Topic: motherhood

Study Confirms First Time Motherhood Is A Bitch

Study Confirms First Time Motherhood Is A Bitch

You know that scene in “500 Days Of Summer” when Joseph Gordon-Levitt is walking up the stairs to Summer’s rooftop party and they show a split screen?  Expecations vs. reality?
Someone needs to make a movie or an illustration that shows the side by side reel of new motherhood.  Expectations — breastfeeding will be simple, I’ll have no guilt over formula, my baby will sleep LIKE A BABY (what asshole made up that simile?), and I will introduce colorful fruits and vegetables early so that my toddler will love his eggplant quinoa.  Realty — leaky breasts, massive amounts of guilt, complete sleep deprivation and a toddler that won’t eat anything that’s not Kraft Mac ‘N Cheese orange or Wonder bread white. More »

5 Moms Who Love Their Kids But Hate Being A Mom

5 Moms Who Love Their Kids But Hate Being A Mom

Parenthood can be a soul exhausting experience. Day in and day out diaper changing, cooking for picky palates, soothing, bed time management, and school shuttling can grate on any human. But stigmas regarding how much and what you can complain about pervade motherhood. While it’s semi-safe to bitch about how you don’t enjoy a particular avenue of motherhood or have fleeting moments of regretting having kids, coming right out and saying “I hate being mom” is the kind of sentiment that can clear a room. That’s why every time some lone mommy blogger goes there, they always lead in with “I love my children, but…” More »

8 Motherhood Myths That Every New Mom Encounters

8 Motherhood Myths That Every New Mom Encounters

Ladies who are (or will be) new to the parenting club, high-five. As far as I can tell, motherhood is pretty awesome. But between all the not so awesome mom groups, mom friends, and cultural stigmas, there is a lot of motherhood mythology to wade through in those first couple of years. You may have heard some tall tales about Zeus, Hera, Apollo, and all the rest but I have a few other stories of that ilk to share with you More »

10 Must-Haves For A New Mom That Have Nothing To Do With Baby

10 Must-Haves For A New Mom That Have Nothing To Do With Baby

So, you’ve had a baby? If you are wondering whether anyone will every pay attention to you again, the answer is “no.” Get used to it.

I jest – sort of. After the baby is born, it’s all baby – all the time. Everyone wants to talk about the baby and bring the baby gifts. You may be left wondering where the hell your gifts are; I mean, you are the one that just grew and birthed a baby, after all. The baby didn’t do shit, am I right? More »

I Finally Bonded With My Baby And It Only Took A Year

I Finally Bonded With My Baby And It Only Took A Year

Now that my son is 12 months old, I can admit something that I would never have fathomed admitting to anyone. When I first saw him, of course, I loved him instantly with that unconditional love a mother feels. But, to put it bluntly, for the first year of his life I just didn’t feel bonded to him. This was shocking to me because I wanted another baby to the point of obsession. More »

8 Typical ‘Mom Things’ I Won’t Be Doing

8 Typical 'Mom Things' I Won't Be Doing

As I’ve mentioned before, I started my family on the younger side and therefore had less expectations about what that would entail. I figured it would be me, my partner, and my little bundle of poo joy enjoying life to the fullest. What crap.

There is apparently so much more that goes into parenthood. Or at least you would think that if you see some of the shenanigans that are expected of you once you pop out a few bambinos. There are the obvious non-negotiables, like taking your kids to the doctor, or reading the same book 10 times in a row. But then there are the strange and annoying things that tons of moms seem to do that I Just. Can’t. Stand. Here are some of your typical “mom” things that I will NOT be doing anytime soon. More »

10 Moms You Will Meet At Your First Mommy Group

10 Moms You Will Meet At Your First Mommy Group

Congratulations! You’ve recently welcomed your first baby, or moved to a new place with your brood, and are therefore looking to make your foray into “mom friends.” Tread softly and no sudden movements at your first mommy group, because we’re amongst tropes. Motherhood tropes! Wear your best maternity jeans and make sure your hair looks nice because here are the 10 ladies you’ll probably end up spending 45 minutes or so with. More »

10 Mommy Words I Hate

10 Mommy Words I Hate

Contemporary parenthood, if you’re a lady, is rife with all kinds of cutesy terminology that I personally cannot stand. Maybe it’s because I grew up in a house where my grandmother visibly cringed at words like “panties” but it’s getting to the point where I can’t even do my proper Mommyish reporting without drowning in the following ridiculous — and honestly infantalizing — terminology. Are we mommies or 4-year-olds ourselves? More »

8 Reasons Not To Seek Out ‘Mom Friends’

8 Reasons Not To Seek Out 'Mom Friends'

“Mommy friends” are coveted milestone in motherhood — yet a fraught one. As Rebecca Eckler and Maria Guido have independently voiced, being an “old mom” can be awkward once all your previous mom friends have older kids and are kicking back tequila shots. Conversely, if you’re one of the first ones in your friend group to welcome a baby, you may find that your childless counterparts are also kicking back tequila shots while you timidly ask if BYOB means “bring your own baby.” But whether you’re a 19-year-old mom, a 29-year-old mom, or a 39-year-old mom, making mom friends is compared to dating for a reason. And that’s because all the various dynamics over parenting ideologies, mommy stigmas, and childrearing techniques can make for very hit or miss chemistry. More »

I’m A Sweaty, Sweaty Mom

I'm A Sweaty, Sweaty Mom

God I hate going out. I still don’t know if it’s hormones or just the exertion necessary to gather a newborn’s entourage (my own purse doesn’t have that much shit in it!), then get her out of the house and push her around in a 50-pound stroller that causes me to break out into full on wet-sauna-worthy drips, but it’s nasty. More »