I Think I Just Found The Worst First Date, Ever

One of the best things about finding someone you love and settling down is the belief that you’ll never have to date again. It’s only my opinion – but I hate dating. The thought that I may never have to do it again warms me to the core. Reading the story of one woman’s horrible date solidifies my position. I think I found the worst date, ever.

Brianne Coots says her date with Tyler Siegel started out fine. They went for a walk in the woods. But at some point they heard a rustling in the bushes and a man jumped out at them with a large knife. Coots says she immediately took off running, went over a cliff, and called 911.

When police arrived Siegel emerged from the woods with cuts. The police thought the cuts were “suspiciously shallow.” Siegel broke under questioning – admitting he staged the attack so he could rescue his fair maiden. How romantic.

The best part about this story is that the woman went off a cliff. Oh my. Can you imagine what was going on in her date’s head? I’m thinking it was something like, Wait! Don’t go off that cliff! I have to rescue you and I’m way to much of a coward to jump off after you! Damn. Foiled again.

Coots told ABC News, “I could have easily broken something going off of that cliff. So I was definitely very upset. If you want to impress somebody, impress them with the good stuff you can do, I mean you could buy people flowers, have a good job, have a good education.”

Did you hear that, men everywhere? Flowers – yes. Education – yes. Good job – yes. Staged attack by crazy knife-wielding person in the woods – no. This totally upstages my worst date ever. It was in the 90’s and he showed up wearing a fanny pack, Z Cavaricci’s, and driving gloves. He then took me to a stereo store. That was our date. It was a dream date compared to this poor woman’s encounter.

Like I said – please God, may I never have to date again.

(photo: joshr/ Shutterstock.com)