Pregnancy

10 Things Just As ‘Brave’ As Wearing A Bikini While Pregnant

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Doling out the B word for women who don a bikini while pregnant is derogatory considering what actually merits the word “brave.” Saving people from a burning building, confronting an attacker, and running a marathon as an amputee all come to mind. The whole leaving the house without makeup/ bikini while pregnant narrative is all water from the same condescending Lady well.

But to put the feat in proper perspective, the Mommyish staff and I have come up with tasks just as “brave.” I hope you brought your courage with you today.

1. Going to IKEA on a Saturday

ikea

You warrior.

(photo:  infomatique)

2. Going to a new hair salon

shaved head design

Does carry a certain risk factor.

(photo: Easy Street Discount)

3. Cooking for your in-laws

older man grabbing woman's breast

Good luck

(photo:  brottj316)

4. Going to the DMV

DMV

I salute you.

(photo: rocketdogphoto)

5. Washing your whites with your darks

cat on laundry

Oh, you crafty.

(photo: Nick D.M)

6. Getting a root canal

dentist

Hero.

(photo: chalabala.cz)

7. Watching Fox News

[brightcove_vid playerid=”9″ flashvars=”videoId=2421402140001&linkBaseURL=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.slate.com%2Fblogs%2Fxx_factor%2F2013%2F05%2F30%2Ffour_out_of_ten_households_have_female_breadwinners_fox_news_responds_with.html&playerID=58264559001&playerKey=AQ~~,AAAAAASoY90~,_gW1ZHvKG_0UvBsh7aZU7MXZe77OcsGq&domain=embed&dynamicStreaming=true”]

You’re braver than me.

8. Eating airline food

airline foodStomach of a champion.

(photo: toshi.roshi)

9. Taking your toddler out without a change of clothes

toddler wth sunglasses

What you trying to prove?

(photo: PLecce)

10. Buying your 13-year-old daughter a Halloween costume

teen alice in wonderland costumeYou’ve been to the battlefield.

(photo: ebay.com)

16 Comments

  1. Rachelle

    June 17, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    Um. There’s a penis in the airline food.

    • keelhaulrose

      June 17, 2013 at 3:23 pm

      Sure does look that way. It’s also interchangeable with a plate of hospital food, and I mean the normal stuff not on the maternity ward (or perhaps on the maternity ward, and I’ve just been to awesome hospitals that don’t mind the new mom getting pizza and chocolate ice cream for their meal).

    • Cath

      June 18, 2013 at 4:28 am

      Okay, if I end up pregnant again I am going to your hospital. I want pizza and chocolate ice cream.

  2. keelhaulrose

    June 17, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    I once took my husband’s younger cousin costume shopping. Her dad took out a marker and drew a line on her legs, one on her upper chest, and two on her stomach. He then announced he pre-approved any costume that covered those areas, anything that didn’t risked being stuck at home for Halloween. She griped a little about it, but after working at the front desk of my college on Halloween as the bars let out, and seeing those skimpy costumes not covering anything (I seriously said “your tit/cooch is hanging out” at least half a dozen times to drunk girls and had an RA with me I’d send up to make sure they got to their room okay) I think he was on to something.

    • Tusconian

      June 17, 2013 at 8:43 pm

      False equivalency. A college student in a dorm is almost always legally an adult, entitled to make her own decisions about whether her cooch should be hanging out of not (and trust me, they were all 100% aware of what body parts were on display). A teenager in high school or middle school is a child who still needs to abide (within reason) with her parents house rules. What’s age appropriate for a 21 year old at a bar is not age appropriate for a 13 year old at Jimmy’s Halloween party. Or else 13 year olds would be allowed to drink and hold down jobs to buy their own skimpy clothes. I really think it’s harmful to make comparisons between adult women and minor teenagers when it comes to things like clothing because then you get into an arbitrary, slippery slope of infantilizing women and victim blaming. If you don’t think an 18 or 21 year old who lives semi-independently and may well be buying her own clothes with her own money, is old enough to pick out her own clothes and deal with the consequences (being cold, looking like an idiot), where is the age line drawn? Is it not okay at 18 but okay at 21? Is it not okay at 21 but okay at 25? 30? Whenever they get married? And if your opinion is “no one should dress like that,” take into account how arbitrary “appropriate” dress is. A story broke today about a 15 year old wearing sweatpants, a tank top with no visible cleavage, and a big baggy flannel shirt was told by a strange adult man (TSA agent) that her clothes were inappropriate, and I saw many people agreeing, despite the fact the only skin visible was her neck, face, and hands. Is that too skimpy? Is it not too skimpy, but only if she buttons up the flannel? Should she have worn baggier pants? We have public decency laws, and beyond that, any exposed skin is only going to bring consequence for the person exposing it and isn’t anyone’s business.

    • keelhaulrose

      June 17, 2013 at 9:26 pm

      You may think they knew what they were doing, but I know what I saw. I saw those girls stumbling into objects, take five minutes to open a door, and tried to help one get into her room only to find she lived in a dorm across campus (she was a freshman, so it wasn’t her old room, and while our dorm was 18 stories tall hers was 6). Two of these girls had men following them and weren’t aware of it, and you could tell the men were following them because as soon as we asked who they were and if they knew the girl they ran. And I am sure most of them didn’t know they were exposing themselves because as soon as I pointed it out they’d quickly try to cover themselves (one asked if I liked what I saw, then flashed her other boob). I know what the consequences would be in those two cases, and I’m not willing to let anyone, living ‘semi-independently’ or otherwise go through that because they’re just making their own choices. And no, none of the girls who came in wearing sensible outfits had stalkers, and none of them had stumbled into a door and given themselves a bloody lip. I’m lax when it comes to clothes, especially on older girls. Let them wear whatever they want, I don’t think anything is an invitation to rape. But I can scream that all I want, those guys following the girls didn’t seem to give a sh-t.

      I don’t give a damn what people wear for Halloween costumes, though if it’s something that you can’t move in without exposing something then it’s probably not a good idea to wear in public. However I do care that what stood between those girls and a possible rape was a lone desk attendant, and if it had been someone unwilling to pay attention (most of my colleagues watched movies or played on the computer at that time of night unless someone asked them something) that something horrible would have happened. Kids do stupid stuff when given a bit of independence. And there are men out there who think that if a woman dresses slutty she’s asking for something (I do NOT agree with that, but I’m realistic) who will take advantage of the situation.
      Women can wear whatever the f–k they want. But parents have the right to dictate what they can’t wear while living with them, and I’d like my daughter to think she doesn’t need to dress like a stripper to get attention, and any man who isn’t interested when she’s dressed like a lady isn’t worthy of her.

    • Tusconian

      June 18, 2013 at 9:18 pm

      I never said parents didn’t have the right to dictate what their children wear. In fact, I BLATANTLY said they did, which you ignored in an attempt to be a nasty victim blamer and judge people who are none of your business. I said that comparing adult young women who you have decided will get raped because they went out in skimpy costumes to 13 year olds who are under their parents’ roof is infantilizing, and honestly, most people I know who infantilize college aged girls have zero intention of stopping their arbitrary, victim blaming bullshit once the caps go flying. You’re just like the stuck up, so called adults who can only feel competent about themselves by referring to anyone younger than them as a “kid” who needs your nasty, victim blaming, hateful “help.” I don’t give a fuck how you want to say “but they’re making baaaaad decisions by drinking and wearing less than I have snoittily, self righteously decided is appropriate, so I can ignore all decency and legalisty and refer to them as children!” They are not children, a 13 year old is. End of discussion. No one needs your help with their wardrobe, especially if you’re a jerk who compares 18 to 22 year old women to a 13 year old shopping with daddy.

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  4. SusannahJoy

    June 17, 2013 at 10:50 pm

    That was one of the few things I liked about being pregnant. I could totally wear a bikini and not give a crap that my stomach wasn’t flat because, duh! I’m pregnant! No one had to know that it totally wasn’t flat before I got pregnant either.

  5. PrairieCoast

    June 18, 2013 at 9:48 pm

    LOL! I once accidently went to Ikea on a Saturday (I was on mat leave so the days just kind of blended together). I thought it was strange that I had to park so far away. As I walked to the store, it dawned on me….”Oh yeah…it’s Saturday….what am I DOING here?!”

  6. anna

    June 18, 2013 at 11:25 pm

    Done them all. Feel like a bad ass now

    • anna

      June 18, 2013 at 11:26 pm

      well, I’ve taken my 13 year old sister shopping. Does that count?

  7. koolchicken

    June 18, 2013 at 11:48 pm

    If wearing a bikini while pregnant is brave then call me a freaking warrior princess. I live in Hawaii and the last thing I was going to do was sit in an unairconditioned house through nine months of summer. So yeah, I wore that bikini till it didn’t fit, then I bought a bigger one! In fact I was in one less than 24 prior to my sons birth. 🙂

  8. Amanda Price

    June 20, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    Just the first thirty seconds of that FoxNews clip made me want to violently hurl my computer across the room. As the female breadwinner in my home (by my and my husband’s choice), it’s news to me that it’s troubling and alarming. Here I was thinking it was freaking awesome that my kids get to spend so much time with their dad.

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