Topic: children’s toys

Stop Panicking Parents I Have Your Disney Frozen Merchandise Right Here!

Stop Panicking Parents I Have Your Disney Frozen Merchandise Right Here!

Your kid doesn’t get a Frozen doll. Too bad boo hoo, now they will grow up and hate you. That’s what you get parents, that is what you get! But I have a solution for you, oh boy do I ever, because I’m an amazingly smart person and I will share my wisdom with you so your dumb kid will stop whining about their dumb lack of Disney branded bullshit you will end up donating by next Easter anyway. More »

STFU Parents: The 9 Types Of Outraged Parents You’ll Find On The Disney Store’s Facebook Page

STFU Parents: The 9 Types Of Outraged Parents You'll Find On The Disney Store's Facebook Page

After a flurry of press, you may have read the very important news that some parents are flipping out over the shortage of “Frozen” merchandise on the Disney Store Facebook page. As a person with specialized skills in observing crazy parents on Facebook, I spent some time sifting through the madness to reveal the depths of the months-long outrage. More »

There Are ‘No Girls Allowed’ In This Avenger’s Toy Set Because Black Widow Is A Dumb Girl

There Are 'No Girls Allowed' In This Avenger's Toy Set Because Black Widow Is A Dumb Girl

Initially I didn’t ascribe anything to it, but notably absent from that set is Black Widow, the only female Avenger. In Winter Soldier, the only character with more screen time than her was Captain America himself, which makes her a much more significant character in the franchise than either Hulk or Hawkeye. If there is one thing that Disney does more and better than anyone else, it’s product tie-ins. There is no way the developers responsible for this set didn’t know that Black Widow was important in the movies. More »

I’m #Unapologetic About Why I Feel Barbie Doesn’t Belong In The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition

 I'm #Unapologetic About Why I Feel Barbie Doesn't Belong In The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition

Barbie is problematic for many reasons. She is tall and beautiful and amazingly thin. She is perfect. For a plastic doll she is perfect. For an iconic image of female beauty she is perfect. She is also plastic. And she was created for young girls to play with. Which is why placing her in the Sport’s Illustrated 50th Anniversary Swimsuit edition is also problematic.
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Daddyish: The Parents’ ‘Don’t Be An Idiot’ Anti-Gift Guide

 Daddyish: The Parentsâ 'Donât Be An Idiot' Anti-Gift Guide

Instead, this list is about the worst gifts for kids. Not all kids, like I said, I can’t speak to that. But the worst gifts to buy your own children. I don’t give a shit what my neighbors give their kids. At least not until my son sees whatever cool new toy Rohan-across-the-street’s parents bought him and starts waking me up in the middle of the night screaming for it. More »

10 Types Of Moms I’d Punch In The Face For A Tickle Me Elmo At Christmastime

10 Types Of Moms I'd Punch In The Face For A Tickle Me Elmo At Christmastime

Hypothetically, the only reason I’d ever face holiday-deal shopping in one of those nightmare stores would be if my two-year-old nephew wanted a toy that could only be purchased off the shelf. Since he lives in the U.K., if whatever toy the kids go crazy over wasn’t available there, I’d be stuck playing aggressive tug-of-war with some moms and dads at Walmart. I love that little dingus and he loves Elmo. If 2013 was the year of Tickle-Me-Elmo, I’d do whatever it took to secure one for him. More »

I’m Giving My Baby A Lump Of Coal For Christmas Or Anything Else That Is Semi-Free

I'm Giving My Baby A Lump Of Coal For Christmas Or Anything Else That Is Semi-Free

My baby has no concept of what Christmas actually is. He’ll probably be overjoyed just to get a sippy cup in his stocking that he can gnaw on for the remainder of the day. As my kids get older and start to understand what Christmas is all about, I’ll be happy to buy them the number one gift on their list (within reason). Until then, practical Christmas gifts will have to do. Bah Humbug? More »

Mommyish Gift Guide:10 Gifts For Kids That Will Keep Them Busy Long Enough For You To Pee Alone

 Mommyish Gift Guide:10 Gifts For Kids That Will Keep Them Busy Long Enough For You To Pee Alone

I am a huge fan of gifts that kids actually play with, that keep them busy, that give you a few extra minutes to do some of the amazingly selfish and terrible things parents want to do alone: pee, take out the trash, write a grocery list, empty the dishwasher. You know, all those wonderful things we get to enjoy while our kids are occupied. Here are 10 awesome gift ideas that will keep your kids busy while you get all wild and make yourself some toast or something. More »