When some people think of ficitional moms, their minds go straight to the Carol Bradys and June Cleavers of the world. Not I. I love the fictional moms who have no fucks to give, because we are all those moms. More
Obviously, my problem lies with parents of infants and not infants themselves. Everyone knows what you’re up to. You don’t want candy that bad. You’re an adult, you can buy some. And if you want free candy, well, you’ve had your entire lives to master your shoplifting skills. What you want is for people to tell you how cute your baby is. Well, forget it. More
What kind of ridiculously cute things have you put your infant children into for Halloween? Do you have any favorites out there you want to share? There are plenty of first-time parents who are probably looking for ideas and we want to try to put together a guide for them. More
Do you ever lie to your pediatrician? It’s a tricky road to walk; your child’s doctor needs to be fully informed to help you make the best decisions and give you the best advice about the care your child needs. But at the same time, doctors are human beings, and sometimes human beings are mean, condescending, judgmental jerks. More
In the wake of everything that’s been in the news lately about what does and does not constitute appropriate punishment for children, there is at least one group of people that is all for opening up a can of whupass on your toddlers. These aren’t the ones that say, “Oh, my parents spanked me and look how awesome I turned out”. More
Every time a celebrity releases a book about their extreme parenting method, I wonder what I, a normal, non-celebrity mother, would write. What would be my book’s theme; my parenting mantra, if you will. My first thought was that my … More
Deciding how many children to have can be tricky for some couples. Sometimes one partner wants all of the children, while the other would be happy with one or two. Some couples think that it’s important for a child to have a sibling, while others are good with “one and done.” More
Being a mom can be challenging. Kids get into fights and need Mom to arbitrate; they hurt themselves and get sick; they even want to be fed on a regular basis, the pesky little buggers. With all the wound care, household engineering, and early childhood education they do on a daily basis, is there any job a stay-at-home mom like myself isn’t qualified to do after a sadly unsalaried tenure as CEO, chief financial planner, and child psychologist? More
Of all of the things I’ve learned to do as a parent; potty train youngsters, suction mucus, breastfeed while making margaritas, and cook up a golden grilled cheese, there is one thing I have never mastered, and that’s the art of babysitter hiring. More
I love Barbie. I’m not going to lie.
I’m also a proud feminist, and somewhere along the way it became not okay for proud feminists to love Barbie. I’ve become lost in the arguments for why that is — I think it has something to do with her body types and assigned ‘jobs.’ I stopped caring, because when we analyze a doll this much, we really give small children zero credit — and place an unrealistic amount of emphasis on a variable that really doesn’t influence kids all that much. More
Breona Synclair Watkins, a Florida mother, put her five-month old infant in the trunk of her car. She put the baby there because she was afraid of getting in trouble for not having a car seat for the infant to ride in. Of course, this is a very reasonable way to handle the fear of getting in trouble, when you’re about eight. So to help Watkins out, I put together this small explainer of places to not put your baby: More
There are a lot of misconceptions about food banks. I’ve heard it all, from “they eat better than I do,” to “everyone there was driving a brand new car!” This has never been my experience in the 2 and a … More
Halloween can be a time of serious insecurity for parents. On the one hand, it’s easy to grab a costume off the shelf, and on the other, no parent who actually loves their child does that, right? So you have no choice, when you think about it, than to hit up Pinterest and ogle DIY Halloween costumes that the parents who do love their children end up making. I don’t know how they do it, but I suspect that methamphetamines are involved. More
My daughter wakes up. It’s early. She looks at me, smiles, and moves her arms in the breaststroke motion. She wants to go swimming. Again. And she’s telling me in sign language. After breakfast, she asks to go swimming. In the car seat on the way to the store, she asks to go swimming. While she’s eating her snack, she asks to go swimming. Finally, we go swimming.
Thanks a lot, baby signing class. More