Pop Culture

19 Kids And Counting: The Wedding Tease Continues

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I’m so sorry because last week, I totally misled you guys when I said that the Duggar-Dillard nuptial episode of 19 Kids And Counting would be this week. The previews said something about “a wedding special” and an hour-long episode. The hour-long part was true but the episode was not the wedding. The Duggars continue to tease us and make us wait. Dammit, Jim Bob.

Moving on. The episode opens with Jim Bob once again whining about losing “his baby daughter” and giving her to Derick. I really wish he would STFU with that sort of talk- she is a grown woman and not his possession to “give”. I know most father’s saying they are giving away their baby girl is sweet and said with love but from him, he honestly means it. She is his until Derick takes possession. That makes me cringe so hard.

We are now feasting our eyes on the world’s most awkward fro-yo date. Jim Bob, Michelle, Jill and Derick are having what is apparently their weekly pre-marriage counseling session. In her eerily calm interview voice, Michelle explains that they cover a different topic each week and have already gone over family relationships, how to handle stress and INTIMACY. Can we imagine a squickier scenario than discussing intimacy in your future marriage with your parents? I suppose for them, it’s normal but for regular folks, I think we would all rather shove hot bamboo shoots under our nails than discuss marital intimacy with our parents.

This week’s creepy parental counseling session centers around finances. Poor Derick is in the hot seat with Jim Bob questioning him about whether his parents buy new or used cars, how Derick would handle car trouble if he didn’t have the money saved for the repairs and whether the guy has any student loan debt. Nightmare father-in-law, thy name is Jim Bob. I mean, where in the hell does this guy get off? Had my parents questioned my husband’s finances before we got married, I think he would have run and never looked back.These discussions should be between Derick and Jill only. Jim Bob gets Derick to say that he would not go into debt to fix his broken car, which makes me wonder how Derick plans to get to work if he has no way of driving there. I’m sure Jim Bob has the answer to that predicament too but the episode didn’t let us hear his holy word.

The next scene shows us the pimped out mansion that Derick and Jill will live in until it’s sold. It is a property Jim Bob owns and was planning to flip eventually but for now, it’s the newlywed love nest. I’m sure Jim Bob had it bugged for maximum over-lording potential. He can’t let them off to their own devices just because they’re married- gotta keep tabs.

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75 Comments

  1. Ursi

    October 15, 2014 at 11:20 am

    All I can think about when I read about people living by these type of courtship rules is how much of a learning curve they’re up against. Just figuring out how to kiss each other is going to be an uncomfortable mess. Even in old world courtship cultures young folk aren’t expected to be completely ignorant about these kinds of things. Having them go from holding hands to the whole shebang (no pun intended but pretend it was), strikes me as cruel.

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 11:24 am

      I KNOW. I hope Derick is as sweet and gentle in all ways as he seems on the show. I feel like Jill must have been very nervous doing everything at once. Poor thing.

    • Jen TheTit Whisperer

      October 15, 2014 at 11:50 am

      I feel like Derick would do whatever Jill wanted. So from this point on, that’s on her. I really hope Jana and Jinger get similar men, because they will RUN>

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 12:03 pm

      Yeah, I think Derick is a huge BLESSING for Jill. Yes, I just used Duggar language. He is so kind and caring- he clearly adores her. I’m glad she has him.

    • Jennie Blair

      October 15, 2014 at 12:23 pm

      I’m just hoping at some point he suggests she go to school (or is she one of the ones that was studying to be a midwife?) and get a job, do something for herself that doesn’t involve pelvic organ prolapse

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      Hahahaha. I totally agree. She seems like a smart girl with a big heart- she will be a wonderful mother but if she wants to do something else with her life, she should have that option. If she doesn’t? More power to her. I just like the thought of her having a choice.

    • Greta Young

      October 15, 2014 at 4:54 pm

      Yeah, I like the idea of her having a choice too — plus, even if she doesn’t *want* to pursue a career, she may someday *need* to, should anything happen to her husband or his earning power. I mean, I’m sure she, personally, will be fine with whatever TLC fortune she’s amassed at this point plus future speaking circuits, but with how anti-debt & pro-“self-made” the Duggars are, I’m amazed they don’t encourage any of the kids to develop real, marketable, income-generating skills.

      It’s bizaare; they seem to expose them to a lot — I remember an episode about homeschooling where Michelle was reviewing bankruptcy law with the kids; Jim Bob is always touting the benefits of learning DIY life skills — it would be nice to see a couple of the teens/young adults actually pursuing a law degree, professional license of some sort, carpet-laying apprenticeship program… something.

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 5:22 pm

      I completely agree, on all counts.

    • Greta Young

      October 15, 2014 at 5:43 pm

      My secret hope is that one day JoyAnna will become a union heavy equipment operator or something. Non-traditional employment + organized labor out of just one of them would make me soo happy…

    • pixie Ninja Tits

      October 15, 2014 at 6:52 pm

      How about the head of a unionized group of abortion doctors that she founded and has a budding interest in heavy mechanics, burlesque, and spelunking?
      (Sometimes my “go big or go home” imagination gets the best of me 😛 )

    • Wholockkie Head

      October 15, 2014 at 7:32 pm

      But…gasp…then she’d have to wear pants!

  2. Véronique the Attachment Shark

    October 15, 2014 at 11:21 am

    ah man now i have to watch the show because it looks like too much to miss… i hate you.

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 11:24 am

      Yesss join me on the dark side.

    • Spongeworthy

      October 15, 2014 at 11:47 am

      See, I’m the opposite–I use these recaps as a way to avoid watching the show. I just let Valerie do all the heavy lifting for me!

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 12:03 pm

      I suffer #forthecause

    • Spongeworthy

      October 15, 2014 at 12:17 pm

      So courageous.

    • Jennie Blair

      October 15, 2014 at 12:21 pm

      Thanks for that, I would rather not have my onDemand help boost their ratings, if I was one who prayed for things all my prayers would be for the discovery network overlords to cancel the whole of the TLC network

    • noodlestein's danger tits

      October 15, 2014 at 1:38 pm

      #blessed

    • Shea

      October 15, 2014 at 1:52 pm

      Me too! I don’t think I could get through an episode without some kind of WTF-induced stroke, but I’m enjoying the hell out of these recaps.

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      Yay! Come back every Wednesday 😉

    • pixie Ninja Tits

      October 15, 2014 at 6:48 pm

      I don’t have TV and I haven’t been able to find a reliable site to watch it online (I’m slightly curious and just a little bit masochistic when it comes to watching bad TV). So these recaps keep me happy.

  3. whiteroses

    October 15, 2014 at 11:33 am

    Realistically? If I had grown up the way the Duggar girls did, I’d probably want to get married at eighteen too, just so I could have a cup of coffee on my own.

    • Spongeworthy

      October 15, 2014 at 11:48 am

      I know what you mean…going from a house of 20-something to people to a house of 2 must seem like heaven for these girls. Just the reduction in laundry alone must be a dream.

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 12:06 pm

      Does Jesus allow coffee? I thought they couldn’t consume anything that like, altered them. I thought caffeine was a no-no. I think they all had rootbeer floats at Jill’s wedding- WOOWEEEE! Wild Duggars.

    • Spongeworthy

      October 15, 2014 at 12:17 pm

      I would think no. I know Mormonism does not allow caffeine. I don’t think the Duggars are Mormon, but I think some of the more hardcore Christoan sects also are anti-caffeine. One more reason to be a godless heathen. #praisefolgers

    • LA Face, Oakland Booty (and

      October 15, 2014 at 12:26 pm

      In the name of the Coffee, the Espresso, and the Holy Capucinno.

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 12:40 pm

      AMEN

    • ActionComics25

      October 15, 2014 at 1:32 pm

      I think that the Duggers are cool with soda so I don’t see coffee being an issue. That tarter-tot casserole will do worse than a cup of coffee.

    • 2Well

      October 15, 2014 at 10:57 pm

      Imagine all that laundry or child rearing without coffee. I don’t think Jinger would have survived.

    • Spongeworthy

      October 15, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      Don’t forget our patron saint Juan Valdez.

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 12:43 pm

      ::tips hat::

    • rockmonster

      October 16, 2014 at 12:50 pm

      IIRC, that was a reference to Beavis and Butthead.

    • 2Well

      October 15, 2014 at 10:56 pm

      I think the Mormons believe that hot drinks are not for the body or belly, or something like that. Thank you Book of Mormon (the musical)!

    • itpainsme2say

      October 15, 2014 at 4:57 pm

      no ginger is a well known coffee lover

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 5:21 pm

      *Jinger

      😉

    • itpainsme2say

      October 15, 2014 at 7:21 pm

      omg how could this have happened the gravest of mistakes autocorrect how could you betray me like this! it must be a sign 😉

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 7:31 pm

      Auto-correct is so much smarter than Jim Bob and Michelle.

    • OptimusPrime*

      October 15, 2014 at 10:04 pm

      Had to share this, though the Duggers aren’t Catholic: Pope Sixtus: “This devil’s drink is delicious. We should cheat the devil by baptizing it.”

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 12:06 pm

      It’s the only way out of your indentured servitude.

  4. Mystik Spiral

    October 15, 2014 at 11:51 am

    Ugh, Jim Boob, just… All that goes through my mind when I hear his stupid name is this gif:

    http://www.pbh2.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/best-simpsons-gifs-homer-bush.gif

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 12:04 pm

      Hahahahahahahaha

    • LK

      October 16, 2014 at 10:56 am

      The whole, “Hey kids, here’s your new sexy baby-making room” comments. Just. Oh my God. I find myself having to fast forward to increasing amounts of this show. I don’t know if they are getting worse or if I am just reaching my Duggar max. So much awkward.

  5. amp

    October 15, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    Gross. gross. gross. All of it.

  6. Jennie Blair

    October 15, 2014 at 12:25 pm

    Their whole have lots of babies so we can take over government philosophy scares me. I’m 9 months pregnant and have been saying the whole time never again. (I only wanted 1 any way but I’ve been so miserable the whole time it got added to the list.) I don’t see how anyone can stand to be sick, tired, sore, and miserable for so long and claim to be happy/blessed.

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      Ugh, I know!! Pregnancy 19 times in a row cannot be a picnic!

    • Briana

      October 15, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      17 two sets of twins.

    • Liz

      October 15, 2014 at 3:46 pm

      But two separate miscarriages too, so still 19.

  7. Emily A.

    October 15, 2014 at 12:37 pm

    In the absence of Television Without Pity, I thank you for these recaps, from the bottom of my cynical heart.

    • Nitrot150

      October 15, 2014 at 1:11 pm

      Free Jinger…. it can be your new home 🙂

  8. wispy

    October 15, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    This episode was so depressing. I was so PISSED about the finance interrogation, I mean fro yo double date. Isn’t Derick a freaking ACCOUNTANT?? I don’t think he needs Jim Bob telling him to “buy used, save the difference.” And Slave Jana doing the ties and dresses. That was horrible. She looked so exhausted and like she just wanted to cry. Poor thing.

    I did want to report that I found Anna’s sister’s youtube channel!!! It is BEYOND SCARY if I can be honest! THAT is a girl who is either drugged into oblivion or an alien. The way she talks just gives me chills, and her scary husband… ugh. I can’t even go there.

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 2:42 pm

      PLEASE give me the link!

      And yes, I was pretty bummed for Jana last night and holy crap, Derick IS an accountant. And Jim Bob is a dumbass. Seems like he should be the one giving the advice.

    • wispy

      October 15, 2014 at 3:41 pm

      I watched about ten of their videos the other night but this one was special enough I made my husband get up at 1 am to watch it. His satan rant starts around 1:25.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WbDgsq1R5w&list=UUnzcbIjABNw5TlW7PfXNOFQ

    • Greta Young

      October 15, 2014 at 4:13 pm

      WTF did I just watch… suuuuper creepy…

    • Mercedes

      October 15, 2014 at 5:14 pm

      “Yesssss…”

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 5:27 pm

      That kiss at the end was disgusting. And OMG, these two are something else. “YASSSSS.” What is she on?!

    • C.J.

      October 15, 2014 at 8:59 pm

      That is one of the creepiest things I have ever seen.

    • OptimusPrime*

      October 15, 2014 at 10:00 pm

      WTAF? That could be screened as the opening of a horror movie, with that “yasssss” as the creepy demon child’s voice.

    • brebay

      October 15, 2014 at 11:28 pm

      Wow, it’s been a really long time since I’ve watched SNL, I don’t recognize either of these new comedians, they’re both fantastic!

    • brebay

      October 15, 2014 at 11:30 pm

      Do these women end up with neck troubles from nodding adoringly for years on end?

  9. Jenna

    October 15, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    I love how the parents pressure them to have kids. But how would the couple manage had the parents not let them live in their house for free, bought them $3K in furniture, and funded their wedding? I wonder where they would live. And they stress that they would not go into debt, but that is easy when you have a place to live for free. Would the parents still pressure them for grandchildren if they were homeless? These kids are lucky to be so spoiled. Damn, I would’ve had kids sooner had I not had to fend for myself.

    It’s also so ironic how they are rushing the wedding because they are looking forward to the “physical” side of marriage…

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 2:43 pm

      Yeah, seems like a great reason to get married. Although I will admit- Derick and Jill seem truly perfect for each other. I don’t get that vibe at all with Jessa and Ben but J and D seem like the real deal.

    • Greta Young

      October 15, 2014 at 4:20 pm

      How would they manage? Well, probably similar to what their own parents did before jumping off the deep end of religious extremism: graduate from an actual school, establish careers and use birth control.

      Go figure.

  10. cheesecake

    October 15, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    these recaps make me happy…

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 5:29 pm

      That’s great to hear. 🙂 Keep coming back!!

  11. cheesecake

    October 15, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    Jana is too valuable as a asset to the “Duggar Industrial Complex” to marry off… They will marry them off by value to the company…get back in your dungeon Jana!

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 5:29 pm

      Ugh, poor, sweet Jana.

  12. auntiea

    October 15, 2014 at 4:59 pm

    AH! That was me…I totally said that about his mom’s pants! Sorry…first internet shout out.

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 5:29 pm

      Yahoo!!! I LOVED that quote. I wanted to include the username but I don’t like to do that without permission. I was in a rush to get the post up! 🙂

    • auntiea

      October 15, 2014 at 5:38 pm

      Totally ok! You called me brilliant-good enough for me 🙂

    • Valerie

      October 15, 2014 at 5:40 pm

      Keep coming back!! I love reading the comments- our readers say the funniest and most insightful things. <3

  13. WhatTheHellAmIDoingHereDoNotBe

    October 15, 2014 at 6:27 pm

    I wonder how many Quiverfull kids have lost their mum after a pregnancy and/or birth gone bad :/

  14. JudasSong

    October 15, 2014 at 6:28 pm

    “Jana suggests a ratty, fart-filled, hellhole of a couch and Jill enthusiastically agrees that it’s perfect.” First, b/c I’m super immature, I giggled like crazy at this description. And a ratty, fart-filled, hellhole of a couch is a much, much nicer present than Jana ought to be giving her sister after she was forced to make like 8000 bridesmaid’s dresses.

  15. Kathryn Mackenzie

    October 15, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    I hope that the TLC crew people are secretly slipping notes to the over 18s all ‘if you want out, we’ll help you’.

  16. Simone

    October 15, 2014 at 9:42 pm

    For me the horrible thing is that after this damn wedding, the whole world will be shown images of Jill and be forced to perceive her as freshly deflowered. Will she look radiant with adult knowledge? Will her experience of blessed carnality be visibly emblazoned across her beaming face? Will she bugger off unto the horizon screaming and sobbing, never again to encounter the rampant one-eyed trouser snake? Cause I don’t want to have to deal with any of this scenarios. Imagine knowing that the whole universe will know that on this particular date, you got fucked for the first time in your life. Pardon the crudity but seriously.

  17. Amber Starr

    October 16, 2014 at 3:21 pm

    #freejana

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