Pop Culture

19 Kids And Counting: Triple Dates, 5K’s And Derby Races

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We open this episode of 19 Kids and Counting with more declarations of who is engaged, who is courting and who is a pathetic spinster– the usual. I will say right now- this pair of episodes were somewhat lackluster and not full of the usual Duggar doins‘ we have all come to expect. I think I know what they are up to. Next week is The Wedding and I have a feeling the Duggar’s are doing the only thing they know- saving it for marriage. See what I did there?

The first episode has Jim-Bob and Michelle taking Jill, Derick, Jessa and Ben on a triple date. Based on the previews of a police car pulling over the speeding Duggar mobile, I knew we were in for some kind of cringe-inducing, staged shenanigans but it was even worse than I could have imagined. The occasion they were celebrating on this little date was Jim-Bob (who I keep wanting to call SpongeBob….) and Michelle’s 30th wedding anniversary. They show a montage of old school pictures of them both and we learn that Michelle was once the (pretty hot) head cheerleader at her high school and Jim-Bob was a skinny, scrawny nerd who thought she was way out of his league. Man, did he show her- made her his very own baby machine. Shuck those pom poms, Michelle! The Lord and My Loins have plans for you!

So, the car is speeding up and we all know what’s next- Jim-Bob is pulled over and a cop makes them all get out of the car. It is immediately clear that the cop is in on it and each couple is cuffed together. I was getting all sorts of excited (I may have gasped and shushed my husband) that Jessa and Ben would accidentally touch hands and BOOM, pregnant, but noooo. They had to wear TWO sets of hand cuffs attached to each other so there was no chance of their sinful mitts brushing by each other. May I add a serious note- the way this family treats sex and physical acts of love reminds me of 6th graders. They get so giggly and awkward at the mere mention of a kiss. To each, their own- but I truly cannot understand their juvenile and stilted views on pre-marital hugging and kissing. Ok, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Moving on, we have Josh Duggar getting ready to run a 5K as his “weight loss” story arc for this season continues. Anna is not pregnant so I suppose they had to figure out something else to keep them interesting. Anna, whom I must say is pretty hilarious, is still in that orange make-up. Please, TLC– get this girl the right shade of base. She is so cute and it’s just distracting.

Can I say again that Anna is where it’s at? Instead of being all glazed over and worshipful when she talks about Josh, she gets kind of eye-rolly and seems to have her own thoughts. It is really refreshing after the Stepford wife vibe from Michelle and Jill about their men. Anna has a mind of her own and her kids are a laugh riot. I am going to start a petition for them to have their own show. Minus Josh, because yuck.

Josh states that this 5K should take him about 30 minutes and with his man boobs akimbo, he sets off. He has to walk after a very short while because he is not in the shape he thought he was. Again, the tater tot casserole diet has failed him. He makes an offensive comment about how a woman in a tutu is beating him and then speeds his way to a 46 minute finish. Anna and the kids are proud and he calls his trainer to brag.

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45 Comments

  1. Alene

    October 8, 2014 at 11:21 am

    SATIN
    CAP
    SLEEVES

    I can’t wait!

    • Valerie

      October 8, 2014 at 11:21 am

      Yessss! And change one letter and they are SATAN sleeves. Bwahaha.

    • Alene

      October 8, 2014 at 11:51 am

      Satan sleeves are spaghetti straps.

    • Valerie

      October 8, 2014 at 12:05 pm

      Strapless must be a straight ticket to the fiery pits of hell.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      October 9, 2014 at 12:51 am

      I just tried to say that five times fast, and now I have layers of spit on my iPhone. Thanks?

    • Spongeworthy

      October 8, 2014 at 11:27 am

      I am so ready for the complete breakdown of a Duggar-approved wedding dress. So ready.

    • Valerie

      October 8, 2014 at 11:29 am

      I want to see one of them do an Elvis ceremony in Vegas. With a white lacy minidress. And tattoos.

    • Spongeworthy

      October 8, 2014 at 11:37 am

      Eff that–I want a full-on Guns N Roses “November Rain” wedding with Stephanie Seymour’s mullet dress. And a Slash guitar solo.

    • Valerie

      October 8, 2014 at 11:47 am

      My money’s on Joy-Anna. She seems to have a touch of bad ass.

    • Tisa Berry

      October 8, 2014 at 12:12 pm

      Don’t forget marrying someone of the same sex! And then choosing to be child free. The heathens!

  2. jane

    October 8, 2014 at 11:23 am

    I agree with all of this creepiness, except the idea that it invalidates a 4 year old’s feelings to teach her to be happy for her sister (she did still get to say that she’s upset). I don’t watch the show, so I have no idea the tone or how this went down, but I actually think that’s a pretty good thing to teach kids. Yes, you might feel bad about something, but that doesn’t mean it’s objectively a bad thing. And she can be happy for her sister and mad that it’s not her. That kind of thinking takes a lot of practice, and I think it’s good to start young.

    Like how you can be sad for all the Slutty McSluttersons for going to hell because of all of their premarital hanky panky, but also jealous of them because you need to get laid so bad that you’ll marry the first guy with a dick.

    • Valerie

      October 8, 2014 at 11:31 am

      I just felt so sad for Josie- I cannot imagine with that many kids that she gets enough time with her mom. Or that any of them do. I think it is good to teach kids to be happy for other people when something good happens but my sympathy is with Josie for the fact that this is probably something she is often upset about. That’s all. 🙂

    • 2Well

      October 8, 2014 at 10:09 pm

      Honestly, Josie is the baby of the family. It seems like out of all the kids, she gets the most attention. It’s actually nice to see Johannah get some alone time with her mom, because that’s rare for the older not adult kids.

    • Mystik Spiral

      October 8, 2014 at 11:38 am

      It’s nothing new in this family, though. They are taught to always be happy and joyful, hence the plastered on smiles and Michelle’s annoying sickly sweet voice. They teach their kids the JOY rule – Jesus first, other second, yourself last. Talk about self-esteem issues!!

    • ActionComics25

      October 8, 2014 at 12:50 pm

      I will direct you to To Train up a Child by Michael (and Debbie I’m not sure if she was in on that book) Perl, it’s the Dugger’s go to guide to parenting. Invalidating feelings and only being allowed to feel joy is the least evil part of that horrible book.

  3. Megan

    October 8, 2014 at 11:26 am

    I want to see that 5k scene soooo badly.

    • Spongeworthy

      October 8, 2014 at 11:29 am

      Oh man me too. I think it will make me feel a lot better about my 5K pace.

    • Megan

      October 8, 2014 at 12:17 pm

      I just did my first sub 30 this past weekend. I’m still excited, even though the guy next to me afterwards did a sub20!

    • Spongeworthy

      October 8, 2014 at 1:00 pm

      That is great! I always hover right around 30, because I’ve never gotten serious enough about a race to really train. I have a 10k in November that I have to get my butt in gear for.

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 8, 2014 at 1:36 pm

      In my most glorious 5k EVER, I was moving at a really solid clip and feeling pretty awesome. Then I happened upon a ten year old boy, who ran with me. At one point, he stopped to walk on a downhill, and I told him “This is the easy part! We’re almost there, don’t give up!”. He agreed that it was the easy part, and then sprinted off to finish ahead of me. 🙁 LOL

    • Valerie

      October 8, 2014 at 11:29 am

      Have a hefty can of Eye Bleach at the ready. I’m still recovering.

  4. Mystik Spiral

    October 8, 2014 at 11:36 am

    Ugh these people are the worst.

  5. Jenna

    October 8, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    I can’t imagine how I would feel if I was expected to have my first kiss and lose my virginity in the same night.

  6. nikki753

    October 8, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    Wait. Derrick went to the bathroom with Jill? What the what? They didn’t pull out a key and let her go alone? #1. Considering that we’re talking Duggars here, that’s a weird effing thing. Those two are just barely allowed to hold hands and now he’s there while she’s bathrooming? WTF? and #2. While sure, my husband has seen it all already, I enjoy going to the bathroom alone. I just like that moment of peace and quiet. Unless there’s an emergency, I even flat refuse to talk through the door. Nope. Leave me alone for a minute.

    • itpainsme2say

      October 8, 2014 at 3:27 pm

      No it was a joke

    • nikki753

      October 9, 2014 at 11:40 am

      I kind of thought it had to be but with the Duggars, any manner of strange isn’t totally out of the realm of possibility. That and I probably could have used more coffee yesterday.

    • Amanda

      October 8, 2014 at 6:30 pm

      Why does everyone insist on the through the door chat? Can’t I just have 30 seconds alone to take a piss?

    • nikki753

      October 9, 2014 at 11:41 am

      I have no idea. House is on fire? Let me know. Where do I want to do for dinner? Go away!

  7. PAJane

    October 8, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    Michelle was a cheerleader? Don’t they wear little teeny skirts and show off their legs? And often arms?

    • guest

      October 8, 2014 at 2:47 pm

      That was before Jesus fixed her.

  8. Joye77

    October 8, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    I don’t watch the show but I am fascinated by their strange life. It’s like watching a car wreck, you just can’t turn away! So I enjoy the rundown of each episode. #freejinger!!

  9. itpainsme2say

    October 8, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    In an odd turn of events the diet seams to be affecting anna’s waist line more than josh’s i bet that burns him up

    • ChickenKira

      October 8, 2014 at 5:36 pm

      I bet he’s not sticking to it though.

      There was a 19 kids and counting marathon on here over the weekend and there was the episode where they moved house, and they’re looking for somewhere to stop for lunch and Anna’s there going “Let’s go to a proper restaurant, or somewhere where we can get a salad, you know we’re supposed t be eating healthy let’s find something nice to eat” and Josh goes “Here’s a drive through!” and they get a box of 50 nuggets.

  10. Samwisegamgeeeisthebesthobbit

    October 8, 2014 at 5:22 pm

    I am SO excited for this wedding too! My husband thinks I’m insane. I am sure I’m not the first to write this but I really really want one to rebel and write a tell all book. Like the people that were trapped in polygamist LDS or Scientology. It would be so awesome if we found out Michelle had a foul temper, was addicted to xanax and snuck boxed wine all day. And that Jim Bob (now forever Spongebob in my head, thank you for that) “disappeared” for days on end to the local Super 8 motel on “business”. There are a lot of em so it could totally happen.

    • Valerie

      October 8, 2014 at 7:10 pm

      Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Jim-Bob Dug-gar!

    • Samwisegamgeeeisthebesthobbit

      October 8, 2014 at 7:39 pm

      Stuck in my head now on replay. Aaaahhh! Can’t make it stop!

    • whiteroses

      October 21, 2014 at 8:49 pm

      His brain is absorbent and hair doesn’t move free! Jim-Bob Dug-gar!

  11. LiteBrite(UterineDudebro)

    October 8, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    “Shuck those pom poms, Michelle! The Lord and My Loins have plans for you!”

    This made me giggle out loud.

    • Valerie

      October 8, 2014 at 7:09 pm

      😉

  12. OptimusPrime*

    October 8, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    Was Anna maybe not raised as restrictedly as the Dugglets? I wonder if divorce wasn’t anathema to their clan, if that marriage would still exist. Or, if not for the cameras, Josh would be a very Biblical husband to get her in line. Ugh. Fight the power, Anna.

  13. Kathryn Mackenzie

    October 8, 2014 at 10:14 pm

    I do love how they try to say taking the kids is for ‘parenting prep’. Maybe for Ben. Jessa’s been raising kids for years. She probably knows more than Michelle.

  14. wispy

    October 9, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    Jessa seemed so freaking PISSED when they took the kids out for pizza, which is not unusual, but good lord. When Ben was telling them to wash their hands so they could hold the steering wheels better and Jessa was correcting him, girl chill OUT. I like her less and less each week. Jill and Derrick shooting the bow and arrow. Cringe alert. It was so awkward how they were holding hands trying to do that also. Like they could not balance while they were clutching hands so tightly, just LET GO of each others’ hand, but you know they have to hold hands every waking moment since that’s ALL they can do.

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