A 12 Step Program For Dealing With Toddlers Driving You To The Brink At Bedtime
People use 12 step programs to help them through the most difficult situations – it only makes sense that exhausted parents may be able to carve some steps out for themselves to deal with the most difficult part of parenting young children; bedtime.
Step 1: Admit you are powerless.
You just agree to read a bedtime story for the 13th time. You are failing.
Step 2: Believe that a power greater than yourself could restore you to sanity.
Watch Scandal with the volume turned all the way up through headphones on your computer whilst ignoring your crying child.
Step 3: Turn to your peers who have struggled with the same problem.
Read countless advice articles until your eyes roll back into your head. Your toddler will still be awake, by the way.
Step 4: Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself.
“I suck at this whole parenting thing. Maybe his daycare teacher will make up for it.”
Step 5: Admit to another human being the exact nature of your wrongs.
“Hi mom – it’s me. I’d like to apologize for the first three years of my existence on this earth…”
Step 6: Admit you are flawed.
Give up on the whole sleep idea and let your toddler out of bed.
Step 7: Enlist the help of a higher power.
Wine might help here.
Step 8: Make a list of amends.
Make a mental note to never give anyone parenting advice again.
Step 9: Make amends.
Call the friend you ridiculed for sleep-training her child.
Step 10: Admit when you are wrong.
Admit to said friend you haven’t slept a longer than a three hour stretch in two years.
Step 11: Pray.
Step 12: Help others.
Buy sleep training books for all of your friends and/or advise them not to have children.