Sure, I’d side-eye some lady who was drinking a beer while breastfeeding, too, but… More
Topic: moms who drink
Sometimes I stop and think “there could be a child inside me right now if I hadn’t played my cards right,” and then I freak out because that would be a total shit show. Then I remember that there’s no baby in me, just massive amounts of coffee and the ice cream I had for breakfast. More
Drinking is really fun. Personally, I’m of the opinion that mostâ€” if not allâ€”situations can be improved with a drink, except, like a job interview or open heart surgery or Olympic competition in archery. And now, there’s a wonderful amazing terrific unbelievable new product that will let you take a drink with you literally everywhere you go. Because it’s a bra. More
Because I’m a professional, I’m a professional parent and a professional booze drinker, I thought I should offer you my tips on how you can get drunk with kids. Not as in, how to get drunk with your kids like you are all getting drunk together, but how to get your drink on when you have children.
I can’t handle walking down to the park in this heat and humidity and arriving all sweaty and soggy with my makeup running and my feet sore from sandals. Yeah, I could drive, but parking for these types of events is worse than Ikea on a Saturday afternoon. I hate sitting outside, unless I’m in close proximity to air conditioning or a cute little table where I can order refreshing alcoholic beverages and stay for a limited amount of time. It’s utter bullshit that the city expects us to sit in a crowded area with screaming children and CLOWNS with no access to alcohol. More
I may be the most boring mom in the world, because I’ve got nothing freaky going on – unless you count the fact I am currently sportin’ a kelly green pedicure for summer as “freaky.” That’s about as outrageous as I get. Totally unlike this mama from Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania, who drinks half-a-gallon of live human blood a month and calls herself a vampire. More
And by drink wine, I don’t mean you can chug down an entire bottle but you can have a small glass which is what I am always telling you all. Because I am such a know-it-all and I love telling you pregnant women what to do I love it when science backs me up and I can gloat about how utterly brilliant I am and how all of the advice I give you all is totally excellent. More
Ugh! I hate teenagers! Why would anyone want to “party” with them? This just sounds like one of those cases where the mom wanted to be the “cool” mom and party with the youngsters and blech. I cannot think of anything I would want to do less than deal with a mess of drunk, noisy, pukey teenagers drinking all of my booze and vomiting in my closet. This is why I’m so not the “cool” mom. More
Oh man, 13-year-old guests? That’s awful. Those kids would have been just as happy with a bouncy inflatable castle as they were with silicone-inflated bouncy…castles. And with 80 party guests in attendance, you would think one of the adults there would have spoken up between the third play of Ginuwine‘s Pony and suggested the kids break a piÃ±ata or something. More
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‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except for me, who was puking my brains up at two a.m. because I “accidentally” got trashed the night before. More
Commercial Free Childhood announces worst toys for 2012 and I’m a terrible mom because I sort of want to buy all of them. More
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m totally stoked for the day when my kid tells me if I don’t buy him booze he won’t “fit in” so I can laugh in his face forever. More
Maybe I don’t have more friends because of my bad attitude and my raging sarcasm problem. More
I love holiday decorating and the holiday season but I’ve got a fuckton of mommy guilt over not doing anything thus far. More