19 Kids And Counting: In Which Jessa And Ben Full-Frontal Hug And Enter The Fiery Gates Of Hell

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You read that headline correctly and we will get to it shortly but first things first- have you recovered from you root bear float Duggar-Dillard wedding hangover? I am just now starting to feel like myself again and full-frontal hugging my husband isn’t carrying with it waves of guilt over my mortal soul. Now, just as we are moving back into normalcy, we all know that yet another Duggar daughter has embarked on her path as a Baby Machine. Jessa married Ben Seewald this past weekend and last night’s episode of 19 Kids and Counting detailed the saga of her barf-fest engagement to Ben.

The episode begins with a brief mention of Jill and Derick’s nuptials before we move on full-force into marrying off the next daughter. Jessa and Ben have been a-courtin’ for a whole 11 months now and at the tender ages of 21 (her) and 19 (him), they Ben and Jim Bob have decided it’s time for the next step. In what might be the most awkwardly staged scene of any TV show ever, Ben rambles on about how he and Jessa are perfect for each other and asks The Boob for her hand in marriage. In his camera interview, Ben says he and Jessa have the same goals and passions in life and that she is “indescribably amazing”. Translation: Dat ass, tho. Dude is so pent up it’s hard to watch him.

Anyway, of course, Jim Bob says yes. TLC tries for suspense but since we all know Jim Bob moved Ben to their property for the sole purpose of hurrying things along, did anyone at any point REALLY think he was going to say no? Jim Bob says something dumb about how important it will be to provide for Jessa. Which is dumb only because we all know Ben is an unemployed, uneducated teenager living in his father-in-law’s barn attic. No matter. He has loins and “passions” so he will do just fine for the Duggar goal of World Domination, one baby at a time. With a nod from the world’s creepiest father-in-law, Ben is set to go.

Ben heads on over to the kitchen where he happens upon Jinger, Joy Anna and Jana. Naturally. I think the kitchen and the bathroom are the only places the older girls are allowed to go during business hours. Ben explains that he got Jim Bob’s blessing (puke) and that he wants to propose to Jessa by way of a scavenger hunt. Jana throws him a little shade and her face tells us she thinks it’s a horrible idea but doofy Ben is undeterred. He asks Jinger to accompany him as their chaperone and she happily agrees. Any reason to be free from your kitchen shackles, amirite? Jinger says “exciting times, yo!” You guys, Jinger is a BAMF, for sure. Love her.

After a staged Skype session with Jessa’s brother, Josh “The Paunch” Duggar, to tell him of his proposal plans, Ben is off and running. This is where I just started giggling and kept it up for the remainder of the episode. Ben is a serious dude bro. All he needs is a popped collar (I think Jesus frowns upon those so for now, it lays flat). He is wrapping a gift for Jessa and he totally sucks at wrapping. He is such a lovable derp.

Jessa gets the news that she is required at a dinner that evening with Ben and her parents. What she doesn’t know is, BOOM! Her future in-laws are coming too. I can see the smoke coming out of her ears- her brain is chugging along and coming to the conclusion that this might be “the night”. Everyone heads out to dinner. They start to pray before they eat and BEN AND JESSA HOLD HANDS! They were so casual and brazen about it which makes me think this isn’t the first Hand Sex they have engaged in. Michelle and Jim Bob start stuttering about not holding hands yet and to their credit, those crazy kids just clung to each other. Good for them. I mean, the gates of Hell are now opened a crack but this is only the beginning..

We cut to an interview with Ben where he says he knew Jessa was “the one” from the first date. He says they go together like ice cream and a cone. Between his southern accent and that goofball analogy, all I can think of is Forrest Gump. You do you, Ben. Bless your heart.

Jessa tells Ben’s parents over dinner that the temptation is stronger now that Ben is always around. You naughty little minx! Basically telling her in-laws she wants to jump their son. She is such a stark contrast from nerdy, virginal Jill. And I love it. Moments later, the check comes and the waitress inexplicably hands it to Ben. You know, Ben the unemployed teenager. I am waiting for him to get out a fistful of IOU’s or to ask Jim Bob to spot him when we see a note peeking out of the folio. As it turns out, Josh and Anna have covered the dinner bill. Awwww.

Ben hands Jessa his crappily wrapped gift and tells her not to open it until morning but that it “holds a clue to the rest of her life”. REAL SMOOTH, BEN. I doubt she has any idea what could be in store.

We move on to the next morning where Jessa is wearing some khaki Bindi Irwin-style explorer safari outfit that I cannot understand. Hey, at least it’s not denim. She is in the kitchen opening her shitty gift from Ben. It turns out to be an iPad (seriously, where is Ben getting his Benjamins? Is he stripping?) with the first hint in the scavenger hunt. He tells her to go with Jinger to John-David’s airplane hangar (BALLER).

Jessa and Jinger fly to an undisclosed location and when they land, they are sent to a car that Joseph Duggar is driving. Guys, he is kind of cute. I had to Google his age to make sure I am not creepy and, thank Denim Jesus, he is 19. He drives them to a mini-golf place where Jessa is told by her next clue to get a hole-in-one. Not happening. She makes a hole-in-two and heads to a trolley where she is then instructed to label pictures of different United States monuments that she and Ben visited on a trip to see Anna and Josh. To her credit, she gets them all. Probably because, ‘Murica.

We cut to Ben and the whole Duggar clan readying themselves for the engagement spectacle. Ben’s dude-bro shirt game is on point, as usual. The sisters fuss over him with Jana ironing his shirt and Joy fixing his hair. It is actually kind of adorable and would be more so if they were getting him ready for prom or something else more appropriate for a 19-year-old other than getting engaged.

After collecting roses from a bunch of strangers, Jessa has now hopped aboard a train with all of the women in her family. She looks mildly annoyed and is definitely anxious to see what Ben is up to. She is given a bag by her hand-maiden Jana and told to change into the dress inside of it. Meanwhile, Ben is readying the scene in a glass chapel in the middle of the woods that Jessa had previously mentioned wanting to be married in. Of course, it is too small to contain the number of guests they would be inviting so he decided to propose there instead. I thought this was actually kind of sweet- he listened to her about something she loves and made it happen. The chapel looks gorgeous with candles and rose petals everywhere. Nice work, Ben.

Michelle says Jessa is “glowing” with the possibility of getting engaged to Ben. How sad. There are so many other things that could make a 21-year old girl glow that don’t involve a lifelong commitment to a man she’s never even been alone with. They arrive at the destination and Jessa knows instantly where they are- Thorncrown Chapel.

Jessa walks in, says in voice-over that she was speechless and felt like she was in a dream. Ben is super nervous and starts his spiel, which is obviously being read off a card. SPOILER ALERT- he proposes and duh, Jessa says yes. Now, this is where you might want to hide the children’s eyes or even make them leave the room because what comes next is quite explicit:

THEY FULL-FRONTAL HUGGED!!

I have never been more stunned in my life. I actually gasped out loud and started elbowing my husband out of his Reddit trance going “LOOK!!! THIS IS WHY HER WEDDING DRESS COULDN’T BE WHITE!” I have to admit, though- it was nice to see a genuine emotional reaction instead of the stilted, robotic, side-hug bullshit that was the snooze-worthy culmination of Derick and Jill’s engagement. And of course, Jinger is their chaperone and she’s too cool to blow them in to Ma and Pa Duggar. Snaps for Jinger. Jinger Snaps!

Jessa is crying and Ben offers her a tissue. I hope he kept one for himself too because he might need it for *ahem* clean-up after that FULL-FRONTAL HUG business. They emerge from the chapel to the crowd of family and tell them that she said yes. Which I’m sure shocked exactly no one. Yawn.

Next week’s episode is centered around some family fun with Josh and Anna. I personally am very excited because I love Anna and her empty uterus, taunting Josh with her apparent refusal to get on the Constantly Pregnant train. See you all next week!

(Image: Twitter)

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