the little guys how much you detest them, that is just so sad thinking about all of this from their perspective. I didn’t really read that they are naughty, just loud and rambunctious, but that’s little boys. In a few years, your daughter will be chasing after them and catching bugs and climbing trees and hopefully those little guys just adore her and take care of her and love love love her because shes going to need it. Good luck anon mom. Come back and let us know how it goes.

    • noelle 02

      October 31, 2013 at 9:04 pm

      You may not have phrased your feelings in the best way to sound sympathetic. I can relate to how you feel, however, and it seems that many others can as well.

    • Guest

      November 1, 2013 at 12:34 am

      If those are your feelings, those are your feelings. At least you have the common decency to behave kindly towards everyone, and pretend to like them 🙂 That’s more than a lot of people would do with in-law family.

    • ranchmom

      November 1, 2013 at 12:35 pm

      Anon. You have my support.

    • blh

      November 1, 2013 at 1:31 pm

      You hardly sound like a great daughter in law. Many people hate their in laws but they generally have a valid reason. You dislike them because they’re kind and loving? I’m sure they pick up on your feelings and dislike yo gh right back.

    • Katia

      November 2, 2013 at 12:14 pm

      Your piece didnt bug me much but I think you needed more examples. (Like the toy example ^) And don’t be a great daughter in law if it makes you psycho inside. Not worth it. Just be honest.
      I went through a period wanting to avoid one nephew for my sons emotional development, (nephew was mean and jealous) but he’s fine now. Was just terrible threes.

    • Katia

      November 2, 2013 at 12:14 pm

      Your piece didnt bug me much but I think you needed more examples. (Like the toy example ^) And don’t be a great daughter in law if it makes you psycho inside. Not worth it. Just be honest.
      I went through a period wanting to avoid one nephew for my sons emotional development, (nephew was mean and jealous) but he’s fine now. Was just terrible threes.

    • Karen

      November 3, 2013 at 1:11 am

      I totally get what you were trying to say. I, too, hate my nephew. Well, maybe not hate; I just wish that he would change everything about his personality. He’s 13 and has turned into this self-righteous, arrogant asshole. But I try to cut him some slack since he’s the product of my husband’s cunt sister and her obnoxious blob of a husband. They treat everyone else in the family like second class citizens and now their son is picking up on it and thinks its ok to treat the rest of us like shit. He talks back, is disrespectful and incredibly annoying- and everyone lets him get away with it! He has some obvious signs of autism that no one seems to even notice, nevermind addressing the issue. When my twins were first born, he became insanely jealous of them. He would whine when his mother was holding one of them or complain that they got bigger Christmas presents (each baby was given an exersaucer. He got some fancy gaming system with 4 or 5 games) I would expect that reaction from a preschooler, but he was 11 years old when they were born. When he’s visiting the grandparents without his mom and dad around, he’s not too bad. But when he’s with Princess Cunt and his dad, Captain Dipshit, he’s an insufferable dick.

  16. BubbleyToes

    October 31, 2013 at 11:45 am

    This is just odd. You sound like you’ve either dealt with some serious childhood trauma or you’re just not a nice person. I am not a touchy-feely person either, but I am from the deep south and everyone is just a hugger here…it’s just a reality. I accept this and embrace it as best as I can because I know how lucky I am to have people who want to hug me. Many, many people do not have that. Kids can be messy, but these are your husband’s blood, they are part of him and his whole family sounds like they must love you if they want to hug you and your daughter all the time. Maybe spend some time being thankful for that instead of focusing on the negative.

  17. LadyClodia

    October 31, 2013 at 11:45 am

    Would you feel the same way if you had an older child who making your baby sick? No one likes it when their baby gets sick, but it’s something that happens. Especially when they’re around other children, and for the most part that’s not a problem. (My nephew was born an ultra preemie, so we had to be careful when we would visit that our boys weren’t sick because it would be a lot worse for him if he got sick, he’s 20 months old now.)
    My older son always loved babies and would try to hug or cuddle any baby that he saw, and I of course wouldn’t let him unless the other parent was OK with it. He was so happy when his little brother was born and loved to show his baby brother affection. Sometimes he gave a cold to the baby, and it’s not fun having a sick preschooler and a sick infant.

    And breastfeeding isn’t a magical get-out-of-childhood-sickness-card. It can be beneficial, sure, but even breastfed babies get sick. For the vast majority of human history the majority of babies have been breastfed, and a lot them got sick.

  18. Bethany Ramos

    October 31, 2013 at 11:54 am

    I almost wondered if you were my SIL writing this, except my kids are under 2. She has become less into family gatherings, and my husband’s family is hardly over the top! I remember once when my toddler had pneumonia (which from what I was told, you can’t catch, you just catch colds associated), she snatched my niece of the same age up and washed her hands, and they left pronto. We fall on the other side of letting other sickly kids boost our kids’ immune systems.

  19. Audrey

    October 31, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    I don’t think you’re a terrible person. I can totally sympathize with your feelings about your in-laws — my boyfriend’s family members are a bunch of loud, stereotypical Italian people who kiss on the cheek. Which is 100% not how I was brought up. But you know what? Just because they can come on a little bit strong doesn’t mean that they’re not good people.

    I think you’re going into the situation prepared to view them in a negative light. You might be happier if you try to adjust your expectations and remember that it’s good to have family members who are supportive, and that your nephews will grow out of their boisterous germ factory stages. If you can avoid those feelings of animosity, you’ll probably make life a lot easier for yourself. I think once your baby is a little older and less fragile, you might even be amused by their little quirks.

  20. Ann B.

    October 31, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    I came into this kind of terrified that it was written by my brother’s fiance. I have 2 little boys I cannot keep clean no matter how many washcloths are present. We are a family of huggers. Early in their relationship, my dad got drunk enough that he kissed future SIL on the mouth, like he does me and my brother. ( never my husband though…. might be weird I guess lol) I can tell she tolerates us ( and in her own ways, loves us), but if I ever suspected she felt this adamantly against us, I would be heartbroken. We love her daughters, even the one that is not my brother’s. We love her. And while I can accept SHE might not want a hug, I cannot imagine not hugging the girls…. or not letting my boys do it.

    • JLH1986

      October 31, 2013 at 12:34 pm

      All this made me think was how many kids I hugged when maybe they weren’t huggers.

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2013 at 12:39 pm

      I am definitely a hugger and didn’t think a single thing of it until one of my good friends (when we were building up to being good friends), as I went in for a hug, said he wasn’t too big on physical contact. I was surprised (and a bit embarrassed for my unabashed hugging) but I respected his ability to just come out and say it and I made sure I was aware of it moving forward.

      TL:DR – I think it’s okay to just tell people you’re not a hugger. Honesty works wonders.

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2013 at 12:39 pm

      I am definitely a hugger and didn’t think a single thing of it until one of my good friends (when we were building up to being good friends), as I went in for a hug, said he wasn’t too big on physical contact. I was surprised (and a bit embarrassed for my unabashed hugging) but I respected his ability to just come out and say it and I made sure I was aware of it moving forward.

      TL:DR – I think it’s okay to just tell people you’re not a hugger. Honesty works wonders.

    • JLH1986

      November 1, 2013 at 9:35 am

      I love when people can do that, but looking back I don’t know that I gave those kiddos a chance to say “Jen, I’m good, no hugs”. So I’ll make a better effort. That way if a kid isn’t a hugger I won’t be all Huggy McHuggerson over here.

    • CMJ

      November 1, 2013 at 9:53 am

      Oh, me neither! I didn’t even think it was a thing until my friend said something.

      I come from a long line of very loud, very expressive people and we just can’t help ourselves. I have to take a step back sometimes and realize not everyone is like us 🙂

  21. Variable Degree Left Turns

    October 31, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    hey @EveVawter:disqus

    is one of the qualification to write an Anonymous Mom or Polyamorous Mom article is that you have to be a complete douchetard?

    btw, sorry about yesterday. I didn’t mean to bring a whole flood of us in there. I only told about 10 of us, the remaining 20 retards just followed us 😀

    • ElleJai

      October 31, 2013 at 1:13 pm

      I’m going to regret this, but who is “us” and why are you hanging out here anyway? I couldn’t even read the damn thread, which annoys me, because otherwise I don’t get to feel like I’m having conversations with adults during my day.

      Now you show up, and all adult conversation goes out the window. Aren’t there other people you can annoy? Can I give you some suggestions?

    • ElleJai

      October 31, 2013 at 1:13 pm

      I’m going to regret this, but who is “us” and why are you hanging out here anyway? I couldn’t even read the damn thread, which annoys me, because otherwise I don’t get to feel like I’m having conversations with adults during my day.

      Now you show up, and all adult conversation goes out the window. Aren’t there other people you can annoy? Can I give you some suggestions?

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 1:21 pm

      Ew, one of those is here again. Quick, someone, kill it with fire before it spawned.

  22. Kristen

    October 31, 2013 at 12:24 pm

    This is the biggest piece of crap I’ve ever read.

    You do know that your precious little daughter is going to get older and turn into a germ factory as well, right?

    • Variable Degree Left Turns

      October 31, 2013 at 12:25 pm

      or STD’s…

  23. JulesSF

    October 31, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    Dang, girl, some harsh words. The fact of the matter is eventually your precious bundle of joy will get exposed to germs. If you isolate her from germs now and go crazy on anti-bacterial soap and such, you’re actually making it more difficult for her to fight off illness as she gets older. I’m not an expert on this, but I followed the path of many of my doctor friends who loved getting their babies exposed to other kids early to build up their immune systems. As long as your baby isn’t a preemie or has a compromised immune system, the introduction of bacteria sooner rather than later will give them strong immune systems when they reach preschool. Anyhow, I’d talk with your pediatrician and read up on bacteria before you go ballistic on those poor sweet boys. I had my daughter and nephews aged 2-4-year holding my twins (who were a month premature) within days of their birth. It was so exciting for them, and the twins are doing fine.

    • Fleezie

      October 31, 2013 at 12:48 pm

      Upvote a million times! I wish I hadn’t been such a spaz about my son coming into contact with germs when he was little.

  24. JLH1986

    October 31, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    While poorly worded, I can see how you wouldn’t want two kids fawning all over your baby. Mostly because you don’t want them in YOUR face and I think we react instinctively for kids. Like when my god kids were babies. I wasn’t worried about germs from dogs getting the kids sick, I don’t like to be licked in the face so I stopped the dogs from doing that because I figured they didn’t like it either. Incidentally, the weirdos opened their mouths WIDE for the dogs to kiss…YUCK. I’m getting that you aren’t into the loud, rambunctious and germy fawning. But it’s definitely coming across like you hate everyone associated with your husband, except your husband. If the boys are too rowdy, tell them to settle down or they can’t play with the baby, tell them only kisses on the hand or forehead or whatever. If you’re really freaked out I think it’s ok to correct them (GENTLY!!!) about your expectations for their behavior around her.

  25. Momof2

    October 31, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    This is a totally disturbing column. This writer clearly has personality issues and I feel terribly sorry for her family, including her own child who will clearly either grow up without feeling loved at all, or will most certainly turn into a sociopath. I hope this writer gets the help she so obviously needs.

  26. Momof2

    October 31, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    This is a totally disturbing column. This writer clearly has personality issues and I feel terribly sorry for her family, including her own child who will clearly either grow up without feeling loved at all, or will most certainly turn into a sociopath. I hope this writer gets the help she so obviously needs.

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2013 at 12:49 pm

      Yeesh.

  27. Anon

    October 31, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    Lesson learned. I’m never going to confess my deepest darkest feelings ever again. You people are vicious.

    • ElleJai

      October 31, 2013 at 1:01 pm

      Hugging isn’t so bad, and sometimes you only learn that through your kids. I taught my dad’s family how to hug and say “I love you” (including his sisters and mom) because my mom was a huge hugger.

      But the breathy germs? Erm, no. If you’re sick, we don’t visit.

      EDIT: I learned hugging from my mom, and because I found it awesome, proceeded to hug my dad’s family and always made a point of saying “I love you”. Over time they’ve gotten more affectionate amongst themselves; most of them spontaneously go for bear hugs and are now often the first to get an “I love you” in. I’m not disrespecting their natural inclinations, but I get the sense that before me (I was the eldest grandchild) they were an extremely anti-sentimental family. It just wasn’t what they did, but after trying it they discovered they liked it.

    • moonie27

      November 1, 2013 at 4:46 pm

      Ug, why is it necessary to hug people who don’t want hugs? Why can’t you just respect the not-huggers and hug the huggers?

    • moonie27

      November 1, 2013 at 4:46 pm

      Ug, why is it necessary to hug people who don’t want hugs? Why can’t you just respect the not-huggers and hug the huggers?

    • ElleJai

      November 1, 2013 at 7:02 pm

      I was 2! And in their case, it was primarily lack of practice since they’re all huggy people these days.

      And kids need affection and touch. They have in fact died without it, and a hug is a lovely way to dose them up, or comfort them after a fall. And sometimes, after hugging their child for months, some people come to appreciate hugs more.

      Some will always hate them (ie my stepmother) so I don’t hug those people. Not hugging feels weird and awkward though, so everyone is different.

    • ElleJai

      November 1, 2013 at 7:02 pm

      I was 2! And in their case, it was primarily lack of practice since they’re all huggy people these days.

      And kids need affection and touch. They have in fact died without it, and a hug is a lovely way to dose them up, or comfort them after a fall. And sometimes, after hugging their child for months, some people come to appreciate hugs more.

      Some will always hate them (ie my stepmother) so I don’t hug those people. Not hugging feels weird and awkward though, so everyone is different.

    • ElleJai

      November 1, 2013 at 7:02 pm

      I was 2! And in their case, it was primarily lack of practice since they’re all huggy people these days.

      And kids need affection and touch. They have in fact died without it, and a hug is a lovely way to dose them up, or comfort them after a fall. And sometimes, after hugging their child for months, some people come to appreciate hugs more.

      Some will always hate them (ie my stepmother) so I don’t hug those people. Not hugging feels weird and awkward though, so everyone is different.

    • moonie27

      November 2, 2013 at 5:55 pm

      The way you phrased that made it sound like you taught your dad’s family how to hug so your mom wouldn’t be offended, not that you were a 2 yr old, sorry.

      And, yeah, kids need affection, but they should still be able to choose who they get it from.

    • ElleJai

      November 2, 2013 at 11:43 pm

      Agreed. You don’t force people to hug, but you don’t force them not to hug either. Pay attention to their cues.

      If Anon prefers to be non-huggy that’s fine, but her children should be free to follow their natural path too, even if that includes being a hugger.

      As a baby it’s usually ok with said baby to be passed around for hugs, as they get older they’ll let you know. My toddler isn’t forced to hug anyone, family or not. If he warms up to them and accepts the hugging invitation that’s fine. Otherwise, you may high 5 him.

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2013 at 1:02 pm

      You know, aside from “sociopath” lady in the comments, I don’t think people are being vicious…harsh, yes….but, frankly, your post read as pretty harsh too. The divorce thing was unnecessary in conveying your point (that was pretty vicious, no?)- which I believe was muddled because of the full on hate attack of your nephews….who, at 5 &2, have no idea that they need to not act a certain way around your daughter. Tell them!

      You’re totally entitled to confess your secrets but people are also entitled to react negatively to those confessions.

    • Blueathena623

      November 1, 2013 at 9:52 pm

      Uh, my kid isn’t even two, and we are already working on “don’t touch babies”. If the parents weren’t egging them on, I’m sure the 5 year old at the least could learn.

    • Cee

      October 31, 2013 at 1:02 pm

      It feels awful to have ragey irrational hate, coming towards you from people you would thought would like you, doesn’t it?

    • bl

      October 31, 2013 at 1:06 pm

      I’m on your side here, but I really think the lessons learned should be that you could work on your anger toward your in laws in some way–even just telling them some of this nicely and maybe getting afforded some more space. You don’t have to become an affectionate, touchy feely person. You might just realize that you are very angry over valid but opposing relationship styles. Also understand that when you’re message is universally ill-received, part of that has to do with your writing. Some people here might be vicious but most are just reacting to your words.

      In your post your in laws are overwhelming germy brats. Now the commenters are vicious and unempathetic. You’re part of both scenarios too.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 31, 2013 at 1:08 pm

      Lesson learned… but probably the wrong one. It’s OK to share your feelings, you should try doing it with your husband’s family instead of hating little kids just for being little kids.

    • ChillMama

      October 31, 2013 at 1:11 pm

      Don’t take it so hard! Maybe this is just a case of you not quite striking the tone you hoped for in your writing. I know I have sent off some emails and then, after re-reading them, realized they come across so much harsher than I meant.
      But if you are really struggling with your feelings, then maybe there is a counsellor or someone you can talk to (I am not trying to be snarky). They could probably give you more productive feedback than us quasi-anonymous internet people 😉

    • Ann B.

      October 31, 2013 at 12:25 pm

      Honestly, instead of treating this as a deep dark secret, why not be upfront about it? Confront the in laws and say, if your kids are sick, let us know so we can keep the baby and her little immune system away. Perhaps suggest you’d like the boys to be less rough near the baby. I get thoughts turning hyperbolic when you internalize things. I’m one of the much hated car seat moms, and I cringe every time the phrase ” God forbid they get into a crash and something happens to that baby” comes out of my mouth. But this is totally an issue you can find a middle ground with instead of working up a hatred of your in laws over. Just talk to them about it.

    • Lalala

      October 31, 2013 at 12:30 pm

      Do you need a hug? Wah wah 🙂 in all seriousness though totally understand the not being into hugs, not everyone is and that is okay. But to hate your nephews for catching colds? Really? And your daughter is related – maybe they both have similar type of immune systems which make them more susceptible to colds (although more likely just your run of the mill germs!). I get the rough housing too. But it doesn’t seem like you have made any mention about any of this to your in laws. Why not pull your sister in law aside and say “hey do you mind making sure they don’t rough house around my kid?” Or “could you let me know if they have a cold this way I can decide to come over or not”. You can even put some blame on yourself and be like “I know I may sound like a neurotic new mom.., etc etc”. But I hope you were being a little over the top with your hate comments and divorce. You shouldn’t wish that on anyone.

    • WinWin

      October 31, 2013 at 12:44 pm

      I hope you read through the reactions and realize the lesson best learned is about how to express your feelings. Your comment in a thread above makes much more sense (and more approachable to most people) than your article. There is nothing wrong about how you feel, but something too harsh about how you expressed it. Maybe you were going for satire, but it wasn’t very successful. Again – lesson learned! Couldn’t that be said about most of the comments here too?

      And as for the comment I came to add – I came from a non-hugging family too. In fact, we have never even verbally expressed emotion (like “I love you”) to each other to this day. But I married a man from a family where they hug and kiss a lot, say “I love you ” a lot and so on. Personally I loved it! I can see how it is not your cup of tea..but maybe your daughter will love it! Let her get both types of loving and choose what she is comfortable with.

    • whiteroses

      October 31, 2013 at 3:40 pm

      I’ll be honest here. I don’t think seeing your nephews again would be something you’d have to worry about if your sister-in-law and her husband knew that you felt this way- hyperbole or no. If someone said they wished my son would go away and they’d never have to see him again- but they don’t wish him harm!- even if they were joking, I wouldn’t bother polluting their lives with his presence.

      So you don’t like it when other kids touch you or your kid. That’s fine. But that’s when you take the parents aside and ask them to scale back their child’s behavior. You don’t blame the kids for doing something they’ve been encouraged to do by their parents, something that’s acceptable to the rest of their family members.

      I hate to tell you this- but your nephews are just as much a part of your in-laws’ family as your daughter is. You don’t have to like them. Hell, you don’t even have to care about them. But you do have to accept the fact that they have just as much right to exist on the planet as your daughter does, and as long as you want your daughter to have relationships with your husband’s family, that includes relationships with her cousins. Also- they’re kids. They’re going to screw up. It’s not all on them. The common factor in both of these scenarios is- and I hate to be harsh (not being sarcastic, I really do)- you. It sounds like you might need to adjust your expectations.

      Honestly, I don’t get why you’re so hurt over an anonymous confession on the Internet when your sister in law would probably be incredibly wounded over how you feel about her children. I’m sorry you feel bad about how you came across, but publishing something in a public forum means that you open yourself up for responses. Ask yourself this- how would you feel if your sister in law wrote this about your daughter?

    • whiteroses

      October 31, 2013 at 3:40 pm

      I’ll be honest here. I don’t think seeing your nephews again would be something you’d have to worry about if your sister-in-law and her husband knew that you felt this way- hyperbole or no. If someone said they wished my son would go away and they’d never have to see him again- but they don’t wish him harm!- even if they were joking, I wouldn’t bother polluting their lives with his presence.

      So you don’t like it when other kids touch you or your kid. That’s fine. But that’s when you take the parents aside and ask them to scale back their child’s behavior. You don’t blame the kids for doing something they’ve been encouraged to do by their parents, something that’s acceptable to the rest of their family members.

      I hate to tell you this- but your nephews are just as much a part of your in-laws’ family as your daughter is. You don’t have to like them. Hell, you don’t even have to care about them. But you do have to accept the fact that they have just as much right to exist on the planet as your daughter does, and as long as you want your daughter to have relationships with your husband’s family, that includes relationships with her cousins. Also- they’re kids. They’re going to screw up. It’s not all on them. The common factor in both of these scenarios is- and I hate to be harsh (not being sarcastic, I really do)- you. It sounds like you might need to adjust your expectations.

      Honestly, I don’t get why you’re so hurt over an anonymous confession on the Internet when your sister in law would probably be incredibly wounded over how you feel about her children. I’m sorry you feel bad about how you came across, but publishing something in a public forum means that you open yourself up for responses. Ask yourself this- how would you feel if your sister in law wrote this about your daughter?

    • noelle 02

      October 31, 2013 at 9:08 pm

      I am so sorry, Anon. I truly do feel for you and think you started an interesting conversation. It’s hard when things don’t come out quite the way we intend, I know. I wish you and your little one all the best and hope your nephews learn about boundaries soon.

    • sugaryshoo

      November 1, 2013 at 10:31 am

      A million upvotes for this lone, compassionate comment. 🙂

    • sugaryshoo

      November 1, 2013 at 10:31 am

      A million upvotes for this lone, compassionate comment. 🙂

  28. Alicia Kiner

    October 31, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    I totally get feeling like the outsider with the in-laws. My family compared to my in-laws… TOTALLY different species. Some people just don’t like to be touched. Anonmom never told us how old her daughter is, but I know I was very anal about keeping sick kids away from mine when they were really little. Even now, I try to limit exposure as much as possible when I know other kids are sick. If MY kids are sick, we quarantine, so we don’t share. Mostly, because after the first several times of visiting friends and family and being blamed for getting people sick, I just had enough, and decided, screw it. So maybe Anonmom this week just got a little ragey over stuff and I’m sure she doesn’t ACTUALLY want their parents to split up. We all say things sarcastically. And, if she’s breast feeding, chances are higher that she’s sleep deprived, so I’m personally going to give her a pass, and not think she’s an uber bitch from hell who thinks her nephews are Satan’s spawns or something.

  29. Diana

    October 31, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    I don’t get your aversion to PDAs, hugs and I’m no germaphobe but I have to say I HATE IT when people encourage their kids to ” give her (me) a kiss.” Fucking creeps me out ( not just the germs the kissing an adult under duress part. ) I don’t wanna kiss your kid or be kissed by your kid. Whats wrong with you?

    • ElleJai

      October 31, 2013 at 12:39 pm

      If it’s a kid I’d like to kiss (on the cheek) it’ll happen if everyone’s comfortable. As far as I’m concerned, no child has to so much as look at me until they’re comfortable.

      Which is one of the reasons why so many of them like me. I’m not pushy, I let them take their time and take things at their pace, and I take an interest. I also set boundaries, so if I want you to be gentle with my kid, I’ll let you know and show you a “better”* way of doing it.

      *”Better” meaning “more approved of by myself”.

  30. meteor_echo

    October 31, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    Okay, this is going to cause a lot of hate here, but I agree with the author. Small, affectionate, roughhousing children are a pain in the ass, and I’m pretty sure the author would rather vaccinate her kid than watch it get every single illness under the sun from her little pestlet cousins.
    Second, loud affectionate families suck ass. And no, she doesn’t have to accomodate them and allow them to hug her even when she’s plainly uncomfortable about it. It’s them who should understand that not every single person likes to be hugged or squeezed, and that they’re actually making her uncomfortable. Speaking of which, if someone tried to hug or squeeze me without at least a verbal warning, they’d be punched or elbowed ASAP.
    Author, maybe it’d be good to tell the kids to step back a bit… and probably not visiting the husband’s family would be neat too.

    • TngldBlue

      October 31, 2013 at 1:21 pm

      It’s one thing to say my nephews are too rough and I don’t like the affection my in laws press on me. It’s quite another to say you hate, loathe, detest, abhor, and despise them all.

    • TngldBlue

      October 31, 2013 at 12:21 pm

      It’s one thing to say my nephews are too rough and I don’t like the affection my in laws press on me. It’s quite another to say you hate, loathe, detest, abhor, and despise them all.

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 12:29 pm

      Why is it never okay to openly dislike children? It’s not like she’s trying to skin them alive and cook them for dinner, she’s trying to avoid them.

    • Ann B.

      October 31, 2013 at 12:40 pm

      While I would be sad if family members disliked my kids, my issue if this was my own sister in law wouldn’t be that SHE didn’t want to be around my kids, but the idea that she is trying to withhold a relationship between my children and their cousin.

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 12:43 pm

      Well, if, for example, I had a kid and my kid’s nephews were making her/him constantly sick, I’d definitely withhold this relationship at least until the kid got all the vaccinations. I don’t think the nephews would be horribly traumatized by that – they’d have years and years to communicate with my kid, later.

    • ChillMama

      October 31, 2013 at 1:05 pm

      That seems reasonable. But saying you “hate” those kids because they have the misfortune of being sick and passing it on? A bit harsh, no?

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 1:11 pm

      Well, if her kid is getting constantly sick (which obviously stresses her out), and the little germ factories keep hugging and squeezing the said kid and thus passing on more and more new sicknesses, I don’t think it’s that harsh or unreasonable.

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 1:11 pm

      Well, if her kid is getting constantly sick (which obviously stresses her out), and the little germ factories keep hugging and squeezing the said kid and thus passing on more and more new sicknesses, I don’t think it’s that harsh or unreasonable.

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 10:25 pm

      The kids seem to keep hugging and touching the author’s daughter even when they’re sick. Sorry, but nope, doing this stuff is absolutely annoying. Besides, why the hell do sick kids come over to her house instead of staying at home?

    • ChillMama

      November 1, 2013 at 8:52 am

      I agree that is annoying, and I really don’t get why people who are sick/have sick kids do not know enough to keep them home. Trust me, a pet peeve of mine, since I catch EVERYthing. I am just saying that “hating” the kids for that seems harsh to me, and I can see why people were put off by her choice of words.

    • Litterboxjen

      October 31, 2013 at 12:46 pm

      I mostly kept the fact that I dislike children to myself until I was pregnant; then I was finally comfortable saying it. I love my daughter like nobody else, and while I’ve grown more tolerant of other people’s kids, I’m still not a “kid person”. I’ve narrowed it down to disliking the chaos and noise (and stickiness and mess) that comes with kids. I’m definitely more comfortable with my parental in-laws visiting than with my BIL, SIL and their two kids.

      Also, I’m inclined to believe that the OP is still in the early stressful stages of new parenting, when it can be seriously overwhelming to deal with the necessities of babies/life in general without all the added chaos that comes from rambunctious toddlers that aren’t your own. I rarely intervene with parenting my niece and nephew because they aren’t my kids and I don’t want to overstep, but if they go after my cats, all hell will break loose. When I was in the early stages (say, first six months or so) of parenting my kid, the last thing I wanted was the chaos of toddlers around, and I have no doubt I was highly resentful of their presence. And given that they’re older and my kid is smaller and was late to walking, I was definitely afraid that they’d hurt her in their rambunctiousness.

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 12:58 pm

      Hah! You know, I hang out in one of the childfree comms on Livejournal, and there are several members who have a kid (they’re mostly one-child people). The outsiders can’t understand how it’s possible to like your own kid while disliking the rest of ’em – because all women are ~the nurturers who have so much mothering instinct in them~. Blegh

    • Cee

      October 31, 2013 at 12:49 pm

      I find it strange that people say they dislike children. I don’t like all children, but I don’t dislike them all.

      I don’t plan to have children myself, but, I guess it just doesn’t make sense how you can dislike a whole set of people on the basis of who they are.

      Working with kids, has me see all kinds of different children. You know, not just the annoying ones your sister in law is raising.

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 12:54 pm

      Well, I dislike children. I dislike their voices, their lack of boundaries, the constant “why?”, the tantrums, the germs and all the snot/crap/pee that you get during the first years of their life.

      Show me a kid that acts like a little adult at the age of three or four, and I’ll be okay with that kid. Mostly.

    • Cee

      October 31, 2013 at 1:00 pm

      You teach them boundaries. You didn’t get to where you were without some growing and some teaching. It can be done.

      Their voices, sheesh, that is a bit much. They can’t help having a voice box different from yours.

      Yep. Don’t like tantrums and their messiness but they can be fun at times. Like I said, its hard to understand someone not liking a whole set of people on who they are but different strokes for different folks.

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 1:05 pm

      1) Not interested in teaching them boundaries – it’s a job for their caregivers. Yes, I was a kid myself, but it was my parents’ problem.
      2)Not my fault that the typical frequency of a kid’s voice can give me a skull-splitting headache. And the loudness isn’t welcome, either.
      3) Well, if you find them fun, good for you. I easily get along with teens, but babies and small children are a special kind of hell to me.

    • ChillMama

      October 31, 2013 at 1:04 pm

      I don’t know….there are a few adults I know who lack boundaries, have annoying voices, practice questionable hygiene, and throw ridiculous tantrums (though not usually all qualities in one person). At least kids can grow out of it!

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 1:06 pm

      Your first sentence sort of disproves your last one 😛 Those adults didn’t become annoying turds overnight.

    • ChillMama

      October 31, 2013 at 1:07 pm

      I said “can”, not “will”…alas. 😉

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 1:10 pm

      They need to learn from cats. Some cats do all this stuff as well, but at least they’re cute while they do it!

    • Courtney Lynn

      October 31, 2013 at 2:40 pm

      Some don’t, though!

    • Courtney Lynn

      October 31, 2013 at 2:40 pm

      Some don’t, though!

    • Bethenny

      October 31, 2013 at 1:30 pm

      I honestly don’t mean to be an asshat, but why are you on a parenting blog when you don’t even like kids? If you don’t like them I don’t give a hoot, but it seems like a counterproductive way to spend your time. (which is also none of my business, I’m just truly confused.)

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 1:45 pm

      Because I can be, and because this blog is not only about small children.

    • Mel

      October 31, 2013 at 4:59 pm

      I’m childfree and not a fan of kids either. I am a fan of women’s issues and I’m a fan of women coming together to discuss issues that affect all of us and (usually, though clearly not in this case) to support each other. I don’t like kids, but their in my life and my world, so I like to keep abreast of the general news and issues. I’m not Syrian either, but I care what happens there. I’m not a Congresswoman, but I care what happens with them.

    • Mette

      October 31, 2013 at 3:47 pm

      I totally agree with you on this. I’m not a kid person either, although I have two of my own (4 and 1 yr old boys). Some of the things you mention are really what I dislike about kids. Especially cleaning up after their mess. I do love my oldest, but man, he talks ALL THE TIME! At least I can tell him to be quiet and do something else.
      You can’t really do that with other people’s kids, at least I can’t. I’m a sort of a reserved and shy person, and I feel uncomfortable around kids, that are just being too much in talking and asking questions and wanting to play, and I find it difficult to set my boundary.
      So it is possible to have kids of your own, and at the same time generally dislike kids.

    • Mette

      October 31, 2013 at 3:47 pm

      I totally agree with you on this. I’m not a kid person either, although I have two of my own (4 and 1 yr old boys). Some of the things you mention are really what I dislike about kids. Especially cleaning up after their mess. I do love my oldest, but man, he talks ALL THE TIME! At least I can tell him to be quiet and do something else.
      You can’t really do that with other people’s kids, at least I can’t. I’m a sort of a reserved and shy person, and I feel uncomfortable around kids, that are just being too much in talking and asking questions and wanting to play, and I find it difficult to set my boundary.
      So it is possible to have kids of your own, and at the same time generally dislike kids.

    • TngldBlue

      October 31, 2013 at 1:24 pm

      You can dislike children all you want and I’m sure you avoid being around them as much as possible. But wishing ill will on them goes above and beyond dislike.

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 1:47 pm

      If somebody constantly made a person I love sick, I’d wish ill will on that somebody too.

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 1:47 pm

      If somebody constantly made a person I love sick, I’d wish ill will on that somebody too.

    • TngldBlue

      October 31, 2013 at 1:59 pm

      Really? You’d wish that a 2 year olds parents would divorce and move away from their family over a cold-that the kid would likely get from somewhere else anyway because unless the baby is in a bubble they’re highly susceptible to germs?. We’re not talking small pox here.

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 2:08 pm

      No, but I’d probably wish for the said kid to go down with a cold and leave my kid the hell alone for a couple months.

    • TngldBlue

      October 31, 2013 at 1:59 pm

      Really? You’d wish that a 2 year olds parents would divorce and move away from their family over a cold-that the kid would likely get from somewhere else anyway because unless the baby is in a bubble they’re highly susceptible to germs?. We’re not talking small pox here.

    • Mel

      October 31, 2013 at 4:56 pm

      Exactly! She’s not harming them, she’s simply thinking “bad” thoughts. Cut her a break.

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 5:28 pm

      Yup. There’s a world of difference between thinking things and acting out on them.

    • Sara610

      October 31, 2013 at 12:23 pm

      You’re right that people who dislike being hugged or touched have every right to ask that other people respect that preference. HOWEVER, the author is acting like there’s something wrong with her family and they’re assholes because they dare to hug and touch her.

      I wonder if she has ever tried to politely but firmly tell them that she doesn’t enjoy being hugged? Or is she just passive-aggressively saying nothing and faulting her in-laws for not being able to read her mind? I’m not trying to be snarky here, I’m genuinely curious and I’d love it if the OP would weigh in with an answer. If she’s asked them before to respect her aversion to physical contact and they’re just disregarding her wishes, then I can understand her annoyance, although not the vitriol that she seems to direct toward her young nephews. But if she’s never attempted to directly make her preference known, she gets no sympathy from me in that regard.

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 12:27 pm

      Okay, imagine this: you hug someone, and then you notice that the hug makes them really tense and uncomfortable, that they are just trying to be polite. Would you hug them ever again or would you pick up the body language? I doubt that a person with some semblance of manners would do something unpleasant like that again and again.
      So, if her husband’s family keeps hugging her despite getting the clues that she doesn’t like it, they’re asses, plain and simple. A verbal warning might be good, but actually looking at the people who you (the general you) use as snuggle dolls is just as good.

    • Sara610

      October 31, 2013 at 12:30 pm

      I would probably notice that person’s body language, but maybe not. And a lot of people aren’t good at picking up on things like that. So if you don’t like to be hugged and someone doesn’t pick up on your subtle hints that you don’t like it, it’s reasonable to think that you would come right out and tell them, “I actually don’t enjoy being hugged.” As far as I’m concerned, if someone’s doing something that I don’t like, I don’t get to complain about it unless I’ve actually asked them to stop. Not hinted, not implied, but straight-out asked them, in plain language, not to do the offending behavior.

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 12:36 pm

      You have a point there. However, from all the cases I’ve seen, people often ignore verbal warnings as well, or dismiss them as “Oh, he/she is being grumpy today”. I come from a family of huggers, and, until I actually started pushing them away, they kept going at me even though they’ve been warned not to.
      I hope the author tells her relatives to eff off, or at least to stop hugging her.

    • Sara610

      October 31, 2013 at 1:57 pm

      Oh, well, if someone is flat-out told that their hugging is unwelcome and they still keep doing it, then that’s not cool. Personal space needs are different for everyone, and no one has the right to force a hug/kiss/any other kind of touch on anyone.

    • Sara610

      October 31, 2013 at 1:57 pm

      Oh, well, if someone is flat-out told that their hugging is unwelcome and they still keep doing it, then that’s not cool. Personal space needs are different for everyone, and no one has the right to force a hug/kiss/any other kind of touch on anyone.

    • Ann B.

      October 31, 2013 at 12:35 pm

      As a hugging family member who married into another hugging family… my nephew through my husband’s sister was weird about hugging me when my husband and I were dating, but obviously serious. But his parents kept reinforcing the hug to get him comfortable with me and treating me like any other member of the family. Now I am one of the first people he hugs after we come to visit. There are a number of reasons a hug could be uncomfortable, so I agree with Sara that the best course of action is just to speak up and say ” I’m not really a hugger.”

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 12:37 pm

      Well, at least your nephew didn’t mind 🙂
      My parents tried to force me into hugging my father’s mother every time I saw her. I grew to hate it so much, I hid under the bed whenever she’d come around. I guess it varies from person to person.

    • Cee

      October 31, 2013 at 12:56 pm

      Some people pick up on the body language while others need to be told. Plain and simple.

      I am not a huggy person, but I have come to observe that some people are just so excited in their own action (the hug) that they don’t even notice. It goes something like this : Aaaah Cee is here! Nice to see you! *tight hug/I tense up* Oh my glob its been so long! Sooo they’re just so wrapped up. Having told people I don’t do hugs with everybody except my gf, some of my students or when I feel like it…they are taken aback and say they have never noticed.

      I think a verbal warning must be given at times. Just don’t be like “I hate you and everything you and your family do”

    • Aldonza

      October 31, 2013 at 6:20 pm

      Yeah, not everyone is super savvy when it comes to things like body language clues. If she’s never spoken up to say she’s not a touchy feely person, she should. If she has and they’re ignoring her, they’re dicks.

    • Snipe

      October 31, 2013 at 10:14 pm

      Exactly! I grew up in a rambunctious, loud, huggy family, and I dreaded visiting them. They never respected my boundaries, even though I was obviously uncomfortable.

    • Snipe

      October 31, 2013 at 10:14 pm

      Exactly! I grew up in a rambunctious, loud, huggy family, and I dreaded visiting them. They never respected my boundaries, even though I was obviously uncomfortable.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 31, 2013 at 4:55 pm

      Right there with you (and the author)! Although I had to wonder, given the author’s statement agreeing with the Victorian sentiment about children being seen and not heard (and not seen either, for that matter), what tempted her to have one of her own? Personally, I remain childfree and try to extricate myself from situations in which I know I will be overrun by huggers and/or young children *because* of my intense dislike of both, but it does seem as though the author brought it on herself.

      To some of the commenters wondering why a virulently childfree sort (i.e., someone who isn’t one of the, “I love kids, but I don’t want any of my own”) would read a parenting blog…personally, I followed STFU, Parents over here. But I read the other articles because the idea of having and wanting to have children is so foreign to me that I want to try and understand it, since I’m rather in the minority. And since most of the parents who write and contribute to Mommyish seem like chill people who haven’t drunk the breastmilk-laden Kool-Aid and tell it like it is, I find theirs a better perspective for trying to figure out how the vast majority of the adult world thinks than some other venues whose authors are gamely trying to convince the world that parenting is all sunshine and unicorn farts 24/7.

    • Courtney Lynn

      October 31, 2013 at 5:05 pm

      This is about the only place where I can agree with a lot of other moms. Baby Center and other mom forums seem so full of sanctimommies and nutjobs most of the time. They have drank that Kool-Aid!

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 5:29 pm

      And don’t get me started on The Stir. I gave it one look and nopenopenoped out of there as fast as I could.

    • Courtney Lynn

      October 31, 2013 at 8:43 pm

      OMG! The Stir makes my eye all twitchy. Shit. My toddler does that enough.

    • Courtney Lynn

      October 31, 2013 at 8:43 pm

      OMG! The Stir makes my eye all twitchy. Shit. My toddler does that enough.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 31, 2013 at 5:30 pm

      Yeah, that’s been my impression! I love that 99% of Mommyish writers and commenters are totally okay with the childfree, and they’re not trying to sell anyone on parenting, just saying what they love about it without the heaping side dish of, “You’ll understand when you change your mind!” Those other forums, though? More Halloween-appropriate from my perspective than any haunted house in the country!

    • Courtney Lynn

      October 31, 2013 at 8:51 pm

      I was a fence-sitter for a while, so I TOTALLY get it! Plus my favorite aunt as a kid was childfree and single by choice (she broke 3 engagements!). Also have another “aunt”, as in mom’s good friend, who is childfree and didn’t get married until her mid 40s. I grew up with it, too so it’s not a big deal to me that some people don’t want kids. Who can blame them? Raising kids is exhausting. I’m fine with it, but someone else might not be. Some days I question if I should have!

    • Courtney Lynn

      October 31, 2013 at 5:01 pm

      Loud kids are annoying. I often get “touched out” by my OWN kid to the point where I tell him to back off and bristle when he touches me for the millionth time that day (I’m sure I’ll get backlash for that, too but I love my kid so people can suck it). I’m also not crazy about other people’s kids and I can actually say I dislike some. I totally agree that she does NOT have to accommodate them, I’m introverted and find social settings exhausting, even when I want to be there. If her in-laws are doing so against her wishes, that’s not okay but I’m not sure the author has made that clear to them. She should. If they continue, then they truly are assholes. What I had a problem with was how intense, as someone else put it, her expression is but she has also made it clear that this was more of a vent anyway.

    • Alanna Jorgensen

      November 4, 2013 at 2:09 pm

      A close family member has severe OCD (like me) and social anxiety which causes issues with touch and with children as they can be loud and overwhelming. I know for a fact that she wishes my younger child would be anywhere else and I understand completely. I do not force hugs on her and I explain the boundaries in regards to her to my kids. She is in no way a horrible person and neither is anon mom. You can also have your own children and greatly dislike other people’s kids btw.

  31. Angela

    October 31, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    Reading this gave me the sads.

  32. Cliff

    October 31, 2013 at 1:21 pm

    I hate it when people let their kids climb on me. If you can train a dog not to jump on people kids shouldn’t be that hard.

    • Eve Vawter

      October 31, 2013 at 12:56 pm

      Ya know, I actually agree with you fully. Because as a parent I have NO interest in my kids climbing on some creepy dude who secretly hates them. I would rather they not climb on people like that.

    • Eve Vawter

      October 31, 2013 at 12:56 pm

      Ya know, I actually agree with you fully. Because as a parent I have NO interest in my kids climbing on some creepy dude who secretly hates them. I would rather they not climb on people like that.

    • Diana

      October 31, 2013 at 1:27 pm

      I second that! Incredibly annoying.

    • Courtney Lynn

      October 31, 2013 at 2:45 pm

      Exactly. It’s called manners. When I took my son to an in-home sitter when I worked, he was a baby and there was little girl there who had no boundaries. She was a toddler, had NO speech development or any inkling of social skills. She was mean to the babies, too which pissed me off and I yelled at her more than once to stop taking things from other kids and to quit climbing on shit. My son’s sitter had her hands full with that one.

    • Shelley

      November 1, 2013 at 10:33 am

      Haha, I often think this in reverse! I would NEVER let my kids climb on, lick, jump at, shriek at a stranger. Why, why, WHY do you let your dog do it to me????!

    • Cliff

      November 1, 2013 at 12:23 pm

      I like kids the same way I like dogs. Well trained and polite 😉

  33. Jessieface

    October 31, 2013 at 12:25 pm

    This is devastating. I believe in my heart this is a majorly failed attempt at satire and sarcasm. It comes off terribly mean and vindictive. I get it, I work with children, they are illness incubators and germ factories. Newsflash, your baby will one day be a child, who incubates and produces germs and illness as well. Everyone has personal boundaries and some people aren’t huggers. Have you told them you aren’t a hugger? Have you asked your nephews to be gentle, and wash their hands? There is nothing wrong with you not being a hugger, and nothing wrong with them being huggers. I’m glad this article is anonymous for your sake. I’m glad you had an outlet to get something’s off your chest – but I hope that you are able to be honest with your in laws about your needs, in a much more constructive and kind manner. That doesn’t include wishing your brother in laws wife leave him and take the children with her. The key to snark is humor and an undertone of love or like.

  34. nikki753

    October 31, 2013 at 12:29 pm

    I think that with the anonymous mom articles, the writers should be given the benefit of the doubt and if your reaction is negative, pretend that this is a confession from a friend, and take some time to think of a kind, helpful way to respond. Often people are submitting an article because they just can’t take something anymore.

    Certainly, sometimes the writer is not a nice person. But, a lot of times it is a person who is by no means usually a wordsmith who is finally fed up enough that they just spew something onto a page that has been bottled up. And sometimes, they freeze up on ‘article’ writing where if they were flowing naturally they’d do better.

    • Whatwhatque

      October 31, 2013 at 1:37 pm

      And I think most comments are approaching it this way…like “whoa, are you sure you hate these kids and aren’t just uncomfortable with the family overall and you do know your baby will be a germ-filled kid one day, too, right?” which is something I’d say to a friend. Certainly, some people have gotten more personal than that but it’s the Internet, I think it’s been surprisingly civil!

    • Whatwhatque

      October 31, 2013 at 1:37 pm

      And I think most comments are approaching it this way…like “whoa, are you sure you hate these kids and aren’t just uncomfortable with the family overall and you do know your baby will be a germ-filled kid one day, too, right?” which is something I’d say to a friend. Certainly, some people have gotten more personal than that but it’s the Internet, I think it’s been surprisingly civil!

    • nikki753

      October 31, 2013 at 2:09 pm

      True. I think that Mommyish comments are usually above the general internet standard (okay, way above since internet standard is terrible). I just think she needed to be chided a little more gently. She seems to be at her wit’s end and we don’t know what all is going on with her. This is her first child and the kid is young enough that she’s still breastfeeding. I think she’s overwhelmed in a lot of ways and we don’t know that hormonal influence can be ruled out. I just think she needed a better shit sandwich. “I hear you. Now you know this is a little harsh sounding, right? Take some time for yourself. You’re a good mom and you’ll settle into it. It’s okay.” I just think that sometimes when we don’t know the person, it would be best to err on the nicest side.

    • Whatwhatque

      October 31, 2013 at 1:37 pm

      And I think most comments are approaching it this way…like “whoa, are you sure you hate these kids and aren’t just uncomfortable with the family overall and you do know your baby will be a germ-filled kid one day, too, right?” which is something I’d say to a friend. Certainly, some people have gotten more personal than that but it’s the Internet, I think it’s been surprisingly civil!

    • whiteroses

      November 1, 2013 at 8:52 pm

      I can honestly say that there’s not a single thing I told Anon Mom that I wouldn’t tell a friend.

  35. nikki753

    October 31, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    To the Anonymous Mom,

    There are a lot of factors at play here. First, it sounds like there two little boys who really do need to be reined in. Their parents clearly love them and your daughter and mean well but… So just say, “Oh let’s not do kisses! She gets sick so easily and it’s so hard on her little body.” Then figure out some love gesture that you prefer. Have them make a goodbye funny face, hold her hand out for a high five, whatever makes you comfortable. In conversation mention to the adults, “Yeah, her immune system seems pretty weak so we’re really trying to keep her away from germs.” Just slip it in there.

    As far as their rambunctious play, teach them that she can’t protect herself. When they’re throwing things or whatever say, “Oh hey guys, not by the baby okay?” When you get a chance, teach them that she has very little reflexes and poor motor skills. “See where if a toy flies at your face, you jerk away and put your hands up, she still has so little control she smacks herself in the face!” Try to find someone you know who is a pro at simultaneously being really nice but also gently putting his/her foot down with kids and teaching them why. I think you’re feeling like you have no control and are subjected to this. It’s your baby and if no one else is doing it and you do it kindly and don’t wait until you snap and scream at them, everyone should be okay with it.

    As for the contact aversion, please understand that I mean this kindly and that I’m on the side of you being happy and not dreading every interaction with them. It sounds like your family and his are each at the very far ends of the spectrum. Everyone could stand to recognize that and compromise some. I think a lot of people react to your story with sad that gets mixed up because it really broke my heart to think of a little girl who never got hugged by her grandmother because I loved snuggling with mine. I “sat” on her lap (really putting most of my weight elsewhere in later years) until I was well over 20. But if that worked for you, that’s okay. Sometime when it’s not a mid-hug “Jesus! Why do you people insist on fucking touching ME?!?!” freakout, mention, that story about your grandma and say, “To this day I’m not really into physical affection. I’m happy to show my love in these ways but I really don’t like being hugged by pretty much anyone.” Finally, while I understand that the culture, upbringing, and personality differences are vast, try to let it roll off. My aunt, uncle, and cousins in law are big huggers. My family was never much into hugging cousins. So it’s a little strange to me but I love them and they love me so I just roll with it. Try to find what you need to take control of and what you can roll with. And keep your head up, okay?

  36. Bri

    October 31, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    I was really expecting this post to make me laugh and feel sympathetic but it never really got funny (aside from regretting the baby’s name) and the OP’s overboard negative attitude doesn’t elicit sympathy. I feel bad for her husband, their baby and the hugging in laws. I hope this baby gets plenty of hugs from her dad and his family so that she doesn’t grow up to be so emotionally stunted that she flies into a rage if she marries into a family of huggers. God forbid.

  37. Abby

    October 31, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    I think my sister in law wrote this. She is a first time mom to a 5 month old and is very vocal about how “obnoxious and rude” my 3 and 4 year olds are. My children are wonderful and lovely (of course I think they are..but most outsiders would tend me agree with me here). One day your baby will be a toddler and it will enrage you and break your heart when/if someone says cruel and nasty things like this about her.

  38. Roberta

    October 31, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    My mom and dad grew up with parents that did not hug them. The love was there, but they rarely received any declaration of love, from an “I love you” to a kiss on the cheek or any physical gesture. And when my sister and I were born, they made it a point to make sure that we were hugged and given affection every day, germs and all.

    I get it, you are not the type of person who appreciates that grand gesture of affection that some families do, and that is fine. Many people do not like their personal space invaded, and that needs to be respected. But your post made it seem like you were passing judgement on your nephews as human beings because they like showing affection to your daughter. And I think that is a tad bit too far.

    Finally, in your final statement you hope your child does not grow up to be a hugger. Unfortunately, you have no control in that. That is entirely up to the child and what she is comfortable with. And I hope when she decides what her comfort level is, you are supportive of her.

  39. Roberta

    October 31, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    My mom and dad grew up with parents that did not hug them. The love was there, but they rarely received any declaration of love, from an “I love you” to a kiss on the cheek or any physical gesture. And when my sister and I were born, they made it a point to make sure that we were hugged and given affection every day, germs and all.

    I get it, you are not the type of person who appreciates that grand gesture of affection that some families do, and that is fine. Many people do not like their personal space invaded, and that needs to be respected. But your post made it seem like you were passing judgement on your nephews as human beings because they like showing affection to your daughter. And I think that is a tad bit too far.

    Finally, in your final statement you hope your child does not grow up to be a hugger. Unfortunately, you have no control in that. That is entirely up to the child and what she is comfortable with. And I hope when she decides what her comfort level is, you are supportive of her.

  40. Heather

    October 31, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    Honestly I don’t get mean from this at all. Or dry humor or satire. I get a personal, honest opinion. I can’t really see why people are being all judgey. Everyone feels differently about things; other people’s kids, germs, hugging, broccoli, etc. and I see no reason why she should be trashed for expressing her feelings. That’s what the column is for; honesty. Kids are germ factories and not wanting to get sick or have your kid get sick because other people are sick is, well…logical I think. She didn’t say she wanted them to die or anything horrifying to happen to her nephews or in-laws, she simply said she could do without for now. I think commenters are going over the top. I, for one, am glad to see people who take an honest look at themselves and own their feelings, and are brave enough to voice them.

    • CMJ

      October 31, 2013 at 1:21 pm

      You know – I think the hope for divorce is pretty horrifying…but that’s just me.

    • Guest

      October 31, 2013 at 1:21 pm

      She stated that she dreams of their parents getting divorced and the mom taking them far away. How is wishing the uprooting of tow children’s lives for your own personal comfort not mean? She also full on says she “hates” them. So yeah, pretty mean.

    • Heather

      October 31, 2013 at 1:52 pm

      Meh, I think we all say things in our heads that we don’t say to someone’s face or actually want people to act on that instant. I dream of both positive and negative things and don’t necessarily act on either. They are just thoughts, everyone has them. She’s just voicing hers. I see nothing mean or wrong with it.

    • CC

      October 31, 2013 at 2:02 pm

      It seems it would be much more productive to voice how she feels to her husband’s family BEFORE she gets to the point where she is so angry that she’s dreaming of awful things. Like “Please don’t roughhouse around the baby, she could get hurt” or “Please don’t hug me, I am not really comfortable with being touched that way”. Kind of like a normal adult.

    • Heather

      October 31, 2013 at 2:10 pm

      Maybe she’s trying to cope and not make waves. What you are suggesting might be tough to say out loud (the hugging part I mean). I think this is just venting on her part – venting usually involves a lot of feelings that don’t always make sense and often come out very strongly.

    • nikki753

      October 31, 2013 at 2:14 pm

      Yeah, but we don’t know her. It sounds like she never learned skills on how to handle confrontation. Maybe she’s never seen someone handle it smoothly where it went “Sorry, guys, I hate hugging. Can I just give you high-fives?” and they go “Sure! high-fives for you!” The thing is that these things get set in motion before you feel like you have the familial standing to say no. You meet his family as the girlfriend. Hugs all around! You spend time with his family as the girlfriend. Hugs all around! Then you’re kind of like, “Jesus. How do I tell them that now without making them feel bad?”

    • nikki753

      October 31, 2013 at 2:14 pm

      Yeah, but we don’t know her. It sounds like she never learned skills on how to handle confrontation. Maybe she’s never seen someone handle it smoothly where it went “Sorry, guys, I hate hugging. Can I just give you high-fives?” and they go “Sure! high-fives for you!” The thing is that these things get set in motion before you feel like you have the familial standing to say no. You meet his family as the girlfriend. Hugs all around! You spend time with his family as the girlfriend. Hugs all around! Then you’re kind of like, “Jesus. How do I tell them that now without making them feel bad?”

    • Miriam

      November 1, 2013 at 1:32 pm

      I agree with you. There are ways to express what you need (or don’t want) from people that doesn’t put them on the defensive. Hopefully, more comments like yours will help this Anon Mom.

    • CC

      October 31, 2013 at 2:02 pm

      It seems it would be much more productive to voice how she feels to her husband’s family BEFORE she gets to the point where she is so angry that she’s dreaming of awful things. Like “Please don’t roughhouse around the baby, she could get hurt” or “Please don’t hug me, I am not really comfortable with being touched that way”. Kind of like a normal adult.

    • Muggle

      October 31, 2013 at 6:18 pm

      I fantasize about my hometown getting wiped out by a category 5 hurricane. But I wouldn’t want it to ACTUALLY happen, because a lot of innocent people would die and/or lose their homes, and my hometown wouldn’t be the only community wiped out (most of eastern North Carolina would be).

      It’s not meant to be taken literally. I see it just like we normally see Eve’s wishes to see a douchebro punched in the throat.

  41. Courtney Lynn

    October 31, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    I was hoping for a better explanation on why you “hate” (your words!) nephews. I didn’t see any explanation. It sounds like the problem is you. Clearly, you don’t like your husband’s family. I understand personal space, I’m all about it but I have always hugged family and friends and I imagine life would feel lonely without it. It sounds like you hate people who are energetic, affectionate and happy and that sounds like a sad existence, to be honest.

    • Guest

      October 31, 2013 at 1:25 pm

      It also doesn’t sound like she has ever directly brought up her dislike of personal contact with them. She admits to “biting her tongue” mostly, which sounds like she has never expressed how she feels. If that is the case, she bears most of the burden.

    • Courtney Lynn

      October 31, 2013 at 2:25 pm

      She does and she has every right to express that she’s not into hugging. I’m an introvert and I only hug family and friends and I don’t like “toucy feely” types. The author offered a better explanation in a comment here, but the original post comes across as very hateful. I understand venting and how when you do some things sound worse than they are but she needs to understand how to filter that if she expects to be understood.

  42. historychick79

    October 31, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    The one thing that really stood out to me in this note was a sense that breastfeeding should have prevented all of this, and heaven forbid the nephews are bringing home germs that overcome that magical protection. Honestly, that bit of misinformation is one piece I really wish the medical community would address/communicate more honestly. A lot simply depends on the time of year the baby is born, and breastfeeding is no guarantee. I exclusively breastfed for 4 mos. C was an August baby, and got his first cold at 6 wks, despite having limited contact with the outside world. He went into daycare at 9wks old (November), began weekly sniffles, and had a bout of RSV in the middle of January. Scary stuff, but we got through it. Now that he’s 3, his sniffles are usually seasonal allergies (his flare up with mine, poor kid), and we haven’t had to do more than his scheduled check up since his first birthday. Funny thing is, his health improved once I switched to formula only around 9mos. Does correlation mean causation, I doubt it; it was just springtime. I have a friend who is a battleax about breastfeeding (lovely person, but very adamant), and she breastfed her daughter until about 18mos. Her poor girl has had more ear infections and bouts with croup than I can keep track of. Breast is probably best (if it works for you), but it doesn’t guarantee anything. Odds are, if your child is working through some basic illnesses at a young age, it might just benefit them in the long run (e.g. attendance in formal school). It’s tough to see them sick. But blaming family gatherings and walking germ factories just sounds very harsh, and a sign of unrealistic expectations about how much you can protect your child.

    • noelle 02

      November 1, 2013 at 8:01 am

      Sometimes it does prove true, however. I breastfed my three for 21 months, 27 months, and 35 months. They each got one cold while breastfeeding and varied numbers of ear infections. The odd thing is that each avoided seasonal allergies entirely for a full twelve months after stopping nursing. My youngest is four and this is his first allergy season. Our doctor was baffled when I brought him in because he’s getting a serious allergic reaction to the allergens this year and has severe asthma developing in associations with allergens and the doctor cannot understand why this is the first year it’s showing up. I don’t talk about this much because I know it doesn’t hold true for everyone, but my crew were much healthier before I weaned them and they are not with other kids anymore after weaning that before.

  43. anon87

    October 31, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    It takes a lot of courage to express a deep, dark secret, especially if it’s one that you think most people would not agree with. When I saw the title of this article, I thought “okay, so her nephews are huge brats and can’t stand to spend a single second with them”. And I was okay with that, because I’m sure most people have been in the company of a child or adult that makes them want to shudder and run far away. I was just a little confused as to the wording in the article. I totally understand not wanting people of any age in your baby’s face, I don’t want kids in my face either. It just seemed like a bit of an overreaction to hate the kids…
    As weird as this is, if the article was about your nephew’s awful behaviour and the lack of discipline they get, if they were wild banshees all the time, I’d understand and I don’t think other people would be as shocked either…

    • Whatwhatque

      October 31, 2013 at 1:34 pm

      That’s a good point. If it was another “kids these days and their overly permissive parents letting them run wild!!” there’d be alot of “Amens!” because, while the kids can’t really control the fact they were parented in a way almost assuring brattiness, brattiness is universally disliked and very frsutrating. But “hating” kids because they are overly-affectionate is…weird. And Anon Mom is for these kinds of feelings, the REALLY bad ones that aren’t as universally agreed upon. But, of course, she posted it in a public forum and she seems defensive about it which is silly, you don’t post something like that and not expect blow back.

  44. B

    October 31, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    I guess I am a little surprised at the comments because I kinda related to this article. It was extreme but I read it more in a hyperbolic “this makes me insane” way than a “I truly hate small children” way. I tolerate my husband’s family, at best, so I guess I understand what it’s like to be forced to spend time with people who make you completely crazy, children included. I wish it wasn’t that way, but it is.

    I definitely wouldn’t go as far as to say I “hate” my nieces and nephews because they are germy. They are all loud, rude little brats and I generally fear for my children’s safety when they are around and typically not being watched by my sister-in-law. We’ve caught our fair share of nastiness from them because it would never occur to my sister-in-law to tell them to stay out of people’s faces when they are sick. And when you have small children it is frustrating to have grubby little hands all over them. Once my kids aren’t infants anymore I don’t worry as much but when one of her children has yellow goo coming out of his nose, PLEASE KEEP HIM AWAY FROM MY 3 MONTH OLD. I would expect that of anyone. Heck, I expect that of my own kids when they are sick.

    But the more I’ve thought about my feelings towards them, the more I’ve realized my negative feelings have almost everything to do with my sister-in-law and how she parents and almost nothing to do with her children.

    • Jane

      October 31, 2013 at 2:00 pm

      I related to it too. She sounds simply frustrated as hell, and this is a way to vent about it. Writing is good for that for some people. I think readers are being a bit too literal about the parts where she wishes for divorce and the nephews to be moved far away. I think it makes her feel good in the moment to have a bit of a fantasy that obviously takes into account none of the real world ramifications and consequences of such a split. She’s just going with it in her imagination because it seems like the ultimate easy out solution. Of course it’s selfish. Her mind is trying to soothe her anxiety, and that primitive part of her brain isn’t thinking of others in that moment.

    • Jane

      October 31, 2013 at 2:00 pm

      I related to it too. She sounds simply frustrated as hell, and this is a way to vent about it. Writing is good for that for some people. I think readers are being a bit too literal about the parts where she wishes for divorce and the nephews to be moved far away. I think it makes her feel good in the moment to have a bit of a fantasy that obviously takes into account none of the real world ramifications and consequences of such a split. She’s just going with it in her imagination because it seems like the ultimate easy out solution. Of course it’s selfish. Her mind is trying to soothe her anxiety, and that primitive part of her brain isn’t thinking of others in that moment.

    • Muggle

      October 31, 2013 at 6:19 pm

      I actually loved this article as well. I don’t relate too well because 1. I’m childless and 2. I don’t deal with sick children often, but I can totally relate to some parts of the article (little kids being WAY too enthusiastic and too affectionate).

      I can get why a parent would be frustrated at two young children being annoying in general and then being over-enthusiastic about her baby, and then getting that baby sick.

  45. AnonyMiss

    October 31, 2013 at 3:35 pm

    I love you. I love this. It made me laugh out loud. I come from a long line of non-hugging WASPS and spent ten years in a relationship with a hugging, kissing family. It made me freaking crazy and it was all I could do not to tense up (or go into fighting stance) when they came at me.

    I have a kid now whom I adore and hug all the time but it drives me CRAZY when all the other daycare kids want me to give them hugs and kisses when I pick up or drop off my kid. It’s a little terrifying.

  46. AnonyMiss

    October 31, 2013 at 3:35 pm

    I love you. I love this. It made me laugh out loud. I come from a long line of non-hugging WASPS and spent ten years in a relationship with a hugging, kissing family. It made me freaking crazy and it was all I could do not to tense up (or go into fighting stance) when they came at me.

    I have a kid now whom I adore and hug all the time but it drives me CRAZY when all the other daycare kids want me to give them hugs and kisses when I pick up or drop off my kid. It’s a little terrifying.

  47. AnonyMiss

    October 31, 2013 at 3:35 pm

    I love you. I love this. It made me laugh out loud. I come from a long line of non-hugging WASPS and spent ten years in a relationship with a hugging, kissing family. It made me freaking crazy and it was all I could do not to tense up (or go into fighting stance) when they came at me.

    I have a kid now whom I adore and hug all the time but it drives me CRAZY when all the other daycare kids want me to give them hugs and kisses when I pick up or drop off my kid. It’s a little terrifying.

  48. The Great Queen Spider

    October 31, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    I do get annoyed when my niece is sick and I catch it (ugh when it was bronchitis). But do I hate her? No. This is a bit mean imo.

  49. TTrinity S

    October 31, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    I love my nieces and nephews but one set of them is constantly sick. My daughter has gotten sick every time they are around in the same house since last christmas. There have been times when I have known they were going to be at the grandparents house and have made an excuse to not go just because I’m tired of my daughter getting a cold from them every other week. There have also been a few times I’ve been upset that they showed up because they knew we were going to be there and thought it’d be fun to let the cousins see each other. I kinda want to say no, it won’t be fun because in two days my 1 year old is going to be sick because your kiddos are germ machines. I was looking forward to some alone time with the grandparents. I love the kids but I hate that my 1 year old constantly is sick after seeing them. Because when she’s sick no one gets rest in our house.

  50. chickadee

    October 31, 2013 at 5:53 pm

    I am not a child enthusiast, so I don’t go into raptures over most little kids. Partly because I simply don’t get on with small people, I suspect.

    Having said that, however, let me ALSO say that relatives, unless they are racists, alcoholics, molesters, or something else beyond the pale (and not just germ-harborers) and sacrosanct. Irritating child behavior when practiced by my nephews and nieces is par for the course, because they are family. And people in your husband’s family are also family.

    It makes me very sad that you can’t separate your feelings about the children themselves from your resentment of their germs. Maybe you should try to overcome your WASPiness instead of wearing it proudly, since it seems to get in the way of your having a relationship with your husband’s family, whom he presumably loves.

    • meteor_echo

      October 31, 2013 at 10:40 pm

      Oh no no no no no. The “family is sacrosanct” line of thinking is absolutely vile. Some people can be shitty or just annoying despite not being racist or abusive or whatever. Basically, relatives are just strange people which you initially get stuck with due to the genetic lottery, and the sun doesn’t shine from out of their rears only because they’re aunts, uncles, cousins etc. etc.
      And she really doesn’t have to bend herself over to have a ~relationship~ with her husband’s family. Her husband is presumably a big boy and is perfectly capable of loving them even if she doesn’t. She shouldn’t have to please anyone by having to maintain some sort of superficially benevolent contact with the people she actually dislikes.

    • blh

      November 1, 2013 at 2:03 pm

      If you dislike you’re in-laws that much then you probably shouldn’t marry that person. It’s all well and good to say her husband can have a relationship with them even if she doesn’t like them, but that’s putting a huge burden on him. It just isn’t fair. Your family came first and in most cases will always be around (unless they’re shitty people) but it’s very common to get divorced.

      And this just really bothers me bc this woman is an idiot and has no idea what it’s like to really have in-laws. I had terrible in-laws and even though i’m not much of a hugger I’d kill to have in-laws like this woman has. Her daughter is lucky too ave a good family. My son’s fathers family are all fucking junkies and criminals. So if the worst you can say is you’re family is too huggy just seriously, stfu.

    • meteor_echo

      November 1, 2013 at 2:12 pm

      Umm. People marry other people, not those people’s in-laws. I cannot really comprehend why he can’t just keep up a relationship with his family and spare her from having to contact with them. What part of “Sorry, my wife does not feel comfortable around big groups of people” is hard to say to your family (as long as they aren’t narcissistic, all-about-me assholes who would be personally offended by someone not being a hugger)? If your family comes first, you sure as fuck get to deal with them yourself.
      And let’s not with the Suffering Olympics, please. Just because you had horrible in-laws doesn’t mean that someone can’t be pissed at hers for being overly affectionate.

    • blh

      November 1, 2013 at 2:03 pm

      If you dislike you’re in-laws that much then you probably shouldn’t marry that person. It’s all well and good to say her husband can have a relationship with them even if she doesn’t like them, but that’s putting a huge burden on him. It just isn’t fair. Your family came first and in most cases will always be around (unless they’re shitty people) but it’s very common to get divorced.

      And this just really bothers me bc this woman is an idiot and has no idea what it’s like to really have in-laws. I had terrible in-laws and even though i’m not much of a hugger I’d kill to have in-laws like this woman has. Her daughter is lucky too ave a good family. My son’s fathers family are all fucking junkies and criminals. So if the worst you can say is you’re family is too huggy just seriously, stfu.

    • chickadee

      November 1, 2013 at 4:31 pm

      Well, that’s one way to look at it. But as far as nieces and nephews are concerned, unless there has been violence (and the mother admitted that she was being hyperbolic) you put up with what (by her own recounting) is basic kid behavior. That’s if you want to have a relationship with the family, which it seems that the husband does and the wife does not. That’s a bigger problem to me than a kid’s germs.

  51. Momma425

    October 31, 2013 at 6:13 pm

    My mom felt similarly about my dad’s family.
    Mom comes from a small family, and we have no cousins- just grandma, my aunt, and my uncle (her only sibling).
    Dad comes from a huge family- he had 8 siblings and between all the step-children and every aunt and uncle’s kids and whatnot, I have 37 first cousins. My aunts and uncles are alcoholics and so family gatherings were always very loud and crazy and probably inappropriate for children to be around. My mom was a stay at home parent- we didn’t get sick a lot as kids because it was just my siblings and I. My cousins were all in daycare- so every time we saw them, we brought new and fun germs home to share with the whole family.
    My family lived 3 hours away from my dad’s side of the family, so mom really didn’t have to be around them that much.
    I will say that as a kid- even ar hard as my mother tried not to show it- I could pick up on her attitude and uncomfortable-ness mom had around my cousins. I resented her for it, and so did my siblings. As adults, we still resent her a little- because of her attitude, we didn’t visit that side of the family more than 3 times per year. Now that both of my grandparents are dead, and their huge house that could hold everyone all together has been sold, we don’t really get to have big family gatherings aside from weddings and funerals. I see some of my cousins regularly and keep in touch with all of them via facebook, but I miss them and wish I had grown up closer to them.
    I have empathy because I am also someone who DOES NOT like to be touched. I have OCD and it quite literally drives me crazy when I am in a room full of huggers. I also have empathy because I have been there- a first time mom of a little baby, and had my daughter’s dad’s little half-brother over from daycare exposing her to all these germs and colds and flus. I was horrified.
    The deal is, she is going to be a runny-nosed, germy kindergartener too someday. Sooner than you think. I stayed at home with my daughter until she was 3, and then had to go back to work. She got sick ALL THE TIME her first year of daycare and now it is not so bad. Kids build immunity by getting sick. So if she is not sick so often when she goes to school- it can be because of those baby days and her kissy cousins. I would also advise you to try really hard to never ever show your daughter the attitude you have about her cousins. I have empathy for how you feel, but I have been in her shoes and in the end of the day, I LOVE my cousins.

  52. Mel

    October 31, 2013 at 6:41 pm

    Even as a childfree, husbandfree woman I’m a big fan of this site. One of the things that I usually like so much is that “we” seem to band together to support the posters/writers. The nasty and judgmental responses to this Anon has made me sad. Disagreeing is fine. Discussion is healthy. Lack of empathy and expressions of hatred are disgraceful. Those who are judging this writer should really look at yourselves and ask if all of your thoughts and negative attitudes towards whatever and whoever would pass the test that you all have laid out.

  53. Ellen

    October 31, 2013 at 7:46 pm

    I TOTALLY GET IT. My in-laws are annoying at best and their kids are ill-behaved
    AND annoying. It takes a ton of energy to visit them and the always want MORE and MORE visiting. now that we have our daughter. I don’t want her to learn their weird and sometimes bad habits, which seems so mean sometimes but it’s true.

  54. Maria Guido

    October 31, 2013 at 11:04 pm

    I totally get the germaphobe thing – but I think it would be unfortunate for you to force your obvious boundary issues onto your child. I imagine they were passed on to you by your family – but they are obviously causing you some distress, as evidenced in this post.
    The ability to be warm and affectionate with others is actually really nice and something your child may enjoy – it may be nice to try to let her gage her own comfort level instead of passing on your aversions.

  55. Mae Blackwood

    October 31, 2013 at 11:49 pm

    I sort of took this as a new mom being overly stressed sort of deal. Even if it does seem a bit. . . strong. But, maybe I somewhat sympathize more because of the extra stress of a baby on the way and I sort of dislike one of my nieces. Even if she isn’t technically my niece because my fiance and I aren’t married yet. But, she’s really sort of a brat and is treated instead as being “sassy”.

    I wouldn’t say “hate” or anything of that sort, but I may feel that way more once this one comes in a few months.

    I just sort of feel that she is majorly stressed and the nephews are sort of making it worse. So, this could have been a ranty type post more than a “I want to see them disappear” sort of deal. I’m sure we’ve all had the major blow ups after holding something in for a long time. Also, if she comes from a family that isn’t overly loving it is really hard when you enter into a family like that.

    My family was pretty reserved and entering into my fiances family of super loving and close bonding types of people was a major shock and I’m still really awkward and weird about it after all this time.

  56. Mae Blackwood

    October 31, 2013 at 11:49 pm

    I sort of took this as a new mom being overly stressed sort of deal. Even if it does seem a bit. . . strong. But, maybe I somewhat sympathize more because of the extra stress of a baby on the way and I sort of dislike one of my nieces. Even if she isn’t technically my niece because my fiance and I aren’t married yet. But, she’s really sort of a brat and is treated instead as being “sassy”.

    I wouldn’t say “hate” or anything of that sort, but I may feel that way more once this one comes in a few months.

    I just sort of feel that she is majorly stressed and the nephews are sort of making it worse. So, this could have been a ranty type post more than a “I want to see them disappear” sort of deal. I’m sure we’ve all had the major blow ups after holding something in for a long time. Also, if she comes from a family that isn’t overly loving it is really hard when you enter into a family like that.

    My family was pretty reserved and entering into my fiances family of super loving and close bonding types of people was a major shock and I’m still really awkward and weird about it after all this time.

  57. Snipe

    October 31, 2013 at 11:57 pm

    I sympathize deeply with the OP because I understand where these feelings can come from. My own family is loud, rambunctious, and sarcastic, while I gravitate toward quieter forms of communication and entertainment. As I grew up, I learned that the best strategy was to go along with everyone else because no one listened to me, and I was teased mercilessly if I deviated from their norm. This resulted in gaps in my socialization. I didn’t understand how to set boundaries, and I was afraid to speak up when people are doing things that make me uncomfortable. I have moved past this point, but there was a lot of anger before I got it sorted out.

    Some of you criticize the OP for her feelings and language, saying, “Why doesn’t she just tell them to stop?” Maybe she grew up without the skills to set boundaries. Maybe she set boundaries and sees them completely disregarded by people who think they can do as they wish because their intentions are good or because they are related. Maybe her husband isn’t supportive. Maybe she’s afraid to speak up because previous attempts have met with a negative reaction. Maybe she needs understanding, not judgement.

    Those of you who feel for the parents of the boys, would you be pleased if your children were roughly hugging, kissing, and shouting at an infant? Would you encourage them to greater boisterousness and volume? Would you continue to touch a someone who doesn’t want to be touched, regardless of their relation to you? The OP wants a measure of peace and control in her life, and she dislikes those who don’t respect that. Anon, I hope you find a solution to these problems, and I hope you find a source of support when you do so.

  58. Aussiemum

    November 1, 2013 at 1:26 am

    This chick needs a serious reality check. And a kick up the bum. If I were your nephew’s mother and I found out you thought this about my kidlets, I would run you out of the family. Clearly you are a self center biatch, and you deserve a kick in the shins from these lovable boys! Get a grip, what’s going to happen when your bubs is a todldler and discovers hugging is awesome? “No sorry, I’m not a hugger, so how bout a high 5 and some antibacterial hand wash so you don’t give me any germs.”

  59. Meeshelle

    November 1, 2013 at 7:13 am

    I get you 156,000%. My husbands family is loud, over bearing, obnoxious, and nosey. Not to mention drama central. Do they love my son? Of course they do, but do they annoy the ever loving piss out me? ABSOLUTELY. And as for my nephew? He may only be 4 years old, but he is the most spoiled rotten, pouting, germ carrying kid I know (Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree on this one). Maybe when he gets older I will not find him so annoying. But right now the kid has green snot coming out of his nose at least once a week and cries over the littlest things. I know he’s only 4 but when him and my son play together he hits, bites, and steals toys. When you questions him, he lies! And of course gets away with it… and the worst part? My MIL and SIL baby the kid like there’s no tomorrow. I feel you. Keep trying it might get easier as the kids get older. Right now it’s a fight to not have her knocking on my door everyday. She needs to be up in our business and talks about EVERYONE- including us. But that’s another story for another day!

  60. Pingback: Here's My Ultimate Parenting Technique For Dealing With Obnoxious Kids

  61. Greta

    November 1, 2013 at 10:02 am

    I was a bit surprised when I got to the comment section. My nieces and nephews (all FORTY of them) are always carrying some germ, and there are a few I *enjoy* less than others, but I love them all. However, I have a good friend and neighbor who has three boys my kids’ ages. The 2 year old is a delight, the 5 year old is annoying, but tolerable in small doses, but the 3 yr old….I don’t think I can say I can hate him, because I don’t see myself using that word for anyone, but I certainly don’t like him. At. All. A three-year-old! And my husband /has/ come out and said he hates him. My friends/relatives who come to visit are left speechless when they meet this kid. Since I’m posting anonymously, and this is relevant to the article, I’m gonna be a little bold, down-votes be darned. This kid is gross, rude, weird-looking, too “touchy,” bratty, whiny, a little dumb (though nothing clinically wrong with him,) and just down-right unpleasant. I may not *hate* him, but I hate being around him. I hate when he’s within three feet of my kids. I cringe when I see him come outside. All kids are a little annoying. Some kids are very annoying. And then there are some kids that are just beyond that and you’re not obligated to love or even like them. Since this author is talking about family, she’s gonna have to suck it up, the best she can. But I certainly sympathize with her.

  62. Greta

    November 1, 2013 at 10:02 am

    I was a bit surprised when I got to the comment section. My nieces and nephews (all FORTY of them) are always carrying some germ, and there are a few I *enjoy* less than others, but I love them all. However, I have a good friend and neighbor who has three boys my kids’ ages. The 2 year old is a delight, the 5 year old is annoying, but tolerable in small doses, but the 3 yr old….I don’t think I can say I can hate him, because I don’t see myself using that word for anyone, but I certainly don’t like him. At. All. A three-year-old! And my husband /has/ come out and said he hates him. My friends/relatives who come to visit are left speechless when they meet this kid. Since I’m posting anonymously, and this is relevant to the article, I’m gonna be a little bold, down-votes be darned. This kid is gross, rude, weird-looking, too “touchy,” bratty, whiny, a little dumb (though nothing clinically wrong with him,) and just down-right unpleasant. I may not *hate* him, but I hate being around him. I hate when he’s within three feet of my kids. I cringe when I see him come outside. All kids are a little annoying. Some kids are very annoying. And then there are some kids that are just beyond that and you’re not obligated to love or even like them. Since this author is talking about family, she’s gonna have to suck it up, the best she can. But I certainly sympathize with her.

  63. Alexandra

    November 1, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    “Had I known how they would chant her name over and over as though she were some kind of rock star, I swear I would have named her “Shut the Fuck Up.””
    OMG I almost choked on my lunch SO FUNNY!

    Read more: https://mommyish.com/2013/10/31/anonymous-mom-i-hate-my-nephews/2/#ixzz2jQ2tMbdD

  64. blh

    November 1, 2013 at 1:23 pm

    You sound like a raging bitch, honestly. They’re you’re child’s family, why wouldn’t you want them to be close? As long as his family’s not terrible or anything. You’ve got some issues from how you were raised.

  65. blh

    November 1, 2013 at 1:23 pm

    You sound like a raging bitch, honestly. They’re you’re child’s family, why wouldn’t you want them to be close? As long as his family’s not terrible or anything. You’ve got some issues from how you were raised.

  66. Rly ppl?

    November 1, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    Get off her back ppl, she’s free to voice her own opinions and feelings. So they’re not candy coated in rainbows, get over it. I can totally relate on some level actually.

  67. Magpie34

    November 1, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    I think part of the problem with this piece is the writer tried to be clever and funny and, as she noted, use her thesaurus, so it came across as over the top. It was difficult at first to understand exactly what she was getting at. Maybe it’s not in the spirit of Anonymous Mom, but more editing would have helped her more clearly express her thoughts and cut down on the adjectives and hyperbole.

  68. Yves

    November 2, 2013 at 11:28 am

    I think the anonmom has some deep issues thanks to a slightly strange upbringing (who’s told not to look at a baby? I find that strange!) But what disturbs me about this post is the nephews don’t sound like actual brats, there was nothing mentioned that made them sound like bratty children (wanting to kiss a baby does not make you a brat, sorry). get not liking bratty kids, believe me! But they sound like normal kids, displaying normal affection. And she hates them for being…normal? The anonmom also sounds like she has some germ/OCD issues. Your baby lives on Earth now, she will be exposed to viruses and bacteria. And it’s actually good to get her exposed to build up her immune system so she’s not getting sick all the time when she does enter school. Also, your baby will soon be a toddler, preschooler, schoolager…who has a runny nose herself. Watch out! But seriously, see a therapist because I think you need some support.

  69. Katia

    November 2, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    This was cute. I don’t know if anon wrote it or mommyish changed it up, but either way, really fun to read. (Good writing). Are you sure you’re not misdirecting your resentment though? You realize these little kids are basically products of the environment? It seems like you really don’t care for your in laws. Maybe you and your family should move away so the hug sessions would be less frequent. Otherwise it’s your house- don’t be afraid to offend your sister in law as long as you keep your dignity / manners intact. Tell her straight up the baby always gets sick and you want to stop the hugging. Have the baby in a carrier when you are with these people. Don’t be afraid to answer her questions honestly/directly. My inlaws drive me crazy too. I never freak out but I always say no nicely when I don’t like something they suggest (like taking my kids for a week). I might make white lie excuses or tell the truth, depending. Anyways, less grinning and baring it means less resentment. I was extremely passive before but my mil is such a witch that I had to become assertive and it feels great. It’s really liberating.

  70. kim

    November 2, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    You don’t have to like everyone, definitely not. But this just makes me kind of sad.

  71. kim

    November 2, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    You don’t have to like everyone, definitely not. But this just makes me kind of sad.

  72. Can'tstandmynieceandnephew

    November 2, 2013 at 11:24 pm

    I have nothing but empathy for this mom. My husband’s niece and nephew are on my one year old daughter every time we go around, they are taken care of or clean, they are always sick, and my daughter is always sick within a week of seeing them. I know they are children and they can’t help their own situation, but they are spoiled brats and nobody says anything to them about boundaries. They should not be trying to hug my baby around the neck or pull her to the ground. There is something wrong with being overly affectionate when they can’t control themselves to keep from hurting a baby! I went to the bathroom once and came back to find my three year old nephew had loaded my 10 month old into a powerwheels and was zooming around the yard while my mother in law cheered him on! My baby can’t have any time with her grandparents because my sister in law is constantly dumping her kids off with them because she doesn’t like being a mother. I know my problem is more with my sister in law and the fact that my in laws refuse to discipline, but when your own child is affected negatively it gets difficult to separate your emotions and not start to feel terrible towards a child no matter how wrong you know it is logically. Anonymous Mom is not alone!

  73. Rachel

    November 4, 2013 at 2:10 am

    Wow, I usually have an extreme amount of empathy for anon mom columns! Even when I don’t necessarily agree with the anonmom, I typically sympathize with whatever plight she is having! This one though strikes me as…what’s the appropriate expression…stuck up? Snotty? Up her own ass? The in-law from hell?

    And the worst part is…These aren’t strangers this nasty woman is braying about! It’s her own family! Who do awful things…like hug her and take an interest in her child! Honey, I can guarantee you that your husbands relatives don’t see you as a ray if sunshine to brighten their days, either. And, unlike you, they have good reasons.

  74. Rachel

    November 4, 2013 at 2:10 am

    Wow, I usually have an extreme amount of empathy for anon mom columns! Even when I don’t necessarily agree with the anonmom, I typically sympathize with whatever plight she is having! This one though strikes me as…what’s the appropriate expression…stuck up? Snotty? Up her own ass? The in-law from hell?

    And the worst part is…These aren’t strangers this nasty woman is braying about! It’s her own family! Who do awful things…like hug her and take an interest in her child! Honey, I can guarantee you that your husbands relatives don’t see you as a ray if sunshine to brighten their days, either. And, unlike you, they have good reasons.

  75. Rachel

    November 4, 2013 at 2:10 am

    Wow, I usually have an extreme amount of empathy for anon mom columns! Even when I don’t necessarily agree with the anonmom, I typically sympathize with whatever plight she is having! This one though strikes me as…what’s the appropriate expression…stuck up? Snotty? Up her own ass? The in-law from hell?

    And the worst part is…These aren’t strangers this nasty woman is braying about! It’s her own family! Who do awful things…like hug her and take an interest in her child! Honey, I can guarantee you that your husbands relatives don’t see you as a ray if sunshine to brighten their days, either. And, unlike you, they have good reasons.

  76. Anja6819

    November 4, 2013 at 10:58 am

    When I first had my daughter, the second my mother in law knew she was near, she would make a bee line for her, get 6 inches from her face and say “HI EMILY!!!!!” Loudly and enthusiasticaly. Then ask why the baby cried every time she saw her.
    So I understand the usage of all the synonyms for hate. I too am not a hugger nor do I like displays of untoward affection. So I also didn’t like all the people clamboring to hold and spread germs to my baby.
    And I got a great big chuckle out of the piece too!!

  77. Kiki

    November 5, 2013 at 8:36 pm

    My mom is a “hugger.” I was forced to hug everyone I ever met growing up and now I avoid contact more often than not. There is a such thing as being too affectionate. Germs aren’t an issue for me, but I imagine AM’s poor baby getting overwhelmed with sticky baby kisses and not being able to fight off the cousins–ick!

  78. LCBlahBlahBlah

    November 6, 2013 at 3:14 am

    “wah wah wah my nephews like my daughter and treat her like a rock star”… you sound like an asshole

  79. Pricette

    November 14, 2013 at 8:08 am

    I actually sympathize with her a bit. I have 4 cousins on my dad’s side and 2 on my mom’s side. Because of distance and a ton of family drama, they might as well be strangers to me. My memories of them were that 2 lived in Hawaii and the other 4 were with family that sided with their sex offender grandfather. So I never experienced the “cousins are your first best friend!11!” stuff.

    If/when I have a kid, I’m really hoping this whole family thing won’t be an issue. I’ll never have nieces/nephews on my side because I’m the only kid, and if I’m lucky the dad won’t have many. If I were in the same situation as anon mom, I would of snapped a long time ago. I’m rather impatient, and if my baby was being slobbered on by kids, especially since she’s had several colds, I’d just make up an excuse and take my baby and go. I don’t care about that sentimental family “Oh it’s adorable” stuff. Nope. No.

  80. Bintex Shah

    November 23, 2013 at 4:10 am

    Winners lose much more often than losers. So if you keep losing but you’re still trying, keep it up! You’re right on track.

    Mijn Ing Inloggens

  81. Frances Powell

    November 25, 2013 at 2:39 am

    Oh, I’m sure you’re not, but you sound like a total cold fish and I’d probably hug you for even longer just to get on your nerves. My mother bought me up like that, and it wasn’t until I was in my late 30’s that I loosened up enough to start hugging my friends and family. She had that same supercilious attitude too, as did I – so much more superior, unlike these boorish oafs who insist on touching and affection and such.

    A bit harsh, aye? Not unlike you about your nephews. Seriously, mean much? Especially that crack about their parents breakup. That’s just horrible. Also, not getting your kid exposed to germs here and there can sometimes cause as much harm as too many.

    Incidentally, the first time I hugged my best friend she cried. We were 37 years old, and she thought I might be unwell or something. My kids complain that I’m not nearly huggy enough, too, and that’s after working on it for years. If your daughter grows up to be a hugger, you’re going to have to deal with it and while you’re there, stop being so bitchy about 1/2 of her family.

  82. Shannon

    March 3, 2014 at 3:46 am

    Yes, you are wrong. Get a grip. Good God.

  83. Tuco

    June 8, 2014 at 11:17 am

    My nephews drive me up the fucking wall and are always dirty because their parents don’t wash them. I hate when they come over and get my house and my poor son all dirty with their nasty germs. I totally understand. Plus the older one is a disobedient little brat who gets his way all of the time because his parents are too lazy to discipline him!

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