My parents were so weird you guys. I have zero knowledge of every watching an episode of The Love Boat growing up. They hated most television and sneered at anything even remotely popular, radio music, sitcoms, living in the same town for over a year (Just kidding mom!) but despite the fact my parents had sort of this snobbish sense of what they thought was acceptable in terms of popular culture, they sure did suggest I read some whacked out books when I was growing up. More
Halloween week is upon us – time for all things creepy! Why stick to the usual skeleton/spiderweb/pumpkin motif when you can litter your yard with some of these horrific toys and scare the crap out of every kid in your neighborhood? Well, maybe these won’t scare kids, but I bet your adult neighbors will be terrified.
The other day my wonderful boss Meghan Keane asked me if Not Safe For Children was a thing, like NSFW, and I decided it is now and this whole post is all about NSFC Halloween stuff! Halloween is for the children, but according to these totally NSFC items Halloween is totally not for the children and it may not even be for those of you who are squeamish and/or easily offended. Not to get all Sanctimommy about this, but I can totally see where these items and displays are Not Safe For Children. More
I was SO SCARED and I almost considered waking my daughter up and asking her if she, you know, wanted to sleep in my bed with me, but because I’m a big girl and brave I slept all alone, but with my hall light on! More
Halloween is a happy reminder for all of us parents that we could be a lot worse. Because as long as you aren’t doing any of the things these cinematic monsters are doing, then I am pretty sure your kid will turn out OK. More
For some reason I just couldn’t handle them, but as soon as my kids were a bit older I went right back to watching them. Here are my picks for what really freaked me out when I had babies, or was getting ready to birth a baby. All of these are an excellent argument for birth control. More
I may be the most boring mom in the world, because I’ve got nothing freaky going on – unless you count the fact I am currently sportin’ a kelly green pedicure for summer as “freaky.” That’s about as outrageous as I get. Totally unlike this mama from Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania, who drinks half-a-gallon of live human blood a month and calls herself a vampire. More
MOM, there is a movie, it’s about a doll, this doll, MOM, oh my gosh mom this doll, she lives in a basement Mom, Mom, she sings this song, she has the creepiest voice, MOM, you aren’t going to see this movie are you Mom and why is the doll in the basement? Mom, this movie is called The Evil Doll you cannot go see it.
This is just me, but I think if my child was telling everyone that they had a ghost inside of them or were the reincarnation of someone else, I would probably take them to a therapist instead of calling a casting director to put them on a TV show. I’m sure they are reincarnated kids or at least kids who believe they are reincarnated, but there are also kids who go through phases where they believe very strongly that their imaginary friends are real. More
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It started with the Monster High dolls. I remember seeing them in the toy aisle with their Bratz-style bobble-heads, short skirts, and fishnet stockings. I immediately didn’t like them and steered my daughter away, vaguely mumbling something about inappropriateness when she asked to look at them. Now, there’s a younger-skewed monster doll line called Vamplets, and it seems like I just can’t get away from these trendy little creeps. More
It’s so scary! The music is scary! Ellen Burstyn has scary hair in it! More
Some of our kids are a little more sensitive than others. Some start scoping out the most terrifying Halloween costumes in July and others just want to be their favorite cartoon character, available at their local Target. Plenty of kids love the spider webs and spooky monsters, but a few are just hoping to get through the month without wetting their pants in public. Halloween can be a difficult time for those poor children with anxious energy and a quick gag reflex. Here’s some movies that might help these hesitant youngsters get familiar with common Halloween frights. More
I realize that it’s the time of witches and jack o’ lanterns. I know grown adults are excited about the opportunity to decorate with ghosts and goblins. Spider webs are finally appreciated instead of cleared away with the broom. For everyone who ever loved horror movies, Halloween is like being a kid all over again. They get to visit haunted houses, jails and hotels. They get to smear fake blood across their cheeks like a soldier going into battle. Can’t you hear the shrieks already?
Listen, I’m not trying to rain on this zombie-parade. I understand that you enjoyed Halloweens 3 through 6. I’m not judging you for that. But I have one request as we come upon the spookiest holiday. Please stop trying to terrify my three-year-old.