Anonymous Mom: Not Getting An Abortion Made My Relationship Stronger

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Anonymous Mom is a column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this anonymous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity. The following is a follow up to an Anonymous Mom column we published last November.

A year ago, I wrote about my boyfriend and his family disagreeing with me about keeping my unborn fetus. My pregnancy being unplanned, they felt as though we were not in a position to be having a second child. It was a very difficult conversation; one filled with insults and personal attacks. Truly, it was emotional torture to go through. A year later, I wanted to write in again to share my story. The story about how this pregnancy saved my relationship. About how, when my boyfriend and his parents became honest about their feelings, we were able to discuss things for the first time and truly get to know each other. How having this second child has brought an enormous amount of joy to not only my own life, but my boyfriend’s, to my family and to his.

When I became adamant about not ending my pregnancy, and my boyfriend finally calmed down enough to listen to what I had to say, he ultimately stated that he would support me, no matter what. That, if it really meant that much to me to have a second child, despite all of the obstacles that were standing in our way, he would support me and work with me towards making it happen. That discussion was not an easy one to have. I had to listen to him while he told me how he felt about me. How he wanted certain things to change. But, he also listened to what I had to say and what I also wanted for him to change. It was a fair fight. And it was the beginning of something very positive between us.

I will not say that the next few months were easy. My pregnancy was a more difficult one than my first – one that ultimately turned into a high risk pregnancy in my third trimester. We needed to move out of our one-bedroom apartment but had to renovate it first. Figure out where we were going in life. My boyfriend started looking for a better paying job that would allow him to work less. And through all of this, I still had to work, and take care of my one-year old, and take care of my pregnant self. It wasn’t easy. But I was so determined to make it work that I focused on the end goal. Throughout all of this, I know that my boyfriend’s heart wasn’t into it 100%. If I had to evaluate how he felt about it, he was perhaps with me about 85%.

I understood where he came from and tried to give him some slack. I could see, after all, how hard he was working with me in order to make things happen. I saw how he made every effort to work as much on himself as he was asking from me. It made me sad that he wasn’t as excited about my little guy coming, but I lived with it. I let him pick out our new baby’s name. I let him pick out some outfits. The day my baby was born, a month premature and the day that I finished unpacking my last box, my boyfriend stepped it up. He was there 100%. And when my son made his first public appearance, I saw the instant look of love in my boyfriend’s eyes, and knew that everything would be okay. In that moment, I knew that in the end, we hadn’t made a mistake.

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  1. Guinevere

    November 12, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    This is beautiful.

    • BessieJStokes

      November 12, 2014 at 3:30 pm

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  2. Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

    November 12, 2014 at 1:24 pm


    Thanks for the update.

  3. Harriet Meadow

    November 12, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    I’m so glad it turned out well for you! My sister got pregnant at 19, and both the father of the baby and OUR father wanted her to get an abortion. Seven years later, my sister and the baby daddy are happily married with two kids, and my father still gets tears in his eyes sometimes and apologizes for wanting what he wanted back then. Sometimes, things really do work out for the best. Thank you for your heartwarming story. =)

    • Laura Gerald

      November 12, 2014 at 6:33 pm

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  4. LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

    November 12, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    🙂 That is all. This just makes me smile.

  5. aCongaLine

    November 12, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    I’m so glad you got a happy ending. 🙂

  6. MC Dangerfield

    November 12, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    Sometimes the best thing you can say as a loved one is, “I want what you want,” and “I support you.”

  7. Dirty Old Lady Phillips

    November 12, 2014 at 1:50 pm

    I love a happy beginning 🙂 xoxo

  8. guest

    November 12, 2014 at 2:08 pm

    That is a wonderful story indeed. Your son is not the first, nor will he be the last of unplanned babies and that is no reflection on him at all. I’m very glad that what sounded like a shitstorm worked out so well in the end 🙂

  9. rockmonster

    November 12, 2014 at 2:22 pm

    I’m glad that y’all are okay. Take care.

  10. LadyClodia the Modest Rat

    November 12, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    Thank you for updating us!
    Warm fuzzies.

  11. noelle 02

    November 12, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    I hope you keep your forgiving attitude. To be honest, I’m still angry that my mom made clear her feelings of jealousy and resentment of my third child 6 years later. I hope you keep doing better than me.

    • Anonymous Mom

      November 12, 2014 at 2:47 pm

      I’m sorry about what happened with your mom… Has she done anything since saying that horrible thing to try and make up for what she said? Has she even apologized? Has she made an effort to help you make your situation better?

      The point of this article was the give and take that happened on everyone’s ends that made forgiveness possible. What was great was that my boyfriend, and his parents, both made a concerted effort to meet me halfway. And I also had to meet them halfway.

      What I’ve learned is that, yes, as a woman, it’s my body and my choice. But that doesn’t mean that I get to make all of the parenting decisions that come out of that choice to keep a pregnancy going.

      You also have to be able to say: “this is why he doesn’t want a child – so what will it take to make that different, make it better?”

      In the end, we’re able to work as a team and trust that, even if we disagree with certain things, there’s still a way to make things work so that everyone is happy.

    • noelle 02

      November 12, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      To be honest, I know she’s tried. But she also complained that I was so busy because of him or my breastfeeding was inconvenient. Even now, mom says things like”wouldn’t your life have been easier with just two?”. I guess it would be easier to let go if I didn’t feel she still resented him, but I’m not great at forgiving. If it had been my husband…I respect how you are handling this and see great maturity in you and your boyfriend.

    • Anonymous Mom

      November 12, 2014 at 8:37 pm

      That’s really horrible of her to say that. Had I been in your situation, I think I would have felt the same way…

  12. Hibbie

    November 12, 2014 at 2:53 pm

    I can imagine how lonely and isolating that initial conversation must have been and I’m glad your in-laws eventually apologized so that you can all move forward. It sounds like your son is very loved. Kudos to you for focusing on that!

  13. Samantha

    November 12, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    So happy for you. Wonderful story. Wonderful choice. Wonderful ending!! You will never regret giving that sweet baby life!! 🙂

  14. noodlestein's danger tits

    November 12, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    So glad things worked out!

  15. Allthingsblue

    November 12, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    I’m so happy for you and your family.

  16. pixie Ninja Tits

    November 12, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    Aw, hugs of happiness to you! <3

  17. cabecb

    November 12, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    Happy to hear your choice is working out for you and your family was able to come together to support you. I was worried for you when I read the first article.

  18. SunnyD847

    November 12, 2014 at 7:03 pm

    I’m glad everything has worked out. I don’t know that I agree, however, that not getting the abortion saved your relationship. It sounds like not allowing yourself to be bullied into a decision that was not right for you and having open and honest communication with your partner saved the relationship. I just don’t think having a baby is a magical cure for relationship issues.

    • Anonymous mom

      November 12, 2014 at 8:37 pm

      Keeping the baby is what saved our relationship in that, it’s the event that made us wake up and communicate about our family priorities. It’s not that I was hoping to keep a baby IN ORDER TO save our relationship… It’s just that we used the opportunity to get it right and to step it up as parents.

  19. mel

    November 12, 2014 at 7:37 pm

    I’m happy that things are working out for everyone, and I will never condone attacking someone for wanting to have a child. A woman should have complete autonomy in what she does with her body.

    I also entirety understand where the child’s father was coming from in not wanting or feeling ready for a baby. He had no choice in the matter and it sounds like he stepped up anyway. I loathe the idea of any person, man or woman, being forced to become a parent.

    Again, congratulations to everyone involved for this awful situation turning out to be a seemingly positive one.

  20. Mary

    November 12, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    I’m confused, is your boyfriend the bio dad to both kids or neither? You refer to your kids as “my kids” not “our kids”.

    • Anonymous mom

      November 12, 2014 at 9:52 pm

      He’s the father to both my kids. Sorry if I refer to them as mine – I generally do that if I’m talking to people without him around…

  21. C.J.

    November 12, 2014 at 10:24 pm

    I’m glad everything worked out for you and your family 🙂

  22. jendra_berri

    November 13, 2014 at 12:49 am

    The pregnant woman always is the best person to choose the course of action necessary. I’m so glad it worked out so beautifully for you.

  23. guest

    November 13, 2014 at 4:31 am

    I’m glad that things worked out in the end for you, but you also sound a little smug about how you were right all along. I of course do think it’s the pregnant woman who should decide what to do about a pregnancy, but expecting your boyfriend to be on board 100% when he didn’t even want another baby is also kinda selfish.

    As a childfree person I don’t understand this kind of need to continue a pregnancy no matter what obstacles, but it’s your right and luckily it worked out for you.

    • Anonymous Mom

      November 13, 2014 at 2:20 pm

      Have you read the previous post? Because there is no smugness. I did not force my boyfriend to have children when he didn’t want any other children. He just wanted to wait 6 months. Before calling me smug, perhaps you should read the full story.

      And the obstacles we were facing were not insurmountable. The fact is that my message stated that we both stepped up to make it work. It wasn’t only about making HIM change, it was also about changing myself.

      And finally, I say nothing about what other people should do. I don’t think that children are the end goal that most people should take. I’m sorry if you often times feel judged by people with children. I personally get offended when people say that shit, because I have many, many many childfree friends, and I think they’re awesome, no matter what path they choose in life.

      I am not smug. I feel a great sense of relief, that the feelings that I felt within myself eventually led to something great. That the very difficult decision that I made ended up making, not only myself happy, but my entire family. There is nothing to be proud of when you make a decision that impacts your entire family. But I do think that people need to hear that sometimes, the greatest conflicts in a relationship can lead to the best changes in your life. That you can choose to see certain events as strictly negative and traumatizing, or you can use them to lead to great transformations.

      I hope you understand more about my experiences. And I wish you only the best.

    • guest

      November 13, 2014 at 6:19 pm

      I actually read the previous post, but it seems I didn’t remember it properly anymore. I’m sorry for calling you smug 🙁 I think I need to be more understanding of people who want to have babies… You seem like a nice person, and I also wish all the best to your family!

    • Anonymous Mom

      November 13, 2014 at 9:27 pm

      Thanks for that… But I get it. When we’re used to getting smack from the “other camp” it’s harder sometimes to feel empathy for what they might be going through. Thanks for giving me a second read and saying what you did!

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