Topic: childbirth

15 ‘Presents’ I’d Rather Have Than A Push Present

15 'Presents' I'd Rather Have Than A Push Present

“Push presents,” one of many irksome words from the list of ever increasing mommy vocabulary, are a load of malarkey. Furthermore malarkey-tastic is the notion that a diamond encrusted fill in the blank is your “earned” carrot/present for reproducing. Some ladies may be pleased as pie to have a wad of sapphires following the birth of the child. But if we’re talking “presents” — and not just what is straight expected — I’d rather have a mess of this: More »

10 Natural Birth Fantasies That Went Out The Window Faster Than You Can Say ‘Crowning’

10 Natural Birth Fantasies That Went Out The Window Faster Than You Can Say 'Crowning'

I had a natural birth for both of my sons, at a birthing center and at home, respectively. When it comes to natural birthing, most moms fall into two camps: You may picture an old-fashioned 1800s scene with a woman biting down on a wooden spoon and a pot of boiling water beside the bed. The stuff nightmares are made of.

Or, if you drank the natural birth Kool-Aid and are all gung-ho about the idea (like me), you may imagine a drug-free birthing fantasy that will bring you the most beautiful connection with the baby you have yet to meet.

But with the first contraction, shit hits the fan, literally and figuratively. This is true whether you plan to birth in a hospital, a birthing center, at home, or in a barn. More »

10 Things You Will Think Immediately After Giving Birth

10 Things You Will Think Immediately After Giving Birth

Whether you had a natural birth or took as many drugs as you could get your laboring little hands on. If the birth you had carefully outlined in your beautifully appointed leather-bound birthing plan notebook went the way you expected it to or not. But as a lady who has been to this baby expelling rodeo a few times, I know some of the things you will think immediately after giving birth. And this list is in no way inclusive. More »

What Your Labor Says About You

What Your Labor Says About You

You made that birthing plan (or didn’t) and hopefully you have a newborn infant. Congratulations! But now that the mini human is outside of your body, that gives you plenty of (sleepless) time to ruminate over what the hell happened. Did you get that natural drug-free birth you were hoping for? Did your doctor push an unnecessary c-section on you? Did your labor pretty much scar you for having any future hypothetical children? Let’s see what your labor says about you. More »

STFU Parents: 5 Types Of Royal Baby Facebook Updates

STFU Parents: 5 Types Of Royal Baby Facebook Updates

This week, Royal Baby Madness took center stage — at least, in my STFU, Parents inbox it did — as millions of people anticipated the birth of William and Kate’s baby, finally. After what felt like two years of waiting, the world was given its Simba. Some people were so consumed with the Royal Baby, they even found time to criticize the new parents on their car seat usage, proving once again that parenthood today comes chock full o’ judgment whether you’re a plebeian or official royalty. Ah, modernity! Social media gives us all the ability to comment on everything, and the discussion surrounding the Royal Baby’s highly publicized birth was no exception. More »

What Your Birthing Plan Says About You

What Your Birthing Plan Says About You

Perhaps before or after you have gleefully accepted all those baby shower gifts, you’ve given some thought to how your growing human will escape your body. No doubt you’ve pored over the mommy forums and been handed copies of The Business Of Being Born and had that natural birth advocate over to your house many times for tea. So how are you going to swing this? More »

Parents Of Sons Announce They Are Expecting Another Boy And Mom Looks Kinda Unhappy

Parents Of Sons Announce They Are Expecting Another Boy And Mom Looks Kinda Unhappy

When I was pregnant the last time my own mother badly wanted me to have a girl, she raised three daughters and she wanted me to know what having a daughter was like, and when I found out via ultrasound that I was indeed carrying a girl I called my mom and told her “Oh well, all I care about is that my baby is healthy, but I am having a boy.” My mom would probably deny this, but she sounded SO DISAPPOINTED on the phone. Like she seriously had a very difficult time hiding her extreme disappointment. There was a whole mess of sighing going on. More »