No one wants to cut into a vagina cake at a baby shower. I repeat, no one wants to cut into a vagina cake at a baby shower. Even if it is molded from the most exquisite fondant and has a cute little baby popping out of it. Actually, especially if it is molded from the most exquisite fondant and has a cute little baby popping out of it.
Look, I don’t want to insult anyone’s handy work. Someone obviously put a lot of time into these vaginas. I just don’t understand the trend of reminding a hugely pregnant woman that she’s about to have a baby tear through her lady parts. That’s not nice.
1. The “Glazed-Strawberry Lady Bits” Cake
Realistic doll-heads are the creepiest. Realistic doll heads emerging from glazed strawberries just ruined my favorite flavor of cheesecake for me forever.
2. The “I-Just-Started-To-Crown” Cake
I ended up with two c-sections, but from what I’ve heard this is the most painful part of childbirth. Happy baby shower!
3. The “Giant Vagina/ Tiny Baby” Cake
The proportions on this cake are like, whoa. Also, the baby has some really impressive eyelashes.
4. The “Here I Come” Out Of Your Vagina Cake
Bad news – this baby is already yelling at you. Good news – he made his own bottle.
5. The “Your Vagina Will Soon Return To Its Former Glory” Cupcakes
Soon, your vagina will just be a vagina.
6. The “Somebody Warn The Baby – This Vagina Has Teeth” Cake
I don’t even know what to say about this one.
7. The “Your Vagina Is Actually A Tiger” Cake
My doula told me it was empowering to think of myself as an animal during birth – you know, by not being afraid to grunt and be as fierce as I needed to be. I don’t think this is what she meant.
8. The “Lady Garden” Cake
Who doesn’t want their lady garden to have roses in it?
9. The “I’m Here To Haunt Your Dreams” Cake
I’m terrified of this cake. Also, it looks like the baby is missing an eye.
10. The “Extreme Close Up Of Your Birthing Vagina” Cake
By popular demand…. Penis cakes.
AND BY EVEN bigger popular demand Vagina Cakes Part That Are Awesome And Disturbing Part Two: Electric Bugaloo