Childrearing

10 Reasons Kids Should Absolutely Never Be Exposed To Screen Time

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As we all know, the greatest scourge facing today’s youth is not the prospect of global climate change, or the faltering economy they’re likely to inherit: it’s the chance that they might cast their delicate eyeballs in the direction of a TV or computer screen. While the American Academy of Pediatrics has strict anti-screen-time guidelines, if we parents are honest with each other, sometimes a little screen time sneaks through. But there are a few reasons–very good reasons!–to avoid screen time, that you should duly consider before firing up the old Samsung.

1. Because the power is out.

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Thanks a lot, summer storms. Now we’re never going to know how the Magic School Bus got back from outer space.

2. Because if you hear the theme song from Curious George even once more, you are going to flip your shit.

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You cannot be held responsible for your actions if you have to look at his stupid monkey face one more today.

3. Because you’re Amish.

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The most screen time your kids are going to get is staring at the windows in your house. (How are you reading this article, by the way?)

4. Because they’re learning things you don’t like from watching TV.

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Stupid Sesame Street needs to teach kids that sometimes sharing isn’t caring. Like when Mommy buys herself a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

5. Because your kids no longer remember what the sky looks like.

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It’s been a long winter. Go outside and play for a little while today, guys. Come back when you can tell me about that big blue thing up over your heads.

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