Childrearing

A 12 Step Program For Dealing With Toddlers Driving You To The Brink At Bedtime

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People use 12 step programs to help them through the most difficult situations – it only makes sense that exhausted parents may be able to carve some steps out for themselves to deal with the most difficult part of parenting young children; bedtime.

Step 1: Admit you are powerless.

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You just agree to read a bedtime story for the 13th time. You are failing.

Step 2: Believe that a power greater than yourself could restore you to sanity.

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Watch Scandal with the volume turned all the way up through headphones on your computer whilst ignoring your crying child.

Step 3: Turn to your peers who have struggled with the same problem.

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Read countless advice articles until your eyes roll back into your head. Your toddler will still be awake, by the way.

Step 4: Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself.

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“I suck at this whole parenting thing. Maybe his daycare teacher will make up for it.”

Step 5: Admit to another human being the exact nature of your wrongs.

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“Hi mom – it’s me. I’d like to apologize for the first three years of my existence on this earth…”

Step 6: Admit you are flawed.

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Give up on the whole sleep idea and let your toddler out of bed.

Step 7: Enlist the help of a higher power.

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Wine might help here.

Step 8: Make a list of amends.

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Make a mental note to never give anyone parenting advice again.

Step 9: Make amends.

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Call the friend you ridiculed for sleep-training her child.

Step 10: Admit when you are wrong.

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Admit to said friend you haven’t slept a longer than a three hour stretch in two years.

Step 11: Pray.

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Self explanatory.

Step 12: Help others.

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Buy sleep training books for all of your friends and/or advise them not to have children.

(photo: Marcel Jancovic/ Shutterstock)

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