6 Ways A Man With A Cold Is Just A Toddler
Few things strike fear into my heart like the sound of my husband sneezing repeatedly and then proclaim he doesn’t feel well. One of the yuckier parts of having young kids is contracting their frequent illnesses, but when I catch a bug, I usually manage to go about my day with a stuffy nose and slightly grumpy demeanor. The mancold is an entirely different story. While I am sympathetic towards my beloved when he’s under the weather, I can’t help but notice that tending to a man with a cold is remarkably similar to taking care of a toddler.
1. They are picky about what they eat.
My boys are forever using their garbled speech to ask me for a cracker or banana that they take one bite out of before throwing it to the cat. A germ infested man behaves in much the same manner. Mine will mutter about being hungry for an english muffin without making one until I take the hint and prepare one for him, only to see him take a tiny nibble and declare it’s too toasted before wrinkling his nose and pushing it to the side.
2. They want to control the television.
The kids would watch Elmo all day every day if I let them. The sick husband swears The Price Is Right has restorative properties. I just want the bickering to stop and if they can’t choose something together then NO ONE gets to watch the TV.
3. They can’t stay still.
My toddlers are constantly tugging at their clothing and cannot maintain one position for more than thirty seconds. A sick man is the same way- constantly adjusting pillows and blankets on the couch he’s commandeered and jumping up to mess with the thermostat. He tries to make me into an ice sculpture by one minute, then attempts to turn our house into South Beach in July the next.
4. They whine.
I know that he doesn’t feel well, really, I do. But saying it aloud over and over won’t make you feel better, unless you are secretly a wizard casting a spell. In the interest of marital bliss I bite my tongue, but just like I say to my toddlers when they plead for cookies- your situation isn’t going to change no matter how many times you say it.
5. They don’t listen to you.
Drink some water, let me make you a snack, here’s a tissue, please take some medicine- no matter the request, all reasonable statements you make sound like the worst idea ever to him. I expect my kids to fight me on things, but only a mancold can make a guy with a college degree lose all common sense.
6. They steal all the blankets.
I have few indulgences in my day to day life, but a soft fleecy blanket for sitting on the couch is one of them. Unless your toddlers want to build a fort or your husband needs every single throw in the house on him at once. Lucky for me, wearing all those layers and yesterday’s beard he kind of resembles sexy John Snow, but my feet are freezing.
(image: Ksenjavka/Shutterstock.com)
