Topic: tantrums

The 10 Stages Of A Toddler Meltdown

The 10 Stages Of A Toddler Meltdown

As a mom of an almost four-year-old, I am proud to announce that I can read my toddler like a book. I know when his meltdowns are coming, and exactly what they are going to look like. I am not so proud to announce I have no idea how to stop them. The good thing is, if you can accurately measure where you are on the meltdown scale, you know how much time you have left to endure. It’s like being able to see the tip of the mountain; you can begin telling yourself you’ll get to the top eventually.
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WARNING: The ‘Terrible Twos’ Get Worse When Your Kid Turns Three

WARNING: The 'Terrible Twos' Get Worse When Your Kid Turns Three

The terrible twos are simply a warm-up. They are an introductory phase that gets parents primed and ready for a dark future. Whoever coined the term “terrible twos” without emphasizing that it only gets worse when your child is three has done us all a grave disservice. Parents all around the land are doing what is tantamount to waiting for the Tooth Fairy or Santa to arrive. It’s not happening. There is no Tooth Fairy, there is no Santa, and your toddler is still an asshole. Sorry. More »

3-Year-Olds Mays Be A*sholes, But 17-Year-Olds Are Stone Cold Motherf*ckers

3-Year-Olds Mays Be A*sholes, But 17-Year-Olds Are Stone Cold Motherf*ckers

The other day Sarah Fader wrote a post on Huffington Post Parents entitled 3-Year-Olds Are A**holes. I agree with her, and so have a lot of other articles on Mommyish, but even though toddlers might be their own special brand of asshole, they cannot compare to the utter assholy-ish-ness of teenagers. Three-year-olds may be assholes, but teenagers are stone cold motherfuckers. And I should know, because I have one. More »

TGI Friday Open Thread: Tell Us All Your Creepy And Bratty Kid Stories

TGI Friday Open Thread: Tell Us All Your Creepy And Bratty Kid Stories

I don’t think my kids are brats, but I’m sure every mother feels this way. My kids, growing up, weren’t really prone to tantrums or big grocery store scenes or freaking out when I told them no. They have always been sort of laid back about things. But boy oh boy throughout my life have I encountered some kids who could be described as being bratty (or worse, but because I’m a nice person I won’t describe them as being raging little fuckers, but you can be assured I am thinking that.) I’m not talking about kids who are just overtired or cranky or hungry, I’m talking about awful monster children. More »

10 Toddler Tantrums That Could Have Been Avoided

10 Toddler Tantrums That Could Have Been Avoided

The other half of the parents who just don’t give an eff anymore scenario as they drag their wailing toddlers away from grassy parks is the toddler reasoning. If you listen between those crying, garbled mumbles, you’ll usually hear a word or two about why this massive tantrum is happening on the sidewalk in the middle of a hot day. The line of thought often times doesn’t make sense, but some toddler translation does reveal how these temper tantrums could have been avoided in the first place. More »

Baby Blues: I Am So Not Equipped To Handle My Daughter’s Tantrums

Baby Blues: I Am So Not Equipped To Handle My Daughter's Tantrums

They say the terrible twos actually start around 18 months and don’t end until…when do they end? Ever? But sometimes I feel like my PPD leaves me really ill-equipped to manage these tantrums. It’s not so much that I “lose it” or fear I might hurt her. In fact, it’s more of the opposite. I don’t know if I’ve become desensitized to her cry because I’ve heard it so damn much, but my instinct is to do nothing. More »

Bad Mom Advice: Screaming Toddlers And Naked Kids – Join My Radical #Meltdown Project And Always Naked Revolution!

Bad Mom Advice: Screaming Toddlers And Naked Kids - Join My Radical #Meltdown Project And Always Naked Revolution!

Think about it, your parent has dragged you to a gigantic place that is usually crowded and most of the time, it is at a time when there are a million things you would rather be doing. There are cartoons to be watched. There are toys to be played with. There are birds! They are outside! There is possibly a bird in your yard! This bird could possibly be doing something amazing like pooping on your parent’s car and you are missing all of it! Plus, your parent has been a total dick while at the store. They have spent way too much time fondling organic grapefruits and checking their cell phone messages and every damn time you want something fantastic like a package of cookies or a brightly colored box of something with a manic looking cartoon rabbit on it your parent has said “no.” More »

Bad Mom Advice: Your Biting Toddler And Your Makeup Hoarding Teen Make Me Think You Need To Chill The Eff Out

Bad Mom Advice: Your Biting Toddler And Your Makeup Hoarding Teen Make Me Think You Need To Chill The Eff Out

I can’t give you any advice for talking your daughter out of wearing it because I just don’t feel like it’s that big of an issue. It’s not like a little bit of blush and mascara is suddenly going to make her become knocked up at age 15 or something. As long as she isn’t emulating Courtney Stodden and asking for an increase on her allowance to take on-line “acting” classes, I think she’ll be fine. More »