Being a mom is hard. Being a mom who has to juggle everything is hard, too. Being a stay-at-home mom isn’t easy. Working moms don’t have it easy. Adulting is hard, really, and there doesn’t seem to be any time for relaxing. Seriously, what is relaxing? Well, it turns out there’s a big reason why working moms are always tired, while working dads seem to be a little less so. And it all ties into responsibilities and well, mom never get any time to not be in charge or have all the juggling balls up in the air, ever.

Because seriously, working moms are never not in charge of something or someone. 

According to the Modern Family Index 2017 report commissioned by Bright Horizons, working moms are tired because they have way more responsibilities than their working husbands.

“These working mothers are organizing, reminding, and planning everything else,” the report said. And moms everywhere are like AHHH that’s what it is?! That’s the difference because seriously, when did our partners have to remember all those little things that keep a family running (OK, yes, don’t @ me, I know there are some incredible partners out there who do… mine is pretty awesome, but that’s not the whole point here).

A study released in December shows that women who make just the same amount of money, academic achievement, and work hours as their partners, still continue to do a “disproportionate portion” of household and family responsibilities. So basically we’re never not in charge. The study also showed that women who are the primary breadwinners in their family still do more at home than their male counterparts — and even more than mothers who are working but not the primary financial support.

According to the study, moms with jobs that provide the “major source” of income for a family are 2 to 3 times more likely to be also managing the household and schedules of the kids than fathers who are primary financial support.

It should come at no surprise here that all of this on the mom’s shoulders is taking a toll on the moms. Half of the moms who were polled in the study find the job of maintaining a life/work balance to be stressful. Half of the working moms also said they feel burned out from all the weight of the household responsibilities. This is what people have been calling the “mental load”– that work that no one really factors into taking time or energy to handle. Things like making sure there is food in the house and beyond that: which kid doen’st like what or can’t eat this or that. It also includes keeping tabs on bills or laundry or who has a birthday party coming up.

All those little things that add up to be very big things.

“Now is a more important time than ever to break out of traditional male/female stereotypes – both at home and at work,” said Bright Horizons CHRO Maribeth Bearfield, according to their press release. “The fact is that for most employers, much of their most valuable talent in the workplace is playing double duty as manager of family life as well. By providing supports to working women, they can help open up mindshare that can contribute even more to the workplace. And by creating environments where men are encouraged and valued for taking advantage of work/life supports as well, workplaces can start to catch up with the culture this generation of working families demands.”

So… there it is. That’s why we’re so tired. That’s probably why we sometimes have a hard time making a simple decision like what we should have for dinner. It’s YOUR TURN just get me food and bring it to me. GAH!

(Image: iStock / AntonioGuillem)