Topic: moms who drink

Finally! A Way To Get Drunk Via Your Boobs

Finally! A Way To Get Drunk Via Your Boobs

Drinking is really fun. Personally, I’m of the opinion that most— if not all—situations can be improved with a drink, except, like a job interview or open heart surgery or Olympic competition in archery. And now, there’s a wonderful amazing terrific unbelievable new product that will let you take a drink with you literally everywhere you go. Because it’s a bra. More »

I’m Totally Lying To My Kids And Telling Them The Fireworks Have Been Cancelled

I'm Totally Lying To My Kids And Telling Them The Fireworks Have Been Cancelled

I can’t handle walking down to the park in this heat and humidity and arriving all sweaty and soggy with my makeup running and my feet sore from sandals. Yeah, I could drive, but parking for these types of events is worse than Ikea on a Saturday afternoon. I hate sitting outside, unless I’m in close proximity to air conditioning or a cute little table where I can order refreshing alcoholic beverages and stay for a limited amount of time. It’s utter bullshit that the city expects us to sit in a crowded area with screaming children and CLOWNS with no access to alcohol. More »

This Mother Of Two Drinks Blood And Calls Herself A Vampire Because Yolo? Or Forever?

This Mother Of Two Drinks Blood And Calls Herself A Vampire Because Yolo? Or Forever?

I may be the most boring mom in the world, because I’ve got nothing freaky going on – unless you count the fact I am currently sportin’ a kelly green pedicure for summer as “freaky.” That’s about as outrageous as I get. Totally unlike this mama from Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania, who drinks half-a-gallon of live human blood a month and calls herself a vampire. More »

New Study Discovers You Pregnant Women Are Terrible Moms For Not Drinking Wine While Pregnant

New Study Discovers You Pregnant Women Are Terrible Moms For Not Drinking Wine While Pregnant

And by drink wine, I don’t mean you can chug down an entire bottle but you can have a small glass which is what I am always telling you all. Because I am such a know-it-all and I love telling you pregnant women what to do I love it when science backs me up and I can gloat about how utterly brilliant I am and how all of the advice I give you all is totally excellent. More »

A Grade School Teacher Threw This Raging Banger For High School Kids Including Lots Of Vomit

A Grade School Teacher Threw This Raging Banger For High School Kids Including Lots Of Vomit

Ugh! I hate teenagers! Why would anyone want to “party” with them? This just sounds like one of those cases where the mom wanted to be the “cool” mom and party with the youngsters and blech. I cannot think of anything I would want to do less than deal with a mess of drunk, noisy, pukey teenagers drinking all of my booze and vomiting in my closet. This is why I’m so not the “cool” mom. More »

There’s Milk And Cookies In The Champagne Room! Mom Hires Strippers For Son’s Sweet Sixteen

There's Milk And Cookies In The Champagne Room! Mom Hires Strippers For Son's Sweet Sixteen

Oh man, 13-year-old guests? That’s awful. Those kids would have been just as happy with a bouncy inflatable castle as they were with silicone-inflated bouncy…castles. And with 80 party guests in attendance, you would think one of the adults there would have spoken up between the third play of Ginuwine‘s Pony and suggested the kids break a piñata or something. More »