Re-entering the dating pool after marriage is a special kind of fresh hell. I didn’t like dating before I got married. And it’s safe to say that I hate it with the fire of a thousand burning suns now. It’s not just that I’m older, wiser, and have two kids now. It’s that the entire game has changed, and the game sucks. It sucks! I’ve waded into the pool a few times since the end of my marriage almost 2 years ago, and honestly at this point, a lifetime of being single is looking pretty goddamn good. But that’s not to say my life is boring or devoid of meaning! LOL, just kidding, it’s absolutely boring. So to pass the time, here are 17 things I would rather do than go on a date. It’s always a party around here!

Image: Giphy

1. I know it’s cliche, but I would rather wash my hair than go on a date.

Image: Giphy

By the time the weekend rolls around, there is so much dry shampoo in my hair, it could hide treasures. I have very light blonde hair, so washing requires 3 steps: regular shampoo, purple shampoo, and a 10-minute Olaplex leave-in. That’s, like, 13 minutes right there. And then I’m tired, so there goes my night! But clean hair > drinks over awkward conversation, every damn day.