Dear Postpartum, Hormonal, Completely Overwhelmed Self,
You’re probably a little bit gone right now. But that’s okay. I’ll talk anyway. I know you’re tired — no, exhausted beyond anything you’ve ever known. I know you’ve been up all night for the past 10 straight nights. I know the only thing you want is sleep, not for a few hours, not for a night — for a week and then some. I know the thought of moving forward and into another day is exhausting in itself and knowing that that you can’t call out sick, you can’t give up, it’s all on you, no matter what, is crushing. More
This pot belly I’m carrying in front of me wasn’t something I noticed much until I went back to work full-time. Awhile ago, I had a weird interruption in my cycle where I had some spotting exactly two weeks before my period. This has never happened to me — my cycle has been like clockwork for the longest time. I even had my baby on her due date, which I think is the first time that’s happened in the history of the world. So this sudden spotting thing, well, it had me worried because my husband and I don’t want another child, but I was also a little excited because babies! More
It was this time last year that the “world’s most beautiful woman,” as Aishwarya Rai has been dubbed, showed up to the Cannes Film Festival having not appropriately shed her baby weight — according to Official Baby Weight Critics. This time, Aishwarya managed to walk the red carpet without any fat-shamey you owe it to your fans to be skinny nonsense. That was certainly the case last time around. More
Jessica Alba is a mother to two children, a fact that was utterly mind-boggling to The Daily Mail as they recently ogled her bikini body. But in the now great tradition of the “how did you get that smokin’ body?” question that is now a cornerstone to celebrity mom interviews, Jessica’s “secret” is out. Those of you who are so inclined can set your Google machines accordingly. More
Jessica Simpson may be pregnant with her second child — a son — but that doesn’t mean she’s breaking from Weight Watchers-sponsored public weigh-ins. Hardly. In fact, she’s willing to invite a major tabloid to her baby shower specifically to do the baby weight talking points. You are the master promoter, Jessica. I bow to thee.
In addition to all the run of the mill ick that’s commonly hurled at pregnant and post-baby celeb ladies about their bodies, there exists the derogatory ”can you believe she is still hot?” piece. A lady in the limelight has a baby or two, happens to be wearing a bikini somewhere, and the tabloids pause to contemplate how a woman could still be conventionally bone-able after birthing a child. WEIRD I KNOW. More
It shockingly doesn’t matter if you’re a record-breaking singer with tremendous talent and armful of Grammys. Regardless of your sensational career, as a lady, your weight is precisely what some want to bring to the forefront — or rather what Joan Rivers is looking to talk about when it comes to Adele. You know, because there’s so little else you could say about a woman of her talents. More
Another post-baby body is among us, ladies! This time it’s Snooki grabbing tabloid covers with — not just a leopard print bikini — but also coveted details on how she went about losing baby weight. Applause, applause! Postpartum magic!
Now, as someone who sorts through celebrity post-baby weight loss coverage for a living, I can guarantee you that big postpartum weight loss reveals always come coupled with one of many canned explanations. More
Last week, People magazine was suspiciously complimentary of pregnant Jessica Simpson‘s “fit” and “trim” body. This week, the Daily Mail is following suit by gabbing about how fab the Weight Watchers spokesperson looks — but via a very much needed update on the singer’s legs. That’s right, leave no crook of this woman’s flesh unturned for Baby Weight Inspection. More
Camila McConaughey has been the tabloid’s post-baby body favorite for awhile now. Remember, this is the lady who famously turned a bandage dress into maternity wear. But now that Matthew McConaughey‘s wife has cranked out three kids — yet still looks like a conventionally attractive woman — the rags are salivating. How can this dichotomy exist? More
As much as I rail against the tabloids — as well as other media — for their “mum tum” vocabulary choices and speculation over which Fatty McFat pregnant lady isn’t getting to the gym enough, sudden respect for a celebrity pregnant body is also suspect. Especially when it’s the rags’ favorite lady to concern-troll about weight, Jessica Simpson. More
Bravo’s darling Kim Zolciak, and mother of four, is spring break ready judging by her most recent bikini purchase. The new mother, who welcomed Kash Kade six months ago, is proudly back into swimsuits and Instragramming it for all you Real Housewives fanatics. And it turns out that it isn’t just tabloids and daytime morning segments that go crazy for “post-baby bodies.” It’s Real Housewives fans. But what are Real Housewives starlets if not professional promoters of personality brands? They know the deal. Modern PR rule number one (or at least two or three). “Post-baby body” = massive head turning. More
The Kourtney Kardashian weight loss following the birth of baby Penelope Disick has certainly caused a lot of metaphoric ink to be spilled. Along with very questionable copy that runs terms like “mum tum” to describe the bodies of other ladies. But when making time for her swanky Tracy Anderson workouts, Kourtney Kardashian says that she evades the epic mommy guilt by working out before they get up. Personally, I’m one for obliterating mom guilt. Not scheduling one’s life around it. More
Beyonce seems to have this baby sharing timeline right. While it may seem a little backwards in celebrity mommy land to have a baby and then get giddy with your fans about it over a year, the usually private Grammy winner is sharing lots of intimate details with the debut of “Life Is But A Dream.” Other details from her miscarriage to her marriage to how much weight she gained while pregnant with Blue Ivy also continue to surface. And Beyonce proves to be rather savvy in waiting to reveal that number on the scale until now. More