Topic: childbirth

Someone Figured Out How To Get That Annoying Cork Out Of A Wine Bottle And That Annoying Baby Out Of Your Vagina

Someone Figured Out How To Get That Annoying Cork Out Of A Wine Bottle And That Annoying Baby Out Of Your Vagina

Has anyone ever accidentally shoved the wine cork back into the bottle of wine when they were uncorking it? If so – have you ever managed to extract the cork without sweating or crying? I usually just say, “eff it” and end up leaving it floating in the bottle. Thank god a mechanic in Argentina is nothing like me – or this incredible, possibly life-saving tool for delivering babies would have never been invented. More »

Anonymous Mom: My Husband Is Not Invited To My Second Baby’s Birth

Anonymous Mom: My Husband Is Not Invited To My Second Baby's Birth

With my first child, my husband was very excited to be part of the whole having-a-baby process. He loyally attended every prenatal appointment, went to the labor classes, and helped me pick a dula. When it came time to actually push out the child, I knew it would be mostly on me. He tried to be helpful, but ultimately, he clearly got frustrated by how long it took, got bored, and was generally not a fan of the process. I knew he would be kicked out of the room once I started pushing (part of the reason I felt I needed a dula), but I wanted him out way sooner. More »

Mexican Clinic Turns Away Woman For Not Being Dilated Enough, She Gives Birth On Flipping Lawn Outside

Mexican Clinic Turns Away Woman For Not Being Dilated Enough, She Gives Birth On Flipping Lawn Outside

Among the fairly standard labor horror stories of epidurals not working and not quite making it to the hospital is the doctor being all “you’re not ready yet.” Twenty-nine-year-old Irma Lopez now has one of the worst stories of this ilk in that after she was turned away, she gave birth on the lawn. Outside the Rural Health Centre that she had JUST been turned away from.
More »

STFU Parents: Birth Junkies And Sanctimamas Who Can’t Stop Talking About Labor On Facebook

STFU Parents: Birth Junkies And Sanctimamas Who Can't Stop Talking About Labor On Facebook

Birth junkies, “natural” sanctimamas, and even the occasional aggressive mama bear use Facebook in a way that most other sanctimommies don’t. While the common sanctimommy might utilize Facebook to brag, complain, or get enraged about a subject that pertains directly to her, the types of sanctimommies I’m talking about are usually speaking to ALL women and mothers about birth. They see themselves as counselors, coaches, and above all, champions for mothers and the birth process. Fundamentally speaking, I could get on board with some of their philosophies. I admire women who feel in control of their bodies, and I believe in a mother’s intuition. But even more than that, I admire women who have given birth and don’t feel the need to tell everyone every freaking thing about it and why their way is the best way. More »

15 ‘Presents’ I’d Rather Have Than A Push Present

15 'Presents' I'd Rather Have Than A Push Present

“Push presents,” one of many irksome words from the list of ever increasing mommy vocabulary, are a load of malarkey. Furthermore malarkey-tastic is the notion that a diamond encrusted fill in the blank is your “earned” carrot/present for reproducing. Some ladies may be pleased as pie to have a wad of sapphires following the birth of the child. But if we’re talking “presents” — and not just what is straight expected — I’d rather have a mess of this: More »

10 Natural Birth Fantasies That Went Out The Window Faster Than You Can Say ‘Crowning’

10 Natural Birth Fantasies That Went Out The Window Faster Than You Can Say 'Crowning'

I had a natural birth for both of my sons, at a birthing center and at home, respectively. When it comes to natural birthing, most moms fall into two camps: You may picture an old-fashioned 1800s scene with a woman biting down on a wooden spoon and a pot of boiling water beside the bed. The stuff nightmares are made of.

Or, if you drank the natural birth Kool-Aid and are all gung-ho about the idea (like me), you may imagine a drug-free birthing fantasy that will bring you the most beautiful connection with the baby you have yet to meet.

But with the first contraction, shit hits the fan, literally and figuratively. This is true whether you plan to birth in a hospital, a birthing center, at home, or in a barn. More »