attachment parentingTIME magazine has taken the “Look Ma, there’s another Ma who’s better than you!” media trope to a whole new level by disingenuously asking “Are You Mom Enough?” So if you’re “just” a mom and you’ve been thoroughly confused by the not-so-subtle subliminal media suggestion that you’re uncomfortable with your parenting choices or what to call yourself other than “mommy” — because apparently calling yourself a mom means that you have unwittingly undervalued and enslaved your womanhood — you’re not alone.

But this is what professional media Shit Disturbers and the I’m-not-judgmental Judgerati do.  They create the bait in which we flock, like bees to honey. And we, the moms who don’t give a shit, are encouraged to roast the Mom du Jour and inflict our own personal feelings about motherhood onto her.

So who are “they,” you ask? “They” are the thousands of moms and feminists, and so-called feminist moms, who stand and passive aggressively judge and jury the myriad ways in which other moms are potentially harming themselves, and inadvertently their children, but never think about what they do that could be viewed as equally alarming, or harmful for that matter. To wit: the evisceration of Alicia Silverstone. You know the one in which Alicia, a Hollywood mother, viral-videos her way into mommy-infamy by she demonstrating how she masticates her son’s food and feeds it to him mouth to mouth? Ya, that.

When Mayim Bialik, a Hollywood actor cum neuroscientist cum book author mother, spoke about breastfeeding her child past the age of 3, mommies across America grimaced in horror. TIME magazine — hmm, strange coincidence or pattern? —  author Bonnie Rochon, herself a mother who claims to be a breastfeeding advocate and who breastfed her own child just two months shy of her third birthday, had the balls to say, “Nursing even a hungry infant on the subway strikes me as fairly gross.”  That’s right, she said “gross.” How old are we here? And is this the voice of female empowerment?

These are the stories that give me pause, but only because it’s not strictly men who police the bodies of women and try to legislate the ways in which women choose to interact with the children they care for; increasingly, and most vocally, it’s women. For example, did you know that modern motherhood undermines the status of women?

I didn’t either, but Hanna Rosin, a feminist mother who references and paraphrases French feminist Elizabeth Badinter – she wrote a book called The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood Undermines The Status Of Women – wants you to know that “Attachment Parenting seems joyless  to

[her]

.” Yes, her. Forget that Rosin is not an Attachment Parenting mom; forget that she doesn’t know you or your family situation personally; forget that your notions about personal agency and body autonomy are mute subjects in this discussion, because in case you missed it, you and your joyless ilk are failing Womanhood. Yes you, and your belligerent, soul-sucking, personal agency-stealing — albeit, well-adjusted — children. Damn you all to hell!