1. Scream "Get out of my hair!" when they ask to be entertained.
And don't feel guilty for even a second. You have Mom Stuff to do. You don't need to be coming up with activities for your rug-rats.
2. Make whatever you damn well please for dinner.
There is no asking for opinions from the kids or accommodating everyone's picky requests. You make one dinner. They eat it or go hungry.
3. Get them a step stool to reach the cupboards.
How else can they fetch and prepare their own snacks? You're not a servant and Days of Our Lives isn't going to watch itself now, is it?
4. Forget a babysitter, hang a key around their neck.
Kids of a certain age are capable of being home alone briefly. Now, this would be fodder for a CPS visit. Then, it was just saving money on a baby-sitter.
5. Have zero idea what toys they have and definitely never play with those toys.
They are toys. They are for kids. Why do moms need to worry about it?
6. When they need something and you are on the phone, ignore them.
You don't hang up on someone because your kid wants to play Candyland. They can wait until after you're done on the phone and after you have another cigarette, dammit.
7. If they say they are bored, lock them out of the house.
If the kids complain about being bored, out the door they go. They will learn pretty quickly not to complain.
8. Never, for one moment, worry that you are a bad mother.
There is no such thing as Mommy Guilt for the 1970's mom. Fed? Clothed? Sheltered? Wonderful. Back to reading magazines and sipping instant coffee.