Topic: moms who drink

Scary Mommy: 12 Kid Venues That Need Open Bars

Scary Mommy: 12 Kid Venues That Need Open Bars

We hear a lot about adult venues striving to make their environment more “kid-friendly”… but really, shouldn’t kid-oriented spots return the favor by attempting to be more adult-friendly? Enough with Despicable Me, would it kill the pediatrician’s office to air an episode of “Orange is the New Black” in the waiting room every once in a while? Clearly this evolution would take time… but the obvious, and quickest solution to this injustice would be to add an open bar to some of the most brutal wonderful kid-oriented venues. More »

Mom Of Three Busted For Drunk Driving Had Her Pockets Filled With Jello Shots

Mom Of Three Busted For Drunk Driving Had Her Pockets Filled With Jello Shots

As much as I’m a huge fan of alcohol, I’m a huge practitioner of never, ever driving after I have consumed alcohol. I won’t even look at a photograph of a car after I have had a drink. Drunk driving is stupid and awful and extremely dangerous and if there is one thing I can get all sanctimommy-d up about, it’s drunk driving. Which brings us to the case of Cathy Sanchez, a 28-year-old mother of three who was recently busted in Minnesota for failing a series of sobriety tests and registered a .136 blood alcohol content during a Breathalyzer test, when cops noticed her driving erratically down highway  10 at two in the morning and pulled her over More »

Finally! A Way To Get Drunk Via Your Boobs

Finally! A Way To Get Drunk Via Your Boobs

Drinking is really fun. Personally, I’m of the opinion that most— if not all—situations can be improved with a drink, except, like a job interview or open heart surgery or Olympic competition in archery. And now, there’s a wonderful amazing terrific unbelievable new product that will let you take a drink with you literally everywhere you go. Because it’s a bra. More »

I’m Totally Lying To My Kids And Telling Them The Fireworks Have Been Cancelled

I'm Totally Lying To My Kids And Telling Them The Fireworks Have Been Cancelled

I can’t handle walking down to the park in this heat and humidity and arriving all sweaty and soggy with my makeup running and my feet sore from sandals. Yeah, I could drive, but parking for these types of events is worse than Ikea on a Saturday afternoon. I hate sitting outside, unless I’m in close proximity to air conditioning or a cute little table where I can order refreshing alcoholic beverages and stay for a limited amount of time. It’s utter bullshit that the city expects us to sit in a crowded area with screaming children and CLOWNS with no access to alcohol. More »

This Mother Of Two Drinks Blood And Calls Herself A Vampire Because Yolo? Or Forever?

This Mother Of Two Drinks Blood And Calls Herself A Vampire Because Yolo? Or Forever?

I may be the most boring mom in the world, because I’ve got nothing freaky going on – unless you count the fact I am currently sportin’ a kelly green pedicure for summer as “freaky.” That’s about as outrageous as I get. Totally unlike this mama from Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania, who drinks half-a-gallon of live human blood a month and calls herself a vampire. More »

New Study Discovers You Pregnant Women Are Terrible Moms For Not Drinking Wine While Pregnant

New Study Discovers You Pregnant Women Are Terrible Moms For Not Drinking Wine While Pregnant

And by drink wine, I don’t mean you can chug down an entire bottle but you can have a small glass which is what I am always telling you all. Because I am such a know-it-all and I love telling you pregnant women what to do I love it when science backs me up and I can gloat about how utterly brilliant I am and how all of the advice I give you all is totally excellent. More »