7 Things I Let My Kid Do Because I am Sick and All Out of Fucks Today

[vc_column_text width=”1/1″ el_position=”first last”]

Small child colds are the worst, because when the kids are sick it affects everybody. Suddenly sleep schedules are ruined, work schedules are ruined, and we have to spend all day trying to comfort a tiny little person who cannot really be comforted. But when mom is sick, it’s pretty fantastic for the kids.

Here are some of the things my kid is allowed to do because I have a cold and am all out of fucks today.

[/vc_column_text] [vc_column_text width=”1/1″ el_position=”first last”]

1. Every meal is Macaroni and Cheese until further notice

Macaroni and Cheese in Bowl

(IcemanJ/iStockPhoto)

Some people like chicken soup with noodles. Some people like spicy chili broth. When I’m sick, it’s just macaroni and cheese all the way down.

[/vc_column_text] [vc_column_text width=”1/1″ el_position=”first last”]

2. The whole day is screen time

Toddler touching a baby on the television

(Czanner/iStockPhoto)

Kids are supposed to be limited to a hour a day or less? Eff that shit. Everyone is just going to be on the couch, under a blanket, watching Zootopia and Frozen for the rest of the day. I feel like crap, but this is basically small-child Christmas.

[/vc_column_text] [vc_column_text width=”1/1″ el_position=”first last”]

3. Basically just whatever you want. I don’t care. 

Busy Toddler Destroys Kitchen

(Stevie_Croft_Photography/iStockPhoto)

Not normally allowed to walk on the couch or moon the neighbors? The biggest objection you’ll get today is a pathetic, “No, stop!” and a weak hand-wave in your direction. If there are any toddlers reading, now is the perfect time to go learn to use the stove.

[/vc_column_text] [vc_column_text width=”1/1″ el_position=”first last”]

4. Use naughty language

Baby girl playing with plush rabbit

(Denniro/iStockPhoto)

My kid’s been trying to be allowed to say “Yeah” instead of “Yes” for three months straight, but after a few minutes of me going, “Fuuuuck, I feel like shit. Fuck me, this fucking sucks” she sounds like she’s being raised by an episode of Deadwood.

[/vc_column_text] [vc_column_text width=”1/1″ el_position=”first last”]

5. Make a huge fucking mess

What!? I got my own snack

(Lisa5201/iStockPhoto)

I have neither the energy nor the inclination to tell a toddler not to carry a big bowl of Chex Mix by herself, and I’m not cleaning it up when it ends up on the floor. Maybe my partner will get the vacuum when he comes home, but statistically speaking, this is just our carpet now.

[/vc_column_text] [vc_column_text width=”1/1″ el_position=”first last”]

6. Unroll all the toilet paper

Toddler ripping up toilet paper

(markcarper/iStockPhoto)

The cat was right, unrolling all the toilet paper and throwing tissues around is the most fun a person can have.

[/vc_column_text] [vc_column_text width=”1/1″ el_position=”first last”]

7. Just keep wearing pajamas all day

Cute blond curly little boy sleeping on white couch

(FamVeld/iStockPhoto)

It’s pajama day for everybody! Truly, I don’t actually know why every day isn’t pajama day. Am I just wearing pants because I fear the opprobrium of society? Not today, I’m not.

Man, this picture looks so snuggly. It makes me want to take a nap forever.

[/vc_column_text]

Similar Posts