I'm so sorry because last week, I totally misled you guys when I said that the Duggar-Dillard nuptial episode of 19 Kids And Counting would be this week. The previews said something about "a wedding special" and an hour-long episode. The hour-long part was true but the episode was not the wedding. The Duggars continue to tease us and make us wait. Dammit, Jim Bob.
Moving on. The episode opens with Jim Bob once again whining about losing "his baby daughter" and giving her to Derick. I really wish he would STFU with that sort of talk- she is a grown woman and not his possession to "give". I know most father's saying they are giving away their baby girl is sweet and said with love but from him, he honestly means it. She is his until Derick takes possession. That makes me cringe so hard.
We are now feasting our eyes on the world's most awkward fro-yo date. Jim Bob, Michelle, Jill and Derick are having what is apparently their weekly pre-marriage counseling session. In her eerily calm interview voice, Michelle explains that they cover a different topic each week and have already gone over family relationships, how to handle stress and INTIMACY. Can we imagine a squickier scenario than discussing intimacy in your future marriage with your parents? I suppose for them, it's normal but for regular folks, I think we would all rather shove hot bamboo shoots under our nails than discuss marital intimacy with our parents.
This week's creepy parental counseling session centers around finances. Poor Derick is in the hot seat with Jim Bob questioning him about whether his parents buy new or used cars, how Derick would handle car trouble if he didn't have the money saved for the repairs and whether the guy has any student loan debt. Nightmare father-in-law, thy name is Jim Bob. I mean, where in the hell does this guy get off? Had my parents questioned my husband's finances before we got married, I think he would have run and never looked back.These discussions should be between Derick and Jill only. Jim Bob gets Derick to say that he would not go into debt to fix his broken car, which makes me wonder how Derick plans to get to work if he has no way of driving there. I'm sure Jim Bob has the answer to that predicament too but the episode didn't let us hear his holy word.
The next scene shows us the pimped out mansion that Derick and Jill will live in until it's sold. It is a property Jim Bob owns and was planning to flip eventually but for now, it's the newlywed love nest. I'm sure Jim Bob had it bugged for maximum over-lording potential. He can't let them off to their own devices just because they're married- gotta keep tabs.
Jim Bob, Jill and an assortment of siblings head to an auction to pick out furniture for Jill and Derick's house. Of course, Jim Bob makes most of the decisions and Derick doesn't even get to come- he was at work. They stroll around the choices trying to decide what to bid on. Jana suggests a ratty, fart-filled, hellhole of a couch and Jill enthusiastically agrees that it's perfect. Ok, hang on- this wedding and subsequent lightening-fast pregnancy have generated more press than the Duggars have ever had. Basically, it's the season that Jill's wedding and uterus built. Can this girl please get a few grand for a new couch? It's the least she deserves after a lifetime spent raising her younger siblings.
While we watch the move-in process, Derick is in voice-over talking about how in the span of a day, he and Jill will go from holding hands to living together. I think I hear a slight twinge in his voice suggesting that he knows how messed up that is. I like Derick- as one of our brilliant readers pointed out last week, his mom wears pants so obviously, he is worldly and knows what's up!
Now, trigger warning, because this might be the creepiest Duggar scene to ever Duggar. And that is saying a lot. Jim Bob, Michelle, Jill and Derick are touring the house and end up in the master bedroom. Jim Bob mentions how nice it would be to get a phone call from this very room as soon as they find out they are pregnant. OMG JIM BOB STOP BEING SO GROSS!! Let your daughter have sex with her husband and fertilize an egg without you creepily peeping in on it. It's not your moment- give it up!
Jana talks about how Jill will like living with only one other person because it will be a nice break from having to clean up after 19 people. As much as the "I'm going to marry the first man I court" thing creeps me out, I cannot say I blame these girls for wanting to escape the labor camp that is their childhood home. Jill is a pretty girl but I cannot help but notice how tired she always looks- her life at home must have been exhausting. I am actually happy that she got to escape and live with Derick, who by all accounts, seems to be a good dude.
Jessa gives Ben directions for how to move the furniture and I am struck by how very young he is. And how pent up. The way he looks at Jessa makes me nervous for her on the wedding night- this guy has a year-long case of blue balls and teenage hormones swirling. He constantly looks like he wants to jump her. I'm sure we will hear about her pregnancy by Christmas.
We see a sweet scene of Jill and Derick in their bedroom with their chaperone, James. They joke about how if they want a nap, Derick can take the bed and she will lay on the chaise. Derick gets up and says he would rather sit next to her. We cut to an interview with James where he says if they break their courtship rules, he will have to tell his parents. How many times have the Duggars emphatically stated that the COUPLES set the courtship rules and that Jim Bob and Michelle are not involved? So, why would James tattle to them? It's just so gross.
The little kids are working on filming an engagement reenactment to surprise Jill and Derick. Johannah and one of the boys are playing the happy couple. Michelle is heard telling them NOT TO HOLD HANDS because they are still courting, naturally. We have some cute interviews with the little kids talking about husbands and marriage and I just cannot believe this topic is so close to the surface for like, 6-8 year olds. My kids have probably never said the word "husband" in their lives- it's not on their radar right now. Anyway, Michelle is starting to lose patience with them because they are all acting up. I wondered if she took a lower dose of her Jesus Valium than usual that day. I really do think we see a fake version of her in the interviews with that voice and calm demeanor. She has mentioned before that she has to work to control her temper and I can see it coming out sometimes. Mommy Duggar Dearest, anyone?
We head to the airport to see the arrival of Josh and the adorable family he is not worthy of. Anna looks so cute and her make-up is on point, so thank you, TLC! They get to the house where even Jana greets them, having emerged from her Sewing Dungeon for the first time in probably weeks. She looks dead behind the eyes, poor girl. She is a real-life Cinderella- super beautiful and always working away while her sisters have all the fun. I volunteer to be her fairy godmother and will furnish her with a pumpkin coach and a bangin' ball gown.
Josh and John David head to a used car dealership to find a vintage get-away truck for Jill and Derick to use after the wedding. I am impressed that Josh brought his older son with them but I think Anna probably forced him to take a kid so she wasn't stuck with all three by herself. I've gotta say- I really like her.
The Duggar ladies appear to have been infiltrated by MLM and head to a Jamberry party to do their wedding nails. Michelle mentions that she loves bling and sparkles, which doesn't really jive with her usual wardrobe and hair decisions. The girls are all talking and enjoying themselves while Jill says in voice-over that this change will be easiest on her since she is marrying her best friend while her siblings will just be left to miss her.
The last scene, which had been teased the entire episode, centers around Anna trying on her bridesmaid's dress for the first time. As if it wouldn't fit- they are shaped like potato sacks so each Duggar could probably fit another Duggar in with her. Anna comes out in the dress looking adorbs and they all sit around chatting for a few minutes. Anna is incredulous that not only has Jana altered all of the dresses, she hand-made the ties for the groomsmen as well. God, Jill better be grateful. Anna asks how long it took and Jana says it's all she's been doing for the last month. Please, let's rescue her.
The episode ends with the girls lamenting Jill packing up and taking some of the good clothes that they share with her. Anna says in four or five months when Jill's pregnant, they can take the clothes back. Obviously, Anna drastically underestimated the power of Duggar ovaries thinking it would take that long.
That's it for this week. I think the wedding episode is still a few weeks away, so stay tuned!