There's a fine line between picking a unique name for your baby, and naming something that barely qualifies as an actual word. As a parent, you want to bestow on you child a moniker that will help them stick out and forge their own path! But, you also don't want to make them the butt of all jokes from preschool to college. If you want to go REALLY out there for a baby name, take a gander at these abandoned baby names. These names weren't used AT ALL in 2016. Like, not even once. An abandoned baby name is peak unique.
I mean. There's loving Christmas, and then there's loving Christmas enough to use it as a baby name.
Is this one of those name them what you want them to be things? Rancher, Banker, Rich. Just put it out there, the universe will provide.
A fife is a flute-like instrument. A Fifer plays the fife. I wonder if Flutist and Pianist are still in baby name circulation.
Scheherazade is a character in One Thousand and One Nights, the book of tales that includes Aladdin. Jasmine knows there's only room on the flying carpet for one of them.
Pagan and his cousin Christmas probably have a lot of interesting discussions.
Season: for when you can't decide between Winter, Spring, Summer, or Autumn.
Not going to lie, if I was a little boy named Septimus, I'd tell everyone I was Optimus Prime's cousin.
Callie is a very cute nickname for Calico, if you decide to reintroduce this one for your future cat lady.
Beach: for when you want to name your kid after a body of water, but River and Ocean are too mainstream.
A child can be full of whimsy. You don't have to actually name them Whimsy.
OK, this one is actually kind of badass. If I met someone named Falconer, I would be immediately intrigued.
Now, I'm not sure if Trout is in reference to the actual fish, or the baseball player. If it's the latter, Mike would've been the better option, folks.
Again, if this is a dress for the job you want kind of thing, consider CEO. President. Beyonce.
What is it with naming boys after fish?! "Hi, this is my son, Salmon." No.
I wonder if this was a boy-girl twin thing? Otto and Ottoline. And then people were like, ehhhhh there's a better option.
Dr. Who fans? Hometown fans giving Osgood, Idaho some love? Large populations of Norwegians? Who knows.
Undines are elemental beings associated with water. Lovely inspiration for a name! But kids are monsters, and Undine sounds a like like undies. Not surprised this one went out of circulation.
Spike is: a great pet name, a dragon on MLP, or a vampire. If you're expecting one of those things, this is a cool option. If not, maybe use it as a nickname instead.
"Hi, what's your name?" "Remember." "I'm sorry, I don't, have we met?" "No, it's Remember." "If I remembered, I wouldn't be asking for your name." "Fuck it, call me Jane."
We know it ain't easy being green, but it's not any easier being named after a frog when you're a human.
(Image: iStock / studiomoment)