Anonymous Mom: Not Getting An Abortion Made My Relationship Stronger
Anonymous Mom is a column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this anonymous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity. The following is a follow up to an Anonymous Mom column we published last November.
A year ago, I wrote about my boyfriend and his family disagreeing with me about keeping my unborn fetus. My pregnancy being unplanned, they felt as though we were not in a position to be having a second child. It was a very difficult conversation; one filled with insults and personal attacks. Truly, it was emotional torture to go through. A year later, I wanted to write in again to share my story. The story about how this pregnancy saved my relationship. About how, when my boyfriend and his parents became honest about their feelings, we were able to discuss things for the first time and truly get to know each other. How having this second child has brought an enormous amount of joy to not only my own life, but my boyfriend’s, to my family and to his.
When I became adamant about not ending my pregnancy, and my boyfriend finally calmed down enough to listen to what I had to say, he ultimately stated that he would support me, no matter what. That, if it really meant that much to me to have a second child, despite all of the obstacles that were standing in our way, he would support me and work with me towards making it happen. That discussion was not an easy one to have. I had to listen to him while he told me how he felt about me. How he wanted certain things to change. But, he also listened to what I had to say and what I also wanted for him to change. It was a fair fight. And it was the beginning of something very positive between us.
I will not say that the next few months were easy. My pregnancy was a more difficult one than my first – one that ultimately turned into a high risk pregnancy in my third trimester. We needed to move out of our one-bedroom apartment but had to renovate it first. Figure out where we were going in life. My boyfriend started looking for a better paying job that would allow him to work less. And through all of this, I still had to work, and take care of my one-year old, and take care of my pregnant self. It wasn’t easy. But I was so determined to make it work that I focused on the end goal. Throughout all of this, I know that my boyfriend’s heart wasn’t into it 100%. If I had to evaluate how he felt about it, he was perhaps with me about 85%.
I understood where he came from and tried to give him some slack. I could see, after all, how hard he was working with me in order to make things happen. I saw how he made every effort to work as much on himself as he was asking from me. It made me sad that he wasn’t as excited about my little guy coming, but I lived with it. I let him pick out our new baby’s name. I let him pick out some outfits. The day my baby was born, a month premature and the day that I finished unpacking my last box, my boyfriend stepped it up. He was there 100%. And when my son made his first public appearance, I saw the instant look of love in my boyfriend’s eyes, and knew that everything would be okay. In that moment, I knew that in the end, we hadn’t made a mistake.